(Scene consists of a half eskimo/half muslim Fortune teller, who has gold rings completely covering both arms and a purple and green shawl. Ed, a local teen who's working in the ice cream parlor over the summer to make enough money to buy a full tank of gas, and a customer who's trying to figure out how business.) (Fade In to Building in run down Off-Price center)
(Bell Rings)
(Fortuneteller has gold rings completely covering both arms and a purple and green shawl)
Fortune Teller: ED! Why must you be so the late in arriving?
Ok, now when the customer enters I give him the speech he walks in and then you push him in. Rights?
Ed: Yeah, whatever.
(Customer is seen walking in)
(Bell Rings)
Voice of Fortune Teller over intercom: Entarrr!
Customer: But I already entarred.
FT: Half-correct, you have entered into a little corridor, which leads to a dimly lit broom closet that has a whole in the wall, which connects to the ice cream/fortune telling booth.
Customer: Oh, Ok.
(In Ice Cream Parlor)
FT: So now that you accompany me in the presence of the ice cream, what is your pleasure for the day that is present?
Customer: why is it important that I accompany you with the ice cream?
FT: When I was a small Muslim growing up at the North Pole, Santa's reindeer said it was important to make the ice and the cream together as one.
Customer: (hesitating) all right.
Did rudolph tell you?
FT: Rudolph's been dead for many cycles of the earth.
Customer: Oh, well then which reindeer told you?
FT: I think it was 'Ignorant'.
Customer: How could you tell it was 'Ignorant'?
FT: That's what it said on the stable.
Customer: Santa must be running out of names.
FT: That may be true, but the reindeer is less ignorant then you.
Customer: Ok, Great. I bet you tell that to Saddam everytime he comes in here.
(pause)
I'll just have the medium...
FT: Wait! Before you speak of your order, please give me the privilege of fortune telling your ice cream. Let me start the crystal freezer.
(Long sheet of plywood covers ice cream while light fills the freezer from a light in the center of the plywood)
Customer: Crystal freezer?
FT: Yes, most fortunetellers have crystal balls but I didn't have room to separate the fortune telling and ice cream.
Customer: So you use the ice cream to 'fortune tell' me?
FT: Oh, many apologies, I was just picking out the chips of chocolate.
ED! Feed this to the goats.
Ed: Yeah, whatever.
FT: So, let's see your flavor is... vanilla?
Customer: No
FT: Chocolate?
Customer: No
FT: Cherry?
Customer: No
FT: Chocolate Cherry?
Customer: Let's not get cute.
(Ed comes back in) FT: So what flavor do you like?
Customer: Rocky Road.
FT: Mother of a pregnant doe.
Customer: What?
FT: Only a Jew from Maine would order that!
Ed: I'm a Jew from Maine.
FT: Well, Oy Vey to you. I be so sorry for your wait, kind sir.
Customer: I'll have the medium Rocky Road in a sugar cone.
FT: Sir, for just one of your dollars extra, I can tell you your future by connecting with the spirit of Pee Wee Herman.
Customer: What about Allah? Don't you believe in him?
FT: Yeah, but because he has 10-20 wives and a lot are in the need of his services, it's very hard for him to be everywhere at once. But we are in a timeshare for him with the dry cleaners down the street, and the home depot two blocks from here.