(Fade in on an upscale house)
Marcus: Alright settle down. This meeting of fluids anonymous will now
come to order. My name is Marcus O'Donnell and I am the group leader.
Group: HI MARCUS!
Marcus: Now people, we all know why we're here, so let’s get
started. Who wants to share first?
(Man raises hand)
I see we have somebody who wants to speak, please state your name sir.
Horace: Uh yes, I'm Horace Peterson.
Group: HI HORACE!
Horace: Yeah, Hi. I'd just like to state for the record that there is a history of fluid abuse in my family. You might know my brother, Vinny, who had a habit of shooting up with cough medicine.
Marcus: Well, that’s just dandy, but what’s your addiction?
Horace: I'm addicted to orange juice but the real problem is that I've eaten so many oranges and cans of frozen orange juice concentrate that I break out in hives every time I smell an orange. But I keep drinking the oranges because I need that orange goodness running through my veins.
Marcus: Well, I think you should have somebody throw an apple at you every time you go near an orange, in an effort to get you to stop.
Horace: Thank you, Marcus.
Marcus: Just doing my court ordered community service, job. Ok moving on, I got some member updates for Ya here, Sam is not with us today because his condition concerning the coffee has worsened. He was hospitalized last night with severe burns to his nostrils after trying to snort cappuccino through a straw.
Mike got wasted on Ginger Ale and accidentally torched his cat with a flame thrower.
Bill kept taking some shots of Root Beer and lapsed into a Vietnam flashback, where upon he started stabbing his food pantry door, thinking it was a Viet Kong soldier.
(Looks at his watch)
It’s getting pretty late so to end tonight’s meeting, I would like to reiterate the fact that getting addicted to a carbonated beverage is possibly the most dangerous thing you can do with a drinkable fluid because people like Mike and Bill will probably use Ginger Ale and Root Beer as a gateway to harder beverages like sparkling cider.
Because, as we all know from previous incidents, sparkling cider is the downfall of everybody who is addicted to a carbonated beverage.
That’s all for our meeting this week. There is some beer along with a fine assortment of crackers and cheeses that were made in eastern bloc countries. Mingle for another half an hour and then get on your way home.
(Fade out)