Anthrax Desert Spectacular
Rough Copy with Changes and spelling mistakes.
Written by Jeff
Original Idea and Concept by Jeff
Somewhat based on the TV Show Live
Voice Over: We
here at The Food Network feels that it is
important to address current issues using cooking shows
. No matter how
retarded you think this idea might seem to some of our
viewers be, The Food Network has lined up three special shows about
diseases and biological weapons for your viewing pleasure tonight.
At 9:00, Marc Summers explores the of ill-prepared chicken on Salmonella
Unwrapped.
At 10:00, Mark and Jill go to restaurants with repeated health
and safety violations on The Best Of Food Poisoning.
Coming Up Next: ’s Anthrax Desert Spectacular!
Now, live on location from the lobby of the Hart
Senate office building in Washington D.C. here’s !
: Hey! How are ?
Tonight, I will kick up your taste buds and send you them
to an early grave, how will you survive without your taste buds? You will just have to stick around and
see because when we will we be
come right back!
Voice Over: The National
Broadcasting Company would like to sincerely apologize to the American people
for giving his own
sitcom. Since we here at NBC are
making an effort to bring you better TV and have already fired the morons who
put ’s sitcom on the air
in the first place. NBC pledges to
air quality programming unlike this show or our entire 1981-1982 lineup. We promise that it
will never happen again a n d remember: Stupid TV executives=Bad, ’s Sitcom=Worse.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program, already
in progress.
: Hey! Welcome back to ’s
Anthrax Desert Spectacular, here on The Food Network! Now, let
us start on our Rum Cake, shall we?
You should know that were we
are going to need two bottles of rum for this recipe, one bottle for the cake
and one to get me happy, happy, happy and
happy you know. In addition to rum
I will also throw in Russian Vodka, Smirnoff Ice Ò
, Jack Daniels Ò
, Cherry -Aid Ò
, Ò
, Ò
, Tylenol Gel Caps Ò
, Ò
, Wintergreen flavored Scope
Ò
mouthwash, and finally a few
sprays of
Ò
.
Next, we take the cake pan and… !
Stick the cake crust in the cake pan and… !
Put in our liquid ‘mix’ into the cake pan
.
Now add in your anthrax.
Now I don’t know where you get your
anthrax, I got this anthrax out of the ceiling vent above me, your anthrax might
come already seasoned but I prefer to add my own ‘seasonings’ like: sugar,
flour, baking soda, crack, and Ò
fast setting concrete mixture. After you have done
that, you sprinkle that on there …
!
(
continues) !
!
(Producer frantically tries to get to move on, sticks his pointer finger out like a
machine gun) Rapid Fire
!
!
!
!
!
! ! (Audience members nervously laugh at
’s antics)
Stick in the !
Oven for 20 minutes at 5
00 degrees . Here’s
one we… ! Made earlier and
! ’t that look delicious? Now to top !
Off your cake, you need some whip cream, so just go and !
Right on the top of that.
Now let us have an audience member taste this, here
you go.
(Person takes a bite of cake)
Audience Member: , this is delicious, I like the… (Starts choking), and
I think I’m having a heart attack ! ! (Clenches chest) HELP! (Drops to the ground)
: Let’s Let
us see what caused this ‘tragedy’.
, blood alcohol level
of .5, which is more then six times the legal limit, overdosed on
non-prescription medicine and the concrete has already set, clamping her jaws
shut, they don’t call it ‘Quick’ for nothing.
That is our show for today, and if I am not sued,
I’ SEE YOU EVERYBODY! (‘Power bombs’ dead body) !
(Fade out)