A girl from Texas and a girl from the east coast were seated side by
side on an airplane.
The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: "So, where y'all
from?"
The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than
to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:
"So, where y'all from, bitch?"
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It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was
receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers."
"That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher
held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is.
A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I
give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
SURPRISE
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Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the
call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked
Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her
mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was
born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, smack his ass again!"
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An elderly Irish woman goes to the doctor and asks his help in reviving her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
"No problem." replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and then call me in a week to let me know how it worked out."
A week later, Mrs. Murphy calls the doctor and he inquired as to how things went. "Oh, faith and bejaysus and begorrah, it was terrible, just terrible doctor."
"What happened?" asks the doctor.
Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, with a gleam in his eye and with his pants bulging fiercely!!! He swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make wild, mad, passionate love
to me on the table top! It was terrible!"
"What was terrible?" said the doctor. "Was the sex not good?"
Oh no, doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again."
