~ Welcome ~

What a grand journey I am on...my life sure has had many twists and turns. I have been staggering down a long and winding path for years.... Never sure of what lay ahead.

But look a clearing is appearing just ahead of me, a safe place in which to grow if I am not mistaking. Could it be true? Am I finally coming into my own Paradise... a place filled with higher love... greater understanding and endless possibilities?

A place in which to spread my wings and finally fulfill my true potential?
To be a co-creator reality maker.

Oh please, yes.... How I have longed for this place.

It is such a relief to see some light at the end of the tunnel... I really thought it was something people told you just because they didn't know what else to say. But now I am beginning to see it is true... There is light... Lots of it.

I have spent most of my life running... From myself and life. As a child I day-dreamed my way through the early years using my wonderful imagination to escape into a happy place. A place where people were amazed with my talents, and saw how special I was. I used to day-dream of singing for people and touching them with my songs in a way that made me feel as if I were flying and they too with me on the heart felt melodies of my songs. In my dreams I was always a star shinning brightly that people noticed, wanted and admired... I was someone who was able to bring great joy and happiness to the lives of those around me.

This was my way of escaping as a child from a family that was dysfunctional at best and plain abusive at it's worst. I was a bright expressive and openly loving child who was filled to the brim with the wondrous joys of life and it's endless possibilities. Quite a handful I guess in such a large family with a mother that wanted to treat all her children the same with all the good intentions I'm sure she had. Yet, it had a very negative effect on some of us. You see, in my mind, my mum didn't think it was fair that any one child (and there were Ten) should get any more attention from anyone in or outside the family than any of the rest of her children... it wasn't fair to the others in her mind set.

So, here began the beating into line... the breaking of the branches... the stifling of her more expressive children, the control and the whittling away of all my wildly exciting dreams and desires. She always told us that we were all special... But no one was more special than the others - No more, no less. But you see, it was never about being more or better than someone else it was just about being me. There is no way we could all be the same for her... it's impossible, we are different and each one of us was very special in our own way.

Yes, I was a very bright and bubbly child and people... stranger's even, loved and paid lots of attention to me... but that didn't mean that her other children were some how less. I was a handful for sure but I was so full of love and wonder I just couldn't help but go...
WOW! - OH LOOK! - OH PLEASE? - YES! - I'M ALIVE!
I loved life and life loved me, but mum couldn't handle that. So, she must have thought I need to get that boy into line, I need to get CONTROL of him now before it's too late, before he sets himself up to fail... before some of my other children get hurt and feel left out.

How very sad... mum didn't realize that we should all be loved for our differences and that's what would make us all truly special. No two people can be alike and you do have to treat children differently... because they are! It's not about preferential treatment it's about individual treatment.

So, here you see how the dreams and potential of a child were slowly but surely whittled away to the point that I felt I was nothing special at all. That I would never be able to shine to stand out and be my own person... To be the love and light that I truly am.



To be continued... This is a work in progress.