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Relationship survival guide |
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Love, Relationships &Communication |
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The purpose of this site |
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Is to simply help those to understand love |
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And what it truly takes to keep it alive and growing |
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Please Sign our guest book and share your thoughts |
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What are the levels of love? |
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Love develops between two partners in several different levels. For love to endure, each level is important. Let's break it down into five levels: |
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| (1) attraction, (2) romance, (3) passion, (4) intimacy, &(5) commitment |
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| Level1. ATTRACTION |
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- A positive response to a person beyond friendship. This can further be broken down into two areas: (a) physical attraction &; (b) emotional attraction. |
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| a. Physical Attraction - happens when your body reacts to another person. Heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get sweaty; stomach flutters; throat tightens; etc. This is the most superficial of "loves" on one level, but one of the most powerful on another. It represents the first contact. |
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b. Emotional Attraction - develops next if the circumstances are right. After being drawn to a person physically, you then begin to converse. If you find you have things in common -- hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some other common ground -- then an emotional attraction starts to form. |
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| An emotional attraction can also occur even when a physical attraction does not. And in this case, the bond may even be stronger between the two who connect, since no preconceived notions based on physical appearance has occurred. |
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| Level 2. ROMANCE - essentially an act of trying to influence or gain favor of another by lavishing attention or gifts upon them. |
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| There is two type of romance: (a) selfish romance &;; (b) selfless romance. |
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| a. Selfish Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts solely for the purpose of gaining something for yourself -- like to get gifts, to impress someone else, or even simply for sexual favors whether your partner is interested or not. |
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| b. Selfless Romance - occurs when you do romantic acts for the enjoyment and pleasure of your partner. You receive your enjoyment and pleasure through their happiness. |
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| Selfish romance (& love) will quickly die out. Selfless romance (& love) will endure. Because romance is an "act," many couples who have been together a long time take it for granted. With a conscious effort, it can be rekindled. |
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| Level 3. PASSION - a desire for another person, which has grown to intensity that can't be ignored. This is often where an emotional relationship turns into a physical relationship. The passion stage is very important. It's a plateau. |
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| From here, the relationship will fork into two roads, and the couple must decide which path to take. The relationship will either burn itself out or will move onto the next stage. |
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| Level 4. Intimacy - a close association with another person of the deepest nature. You share you thoughts, your feelings, your dreams. In true intimacy, there is nothing that you cannot tell this person (though we often hesitate because of our own unfounded fears). |
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| Intimacy is not total in one swoop. It is a developing process, which never ends. If you can't establish intimacy with your partner, your relationship may work for a while, but is unlikely to endure throughout the years. |
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| Level 5. COMMITMENT. A pledge to remain true to your mate throughout good and bad times. Commitment is easy when times are good. Commitment can be extremely difficult when times are bad. Learn to ride out the bad times. |
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| So if you ever make it this far, why give up? Listen to each other, be willing to compromise, and remember why you got together in the first place. |
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| Love is worth the effort ... |
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The three basic types of Relationships |
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| It is exceedingly important for two people to take time to get to know each other and see what they share in common. Meaningful things such as likes, dislikes, wants, needs, desires, and more substantial their morals and values. While there is always an alpha in a relationship, it is important that a couple compliments each other and is aware of each other?s strengths and weaknesses, then the two truly become a powerful duo! |
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| There are basically three types or relationships formed based upon the two basic personalities types these are, the authoritative and docile personality traits or more commonly known as, Dominate and Submissive. It is important to understand that each person is a complex mix of both with one characteristic being prevalent. |
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| The three types are: |
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| #1The strong personality or dominant with the docile, submissive nature coupled |
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| #2The docile (emasculate) personality paired interdependent |
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| #3 The Authoritative personality disposition matched. |
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| #1The strong personality or dominant coupled with the docile, emasculate personality |
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This type of union can be successful and is probably the most common of all relationships. For this type of union to be truly rewarding for both individuals it is crucial that both people are aware of their strengths and that they complement the others weakness. More importantly, if a common weakness is shared then the couple makes a consorted effort to improve on this weak link together rather than shunning the responsibility to the other which accomplishes nothing in this alliance. Most significantly the Authoritative one almost always grows weary of responsibility so it is important that the emasculate (weaker one) secure control when able to, in order to share fairly all of life?s burdens |
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| #2 The docile (emasculate) Paired |
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This type of relationship is the rarest one of the three and while not doomed it does require the most exertion. It is the most uncommon because a weaker person will naturally gravitate towards a strong person in order to help them with life?s challenges. It is vital that goals are clearly defined in this alliance and the couple work as a team to achieve life?s needs, as neither person is highly goal driven. This fallacy is the most difficult entity to over come and is the main factor that this type of relationship fails more often than the other two. A since of self-accomplishment builds self-confidence. This is what both persons need. |
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| #3 The Authoritative personality disposition paired. |
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This type of association can be the most successful but also the most confrontational, if the pair is not closely matched. This taken in to consideration, this unit can be a force to be reckoned with. Once common goals are outlined they are very achievable and this couple is very apt to be both lovers and possible professional partners. The danger or benefit of this type of duet is, it is vital that each use their strengths to achieve their common goals. The two dominant personalities must compliment each other rather than compete with each other. The hazard in this type of attachment is that each individual must have a high level of maturity from the on set. |
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| In conclusion |
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| All people through out their life develop more authoritative assertive personalities as they grow and experience life. While it is important to be aware of the characteristics of your self and your partner, it is commonly known that the lack of communication is the most prevalent reason that all relationships fail and the only thing that truly kills love is selfishness, which comes in many dangerous forms. Understanding and compassion is the diet love needs to flourish. |
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Understanding Communication |
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| Before discussing communication in relationships it is important to understand the four types of Communication Below is a very brief explanation of Expression of thought and emotion and its many forms |
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| Communication is something that we all take for granted we assume that our thoughts and more importantly the feelings we are expressing are always understood. What most people fail to realize is that content (the words) is less than 5% of total communication. It is not the words we use but how we use them. |
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| One of my favorite cliches is It is not the message, but the delivery that counts |
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| Communication takes place in a form most of us never understand even though we subconsciously do it every day. Interaction with others, is interpreted by the brain in the following manner: |
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| Accentuation 65% (one word louder than another) are we whispering romantically or screaming |
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Annunciation15%; pronouncement (the emotional content behind it) |
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Gestures 10; body language |
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Content 5 %words |
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| As you can see over 95% of the expression of ones thoughts and feelings are not the words but how we reveal them to the person we are trying to communicate with. Some one can be saying yes but the tone and gestures mean no. |
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| Simply put it is not what we say but how we say it |
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| What is also more fascinating is that people communicate in one of three ways. |
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| We are all one of the three types of communicators |
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| #1 Visual communicator |
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| Talks fast, makes decisions quickly, makes strong eye contact, speaks through and to the eyes. |
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| #2 audible communicator |
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| Speaks a little slower than the visual communicator will make eye contact when speaking sometimes, but tends to lend the ear so to speak. |
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| #3 kinesthetic communicator |
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| Talks and listens with the body. Slow to speak and makes great use of gestures thinks things threw carefully and slowly makes decisions slow and carefully |
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| These are just brief descriptions of the three types and everyone is more dominantly one of the three types, while better communicators tend to emulate or conform to whom they are trying to communicate with. |
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| Don?t think to hard on this as we subconsciously do it with out thinking, but if we are aware of what type we are and what type we are talking to, it stands to reason we will communicate more effectively. |
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| Now how do we take this information and apply it to a relationship. First of all the greatest form of communication is how we treat our mate everyday. Actions does speak louder than words Then remember that miscommunication not lack of communication is why most relationships fail. What seems to happen after a period, when the two have really started to become one, the danger of miscommunication sets in. We tend to presume we know how the other feels. This is a fatal mistake, people grow and change, you can?t really be sure unless you ask, and then more importantly listen! |
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| By asking you show you care. It is true that after long periods of time a couple can almost read each others minds but this is long after the two have perfected expression of their true selves, and even then its dangerous to assume. It is sad to slowly watch two people drift apart. Communication is why most couples fall out of love. |
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| You have to always consider how the other is feeling and true communication is listening with your heart. This intercommunication is a wonderful bond of sharing. A couple should truly work on communication every day, rather than impertinently thinking we know how the other feels. |
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| Consider this: "The meaning of a communication is the response you get." In terms, an elegant phrase. It's changed my entire relationship with others. If I don't make myself clear, I don't blame the listener. I restate my case, maybe trying a different body language, a different representa- tional system, a little pacing... |
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| What is a representational system? Well, what senses do we use to explore the world? Sights--hearing--touch, and taste and smell to a much lesser extent. So how do we think? In images, sounds and feelings--or, in NLP terms, in visual, auditory and kinesthetic representational systems. What's interesting is that we all make images and sounds and feelings to store experience, but we're usually only conscious of using ONE system. The words we choose to describe our experiences reflect that: "I'm not very focused and I can't see what you're saying." Or, "I've got a handle on the feeling that's been bugging me." Or, "I hear that, it sounds like it will work." |
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| Spend one hour listening to people and you can verify this. Now, if I say, "I just can't feel good about that," and the person I'm talking to says "I don't see what's wrong with it," my communication hasn't received the response I want. If I switch to my partner's most favored representational system and say, "Let me make that clear to you. It looks like a really bad situation," that's one way to match, or pace my partner. |
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| See what I mean? Or maybe that gives you a feel for the power of this particular "psychology". . |
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| Too many times in a relationship, the stress of "living" everyday life precludes one from connecting with their partner on any level and this leads to having to "assume" what the other one is thinking. So commit to expressing truly how you feel about everything, set time aside to listen each day. God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason If one doesn?t care to listen then it is just a powerful form of selfishness that kills love. Communication is the key to true intimacy |
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Thank you for taking the time to read this site |
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Its intent is to help all relationships both young and old. |
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After all a relationship should be a labor of love |
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Please feel free to voice your opinion of if you have anything relevant that needs to be added forward to us; |
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| Email [email protected] |
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http://www.geocities.com/lovedefinedforyou |
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