August 17th

New Layout! I actually have a layout now, its not just a background. Yup, I've worked VERY hard on this layout. ;0) and I am very proud of it. Its actually better than any of the others that I've made. Its 1:54 in the morning right now...I guess I should tell ya 'bout yesterday riight? Well nothin' really it was kinda boring. After second hour it got really boring, than in 7th hour it got kinda okay, 'cept Matthew as sitting on the other side of the room in 7th hour :0\ I was kinda bummed 'bout that. I would've sat over there but some loser took my seat! Damn him! When I got home I took a long nap and didnt wake up till like 8:30 cause I was tired. I enjoyed my nap! Even though I had the weirdest dream ever...I choose not to share it...it was freaky and weird. I added another chapter to 'The One' on fanfiction.net like yesterday, penname is lovenickyforlyfe if you haven't read it yet, or if you want to read it. Anyway thats all I have left to say for now...maybe later on today I will have somethin' to say...OH and I added the link to Clever Illusions my upcoming ALL fanfic site. I am still looking for fanfics to host! Keep that in mind. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

August 15th

*Pouts* Today I started Schoool...Another LONG year of teachers chasing you down for your homework....herassing you about your grades...bla bla bla. Ah well...Today actually wasn't so bad. All we really did was listen to the teachers talk about rules and all that crap...The two REALLY hot guys that I like are BOTH in my classes. A dude I like named Will is in my first hour class...then theres this other dude that I'm like SO in love with...more than any of the guys I had a crush on in the past, Matthew. He's in my 7th hour class....*Sigh* I am in heaven! I also don't have PE this year b'cuz I took it last year! That is SO awesome, I won't have to go through the day smelling yucky which is ALSO good b'cuz I am reeeeally gonna try to get Matthew's attention this year. I will One way or another. ;-) He did notice me today though...he kept looking at me with this look...I dunno how to explain it. It wasn't a bad look though!! Okay, I'm done bragging now.... *Starts saying a bunch of stuff about Matthew under my breath* God I love him....Okay...I'm done now Honest. Really, I'm gonna go now.

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August 11th

Today was a pretty good day! Yup, no bad stuffz happened. My sister talked to Heather on the phone today, I dont know if I am allowed to talk to her b'cuz you know her mom is such a bitch and I am sure is still blaming everything on me. My uncle is just confused...and my sister says she over heard him on the phone say that he feels bad for me...well he should he is my uncle! I am happy to know that they aren't turning Heather against me...cause I was scared about that. They probably try...but Heather said so herself that she doesn't hate me. Well that news made me feel better....she is my best friend, dont know what I would do without her. Anyway, My cousin Jennifer woke me up early today Grr! I was all like "Nooo....Are you craaaazeee??" I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't. My Step Dad invited his friend over today to make Dinner, him and his friend made Dinner for us. My mom and Jennifer didnt seem to think it was too great, but I loved it!! My sisters seemed to like it too. It was Spagetti, and some kind of chicken with Spaghetti sauce on it. Yeah...it was good. I didnt think the chicken would be good with the spagghetti sauce, but I was wrong. School starts on Thursday... *Pouts* I dont want to go back to schooool!! But you know whats cool? It starts Thursday, then the next day is friday so we'll be off school for the weekend real quick!!! Yeah!! lol. I dont know why they did that, but I am glad they did. Tommorrow I gotta go to the meet your teacher Night...I hope they're cool teachers otherwize all this year I swear to god I am going to die!!

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August 9th

Okay...Today is a boring day...Yup...very boring. I need to update From this moment, b'cuz Stephanie is begging me too. I have to wait till no one is sitting behind me though...I can't concentrate when there is. *Sigh* You know it would really make my day if you ppl would start signing my guestbook, cause alot of ppl come here, I know that from the Counter, but none of you sign my GB. Ah well....Thats all I have to blog about right now.

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August 8th

Okay...I am bored. today is just a boring day, not a bad day...but a boring day. Nothing really happened. I've been on the computer ALL day, and I got 'What is it' posted on fanfiction.net yup, I do. Penname is LoveNickyforlyfe if ya want to read it. Its an Aaron Carter story. I've also been downloading Micheal Jackson songs all day too. Well thats pretty much it...

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August 8th

Nothing else bad happened, thank GOD. The only thing that really bugged me was that my uncle came over today and didnt even look at me, he invited Brandi to go out to lunch with him, I was in the room and he didn't even invite me. He was all like 'Hey Brandi, do you want to go out to lunch with us, and to Christy's shoppe?' and totally ignored me. Then when he dropped her off, he stayed here and ignored me everytime I was around, everytime I was in the room he'd get up and leave. He didn't even say hi to me. Anyway enough venting. I've decided to make a Micheal Jackson yahoo group, any micheal Jackson fans? Sign the guestbook and let me know and I shall let ya know when its ready to be signed up for. Fanfics are still needed for my all fanfic site just so ya

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August 7th

Hey Yo whats up pplz? Nothin' much here, Still depressed *Sigh* Still haven't talked to or seen Heather *Sigh* Last night I went and spent the night at My grandma's house b'cuz my mom didnt want her to be alone with my Grandpa in the hospital and everything. He's okay you guys he's going to live! Thats the bright side of things. Still can't see him though, well I am allowed b'cuz we just found out that children 12 and up can visit him...but my mom says thats too much Even though I'm not allowed to see him and I want to SO bad...If its whats best for him then thats what its got to be. I just want him to be Okay, thats all that matters. I loved staying with my grandma, she is so cool about everything, and shes the only person in my entire family that isn't saying "its ALL your fault, you're such a bad person you ruin everything!" Shes the only one I could really talk to. Today I went to my school for regestration, the classes I got were all okay, id rather not go to school at all, Maranda is my only friend there and I feel pretty lonely with just one friend. Holly goes to that school, but I need someone that I can talk to. Go to my friends page if you dont understand who Holly is and why she's not very easy to talk to. I just wish Stephie lived here in AZ now, then she could come to my school. She'd be a senior and Id be a sophmore, Couple grades higher than me but hey that'd be cool! Id know a Senior! Usually the seniors are all mean and stuff, but Stephie isn't. LOVE You stephie!! Heh, Anyway....My mom kinda pissed me off today....She said something that bothered me. Out of all the ppl in this family I cannot believe SHE is blaming me for whats happening A LOT. You'd think since shes my mom and she knows I am hurting, she'd be here for me. But She's just like my uncle about it--Okay...shes not as bad. If she was 100% like him I wouldn't have a computer anymore like Heather. Anyway what she said really upset me. I was begging her to let me on the computer so I can talk to Stephie, I needed someone to talk to since I can't talk to Heather, Stephanie is the next person Id go to for the advice and she said 'Why can't you go and make friends in real life'? Like she doesn't already know!! Internet friends are much better than real life friends, b'cuz they seem to be more nice. I can't make friends in real life b'cuz they're always really mean, and all my life I've been picked on. There was no point in my entire life where I wasn't picked on. Since 1st grade there was always someone calling me names, Id come home every day and cry b'cuz I feel bad about myself. My mom knows that but she went ahead and said that anyway. I feel more comfortable talking to ppl on the internet. When I am on the internet I can be myself, and not have to worry or anything. In real life I am this shy girl and likes to be in her own little corner, but on the internet I am not shy at all. I can be myself and not worry about a bunch of ppl calling me names or somethin' thats why I am against preps and any ppl like that. It really pissed me off...I started crying and everything, she didn't seem to care though. Then she went and gave me a time limit on the computer!! Agh, okay...I am done venting now....

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August 6th

God, Life for me right now is a living hell! First I had what happened yesterday, and then today I found out that my Grandpa is in the hospital because he had something wrong with his heart. He almost died...but thank god he didn't. Thank god he excersizes....I was going to go see him in the hospital later on today but found out that children aren't allowed to be there!!! I am not allowed to see my Grandpa for an entire week!!! God...I just...I dont know, I really don't. I've been really depressed to where I've been listening to music, and throwing myself into my writing, thats all I've been doing. I just want to be left alone, and I want to see Heather!! Goddammit I swear I am going to go crazy!! Okay...Sorry, I had to vent again. There will be happy blogs soon look forward to it....I know I am because I hate being like this....I'm falling apart completly. I need someone to talk to so...if you want to IM me please do...my screen name is loveNickyforlyfe thanks so much for listening, if anyone ever comes here. If anyone even cares to come here. I know my good friends Nikki, Stephanie, and Shanna come here everday. I love you guys you're good friends please dont ever stop being my friend!! You've been here for me through all of this, even though you dont know the entire story of what happened between me and Heather, you've still been supportive and I love you all for it. My family doesn't seem to be understanding how I feel no matter how much I try to tell them...so I've turned to you lately. God I gotta go now...I'm gonna cry....

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August 5th

Today is a very bad day....yup...a bad day. Why you ask? I can't tell you why. But I can say that I am getting blamed for something that I didn't do and now I might not be able to see my best friend...not only my best friend but my cousin anymore. It upsets me so much...I didn't do anything wrong, but of course I am getting blamed. Her mom thinks its ALL my fault. Something happened last night...thats all I can tell anyone...I cant even tell Stephie...and she's like my big sister i've never had....I can't tell her. I can't tell anyone. Her mom hates me and everytime she does something wrong, I get the blame for it...like I make her do it. I dont understand why she hates me so much...I never hated her, I never did anything to cause her to hate me...she just started hating me one day and now everything that happens she blames me. It upsets me so much. I'm not a bad person....I am not. I am an innocent 16 year old girl....I didnt do anything wrong. I am not a bad person. I just want my friend back, but I probably will never see her ever again. The other night when Heather and I talked all night long just about anything...that was the best night in the world, probably the last night i'll ever get to talk to her. It seems like everything in this entire world is my fault! perhaps her mom should start blaming me for september 11th, right? I mean I get blamed for everything else, why not?

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August 4th

DUDE!! I just got back from spending the night at Heather's house, it was her little sister Amber's birthday. We spent the night there, and her mom told us we had to be in bed and asleep at 3:30!! LMAO, in my mind I was all like "US?? Asleep by 3:30??? you're kidding me right??" The reason she was making us go to bed earlier was b'cuz we had to wake up early the next day b'cuz we were celebrating Amber's B-day. We went and saw the Movie GoldMember OMFG that is SUCH a good movie!!! It was better than the first and second movies. It was very creative and VERY hilarious. My favorite characters were Mini Me, and Dr. Eviil. haha I looooved that movie!! In the bigginning of the Movie Britney Spears is in it, and she BLOWS up, I was all like "DUDE! How cool!" Maaan, she should blow up in real life, Britney go bye-bye lmao. When we got back she got on her computer, while I lay on her bed writing in my notebook and watched The Others that she had rented and made her own copy of. Than we ended up having to go lay in bed b'cuz we were extremely paranoid beyond belief that a parent was going to come downstairs. We didnt sleep though. Oooh No, we stayed up till 8:00 in the morning talking ALL night long just about anything!! Heather and I have never done that before, just lay around and have an extremely long conversation. I love doing things like that ya know? b'cuz than you learn a lot about your best friend even when you're with her ALL the time. I hope we do that more often, cause I really enjoyed it. Everyone was asleep....all the lights were off so it was dark except the TV, and it was quiet and we were alone talking. Its not everyday when Heather and I get to be alone to just talk. Usually theres a little sister around to annoy the hell out of us, or one of her parents listening into our conversation. They ALWAYZ do that and it annoys me. Will be talking and they'll be all like "What?" And we won't even be talking ot them!! They do that with every conversation we have its like we can't have a private conversation without them getting into it. They annoy me. I don't haaate her parents...they just annoy me. I don't know why her mom hates me though...i didnt do anything wrooong. But she hates me I can tell. I hear her talking about me behind my back when she thinks I am not listening. She says that I influence Heather into doing things she's not supposed to. Oh yes, I hold a gun to her head and say "DO BAD THINGS NOW!" ooooh yeah thats what I do. *Rolls eyes* Heather has her own mind, she does what SHE wants I don't force her, to do anything. I'm not a bad person, I dont know why she doesn't see that. I really hate it that she hates me, I wish I knew what I did wrong. As y'all should know by now I hate it when ppl hate me...when I don't even know what for. I hate it when ppl talk about me behind my back too. That REALLY pisses me off. Well...last night was probably one of my favorite nights. The only bad thing that happened last night is that I managed to remind myself how depressed I am over dustin and tried SO hard not to cry, but I did. I tend to do that a lot... *Sigh* Love Hurtz. If love is supposed to make you feel good...why does it hurt? Love is a very hard thing to understand...I will never understand it I tell you, I won't. Its like an unsolved mystery or something. I just wish it were a little less depressing you know? Anyway the next day Heather and I only got like 3 hours asleep lmao. We woke up at I dont know what time, and got ready to go to this one store where you pick out something to paint on your own. I picked out a Unicorn and painted it. Its Soooo Cute!! I painted it black blue with yellow eyes lmao. Black and Blue BACKSTREET colors! BSB power Baybee yeah!! *Smiles brightly* I looove my little unicorn. I name him Alair, yup thats his name. Amber's friends were annoying. Weell...one of them were. She was really bossy and was a little bitch too. She was really mean to my little sister Courtney and that kind of pissed me off...Yeah anyway Gots to go!!

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August 1st

Okay, I changed the background. I am working on a new layout so for now your just going to have to deal with a background and frame. Yuuup. Atleast its a background of the sexy Brian Littrell ;p I went to Heather's house the other night and spent the night there. We saw the movie The Others b'cuz she rented it. Its a very good movie, if you haven't seen it you should!! It became one of my top faves. I've also decided that I am going to turn my other website clever Illusions into an all fanfiction site. It'll have everything, and I am planning on making it a big site. I will allow anything, even Nsync even though I hate them but the other pplz like them though so yeah. I want it to be just as good as fanfiction.net which means I gots to work reeeally hard on it. If ya have a fanfic you want me to host e-mail me and let me know. [email protected] Well...Thats all I've got to blog about right now. Peace Love and Backstreet!

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July 31

Woo Hoo I added a link exchange section. If you want to exchange buttons with me e-mail me at [email protected] Well, gotta go Bubyez!

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July 31

Nooooooooooo Josh is avoiding me.....that makes me sad!! I dont want him to avooid meee....What did I do wrong? if I did something wrong I honestly didn't mean it....and I stopped bugging him about sending me a pic a while back agoooo...its my sister thats doing all the bugging!!! Grrrr! Thats proabably why and if it is, its her fault!!!

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July 30th

Yayness I added a new fanfic in the Fiction & Non fiction section peoples called From this moment. I worked on that fic all day and nothing else, and had a lot of concentration. Believe me concentration doesn't come easy for me! I worked really hard on it and hope ya like it. After you read it the feedback goes in the guestbook.

Love Yaz, Ashlyn.

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July 30th

Yeahness I am in a good mood and thought id update even though nothing really exciting has happened that I should share. I updated my fanfic 'What is it' and posted it on fanfiction.net WOO HOO PARTY!! wanna read it? Go there and search for the penname LoveNickyforlyfe I am working on 'The one' right now and should have it posted on Fanfiction.net by 5:30 this morning. its 2:34 right now. I am talking to Heather and Stephanie right now. Yup...thats all thats really happening right now.

July 29th

Today was a boring day...I could've went back to Heather's the other night but I didn't because I thought she would be going to her friends' house yesterday but her friend canceled it. Damn me, I should've went b'cuz its really boring at home. Nothing interesting happened. I basically slept all day...I slept and wrote in my notebook...Yup, That was my day.

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July 28th

Yayee! My blog site is now open!! *Smiles Brightly* Guess what! I went to Heather's yesterday and Spent the night, it was fun. We got on her computer for a while, and listened to music and she painted My sister Brandi's Face so she looks like Mana from the J-Rock Group Malice Mizer. She looked funny. heehee. Then her and Heather also tried to paint my other sister Courtney's face while she was sleeping, 'Cept she woke up. Yup.