Christina Amato (c)2000

Herbert finds himself on a forced "bar hopping" excursion with his distant cousin, Rufus, and Rufus' girlfriend.

Introductions are made. He is acutely aware of his shapeless and worn black sweater and unflattering trousers.

Rufus and his girlfriend order a pineapple martini and a guava martini, respectively. Herbert orders tea.

They seem to know an inexhaustible number of friends at the bar. Every one of them ask Herbert what he does for a living, unaware that they are treading on one of his core conflicts.

After some awkward and insignificant conversation, Rufus and his girlfriend leave Herbert with some of their friends, who immediately engage the people at the next table in conversation. Herbert tries to look like he's having a good time.

He alternately takes his sweater off and puts it back on, unable to decide which looks better.

Occasionally, one of Rufus' vast battalion of friends directs a comment at him.

Herbert begins to get allergies, but he is unable to leave as he is dependant on his cousin for a ride home.

He is shocked to discover that it is only 10:30. His right eye is almost completely swollen shut, and he is feeling slightly soggy after drinking 12 cups of tea.

He occasionally spots his cousin in the distance, but is unable to achieve eye contact.

11:00. Herbert removes his sweater for the final time.

11:25. Herbert stares into space and plays absently with a damp tea bag.

12:15. Herbert peels the label off a nearby beer bottle and neatly tears it into pieces, which he subsequently rolls into tiny, congruent balls.

1:05. Rufus announces that it is time
to depart for the next bar, and the entire
process is repeated in perpetuity...