by Christina Amato (c) 2000

While quietly trying to write, Herbert is accosted by the noise of grinding machinery coming from the direction of his neighbor's lawn.

He wonders if a riding lawnmower, two leaf blowers, and a hedge trimmer are really necessary to maintain a postage stamp-sized lawn.

Unable to concentrate, Herbert decides a distraction might help. He has been running low on toilet paper for some days now, but has put off going to the supermarket for as long as possible. He decides he may as well go now.

Once outside, Herbert's head begins to clear. It is a nice sort of a day . . . overcast . . . a little rain . . .

The supermarket looms in the distance. Herbert reminds himself to remain focused.

He gets past the produce aisle OK, but becomes bogged down in the cereal aisle.

As a further distraction, he runs into his old friends from the book club.

He is determined to stay on target.

He finally makes it to the toilet paper aisle...now all he has to do is pick out a package and leave . . . pick out a package and leave . . .

Faced with the thousands of gleaming packages, Herbert begins to wonder what they're actually made of . . ..bark? Cotton? Could that be all?

How much of it has he used in his lifetime? Where does it really end up? Does it disintegrate into it's constituent parts? Which are what?

Do people actually spend their whole lives making this stuff? What do they tell people when they are asked what they do for a living? How much of themselves do they put into the toilet paper factory?

What sacrifices have gone into this toilet paper?

Would buying this toilet paper make him a bad person?

Next week:
Herbert slowly unravels as the result of a mouth wash commercial