September 2007

2007-09-21 Friday

Paint my collar blue.

For the last couple of weekends, I have been washing dishes for minimum wage at a small local restaurant.

It's no secret that I'm broke.  I started my doctoral program five years ago and if I was able to finish my dissertation within the one year (ideal) limit, I would have graduated last month at the latest.  However, I ran into experimental design problems and got stuck, so my goal for graduation has been moved to next summer.

I went into my program with savings.  What can I say, I was raised by hard-working immigrants who believe in saving up cash for major purchases and emergency needs.  A few years back I drove a car I paid in full and I just found super-cheap student housing, so with a good bit of savings under my belt I felt I was safe from having to take out student loans.

Well, my savings ran out.  I can blame high standards of living in the Los Angeles area, but really I succumbed to media and peer pressure for a certain lifestyle.  I bought clothes and accessories with brand names and thought of them as "investments."  I drank coffee made with gourmet beans.  I ate fish all the time because it's good lean protein and helps me maintain my figure.

Yeah, that Maxstudio.com knee-length suede coat looks good all right, but is it really an investment?  Whenever I wear it out I'm always afraid of getting a pie in the face from the good PETA people.  My Coach leather briefcase wore out faster than my much cheaper Samsonite tote. 

In any case, it's too late to point fingers now (especially when I can only point them at myself).  I desperately need more income but I can't commit to a regular part-time job.  I still have to work on my dissertation full-time, tutor my students whenever they need me, and fulfill my duties as a research assistant on campus.

So I asked some neighbors who work as waitresses.  They told me a couple of places and I chose a small restaurant very close to where I live so I will save on gas.  (Theoretically I can walk there one way in 45 minutes but I'm afraid that's too hardcore for me.)  I wash dishes for minimum wage, no dips on tips. 

I am too embarrassed to tell my friends and family.  Yet I appreciate the extra bit of money.  I'm still actively dating but I've been moving my coffee and dinner dates to weekdays.  I feel like I'm living a double life.

2007-09-18 Tuesday

Am I poor?

My personal financial status has been bothering me lately.  Mainly, I wish I had an idea of how my financial standing relates to others around my age.

I just turned 31 and I'm currently going to school full-time, working part-time on campus.  I am a Ph.D. student in the social sciences and I've been working on my dissertation for the past year.  I plan on finishing my dissertation and graduating by next May, right before I turn 32.

I do not have any student loan or credit card debt.  I did accumulate some student loans after college but I worked full-time a few years after, so I paid off my loans.  Graduate student tuition is mostly paid for so I only worry about my living expenses (which can be vast, since I live in Los Angeles county).  I work on campus as a research assistant and in my spare time I also work as a private tutor.  After tax, my net monthly income hovers around $1000-1200 depending on how many hours I tutor, from which I pay rent (I share a co-op with other students), utilities, cell phone bill (no landline for me), insurance, food, gas, and other miscellaneous expenses.

I was raised to save up for big purchases and I paid for my Toyota Corolla in full back in 2000, before I went back to school.  My car is now 7 years old and looks beat up and faded from being parked on the street all the time.  There's also a dent on the passenger door that I never got around to fixing.  There's nothing wrong with my car, yet I envy other people's pretty shiny cars and wish I have a new car too.  However, if I save up to pay for a new car in full like I was taught to do, it will take at least 1-2 years of working full-time because I would need around $20,000 in cash (assuming I upgrade a bit from my little Corolla).

What with the popularity of fashion shows and blogs, everyone (particularly in my area) pay more attention to personal style than ever.  More than half the students on campus carry obvious designer bags and look very trendy indeed.  Just by living in proximity to designer stuff, I now can identify knock-off bags, especially those that imitate popular logo models, like Coach and Louis Vuitton.  I would no sooner carry a knock-off than commit suicide because people can tell, trust me.

Even though I'm past 30, I still experience peer pressure.  I know the only way to combat logo bags is to purchase good quality leather bags either by lesser-known designers or without logos.  I got my leather bags from Furla on sale (under $150 each) but still, those were major expenses and my few bags now look beat up after a few years as a full-time student (and no extra money to purchase luxuries like good bags).

So anyway, as I'm close to finishing my doctorate program, I'm also running lower and lower on savings and now have no savings at all, but rather scrape by on my tiny income.  It's possible that I may have to take out loans and go into debt before I graduate and find a full-time job, but I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible.

On the other hand, I look at all my good friends from college days and for one reason or another, they are mostly medical doctors.  I've read on some blogs that people can't possibly afford real designer stuff but the thing is, you can if you have a good-paying job.  Base salaries for internal medicine doctors and pediatricians run around $160,000, $300,000 for radiologists, and more for surgeons.  I'm talking base, starting salaries before bonuses (these are my friends after all and they're all my age, so they're just starting).  Even if they're single they can afford luxury goods and often they marry others who make around the same amount of money.  My lawyer friends make a little less but starting salaries for them (graduating from UC law schools) still run around $90,000.

In contrast, my future lays in social science research.  Academic or not, the starting salary for someone with a Ph.D. runs around $50,000 in my area, rising very little each year.  I love my field and can't imagine doing anything else, but I do wish I can make more money doing my job potentially.

But is my potential income embarrassingly small?  It can't be, can it?  True, I don't see me ever owning property with that income here in California but still... it's nothing to be ashamed of.  In fact, I'd like to think my degree, my career, and my financial standing are things I can be proud of.  I just feel a little less proud whenever I hang out with my friends who make more than $150,000.

I hate peer pressure but I know I succumb to it.  I want to be happy for my friends and myself at the same time.  Usually I succeed, but then I ask myself, if I really don't care, why do I refuse to buy my shoes and bags from Target?  Why do I dream about a status car?  Why do I want people to see my worth in my material possessions?  Shouldn't I focus on getting respect through my expertise at work and my friendly personality?

Why do I want to compete with my peers and want to know whether I count as a "failure" or a "success" relative to others?  I have no good answer.  This is something I need to work on. 

2007-09-10 Monday

Shopping, or lack thereof, for fall/winter 2007.

It's scary, but I hardly need to do any shopping for fall/winter this year.

As the weather cooled, I took a look in my closet and noted my collection of jackets and coats all still in perfect condition.  My dozens of cashmere and merino sweaters are nicely fluffy and folded, waiting to be worn.  Since I bought multiples of cheap (but comfortable!) stretch leather boots last year, I don't need to do any shoe-shopping either.

The only shopping I did was to replace my Eileen Fisher stretch silk long-sleeve tees.  I always buy at least two each year, one in black, then replace accordingly.  These tees are crazy expensive at $100 per one (they raised the prices this fall) but indispensable as far as I'm concerned.  This year I was lucky to get both of mine (one black and one charcoal) with the deeper scoop neck rather than their usual crew neck. 

If I must be picky, I suppose my mid-size bag is tired-looking now.  I've come to terms that smaller bags are pointless as I never use them, huge bags are too heavy, and I end up always using mid-size bags.  My poor Furla is a structured shape and the sharp edges are clearly worn.  While some casual leather bags look cool when they're worn, for whatever reason I'm not sure the worn-look works for my Furla.  However, I simply cannot afford to buy a good quality bag, which will cost at least $150-200 even on sale. 

By the way, does anyone else find Coach bags crap quality?  I have two Coach bags, both in black leather, one just a little small for a mid-size and the other is a briefcase.  I've had them two years and already the leather is worn (as in "broken skin") at places and the metal stuff is rusty.  What the hell?  To be fair, I've never bought a leather bag that looks "as good as new" after more than two years of regular use.  Yet don't such bags exist in legend and song?  The Hermes models that are good for ten years?  What's going on here?  Have I just been using still-too-cheap bags???

P.S. Just to clarify, I received grant money from school and paid back my friend from whom I took out a loan, so it's okay for me to talk frivolous stuff like shopping, especially since I will do very little of it.