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| Since september the spiritual consolation I have received that day as been less sensitive but the idea I've got that day have remained with me and the idea was just as crazy as me. I've been trying to keep everything low keys. I'd like to make the vow to not own anything in this world that don't fit in two suitcases. Although it may sound crazy, it's also a constant reminder that I'm not here to stay forever and what life is about but also to never again put my faith in money and belongings but in dreams and God. |
What I receive more than money thru her though is the constant reminder that I work for God first and He is the one sending all the goods we have. Too often working people forget that He sent the skills to work, the work and everything else. That's not something I can't exactly overlook by living this way. |
| I guess I always look for ways to live a religious life regardless my calling to be wed. So that should do for the poverty, the charity is taken care of everyday and the chastity is not part of the mariage but can easily be understood in the vow of the Oblat of Mary who vows as a fourth commitment obedience to their superior and keep his words as God's will. That will be fullfilled by serving and cherishing my husband which I do believe the past years of my existance, always submit to the good will of people around me has been a training and rehearsal of what's to come. It's a lot harder with common people that it will be with Mr Right, simply cuz I don't receive the extra boost of strength and inspiration that comes from serving God's thru your calling in this life. |
| Althougth the lifestyle I have embraced and elected to live is my choice, I find it hard to follow everyday, sometimes it's okay, sometimes it's unbearable but I have managed to get up and get back to the program after every falls. I really trust what I feel and years of anguish have not yet convince me that the feeling I've got everytime God has hugged me and held me in His arms after each of my decisions as always been stronger than the pain. I will not attempt to explain what a consolation is and how it can last a minute but carry you thru life and years of sorrows. It inspires you to stick to it, eat the tea spoons of shit no matter what cuz nothing compares to the few minutes of bliss of His Divine presence in my heart. I renew the vows every minutes, I'll eat shit, be it, if what I feel sometimes is only a glimpse of Heaven, it's so worth it. Sure I'll keep on bitching yet, at last I will have the last drop of that Love I'm after and that's not of a human type. I will be seated on Jesus lap with cream pudding and the Jam of an Eternity of mad live music! |
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