| Mid 2002 Newsletter Does it ever end? |
| I think NOT! I must have a tag on my ass stating : Madness come my way, I live for it! I've talked a bit about how this year started but man, is it ever annother wacky episode of my life. Anyway, let's get into it. January was good I think.... I mean I finally got the guts to get around doing something I really wanted, well tried to do someone I really like would be more accurate : ) The name of the innocents would be left out but they're no more innocent than me. January was pretty much over the first couple of weeks cuz really nothing after was about to top of the highlight of that month, so next! |
| I can't remember much of february aside from putting into places some finances stabilities thanks to my lovely friend Sylvie in France. I found her a husband thru my visions, she found me a mentor in return. I never ever even thought it would be that much of an help. It turned out to be just as miraculous as the prophetic dream to find Sylvie's husband. A miracle the term was finally used by my spiritual adviser Father Gallo, after 14 years of knowing him he has never used this term before! Not easy to impress! But who can give the name of someone's husband unless this power was given to them from God himself? And who but God can ask in return to the person to find someone to support his messenger this way but God again? So in March for my birthday, I've received a credit card to be able to access the money I'm given freely!!! A complete stranger sent me a credit card and opened a bank accound for me! She is willing to pay my bills for 10 years! Swallow this one and think about it for a minute! That's pretty hardcore! Who said God doesn't perform miracles?? |
| In April, FINALLY Big Beat started playing again! The first time I've walked into Lush, I loved it! As soon as I got there, Rebellum's ex-girlfriend came up to us. They were freshly broken up and I guess she felt compelled to make chummy with the enemies. Some girls are like that, always making sure to keep the dogs away from the bones?? But what bone? Who said I even wanted or Valerie, a piece of that action?? Who said if I did I didn't have the options and didn't care to go there?? So I go to the bathroom to check out my hair and I come back out to a completely freaked out Valerie. She grabbed my shoulders and she is deliriously saying : "Axl Rose was here, he walked in! Walked out! Walked in! Walked out! Oh My God! I'm freaking out!" Well yeah, obviously she was! I turned around and there he is by the bar. I looked at him. Now aside from my fascination for Morrison if there ever was a rock star alive that I was infatuated with him, that was Axl. My mom was trained to bring me back every bloody magazines with his face on it. |
| Back when they first came out, they just grabbed me, finally a good contemporary decadent rock band! I thought very quickly how lucky I was that I've got to be friends and hang out with Matt Sorum, Gilby Clarke, Slash, Teddy Andreadis, Steven Adler, how many people had that luck? And talked freely with them, like people do, not from a fan to a rock star? I wonder for a minute how Axl would feel if I came up to him and told him his ex bandmate were my buddies. I was quite amused by the idea. Then I felt the same empty feeling I got when I finally met with Slash. I'm looking at one of my old teenage fantasy, I could touch him, he is there in flesh and blood and I don't even care. Sure it makes a cool memory, but what do I care for another memory? Every time I get to realise one of my old dream, it's like I'm left with one less thing to do in life that I wanted to go thru and I so need to dream, I can't afford to lose them all to the profit of reality. I could hear that song in my head : What is life? In my hand an illusion? Why do I always have to feel so serious and intense when I get near something that could be good?? Like nothing is really worth it anymore? Am I that dead in my skin? |
| I wasn't there to go meet up with some old childhood fantasy but with my actual one and if felt much more real and exciting, so I wasn't that dead in my skin, in fact I felt very much alive talking to the person I was there to see. Up to the next week, I was in a good mood. It was Sylvie's bday then, I came home to a message from the person I stood up by being sick. Does it ever stop?? Do I ever have to blow everything that matters to me?? I guess.... Must be that Morrison syndrom kicking in from time to time. A human being, sensitive intelligent with the soul of a clown that makes me blow it at the most crucial moment. So I apologized and apologized and it changed nothing. I broke one of my old rule to never explain and justify and it meant nothing. Perhaps there is a consolation in that I don't have to feel like I blew it by not apologizing to my soulmate when I stood him up by accident as well. Blessed are the one who can control the unpredictability of their lives, I'm not one of them. I never was, never will be and surprises bring me sorrows and joys. |
| I feel no guilt, no regret, nothing. I'm numb to it. I'm lucky enough that I can't afflict myself over the what if of life? I always do the best I can with what I can. Noone and nothing in life can ask you for more than what you have to give. May kicked off lovely on a sad event that brought joy, I'm sure Randy would've wanted this way so thanks to him, once again, I had a good time around him and his spirit. When I bought the ticket for the memorial show to Randy Castillo, noone was announced yet. I figured "Why not?" by the time names started rolling I thought "Hell yeah!" and by the time I heard Nicklebag would perform I was frantic!! |
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