Autumn arrives in October. Sudden drops in night time temperatures and early frosts turn the leaves into a vibrant Kaleidoscope of colours. Within twenty four hours a fierce wind blows all the leaves from the trees and out of the Province. I do believe they end up somewhere near Saskatoon.
That was Autumn�.all four days of it.
Winter arrives on Halloween with the first blizzard of the season. It lasts until late May.
Then there is a lovely Spring. The early fruit trees burst into bloom suddenly, seemingly overnight as the ground is still thawing. Within twenty four hours a fierce wind blows all the blossoms off the trees and shrubs, followed by a deluge that speeds up the thawing of the ground.
That was Spring�.all four days of it.
From June to October is what is laughingly referred to as Summer which encompasses the worst of all four seasons�freak blizzards, drought, floods and endless afternoon storms that bring tornadoes in their wake.
That is Alberta.
For you gardeners it is Zone 2a to 2b. The short growing season necessitates the starting of seedlings early as little can be planted before the first week of June and all vegetables and fruits must be harvested by the end of September. If one does not have a heated greenhouse, seedlings are begun indoors under grow lights, and this is how it was for me.
Why am I telling you all this? Well�I am setting the scene. If you haven�t noticed by now, my thoughts tend to wander a bit, but it all comes together (hopefully) at some point.
Allow me to wander off again for a moment and give you some background on Emily.
Born in 1996 to barn cats belonging to my landlord at that time, Emily was one of 3 kittens. As there really was no barn on that farm, the cats resided in a far from hygienic machine shop. Whether her unique �talent� was a product of childish teasing by the landlord or the fact that I took Emily away from her mother before she was properly socialized (due to having managed to get herself covered in toxic grease and motor oil) I may never know.
It began 3 days after I brought her home, after she had become more brave and used to her surroundings. She would suddenly race up to the top of the scratching post and sink her teeth into it. Soon after that she was attempting to bite electric cords, the other cat�s tails, blankets, and my fingers and toes. She had a temper and would shriek if I picked her up or held her against her will. She would shriek if she was hungry or wanted attention at all hours. Shrieks were followed by teeth being inserted into the closest object.
That is why I was so astounded at her timidity during her first veterinary visit. She was motionless and silent as she was poked and prodded. She hardly moved as her temperature was taken. She did not resist the wormer being syringed into her mouth and hardly flinched at the vaccination.
I was waiting for the storm but it had not come. She was a perfect angel and I found myself relaxing a bit. After it was all over, the female Veterinarian lifted tiny Emily up into the air before her, cooing about what a good, brave girl she had been.
The rest seemed to happen as if in slow motion. The kitten was being brought towards the veterinarian�s face for a kiss just as Emily�s head craned forward, her mouth opening. Suddenly Emily�s tiny, razor-like teeth were firmly ensconced in the tip of the Vet�s nose and she was not about to let go. Doing her best imitation of a snapping turtle she hung securely on the end of that proboscis, resisting, for quite some time, all attempts to extricate her.
It was that very day that she first earned her nickname. �Antichrist�, and the Veterinarian got a free piercing should she ever decide to try nose studs or a tasteful ring.
After that Emily could not resist honing her craft. Everything in the house soon had tell-tale punctures to mark where she had been. To her credit, Emily taught me to put away things promptly lest I find punctures in my newly printed photos or books. I learned to wrap electric cords away in plastic sheaths, to use and return borrowed albums and books immediately and to leave nothing I value out in the open.
She would also suddenly bite any visitors, so I soon decided that she must be taught, if not to stop biting entirely, at least to control the impulse somewhat.
Why is it cats think that if they close their eyes you can�t see them?
Each time she bit me she got a rap on the head. Each time she sunk her teeth into some object while in my line of sight, she got squirted with my trusty spray bottle. Gradually the bites got gentler and gentler until they were tolerable nips and greatly lessened in their frequency.
Over the years she has mellowed somewhat and condescended to warn unsuspecting visitors of her intentions. Emily believes that visitors are created for the purpose of petting and stroking her. Having gained a modicum of patience with age, she now head butts her demands. I call it bonking because it is generally administered to the arm holding the full cup of piping-hot coffee. She bonks once and waits 3-4 seconds. If petting and full attention have not begun, she bonks again a bit harder. After another 3-4 seconds, the final bonk is administered as a warning and immediately followed by a sharp nip generally applied to the tender flesh of the underside of the arm. Of course this punishment is meted out with her eyes closed so that you cannot see her doing it. Inanimate objects, however, still got her full attention and the full force of her lethal fangs.
It was one April while I still lived in Alberta, that I was inexplicably infected with the Spring Cleaning Bug. While I am in the throes of this virus I find I must clean every inch of every wall and every inch of floor in every room. This of course means that everything in the room I am attacking must be moved into another room.
I had one small room that actually served as a storeroom/workshop, and it was in this room that was always closed off to the cats, that I had set up a long table with flats of seedlings and grow-lights along with several four-liter plastic milk containers of water and fertilizer solution. It took me quite a while to dismantle the lights and move the flats into the computer room across the hall. Next was the long table which I set up in the middle of the room and got the flats up onto it, along with the fertilizer and box of extra seeds. After that It was quite a chore shifting everything from the three large utility shelf units. By the time everything was moved into the computer room and I had shut the door, I was too tired to continue cleaning (I had done 3 other rooms beforehand, the bedroom, the bathroom and the computer room), so I decided to take a coffee break and have a sandwich. Half an hour later I was once again energized and prepared to do battle with the walls. It took about an hour to finish walls. carpet, windows and shelving units. I was ready to shift everything back.
First I replaced everything that was once on the shelves, then it was time to take the flats off the table and drag the table back into the storage room. I tend to spend most of my indoor life barefoot, but it was the sound of the squish, squish, as I approached the table that I heard before I noticed that my feet were very wet. The dark blue shag rug was soaked! I immediately checked the ceiling, which was the logical thing to do in that building, but all seemed dry. It was then that I noticed the four-liter bottles of fertilizer solution which I had placed on the table. They were still upright but virtually empty.
Suddenly the realization hit that The Antichrist may be to blame. Sure enough, as I lifted and examined each bottle, I could clearly see down by the base, two tiny punctures. Why she decided to bite each one so low down on the bottle is beyond me, unless she actually knew that this was likely to go undetected for quite some time as each bottle slowly emptied its contents over the side of the table and into the rug. No. Surely she could not be that clever and evil.
Did I happen to mention that only a few days later the top of my dryer was covered in liquid fabric softener that I had forgotten to put away. It too, had two tiny punctures near the base. I wonder how that could have happened!
