There are times in your life
When you will fall into deep wells
Of self-inflicted worry, pity and depression.
You seem to slip ever downward
From ledge to ledge,
Praying that each fall will be the last,
Terrified that it will not....
Thus creating more ledges
Farther and farther down.
But if you can only keep your eyes fixed
On the light at the top of the well,
That light will become your warmth,
Your sustenance and comfort.
Soon, through the light
A hand will reach down
And if you look carefully, you will see
That the light is from God,
But the hand is your own
***************************************************************************
Letter to myself....March 1975
Sometimes it is so much easier to write, rather than to speak.
I can see my thoughts plainly on paper. They are there in print, very real, inescapable....and sometimes I find that I am seeing them for the first time and can analyze them more objectively.
My plans for the future are at this time unimportant. Taking things as they come, one step at a time is what I feel I must do at the moment.
I am in a position now, where others come to me for help and advice.....and I feel totally inadequate. Who am I to pray for guidance and healing energy for others, when my own physical and spiritual being is so polluted with resentment, anger, jealousy and guilt?
Just once I would like to approach the Divine Teachers
devoid of all this negativity and worthy to be a channel.
I have almost succeeded in convincing myself that individual incidents in my life are unimportant, save for the lessons I have learned from them.
Almost.
***************************************************************************
written in 1981 in Sedona
The old medicine man speaks to me
in the night while I sleep.
He calls me by a long-forgotten name,
and I hear the bells on his moccasins as he dances.
I sit upon the ceremonial grounds of the ancient ones
as he speaks to me of the old ways.
We are one...
he, I and the ancient ones
sharing the same mind, the same memories,
traditions and knowledge.
We are the Eagle Dancer.
**************************************************************************
To Leah
Duality personified
Heart severed from body
You bounce between the two in confusion
Surrounding yourself with crowds of artificial people.
Ever energetic
Skating around the walls of your eggshell world
Avoiding self and reality
Your life filled with meaningless activities
Designed to fill the emptiness.
Remaining ever the child
Because adulthood might expose you to pain
Or love, or joy.
Your lovers cannot be your friends.
You might feel too much.
And friends must not become lovers.
Afraid to care
You live your life distrusting
Afraid to reveal too much of yourself
Even to yourself.
Afraid to grow up.
How much you miss of life and love.
What a waste.
***************************************************************************
Michael��������.
A new friend
whom I recalled from many lifetimes past,
reaches through the black prison of my desolation
with rainbows in his hands,
ancient wisdom in his mind,
and the blue flame of freedom in his eyes.
His hands, slim and gentle,
drive demons of pain from my body
as fears and confusions of the mind
transmute into joy and wonderment
at the words he speaks,
with pure brilliance,
enhanced by simple and honest modesty.
Our times of sharing,
though infrequent, are golden in their quality,
and I listen dumfounded, to the knowledge
this gentle man of light offers me
so lovingly, so openly.
A new friend
whom I recalled from many lifetimes past,
gives to me the rainbows from his hands,
the wisdom from his mind, and shows me,
reflected in his eyes, the blue flame of freedom within myself.
I know him well...my new friend...my old friend,
... his name is Michael.
***************************************************************************
Michael 2
My gentle rainbow man is fading from my sight now,
to visit other places and other people,
to share his colors as he did with me.
I am no longer saddened at thoughts of his departure,
for I hold him in my mind, and in my heart and soul.
He is imprinted upon my very essence,
upon every atom of my existence.
We will meet again in this time and future times
or on other planes as we often do,
and always in my memories.
For he has written in the scripts of my pasts
and the scripts of my futures.
He is my teacher, my brother and my friend.
He is my joy, and one I love dearly.
Always there for me, he is my learning..
He simply is.
And in creating him within my lives
I have created such beauty that can never be erased
So let him go and touch other lives
as he has touched mine.
Let his rainbows penetrate the storms of the seekers.
Let his wisdom rest within receptive minds
and his flame warm the chill of longing hearts.
And let him carry for all his days...my love.
***************************************************************************
Little Sister
Little sister, frail and delicate as crystal,
you encapsulate yourself in a protective facade,
hoping to keep the hurts of the world outside,
yet trapping within you the hurts of the past.
Re-enacting childhood roles with painful repetition,
unable to allow yourself the permission to release,
clinging tightly to old emotions and sorrows
for they are all that you know.
Always being safe, always being careful,
clutching at old pain in fear of the new,
not knowing that new pain is growth and freedom,
going round in the circles of your self-appointed sentence.
Afraid to reach too far beyond your confines,
afraid to cry, for if you cry, what will become of you,
and if old emotions are released, what will be left
save vulnerability fearfully awaiting the next assault?
I promise you the crystal will remain,
unfettered by restrictions of the past and self-punishment,
unclouded by re-enacted emotions, barriers and
stale promises once made to yourself,
and that the crystal glows so pure and lovely
with rainbows of joy and unlimited power.
And so, little sister, I shall chip gently at your facade
till I can touch the crystal beneath, beautiful and unscarred,
and draw it out into the light where it belongs
for it is what you really are.
***************************************************************************
Strong and fiery woman, how you remind me of myself some time ago.
Working, ever working, insecurities never showing but always present.
Avoiding self, containing powerful emotions,
driving yourself in your work...
So you�ll never have to deal with the truth....that you are mortal.
Do not be afraid of the truth that is really you.
Face the fear, the anger and hurt, and let them go.
It is safe now.
You are beautiful, no matter what you think.
You are skilled, no matter what you do.
It is not necessary to use your sexuality to keep from feeling alone.
It is not necessary to surround yourself with admirers
to bolster your ego.
It is not necessary to create enemies
to feed your insecurities and punish yourself.
You have nothing to reproach yourself for.
You are exactly as you wish yourself to be.
You are perfect....in spite of yourself.
***************************************************************************
To A Deaf Woman
Speak to me with your hands,
Signs that express emotion
Far beyond the limitation of words.
Sign me pretty music
In a song more beautiful
Than ever could be heard.
Dance your strong and gentle hands
In that creative communication
That I want so desperately to share.
So speak to me with your hands,
The language of feelings and dreams....
Sign for me the language of the soul
***************************************************************************
Dear gentle friend,
Reach within
To the place where you hold all your hurts,
And bring them forth.
There is no need to hide who you are from others
Or from yourself.
Reach deep down and bring to light
Those delicate, breakable parts of your soul
And see that they have not been shattered...
Nor will they be...
Fragile though they may appear.
Place them into my hands
And do not be afraid.
For they will be as precious to me
As they are to you.
I shall treasure them
For they are the truth of you.
I will hold them gently,
And guard, and love and respect them
As I do my own.
***************************************************************************
Giving woman,
Soft and gentle,
Have you looked behind your mask of late
And seen the stranger there?
Bring her out,
This stranger, fearful and confused.
She is a part of you
And still you deny her.
It is all right to feel the confusion,
The anger, fear and pain.
They are a part of us,
Real and unreal,
Yet you would hide them from yourself.
Open your arms and accept them.
Take them in again and love them.
Embrace the stranger
So that you can set her free.
***************************************************************************
To Carell
So many years of waiting
to find you once again
dear friend of my many pasts.
How joyous seeing you here
like family reunited
for the long trip home.
And as we travel this familiar road,
could you teach me what you know,
so I can be of use as well,
to fellow travelers?
I can use my hands, my head and my heart.
Could you teach me, as you do,
how to use them together?
I have little to offer in return,
only my willingness to learn and grow,
my friendship and my love.
And if you tire,
I can be a steady friend to lean upon.
I want so much to work as I am meant to work,
and to go home.
Will you light the way for me?
And would you take my hand,
please,
if I begin to stray from the path?
***************************************************************************
Carell 2
Dear gentle lady of light
Reach forth your healing hands to others
That you yourself be healed
For all you give returns
Smooth the roughened edge
That your light may shine
With even greater purity
Devoid of all distortion of self
Learn to trust without fear
For all fear is illusion
And transparency cannot be achieved
While barriers exist
Know well
That lowering barriers
To reveal the transparent self
Does not necessarily leave one vulnerable.
***************************************************************************
Debbie...1984
We all spend our lives existing between two worlds that we can never really grasp, and so we live in an illusion of our own creation.
Our subconscious frightens us because it holds the truth about our feelings, and we deliberately distort our memories of them.
The dream is the creation of the dreamer, who fits the fragments of truth he has just seen in his sleep, into a pattern acceptable to him.
The world outside threatens us, and is also the unknown. We try to make the outside world seem familiar, altering what we perceive with our feelings.
Each of us perceives the world he must perceive. We invent our illusions to separate the world outside from the world within, thereby avoiding the hurts allowing us to feel some measure of comfort.
Even though the outside world is the same, and feelings are universal, no two people share the same illusion.
Nothing hurts more than a wound which cuts through illusion and makes you see your true self.
***************************************************************************
Trust me with your hurts
We can hold them gently.
Trust me with your fears and angers
We can turn them into rainbows.
Allow yourself to cry
And trust that I will share that healing process with you.
I will not hurt you
I can give you only love.
The opening of yourself is nothing to fear
It will allow you to be who you really are
And emerge triumphant.
***************************************************************************
Take my hand and do not be afraid.
I have felt all that you now feel, and much more.
I may not be able to help you, but I will try.
And if you will not permit me to help you,
At least allow me to understand.
***************************************************************************
Do not deceive yourself.
Love is not an emotion.
Behind all emotion and sensation...love is.....all that there is.
There is no need to try to feel love...to try to achieve love.
For beneath the illusions, love is the only reality.
Clear away all that is not love....and you are love.
***************************************************************************
written 1981
My skin is white,
but deep within my heart I still hear distant ancestral drums,
and the ancient chants roll effortlessly across my mind.
I still feel the presence of my brother, the bear.
and my spirit rises in the dawn light
to hunt once more with the eagle.
The touch and smell of wood-smoked hides is comforting to me,
and the wind and sun, the moon and rain
are yet my family.
In this life fate has made me white
and my red brothers no longer recognize me,
although my soul cries out to be one with them again.
(Note: Shortly after this was written, I became an honorary member of the Ermineskin Band. I do not remember ever learning Native American healing techniques, and was not aware that I was using them whenever doing a healing session for a Native American. )
***************************************************************************
Song for a Friend
The silver lady knows
that deep inside our souls
though names and places change
our scripts are all the same.
The loving and the fears
our joyfulness and tears
we try so hard to hide
she brings forth from inside.
But silver lady flies.
And silver lady cries.
Then each tear becomes a melody
that every woman�s soul can sing.
Oh, silver lady, sing my soul for me.
***************************************************************************
The Time is Now
The whisper has become a roar
The time is now!
Yet the Light workers cry out, �There is too much to be done!�
�We must rest!� �We need air and sun and silence!�
�We must stop awhile!�
But the time is now.
The Light must become the air we breathe,
Must become our rest, our sun, our silence.
The Light must be our priority.
For the time is now.
But we may steal a moment to view our world
As it is in this moment in time.....for the last time.
To see it as it will not be again for many centuries.
The time is now.
Unseen voices bombard our minds
And unseen energies invade our bodies
Altering and rearranging.
Because the time is now.
So we foolishly speculate, �I must prepare..I must do this�
Or, �I must do that.� �I will live here...or there...
When the time comes�
Yet the time is now.
And still, �My role will be this..� or �I shall become that..�
But who are we to profess to know the will of God,
The Plan of God, until the time comes.
And the time is now.
For we are the survivors, we have been here before.
We have faced the same destruction and survived,
Time and time again. We have heard the words,
�The time is now�,
Many times in centuries past, and we shall hear them again
Many, many times before we are allowed to rest.
The time is now.
We are the remnants, the guides and teachers.
We are the cornerstones of the foundations of civilizations
Past and future.
The time is now......
Again.
***************************************************************************
written 1982 automatic writing
There are many physical manifestations of the Christ
on the planet at this time.
Each receiving the God power and knowledge
that will enable them to guide others safely
into the new world.
Being of human form, they may have many human frailties,
but stay near to guard and support you as you learn from them.
Do not allow yourselves the negativities of jealousy,
selfishness or possessiveness.
Watch carefully your motivations.
Keep the mind alert and watchful, but the heart center
ever open with only the purest unselfish love and concern.
The time of testing of faith and loyalties has already begun,
as you know, but do not be mislead into false securities,
as many more tests are at hand.
***************************************************************************
written in 1982 automatic writing
Many people have known for hundreds of years, that a final confrontation between good and evil is bound to happen. It is not just recorded in the Bible alone, but also in many other ancient records.
The reason they knew it would happen is that it has already happened in the past, many more times than is written.
The ice age was only one time that the world was ended...
but even then, just a single sense of the world. As each civilization reaches its peak, the end of its evolution, it is brought to an end, right on schedule.
In a case such as the fall of the Roman Empire, the mighty civilization must eventually reach a point of confrontation...sometimes not completely. Instead, they may be permitted to endure with a relative handful of people, absorbed by a different, challenging culture that increases their knowledge in the new realms.
In the literal sense of the world as man knows it, it has drawn to a close hundreds of times because there have been hundreds of ages just as modern as this one...even more so.
Much was destroyed by the earlier nuclear wars and cataclysms.
The good part is that there must be a remnant with which to start anew.
As archeologists dig deeper and deeper they will continue to find evidence of more and more ancient civilizations. They will go on finding evidence forever. The current peak of progress throughout the world, and its impending end, was prophesized. But with every ending there is a beginning....a cusp.
The world never literally ends. The world has never ended and never will...because it never began. People with good intentions have tried for thousands of years to explain how the earth and the universe were formed.
The earth is the very first planet in the universe to support life. Mankind wasn�t �seeded� by people from other planets, but by people who were returning home to earth...people who had left this mother planet thousands of years before dinosaurs and Neanderthal man.
There was only a remnant left here at that time, and our homecoming ancestors continued the race. Earth has always been the jumping-off place for the handful of civilizations that have been good enough to survive Armageddon, become truly evolved, and left to spread man�s seed to other worlds and other galaxies.
The Earth is a buried storehouse of the memories of advanced peoples who go back, not tens of thousands of years, but tens of millions We are their descendants...descendants of the remnants, obliged once more to face an ending and provide a remnant.
Already, in the thousands of unexplained UFO�s, we see our living ancestors, waiting to re-seed, replenish and guide us in new directions as they have done for ages since departing this planet.
Neanderthal was never the homo-sapiens line, and Cro-Magnon was the remnant of a modern civilization which had destroyed itself.
Earth and man were never begun. That is part of the nature of eternity. It will, therefore, never end....not wholly. It is the only planet that has always existed and always will....
(This writing has been edited for clarity and is unfinished as I was interrupted at this time)
***************************************************************************
For you workers of the Light, there is no longer choice.
In accepting the Light you will be sorely tested each day of your lives. Fear not the darkness or the aloneness, for the Lords are with you to share with you their joys as well as their anguishes. Each test passed shall yield reward as you grow, so that when you have merged with the seven rays, you shall pass on the Light of God to other survivors of the holocaust.
***************************************************************************
Go forward like beacons into the darkness
sharing your light with all who reach towards it.
Do not waste your energies on those who avert their eyes
Take care, however.
The decision to pass by any soul must not be made by yourselves.
Always look to guidance from within,
for the choice of who to touch with the gifts of God
is not yours to make, and you may pass by a soul who
cries silently for His Light.
***************************************************************************
automatic writing...Message From Dan George?
Those of you with supernatural powers;
those of you who embrace the old ways
and the wisdom of the ancients, use your powers now.
For our hearts are heavy as stones
with sorrow for mankind.
He has spread across all of the earth
taking with him his warlike ways,
and the warring spreads from one land into the next
like so many boulders loosed from the cliff tops,
growing in number, crushing and destroying all in its path
Our power is lost to our people.
We are as weak branches set adrift
upon a mighty ocean swell.
We cannot reach them....they will not listen to us;
But you hear us, you carry our knowledge
and you can reach them.
Your combined powers can set right the balance once again.
Do not hesitate.
Work quickly before the shadow of the Raven
covers the earth.
(In 1982 I was at the Vancouver Psychic Fair when Dan George's daughter and granddaughters accused me of using his name. The daughter, however was very in tune with his energy and asked me to allow him to come through. I have no memory of what happened beyond going into a trance state, but I have had no more challenges by the family, and we parted on extremely good terms)
***************************************************************************
automatic writing...1982
Na Me Pa�s Message in Sodona
In the beginning, the earth was born a violent birthing.
And she erupted from within her soul with anger and outrage, manifested in fire.
Ulcers from beneath, spewed flame and bile across her surface, and grandmother moon took pity, sending forth the cooling breath of brother wind.
The earth shuddered in her agony and began to cry, small rivulets of tears, flowing harder into streams, forming rivers, pooling into lakes and vast oceans.
Then grandmother moon said, �Rest now.� and north wind chilled the tears until earth hibernated beneath a shell of ice.
Her essence within was warm, but restful, as her surface eye closed in sleep, for a short time.
It was not long before her awakening began as beneath the sun�s rays her cryogenic state altered and the frozen tears melted, forming once again the pools and lakes and oceans....waiting.
Upon the surface, beneath the creative rays of the sun, living organisms began to form; many harmonious with her essence, but others as cancers, gouging, stripping and destroying, forming great ulcerous sores wherever they passed.
And the cancer was called man.
Mother earth bled and began anew to weep as the skies wept with her.
She quaked and trembled and erupted screams of flame from deep within her soul, and her tears grew in number and the lakes and oceans swelled. The emotion burned and burst forth from splits in her surface, and there, where her searing anguish met her tears, all the living organisms, good and evil, were destroyed.
But in doing so, Mother earth, with one final suicidal cry....destroyed herself.
written 1981
***************************************************************************
To place healing hands upon an individual troubled in body or spirit, is the most loving act of intimacy you can ever perform.
To open yourself so completely that the loving life energy passes through you into another person, for that person�s highest good, allows you to be the God you are. And that troubled soul, in order to receive healing, must lower his barriers, releasing all the restrictions he has carried with him since the moment of conception, and become God with you.
Under this condition of perfect loving acceptance and trust, a healing must occur. A crippled limb or diseased organ may become whole again. At the very least, the crippling thoughts and dis-eased attitudes are released.
In offering healing, you yourself are healed. In accepting healing you become the healer. There is no finer gift...and it is one that you cannot give without receiving in kind.
***************************************************************************
automatic writing 1983
You come together at this time, for the time draws near.
And each of you, vital pieces of a greater jigsaw puzzle,
Draw closer to each other now....with purpose.
The overall Plan unfolds before you.
Have patience, stay receptive,
I will all make sense soon enough.
Do not doubt that you are walk-ins,
For doubt creates obstacles, and obstacles block the flow
Of your role within the Plan.
Once the individual Karma clears,
Your purpose will be known to you,
And you may go about your work with greater effectiveness.
You have all the tools you require
And are presently using them well.
Have faith that all is in order
And keep inner eyes and ears open for guidance.
Do not block the answers with all your questions
Or your fears.
Simply remain centered within yourselves,
And simply be.....
The evolved souls that you are.
***************************************************************************
