Double-Oh-Seven

(Enter to "James Bond Theme" wearing sun glasses, and strike James Bond pose)

BOND...JAMES BOND!

"BOND...JAMES BOND!" So I'm not James Bond-I am WOLFE...LOUISE WOLFE, but I am Agent 007! I can imagine what you're thinking! "She's fat, in her fifties, and female. She's definitely not Pierce Bronson! Sean Connery? Closer. Still - 007? That woman has a vivid imagination!"

Let me explain!

DICTIONARY OF OCCUPATIONAL TITLES

The "Dictionary of Occupational Titles" (D.O.T.) divides all jobs into three basic skill groups - Data, People, Things Each skill is ranked from 0 to 9, with 0 the highest skill level.

Data-0 Synthesizing, Coordinating, Analyzing, Computing. Yes, I have those skills.

People-0 Mentoring, Negotiating, Instructing, Supervising. I can do those also. Things-0-1-2-3 (No!) 4-5-6 (No!) 7 Handling! Yes, I think I can handle that! DATA - 0 PEOPLE - 0 THINGS - 7 007!

Let me expand on how these skills apply to me, Louise Wolfe

THINGS

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None! That's a hardware problem! I am the personification of that joke. It's a slight exaggeration-I can change light bulb (if absolutely necessary). but change a flat tire? That's why God created AAA! I am Un-Handy Woman! I am definitely not "Object-Oriented"!

DATA

My current field is DATA Processing. (Sung to the tune of "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off") You say "DAYTA, I say DAHTA"-Dayta, Dahta...) Let's call it Information-Words & Numbers!

I've been fascinated by the written word since childhood. While other little girls wanted to be a nurse or cowgirl, I dreamed of being a POET! In college, I majored in Literature and minored in Rhetoric. Reading and writing are still my two favorite hobbies. In addition, I play a mean game of SCRABBLE! I placed 30th in the first North American Scrabble Players tournament.

I also enjoy the spoken word! Perhaps you've noticed? I co-founded a political theater group called Fat Lip Readers Theatre, and I enjoyed twelve years writing and performing with them. Through this group, I even fulfilled a secret fantasy-appearing on the Phil Donahue show!

Data wouldn't be complete without Numbers! My junior year in high school. a chauvinistic teacher told my mom "Louise is pretty good at math...for a girl!" My mother responded. "Didn't my daughter just get the highest math test score in the whole school-including all the boys & all the seniors?" During my ten years as a programmer, I have worked primarily with accounting and financial applications.

PEOPLE

While I like to organize data, I am not a Classic Cubicle Coder hiding in the corner. When I began my career as a computer programmer, I worried that my prior careers in education, recreation, and mental health would be a detriment, but my various people skills have been a major asset, especially in technical and user support.

I am also a team builder and group leader in a work environment. Finally, I can't discuss people without mentioning my daughter, Lydia, whom I adopted at birth. She's twelve, going on 21, and seems to think she's the parent in the family!

CONCLUSION

In summary, I'm an organizer-whether I'm organizing data, events, or groups of people. There is no actual 007 job listing in the DOT. Many jobs I've held have come close:

• 107 Counselor/Therapist
• 117 Activity Director/Project Manager
• 227 Teacher/Public Speaker!

Alas, no 007! But I know that perfect 007 job exists. It's out there somewhere waiting for me.

For I am Louise Wolfe!

I am Agent 007!

And I am available for hire!

(Exit to "James Bond Theme" music)

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