July, 2000
Welcome to Fan Mail!, brought to you by Louise and Bob of Louise and Bob's Movie Review! In here, you will find the recent movie reviews, a list of new releases with our thoughts on them, and much much more!!!!
Movie Reviews:
(This is a first look at our most recent reviews. Being Fan Mail! subscribers, you are privileged to get a first hand look at our comments.)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Frank Langella, Lena Olin, Emmanuelle Seigner, Barbara Jefford
Directed by Roman Polanski, Darius Khondji
Ooooh, sounds all mystical and stuff...I really don't know how to classify a film like this. It's really not much of a scary movie, but then again, it's too shallow to be a drama. Anyway, here goes the plot. Essentially, you are looking at this antique wizardry equipment buyer and seller. At first you see him as this sly guy who likes to con people out of their priceless collections of ancient spell books and stuff. But then he gets sent on this mission to gather information about some book called "Ninth Gate" that was co-authored by the devil himself, Lucifer. Anyway, the plot is not terribly exciting and the dialogs are poorly written. A lot of crap like "Hey man, I'm invincible, I can kill without getting hurt...oooh look at me, I'm a bad guy, I want that book, that book has cool powers." Just dumb stuff like that. You have a better time sleeping. But for the sake of our business, I stayed up on the plane to watch this one. Oh yeah, who are you trying to fool with the paintings in the book and stuff? Like any of those differences would have escaped even the most careless observer. Umm...no demons really come out or anything. You do see some guys die and oh yeah, did nobody wonder who the heck that girl was? She flies and stuff but they never really told us her purpose. This movie did not make a full circle and the acting is worse than the teletubbies. I give this film a go simply because I really could have spent 2 hours throwing up and felt more satisfied.
Submitted by: The Bunny Foo Foo
Starring: Julia Roberts, Marg Helgenberger, Aaron Eckhart, Scotty Leavenworth, Albert Finney
Directed by Steven Soderbergh, Ed Lachman
Julia, oh Julia, what can I say about you. To say that you are an awesome actress seems to overrate you. But then, you have done some films that could truly earn you a best actress Oscar. Your movies are almost instant hits and your salary tops almost all in the industry. How do you do it? For some reason, I see this movie as a perfect fit for you. The bitchy, hard-nosed, yet compassionate and caring character you portray screams woman power but yet you show a side of softness who loves and cares for your children better than most stay at home mothers would. Hmm...what am I talking about here? Oh yeah, the movie, anyway, the movie is about a single mom who after 2 marriage failures and several job failures, found herself in the midst of a legal fight against one of the largest companies in the west, Pacific Gas and Energy. The movie portrays both her struggles to win the battle as a newcomer to the legal industry and also maintain a healthy home/family life. To further her unconventional approach to relationships, she dresses scantily in her workplace and is not shy about leveraging her appearance to win. Overall, this movie was entertaining and successful as a blockbuster but lacks enough depth to make it any form of award contention. Julia Roberts gives an exceptional performance although at times I felt she over did it. I give this film 3 go's simply because although it didn't suck, it certainly was not memorable. Go see this movie if you need some woman power inspirations or wants to see Julia's new style of dress. Oh yeah, by the way, this movie is based on a true story.
Submitted by: The Bunny Foo Foo
A movie about an uphill fight led by Erin against a major utilities company. It is an inspirational movie indeed, although one can say that Erin should have "applied herself better" instead of having all those kids. While we have read many articles that describe discrepancies between the real and the on-screen Erin, we believe that the "choice of clothing" aspect is probably an accurate portrayal. In the movie, Erin faced adversities in her home, her relationship, her coworkers, and then of course, the snobby big-time lawyers. What Erin does excel in, however, is the ability to relate to working class, struggling-to-get-by Americans. An important message the movie somewhat fails to convey is that there is no clear cut "happy ending" in the real life version. We only saw the "edited-for-airplane" version, so there might be some good cursing scenes that we missed, but in general, we cannot recall any "tremendously awesome" scenes in this movie. There was a good quote towards the end, however, after Erin got the signatures they needed, she said something like, "And since I am not a real lawyer, I had to perform 634 sexual favors.....I am pretty tired right now..." Overall, this movie gets 2 Go's because...well...Peas didn't mind going to the bathroom and to go talk to the flight attendants during the movie. One other interesting note, Peas actually saw this movie once without sound and once with, since Continental charged 4 bucks for it (and Peas was perfectly willing to only look at Julia) and EVA charged nothing. heh...heh...heh...
Submitted By: Peas and Carrots
Starring: Kevin Costner, Kelly Preston, Jena Malone, Richard T. Jones
Directed by: Sam Raimim John Bailey
Once again Kevin Costner gets poor/lukewarm reviews for a movie. Peas once read from somewhere saying that if there is a type of movie that Mr. Costner can make to find his magic back, its a baseball movie, since he is as old-school of a baseball fan as you can find out there. Unfortunately...the movie is only okay (and it hurts Peas to write this since he is a Costner fan!!!). The highlights include: 1) Costner is a Detroit Tiger in the movie, and they beat up on the YANKEES! 2) Costner does his own pitching in this, so the audience gets to see how good this guy really is (Garth Brooks level at best). 3) Nice shots from the pitcher's mound, giving Peas (struggling semipro bench warmer) goose bumps with the lights and the crowds...you can almost smell the grass. BUT, there are many more bad points about the movie: 1) Costner's curve ball is FAT, FAT, FAT! 2) In general it looks like the ballplayers don't really know how to play ball. 3) Costner's girlfriend is pretty, but annoying. Funniest quote: "But...I like my masseuse!" (Or something like that, yeah he sure liked her all right) Overall we liked the plot idea very much, we also liked the indoor scenes, they were decorated with taste and class, but somehow as a whole, the movie just didn't come together. This gets 2 go's
Submitted by: Peas and Carrots
Starring: Jim Carrey, Renee Zellweger, Robert Foster, Robert Forster, Chris Cooper
Directed by: Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly
This was one the most entertaining films of the summer. For a comedic movie, the plot was not bad. the acting was very very good, especially Jim Carrey's portrayal as a schitzo. The movie followed a Rhode Island police trooper (Jim Carrey). This well-natured warm loving officer one day is pushed over the edge and developed his bad nature which appears when faced with difficult situations that require him to stand up to them. This movie was excellent. it was so funny that one of my friends had to leave the movie just to go use the bathroom. Although at times the comedy is a bit vulgar and contained some sexual innuendoes, it was overall a terrific movie. I cant seem to really relate this to the Teletubbies. I give it 4 go thingies because it was cool and extremely funny!!!!
Submitted by: Fluffy
Starring: Marlon Wayans, Cheri Oteri, Shawn Wayans, John Abrahams, Shannon Elizabeth
Directed by: Keenen Ivory Wayans
This attempt to re-present scary movies was kinda stupid. Their attempts to incorporate previous scary movies at times seemed awkward. Although it was funny, it did not meet the hype that it received before its release. the plot is not developed very well and at times it seemed kinda dragging with its blahness. But it does get 3 go's because it was funny and amused me. but then again it was kinda stupid. this movie also doesn't seem to relate to the teletubbies very much. I do recommend people to watch it if you want some senseless comedy and have time to relax doing nothing.
Submitted by: Fluffy
Starring: Jacky Cheung, Maggie Cheung, Tony Leung Kar Fai, Ng Man Tat, Gloria Yip, Jimmy Lin
Directed by: Chu Yen Ping
Wow! A wonderful performance by a cast full of superstars. How did that happen? A film that features so many stars must mean an extraordinary movie. Right? Well just hold that thought and examine the movie together before we make the judgment. Essentially, you have Big Little Flirt played by the almighty Zhang Min and one of our favorite flowers, Gloria Yip. The two bounty hunters are joined by another pair of hunters called Big and Small Flying Daggers, played by the lover Tony Leung, and the world's cutest male, Jimmy Lin. At this point in time, you are probably already shouting, "Stop Stop, that's too many stars already! I have seen enough!" Well, that maybe enough by any other standards but to gain the coveted Louise and Bob's stamp of approval, 5 go's, you must have more. If it's more you want, it's more you are going to get. The title characters, Fly Sky Cat, played by the Hong Kong dream lover Maggie Cheung, and Nine Tail Fox played by the song god, Jacky Cheung, you think you've placed the exclamation point on this already explosive cast? No! We still have the inn owners portrayed by the ubiquitous Wu Meng Da and the SPP Wu Jun Ru(remember, not the DPP Chen Water Flat, we are talking SPP to the max baby!). Yes, they are all here, all in the one film. Wow! And to cap it all off, the movie features a soundtrack sang by Jimmy Lin (and be sure to catch the music video too, that'll make your experience of this film complete). Man, we haven't even gotten to the plot yet. What? What plot? It doesn't matter, don't you get it? After the credits were over, we were so excited we gave this film 5 go's. And since we cannot break our own settings of 5 go's, we'll just skip the plot analysis.
Submitted by: Louise and Bob
New Releases:
(Although we have not personally viewed these films, we would still like you to know first hand of what we think of the movies. Note: the reviews are completely speculative and based purely on our biases and ignorance.)
Featured Star:
(The most intimate information about some particular celebrity will be disclosed. Note: Again, we do not claim to know all the facts, what we present are only speculations.)
What turned a bright young promising doctor away from medicine? Was it the strenuous lifestyles of the physicians? Or was it the straining task of working in the ER that scared him away? Who knows. All we know is that Michael Crichton's best sellers repeated top the box offices as blockbuster movies. What is his magic? What is his secret? We will reveal all in the exclusive investigation uncovering the man inside the dinosaur.
Michael Crichton was born in Chicago. Although his childhood was probably as memorable as most of ours, lets skip to his more adult life. He graduated Summa Cum Laude from Harvard University and at the tender age of 23, he was a visiting lecturer at the esteemed Cambridge University in England. From there, Crichton decided to pursue a career in medicine and enrolled in Harvard Medical School. While many students fight and struggle their entire life to enter the medical profession, Crichton apparently was fighting to get out. He was reported to have repeatedly complained to his advisor and made aware of his wishes to leave medical school. But every time, he was turned back and convinced to stay one more year. Throughout his stay at Harvard, he paid for his tuition by writing books under pseudonyms. It was not until his completion of postdoctoral research at the Salk Institute did Michael Crichton really begin his own writing career.
Starting in the 1970's, Crichton had already written several books which were converted to film like Andromeda Strain. In addition, he directed one of his own books, The Great Train Robbery, in 1978. But people of the 90's probably would not know any of his works until Rising Sun in 1993 and also the famous Jurassic Park in 1993. From then on his success on screen is witnessed by millions and as far as we know, he does not regret not following through with his high paying job of being a physician.
Although many of you have heard of other famous writers like John Grisham who has also found success in film but never before have we see someone like Michael. His book covers a great deal of topics and the intricate scientific detail is bound to bring out the nerd in us. Just for a few examples, the chaos theory and the understanding of biology and genes in Jurassic Park, the explanation of space and time travel in Timeline and Sphere (that is by the way, an awesome awesome book), and even an understanding in the world of corporate business and politics in Disclosure and Airframe. Of course who can forget his amazing series, ER, and its portrayal of the rush of working in the Emergency Room. Basically, Michael Crichton is a brilliant guy who is able to apply his scientific training in addition to good research in his fictional works. I must admit I finished most of his books in one sitting. But one warning to our fans though, always see the movie before you read the book, otherwise, you'll be disappointed because of the details from the books omitted from the movie to make it more watchable.
So there your go, now you know all about Michael Crichton from our biography of the month. Go visit his website http://www.crichton-official.com/. I obtained much of this information from his official website. But you can find more of this meaningless dribble there.
Misc.:
(Some random facts we thought you might want to know.)
Making you into a movie critic...
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