Fan Mail

August, 2000

Welcome to Fan Mail!, brought to you by Louise and Bob of Louise and Bob's Movie Reviews! In here, you will find the recent movie reviews, a list of new releases with our thoughts on them, and much much more!!!!

Movie Reviews:

(This is a first look at our most recent reviews. Being Fan Mail! subscribers, you are privileged to get a first hand look at our comments.)

For this issue, we decided to review school-related movies to coincide with your back to school season. Also included are some of the latest theater and videotape releases in addition to some classics, enjoy!

• Bless the Child(2000) -

  Submitted by: Fluffy

  Starring: Kim Basinger, Angela Bettis, Jimmy Smits, Rufus Sewell, Christina Ricci

  Directed by Chuck Russell

  This movie tells the story of a child born on the night of a star. It is believed to be the second "Star of Bethlehem". It is believed that one of the children born on this day will the second "Jesus" that will lead people to God. However, and organization sought to capture the destined child. Every time they discovered it was the wrong child, they would be killed. The police were unable to solve the murders and sought the assistance of an agent of the FBI (Jimmy Smits). The destined child, who was orphaned by her mother, was brought up by her aunt (Kim Basinger). As she developed, she was classified as "special". However, her mother would return along with a husband seeking to reclaim her daughter. The movie proceeds as the husband of the wife (who serves the Devil) essentially tries to tempt the child to honor and serve the Devil. The movie then focuses of Kim Basinger and Jimmy Smit's attempts to rescue the little girl before Easter when she would be killed if she did not join the "Dark side". I give the movie 3 goes. The movie had a "Six Sense" feel but the movie was not very deeply developed. I was not fully satisfied, however, it was a well spent $4.50.

• Cruel Intentions(1999) -

  Submitted by: Bob and Louise

  Starring: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Selma Blair, Reese Witherspoon

  Directed by: David S. Lazan , Roger Kumble, Theo Van De Sande

  We kept hearing how this movie was great and how Buffy, I mean Sarah Michelle Gellar kissed a girl and stuff, well, we just had to take a look for ourselves. Apparently, this film has been known as the teen version of "Dangerous Liasons" but since we have not seen that, comments will obviously be useless. But of course, in order to give you the most complete information possible, we had to mention it, but of course. Well, Buffy, I mean, Sarah Michelle Gellar, plays the villain in this one and we must applaud her for she has to courage to act out her true self. She plays the snobby-ass bitch from Manhattan who has too much money and too much time to screw around with other people's lives. Her brother, played by Ryan Phillippe, started out like her but ended up being a giant cheese ball. Anyway, we, the audience, was suppose to have a big turnaround in our feeling of Ryan and mourn his, umm...that's revealing too much. But anyway, Buffy, I mean, Sarah's big scene apparently was the kiss with newcomer, Selma Hayek. To comment on that kiss, basically, there was a lot of tongue, and what looked like a lot of body fluid transfers. We mentioned this before in our June issue of Fan Mail but we still like to mention that we believe people will do almost anything to get a part in the movies nowadays. The last girl in the movie is Ryan's real life sweetheart, Reese Witherspoon. She plays the virgin that falls for the notoriously screwed up Ryan but was able to break through and change this bad boy. The scenes were quite beautiful since this was a movie about rich people and the clothing must have been expensive, although some of Buffy's, I mean, Sarah's wardrobes are rather regrettable. One question we did have was how does Buffy, I mean Sarah get away with her open collar on her school uniform while other has theirs buttoned up completely? Alright, well, the movie is getting 3 go's from us because of its lack of purpose and simply, a rather dull movie with some decent scenes.

• Girl, Interrupted(1999) -

  Submitted by: Nelsey3

  Starring: Winona Ryder, Angelina Jolie, Whoopi Goldberg, Clea DuVall, Elizabeth Moss

  Directed by: James Mangold, Jack N. Green

  I rented this film not expecting to much even though Angie Jolie did win an Academy Award for her role. When finished with the movie I can say it was a movie that I really liked and got emotionally involved in. Miss Jolie was great in her role as a psychopath along with Winona R. they made a good team in the Claymore hospital. I also thought the rest of the cast did an excellent job of pulling you into their world. I recommend this movie to anyone, If you like emotional movies that make you think you should enjoy it too.

  Note: Regrettably, this guest did not rate this movie with Go's

• The Tai Chi Master(Twin Dragons)(1993) -

  Submitted by: The Bunny Foo Fa

  Starring: Jet Li, Michelle Khan, Chin Siu Ho, Yuen Kit Ying, Fennie Yuen

  Directed by: Yuen Wo Ping, Yuen Woo Ping

  This movie portrays the story of two brothers who grew up in Shaolin Temple, standing by each other through thick calluses and thin hair. One of the brothers, Jing Bo (Jet Li), is a kindhearted gentleman who seeks only peace in life. His brother, Ching Bo, on the other foot, thirsts for power and will attain it using any means. They instigated some trouble in the Temple and is kicked out into the Real World as Survivors. The two begins to take very different paths. Jing Bo stays warm and kind while Ching Bo continuously seeks power and eventually becomes the general for a distinguished government official. In his position, he is ruthless and disregards everyone who impedes his strive for power, including Jing Bo. The movie is entertaining with a fair share of comedic and poignant moments. Jet Li is given the opportunity to show his skills in tai chi, a rare event. Unfortunately, his female counterpart, Michelle Yeoh, although dazzling us with her kicks, lacks the nice skin.. This movie receives 4 Go's. I recommend it strongly. One of Jet Li's classics.

• Dead Poet Society(1989) -

  Submitted by: The Bunny Foo Foo

  Starring: Robin Williams, Robert Sean Leonard, Ethan Hawke, Josh Charles, Gale Hansen

  Directed by: Peter Weir

  Well, I was about 16 when last saw this film and I must say, it really affects you as a teenager. Starring some young stars with the teacher played by Robin Williams, I sincerely thought this film was phenomenal. It really dealt with some serious issues and the teachings hit close to home. I especially felt the film was speaking to me with the conflict between the father and the son. Many times I have felt like dying but guys, please, think twice before you do anything to harm yourself. There is always a way out. But anyway, that's off the subject. Robin Williams plays the unconventional teacher who demonstrated the kids to the need to enjoy life, or to use the words of Henry David Thoreau, to "Suck the marrow of life." Parents, please only show this film to mature children who could both appreciate the film and not imitate it blindly. And after the film, talk to them about your ideas and your reasons behind certain teachings. Because to a teenager, too much is happening to them that confusion often takes over and turns them into monsters. Again, this film was more than entertainment for me, it truly was a lesson that I needed to learn. I give this film 5 go's. To support my ratings, the film received 4 Oscar nominations including Best Picture and won the Best Screenplay award.

• Ferris Bueller's Day Off(1986) -

  Submitted by: The Bunny Foo Foo

  Starring: Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara, Alan Ruck, Jeffrey Jones, Edie McClurg

  Directed by: John Hughes, Tak Fujimoto

  A classic? Well, yeah... A Good Movie, well, yeah... A movie people remember? Well, yeah... But is it a great movie, deep, sophisticated, or a breakthrough for the film industry? Well, no. Why is "Ferris" such a popular movie anyway? What is the appeal? Well, that is what we are here for, to enlighten you about these things. I am assuming you have all seen this film (because if you have not, you are missing a huge part of American Culture), so I will not go into the details of the plot. First off, Ferris is perhaps the idol of teenagers, popular, slick, has a hot girlfriend, and able to get away with just about anything. Although his day tripping is highly improbable, not to mention setting a bad example for the American youth, it is the simple fact that he did it and he got away with it that makes us watch this film over and over again. His friends though, are not so lucky. While Ferris is fun to be around, he is also self-centered and very inconsiderate. Not only did he wreck his friend's car, his care for his girlfriend is only at a superficial level. He risks ruining her future for his class cutting and in his strive for attention, Ferris often neglects her and leaves her to be tended to by the friend. So the bottom line is I really didn't see that much appeal in this film except that it is a must see so you don't be a loser. I give this film 2 go's. 1 go because I had to and 2 because it did not bore me. Oh right, about Matthew Broderick, a once promising actor after "War Games" and "Ferris," is not left to rot as a baby faced man who could still pass as a teenager. How sad.

(Although we have not personally viewed these films, we would still like you to know first hand of what we think of the movies. Note: the reviews are completely speculative and based purely on our biases and ignorance.)

Now ideally, we would like to bring you movie previews of school-related films, but since the movie studios refused our request to release "school-films" during the back to school season, we had to settle on what they gave us. For this we are truly sorry.

• The Cell - Biology majors' beware! This will be the text book that will haunt you for the rest of your pathetic college career. Just joking, but it is a big book and with some luck and nerdiness, you may get an A in the course. But on to the movie. Jennifer Lopez stars in this murder thing that she is suppose to be smart enough to solve. Supposedly semi high techy using virtual reality to enter the mind of the killer. Ha, what a joke.

• Men of Honor

  This movie portrays the story of the first Black soldier (Cuba Gooding Jr.) to become a diving master. Much of the expected racial tensions occur initially in the movie. However, the film features much more than that, highlighting the relationship between the chief (Robert de Niro) and his students. If you are enthralled with the army setting and relations, this may be the movie for you. If not, wait for the DVD.

• Godzilla 2000 - Did we not say no more sequels? No more sequels. Apparently, we do not have the kind of influence on the film industry as we did before. Well, let's see, could it be the Godzilla thing that survived in the last clunker came back to life? Woah, I'm as smart as Keanu Reeves. But what could the appeal be? Godzilla wins? Human race is wiped out? Never, I repeat, never see this film. Do not give those rich movie producers the illusion that we actually like this crap.

• The Original Kings of Comedy - You know all those WB shows that we never watch? Well, that's kinda mean, but the non mainstream ones? Well, Spike Lee directs this picture that features 4 of those guys on tour. Don't expect it to be a blockbuster but could be worth a few laughs when people rent it on video

• Urban Legends: Final Cut - Since when did the movie producers decide it is a good idea for sequels to a bad film? First Godzilla, then this? Maybe for the teenagers eh? This thing reminds me of the Screams series and I know Summer series.

• Whipped - Another "kid" movie for adults. Guaranteed to be raunchy and inappropriate for teens. The story of 4 guys falling in love with the same girl? Can we say "There Something About Mary?" We never heard of the "stars" in this film so this is as much as we know. We would not go see this.

• Coyote Ugly - Looks like a hot and sexy film? Well, do not be misled, we have highly classified information that this may yet still be classified as a chick flick. You know the previews? That is as much as you will see this entire film. The focus will still be on the girl who is trying to make it as a singer. All this hype for nothing, no skin or anything. Seek counselors if this devastates you, guys.

• Hollow Man - The previews seem exciting enough, and the idea of being invisible will appeal to our dark side so this should be a pretty decent box-office return. I mean, how many of you wanted to be invisible to sneak into the locker-room of the opposite sex? Or simply the idea that you can get away with little pranks, robbery, and even murder should make this film a big turn on for you. But then you really should seek some help. Anyway, about the movie, although it probably lacks plot and depth, a brainless action film is good relaxation once in a while.

• Autumn in New York - Did not know about this film until Jay Leno mentioned it on his show. Apparently, Rich Gere fell in love with Winny Ryder and finds out that Winny only has a little bit to live. Reminds your of "Dying Young" eh? Richy Rich, what are you doing steal stuff from your former co-star?

• Space Cowboy - While the cast may be kinda old, this film promised to be more sophisticated than "Armageddon" and "Deep Impact" combined. We believe that. With Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones(who looks and is younger than the rest of the bunch I believe), James Garner, and Donald Sutherland teaming up, we believe the acting will be phenomenal even if the plot is below-average. Look for it being a surprise hit. But one guarantee, it'll be better than "Mission to Mars."

• The Replacements - Hee hee, Keanu returns from basking in the success of "Matrix" decides to do this joke of a film. Apparently trying to warm ya'll up for football season, Keanu jumps in as a replacement on a professional team. Reminiscent of the 1994 strike? The baseball strike that ended Matt Williams' run for the homerun record? The strike that ended a great season by the SF Giants? Umm....well, the movie is expected to be mediocre. Don't see it. Wait for the DVD.

• Bless the Child - Thank you. Well, in order to attempt for a repeat of the "Sixth Sense" miracle, this film along with "What Lies Beneath" decides to deal with the supernatural. Well, it ain't gonna work dude. You don't stand a chance so do not even try. The storyline is that some little girl has like superpowers or something and I don't know, she just looks evil from the previews. But if horror flicks are for you, why not? Not that there are any good horror films out there anymore.

• Girl Fight

  This movie narrates the tale of a problematic girl during her training to become a boxer. An individual in search of an escape from her mundane student existence, she seeks the assistance of a boxing trainer in hopes of finding something. The film was the winner of the recent Sundance Film Festival so it must be good somehow. It's recommended for viewers who are into the more alternative film scene. As for others, watch it at your own risk.

• Woman on Top

  This movie features one of the up and coming star, Penelope Cruz (w/lots of good skin might I add). She is married but unhappy with the superficial and confined characteristics of her matrimony. Hence, she leaves her husband to pursue a bigger and better life for herself, eventually becoming famous as a chef (like Emeril). She is on top of the world with all the men she desires at her disposal, including her hubby. This appears to be an interesting film. Even if you don't see it, keep our little Penny in mind.. She'll be making many appearances in the near future.

Featured Star:

(The most intimate information about some particular celebrity will be disclosed. Note: Again, we do not claim to know all the facts, what we present are only speculations.)

In this special issue, Fan Mail will introduce you to a special man, who often acts in the school setting and serves as an inspiration to all of us.

"Funniest Man Alive."

"When he's good, he's real good... but when he's bad, he's real bad."

These are two of the quotes commonly used to describe Robin Williams by the film industry. It is certainly hard to disagree with these portrayals, since Mr. Williams' career epitomizes what a "good" roller coaster ride should be like. Known for his maniacal energy, clever ad-libbing, and boundless imaginations, Mr. Williams has established himself as Hollywood's elite comedian, and has successfully fended off (in most cases), assaults by the younger generation (Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler, for example). Despite Mr. Williams' obvious talents, his big-screen projects are often mediocre bordering on disappointments; some have attributed this to the fact that he is not selective enough in choosing his roles. Here at Louise and Bob's Movie Reviews, we believe that it is the combination of his judgment as well as his occasional over-exuberance that led to most of his uninspiring works.

Robin Williams was born on July 21st, 1952 in Chicago, Illinois; his father was a Ford Motor Company executive, and his mother was a fashion model. While he grew up in a financially comfortable environment, he was essentially an only child (NOTE: Both of his parents had grown children from prior marriages). To make matters worse, young Robin moved often from private school to private school as his father rose in the company hierarchy. As a child, Robin was somewhat pudgy, and coupled with the "new kid" status, he was often the teasing subject of other students; it is during this time that he began to develop his trademark wit as a defensive counterattack against bullies. As a result of the events at school and the lack of siblings, Robin was much more comfortable playing with his imagination and creativity than with others. It is interesting to note that Robin had a large collection of toy soldiers, approximately 2000 strong. The Williams family settled permanently in Marin County, California during Robin's high school years. Here, Robin was no longer teased as he became popular in school (voted funniest and most likely to succeed). After high school, Robin Williams first studied political science at Claremont Men's College. In addition, Mr. Williams also attended Marin College to study acting, serious acting that is. These places were unable to keep him, however, and Mr. Williams soon headed off to the prestigious Julliard Institute. There he was a student of John Houseman; while studying drama, he also earned some extra money working as a mime.

After graduating from Julliard, Mr. Williams made a living as a standup comic; in addition, he also secured regular gigs and did part time episodes in various sitcoms. It was his performance in "Happy Days" that prompted Garry Marshall (Producer) to give him his own show, "Mork and Mindy" (1978-82). The show propelled Robin Williams to one of the top three comedians at the time (Billy Crystal and Richard Pryor were the other two). Despite his success in television and as a comic, his big-screen projects during the early 80's were all disappointments: "Popeye," "The World According to Garp," and "Moscow on the Hudson" (Boy, they do sound bad). Finally, in 1987, Mr. Williams became a true movie star playing the role of Adrian Cronauer (military DJ) in "Good Morning, Vietnam." In this work, his comedic skills and humorous ad-libs, which were good enough to earn him a first Oscar nomination. In The Dead Poets Society, Mr. Williams silenced his critics with a dramatic role as an inspirational English teacher. Other notable projects included Aladdin, where he lent his voice to the crazy-ad-libbing genie. Mr. Williams earned his only Oscar (Best supporting actor) in "Good Will Hunting" (he has also won several Golden Globe awards).

Robin Williams' record in private life is less than satisfactory, as he has entertained his critics with a variety of scandals. A select few include: coke-addition problems, suit by ex-girlfriend for infecting herpes, and after divorce, he married his son's former nanny (NOTE: this nanny/2nd wife also produced the wildly successful "Mrs. Doubtfire"). Since "Good Will Hunting", Mr. Williams has starred in several films, unfortunately, all of which received mediocre reviews at best; however, their box office takes were still mostly respectable because of his reputation. The next projects for "The Funniest Man Alive" include The "Interpreter", "Rim", and "Damien of Molokai." We wish we had favorable pre-releases for these works, unfortunately, all reports point to the continuation of uninspiring works by Robin Williams.

Robin Williams School Filmography:

• Patch Adams (1998) - Medical Student
• Flubber (1997) - Professor
• Good Will Hunting (1997) - Professor
• Jack (1996) - Oversized Student
• Dead Poet Society (1989) - High School Teacher

(Some random facts we thought you might want to know.)

Before you head back to the grueling examination of school life, we'd like to warm you up with this little quiz of our own.

1. Who is your favorite Teletubbies?

   A. Po or Laa Laa

   B. Tinky Winky or Dipsy

   C. Don't like them

   D. Huh???

2. If a movie fails, what is its only way to salvation?

   A. Bribing the movie critics

   B. Associate itself w/Catherine Zeta-Jones

   C. Look into heavy advertising

   D. Let it be

3. What is the most important quality required of an actress?

   A. Her verbal communication

   B. Her body

   C. Her man

   D. Her skin

4. Which of the following was NOT a reference found in Louise and Bob Movie Reviews?

   A. Squid

   B. Pangaea

   C. Sherlock Holmes

   D. Connect Four the game

5. What is the most repulsive item ever to be introduced into the movies?

   A. Action sequences

   B. Blood and Al Gore :-)

   C. Nudity

   D. Selma Hayek

6. Upon seeing the previews to an extremely distasteful and dull movie, the critic should:

   A. Never view it and treat it as junk

   B. Watch the movie like a professional and critic it honestly

   C. Pretend you were never informed of the movie's presence

   D. Discuss it with Julia Roberts

7. Which movie is often used as advertisement for the Atlanta public transportation, MARTA:

   A. Speed

   B. Gone in 60 Seconds

   C. Driving Miss Daisy

   D. Sound of Music

8. Which of these pairs are couples?

   A. Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake

   B. Jennifer Lopez and Elian Gonzales

   C. Ming Tsai and General Tsao

   D. Courtney Cox and David Arquette

9. Who is the cutest male alive?

   A. Tom Cruise

   B. Antonio Banderas

   C. Jimmy Lin

   D. Harrison Ford

10. What's the similarity between Carrots, Peas, and Busboy:

    A. Contributors to Louise and Bob Movie Reviews

    B. Items needed to open a restaurant

    C. Materials capable of being used in building organic molecules

    D. Absolutely no relation, a misleading question

Answers:	A	B	C	D
1	4	3	1	2
2	3	4	2	1
3	1	2	3	4
4	1	4	3	2
5	1	2	4	3
6	4	1	3	2
7	2	1	3	4
8	3	2	1	4
9	3	1	4	2
10	4	2	3	1

Add up your score and check your total with the scale below:

• 31-40 You are ready to join Louise and Bob's Movie Reviews, send us a review and personal profile to sign up!
• 21-30 You are on your way there! Just keep visiting Louise and Bob's Movie Reviews and keep learning from the experts.
• 11-20 You still have ways to go... But don't get discouraged, keep at it and your work may just be in the next issue of Fan Mail!
• 1-10 Hmm... Apparently, you have not yet been brainwashed yet. Report to sector one to receive your shots or simply subscribe to Fan Mail and visit our website frequently!