10. You’re running out of clean clothes and the choir robes save on laundry.

9. You've just been selected for jury duty and want to get used to sitting with a group of people.

8. Your church is so full you want to ensure that you always have a seat.

7. The collection plate is never passed to the choir.

6. There's a clock at the back of the sanctuary and you want to be the first to know when it's 12:00.

5. The preacher is new and you want to be close by in case he says something heretical.

4. For years you've wanted to know who sits in the back pews but were always afraid to turn around.

3. You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the preacher to catch you.

2. The chairs in the choir are the most comfortable in the sanctuary.

1. Your favorite movie is Sister Act!

10. Your church started a new stewardship drive ... every time you give, your chances of winning increase!

9. The choir has started wearing their bathrobes during the service.

8. The last few Sunday's the Treasurer has gotten up half way through the service and turned the heat off.

7. The Preacher has worn the same suit every Sunday for the past three years.

6. The Deacons are starting to drool and growl as they collect the offering!

5. The offering plates have been sold and replaced with ice cream buckets.

4. The Treasurer has started wearing sackcloth and ashes!

3. You tried to call the Church Office last week but found that the phone's been disconnected!

2. Parking meters had to be installed in the church parking lot.

1. As a Christian you understand the privilege it is to have a partnership in the Gospel!

10. The pot roast.

9. What does pastor wear under robes?

8. Will the person behind me ever hit the right note?

7. 90 minutes till kickoff.

6. Did I turn off the curling iron?

5. The likelihood of the ceiling fan falling and hitting me on the head.

4. How many people have lost more hair than I have?

3. How would the hymn sound if Metallica played it?

2. Are there doughnuts at fellowship?

1. How many more verses?

10. The Pastor refers to God only as "Jehovah" and constantly exhorts the congregation to "witness".

9. New members are required to submit W-2's for the last 10 years.

8. Pastor regularly attends meeting at Las Vegas and Atlantic City.

7. The media refers to the church facilities as a "compound".

6. You discover the church refers to the 10 Commandments as the 10 Suggestions.

5. The Women's Quartet are all married to the pastor.

4. The chancel cross has been replaced with a bronze pyramid.

3. Pastor preaches an eloquent sermon on ancient heresies and the elders want to make them part of the doctrinal statement.

2. The New Member's kit includes a Bible, church by-laws and an UZI.

1. The Pastoral Search Committee announces that they discovered a problem with their one good candidate ... she's divorced.