Ever since I was a child I was never made to care about religion. My parents never made me go to church and all the Christians I ever met were assholes... including my grandmother. I know, that sounds bad saying that, but the women told me I was going to go to hell when I was like 11... that didn't make me feel too good. So all my encounters with God usually made me feel like shit. So I began to hate God. I was very blasphemous; every year around Christmas time I would go about at night at people's houses and steal from their unsuspecting nativity sets, the plastic baby Jesus dolls. Its also where I got the idea for the poem Plastic Jesus. Now, I think the reason for my hatred stemmed from thinking he had forsaken me. In my childhood I was a very hyperactive child, I spoke alot, even when no one was listening. I still do that now. And then I started to cut myself around the age of 12. Not to kill, but to punish. I hated myself and felt that just being alive was punishment enough. My depression played a very active role since I was left untreated till I was 16, 'cause my father believed that depression wasn't real, it was a fad. No daughter of his was going to be put on pills! It would make him look bad...
So as I started being an atheist I found my way to Satanism. Quite an interesting 'religion'. Being your own god. There is no other supernatural being than yourself. Which I did get a lot of shit from people, well, the uneducated who do not know the difference between Devil Worship and Satanism. Which is, Devil Worship is the process of actually worshipping the 'devil' an idol of some sort and may lead to animal or human sacrifices which I do not harm animals! And Satanism, the worship of oneself. Determining your own fate. And still you have the stupidity of people who wont understand because they see that big word "Satan" of their Chrisitan background and freak out!
From there I went on to Wicca, mainly 'cause I've always been a witch, even in Satanism their are rituals. I feel I am a natural witch, it was with me from the beginning. My dog Pebbles, who has been my friend for 11 years now is my familiar. Her birthday is on Halloween. And she had a set of puppies on Friday the 13th. I love my dog and because of her I know so much about what I am. Me and her would go into the woords in search for fae, which we have found. She protects me and I her. She has been with me in every tribulation. Because she is also my guardian angel. From paganism, I can honestly say is where I found God. Of course, it may not be the same god that hypocritical christians pray to, but of some sort.
(This is a chapter from the Upanishads from the Hindu religion.)
How Many Gods?
"Then Vidagha Sakalya asked him: ''How many gods are there, O Yajnavalkya?''
He replied with this formula: ''As many as are mentioned in the formula of the hymn of praise addressed to the Visvedevas, three and three hundred, three and three thousand."
"Yes," he said, and asked again: ''How many gods are there really, O Yajnavalkya?"
"Thirty-three," he said.
"Yes," he said, and asked again: ''How many gods are there really, O Yajnavalkya?"
"Six," he said.
"Yes," he said, and asked again: "How many gods are there really, O Yajnavalkya?"
"Three," he said.
"Yes," he said, and asked again: "How many gods are there really, O Yajnavalkya?"
"Two," he said.
"Yes," he said, and asked again: "How many gods are there really, O Yajnavalkya?"
"One and a half," he said.
"Yes," he said, and asked again: ''How many gods are there really, O Yajnavalkya?"
"One," he said.
"Yes," he said, and asked: ''Who are these three and three hundred, three and three thousand?"
Yajnavalkya replied: "They are only the various powers."
To me, this chapter speaks of every god and goddess as actually being one, just with different aspects. Every God/Goddess from every religion is the same, just changed a little different to make the region its own self. And the only reason they seem different is 'cause man likes to put himself up higher than the next man, so they change their god or even portray him different to suit the needs of that region. Like Jesus Christ. he came from the mid-east so he probably was arabic or dark-skinned, but americans turned him white 'cause they don't want to kneel to the dark-man. Some African Americans see god to be black, and maybe he is. The Spirit can take many appearances to suit the people. In many different religions (and I am speaking of the old ones, before Christianity) had similar names for their gods/goddesses in each religion. Examples: Adonis, and ancient Semitic god is also known in the mid-east with the same name, but he is also Christos in Greek. Mari from the mid-east also became Mary, the mother of Christ. Danu of Celtic belief was also probably Anu of the Mid-East.
My problem with Buddhism... it is said in Buddhist religion that a woman cannot attain Nirvana until she is reborn into a man's body. This angers me 'cause I doubt it to be true but because Buddha was a guy, he thought to make himself better than women. Bullshit! I am for full equality. Also you are not allowed to dance or even drink alcohol. Personally I don't dance, but I like to have free-will.
My problem with Christianity... really I doubt its the religion that angers me, more the people. Stupidity and sheep. They say to fear god, why should I fear an all-loving god? Hmm? And also, the Christians who portray witches as to be evil. Did not God lay his hands on the sick and make them better, did he not cure leprecy with the touch of his hand? If that is not magic I don't know... The bible talks about murder in the name of god, but then one of the commandments is thou shalt not kill. And then they can always bring up well I am a Catholic or Baptist, my bible speaks of no such thing. I am of course taking the murder in the name of god from the Mormon bible. I believe Levi had to kill a man to gain the tablets of his father's fathers. But back to Christians thinking Witches to be evil... even the bible spoke of sacrifices (of incense and animals) and rituals... magic is not evil, its the user that can be evil. And then to make the Pagan god Pan the devil! How absurd.
And I have found my god and goddess and they are truely but one. I am very opened minded and I love to talk about religion and spirituality. But have anger towards those who have hardened their hearts to the spirit. They who claim that it is not there. Faith my friend, its a wonderful gift, but many can't grip it. My mother and father, every time I speak to them of my religion they say I'm trying to stuff it down their throats... but my mother who is also depressed and half the time wishes she was dead, is the worst. She's angry at him (god) too, for letting her live the life she has. But I don't blame god anymore for my problems. I place the blame where it belongs, myself. I have been without antidepressents for about 4 months now and I've never been happier. I let the burden of hate go. And now I'm filled with peace. I do not believe god will sentence me to hell because I smoke pot and curse. I walk a rather straight path and my deeds will overpower in the end. And I give my love to every human being out there, no matter race, religion, or sex. I do not kill, even flys. I don't go to church 'cause thy body is thy temple. So I'm a witch with an open-view of the world and its people... I hate catagorys 'cause if you notice I don't fit well into just one religion. I am a Universal Witch. I stick with the old laws, the morals, and carefully throw out the uneducated views of one man.
My favorite cultures are American Indians, the Norse, the Celtic (I have roots), the Egyptians, the Hebrews, the Babylonians, the Greeks, the Romans, and the Islamic tradition.
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