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| This small collection of script-work is based on J. R. R Tolkien�s "The Lord Of The Rings". I haven�t been able to cover every chapter, I�ve just taken a few scenes and made them funnier, and also made up a few of my own. Enjoy! Dialogue 1: The Tavern In The Village Of Bree. Barliman: �Ello! Oi can�t �ave children in moi bar at this toime! Frodo: I�m a hobbit you leering twonk! Barliman: Pfffft! Hobbit moi bum! As if oi in�t �eard that �un before. Sam: No! Seriously we are hobbits! (Barliman grabs them all by the collars) Barliman: Now lookie �ere lads, oi knows you�re thinkin� that you�re big men an� all, comin� into moi bar but oi can�t �ave it. Frodo: Look you fool! If you don�t listen we�ll get our big mate to come and hurt you! Barliman: (Sarstically, whilst opening door to street) Big mate eh? Oooo! Oi better watch out for �im then �adn�t oi? Hee hee hee! Merry: Yeah mate, you better! He�s a wizard! Barliman: Wizard aye? Oooooo well oi�m even more scared o� �im now. Pippin: You�re not really scared at all are you? Barliman: Am oi buggery!!! (Bartender dumps the hobbits in the road. Goes back into the tavern laughing.) Frodo: (Wiping mud off his jacket) Great! Now we�ll miss meeting Gandalf. He�ll kill us! (Holds up ring) And we�ll never get rid of this bloody ring! Merry: I wish that old coot behind the bar would let us in! Frodo: ( Thinks, then says) Tell y�what! Let�s nab a few of his horses! Pippin: Oh God! You are so bloody childish! Frodo: I�d like to see you come up with a better idea! Pippin: I vote we run in with all our swords unsheathed and slit his throat while he�s in the cellar!! Merry: Maybe he doesn�t have a cellar, you daft Took! Pippin: (Stares in Merry�s face, then says sarcastically:) Uh, Hell-ooo! It�s a bloody ba-ar! It�s bound to have a cell-ar! Merry: Shut up! And anyway (looks back at Pippin) we don�t want any unnecessary attention, do we? Sam: Shut up! Both of you! The most important thing to do now is wait for Gandalf, I vote we just wait here for the next few days for him to come out. Pippin: You stupid Gamgee! We can�t wait in the road! Someone will come along with a ruddy great horse and run us over! Or one of those black Riders will find us here in our sleep, nick the ring off Frodo and take it to their master! Merry: Yeah, and we don�t want that to happen do we? (Barliman comes out, looking very embarrassed and worried) Barliman: Terribly sorry masters. There�s a man inside who says he knows your wizard, and he says that you are all hobbits. (Wrings his hands) As compensation for my rudeness you can all borrow a couple of horses, and stay the night. |
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