Elvengirl:

As Ave and Lulu have now acquainted me with the expression, 'Whassup?' I can now answer with the assertion, 'No mucho, blood.' Now for your questions... I am approximately 6500 years old (one rather loses track after so long). Elves do indeed use skincare products, a good moisturizer being essential to maintaining a wrinkle-free complexion over millenia. Alas, I cannot tell you the elven recipe for it, for then all mankind could use it as well and we cannot have men and women running around looking almost as good as elves now, can we? I look 'pissy all the time' because it is essential for an Elven-king such as myself to maintain his dignity. And it just so happens that I am exceedingly busy, but I would do anything to keep Ave and Lulu from coming back to Rivendell and they promised me that is I answered this, er, fanmail, they wouldn't. Everyone in Rivendell finds Frodo rather scary; the way that Ring talks dirty to him all the time is really creepy...though we hear that the Galathrim in Lorien are rather taken with him. Legolas does not currently have a girl friend, but we're not quite sure yet that girls are his thing, if you catch my drift. I do not know these 'Olsen Twins', but I can assure you my sons have never been mistaken for them, though Lulu has sometimes commented that they look like 'pale RuPauls'. I don't quite know what she means by this though...

~Lord Elrond

u rock! lol i only have a few questions. Why did u decide to do this collum? How old are you? why cant anyone grab your beard? and why in th first movie u said "nobody tosses a dwarf!", but in the second movie say "toss me" to aragorn??? ok thats it bye now

-Elvengirl
P.S. sry i forgot my main question, Does frodo scare you? bye

Dear Elvengirl:

Thank you, you are most generous. :)# I am glad you asked. I decided to do this column in order to raise dwarf awareness, and to dispell any idears that dwarves are unpleasant people. I am 140 years old. I don't like anyone to touch my beard because dwarves are very proud people, and like Lord Elrond, I like to maintain my dignity. When I let Aragorn toss me in the second movie, it is just an example of how we dwarves are not as inflexible as the Elf would have you think. I needed to get across to fight, so I could swallow my pride that one time.

~Gimli, son of Gloin
ps. No indeed! Dwarves are fearless! :::grumbles aside: unlike elves...:::

Whats new? Why did you deceide to go with Frodo to destroy the ring? Is it fun killing orcs? Why do dwarves have such long beards? Why are dwarves "natural sprinters"? Who in the Fellowship freaks you out the most? How come in the council of Elrond you said "Never trust an Elf" and yet there u are in an Elven place, eating Elven food and sleeping on an Elven bed? Most confusing. Anyways, your cool. bye!

~miss ringwraith no. 5 greengee-bucktook

Dear Mistress Ringwraith:

At your service and your kin's. You answered your own question-- I went on the quest because it's so fun killing orcs! Though, there was also that competitive element; Legolas was going, so I had to as well! No elf was going to show me up! Dwarves have such long beards because they grow them out from birth. That's right-- we're born with them! Dwarves are natural sprinters, meaning they run short distances very well. We are less adept at long-distance running, which is why I fell behind somewhat when chasing that pack of orcs. In the fellowship, Gandalf actually freaks me out the most. I'm pretty comfortable with the hobbits (yes, even Frodo), the Men are easily dealt with, Legolas and I actually have become friends, but Gandalf has that whole repressed super-powers thing going on, and I don't think he really likes me. I didn't trust elves at that point, but I went there out of politeness-- eating their food and staying at their house was a comliment.

~Gimli, son of Gloin

its me again anyways i was thinking...are there dwarf women???i mean i know that the dwarves where created by Aule, but where there dwarf women i mean there must be if there are sons and stuff. Well i was just curious ok. oh and my friend wants to know if you fancy galadriel? ok have a nice day!

~Elvengirl
P.S.- Is gandalf being nice to Pippin? thanks ok bye

Dear Elvengirl:

Yes, there are indeed dwarf women, just not very many-- they only account for about 1/3 the dwarf population. Hell yes-- Galadriel is the most beautiful creature ever to grace Middle-Earth. She is beyond an elf, she is a goddess.

~Gimli, son of Gloin
ps. Och, nice in his own fashion... if he were what you'd call nice to Pippin, Pippin would get very worried. Being mean is Gandalf's way of showing affection.