 crazy interactive therapy
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| crazy interactive therapy
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ask a simple (or complicated) yes or no question
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Freudian Mother-In-Law joke: "My mother-in-law is so ugly, I wanted to kill my father and sleep with my sister." How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The patients get better and leave. How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The staff have the keys! Why do psychiatrists give their patients shock treatment? A. To prepare them for the bill. What happens when a psychiatrist and a hooker spend the night together? In the morning each of them says: "120 dollars, please." Have you heard about the psychiatrist who claims that 2 out of every 1 of his patients has a split personality? Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse." How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? -Just one, but the light has to really want to change. -Just one. And his mother. -Just one, but it takes nine visits. -None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready. -"How many do you think it takes?" -"How long have you been having this fantasy?" Two men are in a hot-air balloon. They drift into a dense cloud bank and are stuck there for hours. Finally as they emerge they look around at the ground below in hopes of figuring out their location. They see a man in a garden and shout down to him. "Hello down there! Can you tell us where we are?" "The man below replies, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The first man looks at his partner and comments, "Just our luck, a psychologist." The partner asks, "Why do you say he's a psychologist?" The first man answers, "Well, what he said was obviously true, but it didn't help at all." Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old and withered. The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end has made an old man of me." The younger looking one look at his old looking friend incredulously asks, "You listen?" I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?" "Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win. If I was late to work, I was hostile. If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on time, I was compulsive." A young coed took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. Then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "No doubt you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward." |
After
just a few years of marriage, filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try therapy. They had been
at each others throats for some time and felt that this
was their last straw. When they arrived at the
therapist's office, the therapist jumped right in and
opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be
the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long
face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the
wife began talking 90 miles and hour describing all the
wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - - 10 - - 15
minutes of listening to the wife, the therapist went over
to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her
passionately for a couple of minutes, and sat her back
down. Afterwards, the wife sat there - speechless. He
looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief
at what had happened. The therapist spoke to the husband,
"Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"
The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can
have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays." A psychologist was walking along a Hawaiian beach when he kicked a bottle poking up through the sand. Opening it, he was astonished to see a cloud of smoke and a genie smiling at him. "For your kindness," the genie said, "I will grant you one wish!" The psychologist paused, laughed, and replied, "I have always wanted a road from Hawaii to California." The genie grimaced, thought for a few minutes and said, "Listen, I'm sorry, but I can't do that! Think of all the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how long they'd have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement. That's too much to ask." "OK," the psychologist said, not wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm a psychologist. Make me understand my patients. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, what do they really want? Basically, teach me to understand what makes them tick!" The genie paused, and then sighed, "Did you want two lanes or four?" A man visited a psychiatrist because he felt he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist probed, queried, puzzled and dialogued, but didn't seem to be getting any closer to a clear picture of the problem. Finally, on a long shot, he asked, "Do you watch your wife's face while you're having sex?" "Sometimes. Well, once," the man replied. "Only once? Do you remember what she looked like at the time?" "Actually, she looked… well, angry. It’s hard to talk about." At this the psychiatrist felt that he was finally getting somewhere. He said, "I’m glad you’re beginning to open up. I understand that this must be difficult for you, but if you really want to get better we must amplify the details of this incident. Now tell me, you say that you have only looked into your wife's face once during sex, and that she looked angry. I know it's painful, but try to reconstruct the incident in your mind. Good. So what were the precise circumstances during which you saw her angry face that time you were having sex?" "She was watching us through the window." |
When
the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the
physiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not
aware of your problem." the doctor said. "So
perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course." replied the patient. "In the
beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..." A shy guy goes into a bar and sees
a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of
getting up his courage, he goes over to her and
tentatively asks, "Um, would you mind if I chatted
with you for a while?" Sigmund Freud (May 6, 1856 – September 23, 1939); was an Austrian neurologist and the founder of the psychoanalytic school of psychology, based on his theory that unconscious motives determine behavior, that particular kinds of unconscious thoughts and memories, especially sexual and aggressive ones, are the source of neurosis, and that neurosis could be treated through bringing these unconscious thoughts and memories to consciousness in psychoanalytic treatment. He was initially interested in hypnotism and how it could be used to help the mentally ill, but later abandoned hypnotism in favor of free association and dream analysis in developing what is now known as "the talking cure." These became the core elements of psychoanalysis. Freud was initially interested in what was then called hysteria (now known as conversion syndrome), but expanded his work to other forms of neurosis, especially obsessive-compulsive disorder. He is commonly referred to as "the father of psychoanalysis." |
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