Tenchi Ochiru (Fallen Angel), by Kevin Kelley

It seems to me i have lost my sense of self once again.
Like an ever changing sea, my mind shifts agan and again. I can no longer tell my right from wrong. I have committed so such wrong that in a sense.. it has become my right. Through transitional phases, of being a stoner, to full on drug abuse, and back again, I must have lost a piece of me somewhere along the way. I have given up on a great many things, things that i once held in high regard, be it as petty as the "scene", or as severe as my striving to better the world we live in. I feel that i have fallen from a great many graces in my life. My faith in religion has deteriorated into a mere thought, maybe theres SOMETHING, but who cares reardless. As I look myself in the mirror day after day, the strange behind it changes more and more. I have become things i once hated, and transferd back again as well. Sometimes I feel I am losing my grip on sanity entirely, as I can not seem to find myself again. The broken shell that alison(my ex of 3 1/2yrs) had left behind, or what I was before her, or what I have become once picking up the pieces. Am I happy? sometimes...mostly I just force a smile, to help the day pass easier...Wearing "masks" is something everyone does, infront of your boss at work, to your mom at home, or even some to their friends. I have a collection greater than most I'm afriad, but it's different with me, it's not that I pretend to be someone I am not, more so that I have a great many parts to me. Every day a new face, staring back at me through the smooth glass. I shed a tear sometimes, not knowing why, I feel enraged, when nothing has happend to cause such things. The moral here... don't wind up like me.. torn at every angle.. don't lose your wings and fall into the dirt. The very best advice i can give to avoid the fall, is not to go so high. Good Night.