and the world seem to stand still like a cold winter morning.
I know not what will become of us, but I know I am at a loss of words. I could not say what I wanted to last night and I left you with words I should not have said but my soul forced them out. I rarely say, "I love you."
But, it was the last thing I said to you
I am not the type
Inclined to such emotional eruptions
And vocal expression. . .
It's been a long time since I've been in love
Or since I even thought I loved.
So long, in fact,
I'm not sure I knew what love was or is anymore --
nor will it ever matter.
But, if I even thought I loved someone,
I know it would be you.
I find my very being torn between what is right and what is wrong, what is best for you or what is best for me but I wish I could only think of me but alas i can not because your happiness is more important than anything else (other than my boys).
i find my heart and soul crying out in rage and sorrow and if words could be placed in these sad and lonely tears it would be this.........
"Why can't you ever love me
When I've loved you for so long?
Perhaps you could just try to see
That maybe I belong.
I might bring smiles to fill your days,
And words to fit your songs.
If only you would come and stay.
I've loved you for so long.
Vainly, you search elsewhere to find
The love you seek.
Touch and take this love of mine,
A love that's yours to keep."
This is something that I must keep to myself from this point on and never speak of it anymore. I will not allow myself to feel nor express these feelings again for I want them to be left with you as my last love my last hope, but for one short moment.
I almost became apart of your life
, For one short moment.
All I could do was just stare at you
Until all the loneliness and pain
Of the time spent without you was gone.
From now on I have to only smile in passing,
As if I see you every day,
As if I never loved you. At least for that One short moment
it all seemed so real, and that one short moment That makes one long life worth living, is all that I have left of my hope and dreams. I blame not you for my pain and suffering for I allowed myself to feel this way and I will allow my self to keep feeling the loss of you, I do this so I never forget what it was almost like to be apart of you! to be apart of us!
I wish I could take away all the pain I have caused you and carry it for you but I cannot nor could I ever make it up to you. I wish I could understand this madness and help you see, but I must set you free and stand alone in the shadow of your greatness and wait in hope of a your heavenly light to shine on me once more!
until then I leave you and speak not of my petty wish again!
I will wait even if it is until the last breath I give and it will carry your name!!!!