Xena left Eve napping in her crib and made her way once more down the long mosaic-floored halls to Nebula's private chambers. It had become a comforting routine, and she would miss it. Not that it hadn't made her soft, and it was dangerous for her to be soft now. Now that she was returning to Greece and finally face down the gods once and for all. No room for softness there.

Softness, such as a baby?

She put the thought out of her head and entered Nebula's audience room. The Queen was seated at her writing desk, an ewer of wine and several scrolls spread on the table in front of her. "It's not locked," she said, waving her hand in the direction of the door. "Come on in."

"Some security," Xena said. "Nebula, you're going to get yourself killed."

"Which is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Sit down, Xena. I know you think the effect of that sourpuss of yours is better when you stand, but sit down anyway."

Trying not to scowl, which would only give Nebula a victory, Xena sat down. "What are you doing about getting your staff in order? You need to put someone at the head of the Guard soon. They're still not all buying what happened."

"No," said Nebula, "because a lot of them are from the Leopard House and they suspect treachery. And most of the rest are from the Bull House, and they hate the Leopards. And then there are a few from lesser Houses, and they hate everybody. Business as usual." She turned around to face Xena. "What would you do? Give me an idea."

"I wouldn't promote any one of them," Xena said. "Any selection you make would be seen as showing favor to that particular House. You need to get someone from outside the entire political structure of the Guard to take over." She thought for a moment. "What about Khalil? It would show that you believe him to be innocent."

"It would show that I was stupid," Nebula said. "Khalil's lazy and he's really not a good fighter. He doesn't even hunt all that well. But you're thinking the same thing I'm thinking, and I'm glad you agree."

Too late Xena saw the trap. "No," she said firmly.

"Head of the Guard, and by extension Commander-in-Chief of the army."

"No."

"Pretty good deal. The most power in the kingdom, aside from the Queen, of course."

"No. Gabrielle and I are going back to Greece. You wanted us to help you, we did, and now..."

"And now I'm asking you to stay on. The bunch of you. Gabrielle's a great bodyguard, even if she is still a little uptight. Joxer still has a better grasp of the politics than anyone else in the kingdom--what he figured out about Khalil and Suleiman proves it. And Eve, heck, everybody loves Eve. Sumeria is a great place for kids, if you want them spoiled rotten."

"Are you forbidding me to go?" Xena asked in a dangerous voice. She met Nebula's eyes.

The Queen looked back, not intimidated. After a long moment, she said, "I'm asking you not to go. If for no other reason, I'm asking you as a friend not to go. You needn't stay here, although I would love it if you did--but Xena, you've got a great life now. You've got Gabrielle. You've got Eve and Joxer. You have a family, and a chance to make them happy. Don't throw it all away for some stupid notion of honor."

"Nebula, you know why I have to go back."

"I do. I used to think that way myself, but things changed. I have to think of the throne now. And you have to think of your daughter."

Xena sighed, and looked at her old friend. There was a seriousness to Nebula she'd never seen before, a strength in her aura that hadn't been there in the old days. "How can I live with myself," she asked quietly, "if I don't face that battle?"

"How can you live with yourself if you don't face your responsibilities?"

Xena folded her hands in her lap, closed her eyes, and tried to put all out of her mind. Empty your thoughts, Lao Ma had said, and what remains is truth.

Lao Ma. Someone lost to her forever. She tried to think of the same thing happening to Gabrielle, or Eve, or Joxer--and couldn't face it. She had to decide--

No. She opened her eyes and found Nebula patiently waiting for her to speak. "I can't tell you right now, Nebula."

"I understand."

"No. I mean I can't make this decision on my own. It involves all of us, and all of us have to be involved." She stood up, and turned for the door.

"I envy you, Xena," Nebula said softly. Xena paused with her hand on the knob. "I envy you that you have people who have to be taken into consideration. Whatever you decide, whether you stay in the palace, go somewhere else, even, gods of the deep forbid, go back to Greece--never give that up."

Xena's eyes stung for a moment, some bit of ancient dust in them. "I don't want to," she said. "Whether it's honorable or not...I don't want to."

She stepped out into the elaborately decorated hall, and as if for the first time noticed the mosaics underfoot as she walked back to her chambers.

-----

When Joxer woke up again he did feel better, so Xena had been right. He ached all over and he still felt pretty hot, but his mind was fairly clear and he wasn't shivering any more. He felt cramped and uncomfortable from lying on his back for so long, and he tried to roll over on his side. This was a major mistake. Fire tore across his belly and for a moment the world went white and featureless while he gasped futilely for air. Then he heard voices, somebody making little whimpering sounds--that was probably himself, darn it--and someone else saying, "Whoa, easy there, easy." The hands that belonged to the other voice eased him back onto the pillow, and the fog cleared, and he said, "Gabrielle."

She smiled at him with half her face. "Hey, hero," she said softly. "How you doing?"

"A lot better." She wasn't mad. She hadn't gone, and she wasn't mad. "A lot better, now." He reached up to touch her face, and realized the half-smile was due to that deep, nasty-looking cut on her left cheek preventing any movement on that side. He sucked in his breath with a hiss, waved the tips of his fingers above the scab but held back from touching it. "Gabrielle, are you--"

"It's all right. It doesn't hurt that much. Xena says it'll probably leave a scar," she added, and her eyes slid away for a minute.

Joxer touched the wound briefly, as gently as he could. "A warrior scar," he said. "You'll look more beautiful than ever."

Gabrielle ducked her head away from his hand, but her expression was pleased rather than otherwise. Pleased, and--relieved? But how could Gabrielle ever be anything less than beautiful? She looked back at him, and he asked, "And how are you doing?"

"Fine. I'm fine."

"Gabrielle, I'm sorry about Suleiman, I..."

"Not your fault." She kissed him on the forehead and held him gently, avoiding anything that would cause him pain. "I..." She lay her face against his neck and did not speak.

After a long minute, he cautiously reached up and stroked her hair. "Gabrielle," he said. "A very wise person told me once...it gets better. Just hang on to the people who love you, and it gets better."

She lifted her head. Her eyes glistened with tears, but she was smiling. "That must be a very wise person indeed."

"The wisest person I know," Joxer said. He pulled her face to his and they shared a long, sad, warming kiss.