JOXER WISHED HE HAD LEFT with Gabrielle, but he couldn't. He had something he had to do. She left him with a lingering kiss and one of those strange little back-of-her-hand pats, and although it was too dark to see properly he sensed the sympathy in her eyes as clearly as if it were day. "I'll see you later on, okay?" was all she said.

"Yeah." He caught her hand and held it against his cheek for a moment, and then she slipped away silently into the darkness.

An hour, maybe two, then before the sun came up and he dozed on and off, every now and then opening his eyes to see the gradually lightening sky. His heart was soaring so high he thought it would outrun Artemis' glow and Apollo's chariot alike, and yet there was this heaviness holding him down. Once it was over and done with he'd be able to soar. Once it was done.

He waited for the sun to come up fully, then he washed himself off as well as he could in the small stream, pulled his pants back on, and carefully folded up the saffron-colored shirt into a neat bundle. He tucked it under his arm and made his way back to the palace.

He allowed his legs to take him in the most direct path to Nebula's chambers, not allowing his mind to interfere with his heading, and before he was even within sight of the door down the long corridor with its intricate mosaic floor he heard raised voices. For a moment he held out hope that Nebula had picked up a fancy boy from the party or maybe two, and had passed a nice, fun night. But as he grew closer and made out what she was saying the hope faded.

"You have no right," Nebula was saying, no, roaring, "no right whatsoever to interfere in my personal life! That's a violation of the royal prerogative!"

"I was not interfering." Suleiman's voice, not loud, patient, and sounding rather...ashamed? Joxer slowed as he approached, cautiously feeling out what was going on.

"You're sticking your goddamn nose in where it doesn't belong is what you're doing!"

"I advised the girl to go help her friend. Is that so wrong?"

"I know what kind of 'help' she's gonna give him," Nebula snarled.

"You know this is unreasonable."

"I'm Queen. I have a right to be unreasonable."

"Nebula... my Queen. I am sorry I upset you, but really...the young people belong together, do they not? Like to like. You know the Court would never stand for it." Nebula didn't answer, and he said, "An outlander, and an ex-slave? The Houses..."

"Gods of the deep, Suleiman," Nebula groaned. "I wasn't going to run off and marry him. I was just having some fun."

"If you were just having some fun, then why are you so angry at me?"

That was the kind of word-trap Gabrielle was always complaining that Suleiman pulled on her, and it silenced Nebula momentarily just as it silenced Gab--although Joxer couldn't imagine Gab being silenced for long in any kind of conversation. And thinking of Gab reminded him of what he had to do, and he took a deep breath and forced himself to walk up to the door before he could change his mind. He knocked firmly, three times.

The door opened, and Nebula was there. Her eyes flicked over him, taking in the shirt under his arm, his bare chest, his face. He forced himself not to glance away as she did. There was a moment as if she was sizing him up, then she jerked her head to the side. "Come in. We were just talking about you."

Hesitantly he entered the room. Suleiman was standing stiffly its center, hands behind his back, and his face was warrior-unreadable as he glanced at Joxer. Joxer looked at Suleiman, back at Nebula, took a deep breath. "Your Highness," he said carefully, sincere in his respect, "I... I need to talk to you about something."

Nebula looked over his shoulder at Suleiman, and whistled sharply, gesturing with one hand--go. The Guard nodded, bowed deeply in a formal submission gesture, and left.

Now that Joxer was here, he didn't know where to start. Nebula walked around to stand in front of him, looked him up and down again, and then took the shirt from under his arm. "So," she said. "This is the big dump scene."

"Nebula, I--"

"She doesn't love you, you know." Nebula took the shirt and placed it carefully on a table, as if it was something infinitely precious.

"I..."

"You're the one who told me that, remember? You said you were trying to live with it, remember?"

And Nebula had said she understood, because of Iolaus, and he remembered that too. But it would be mean to say it, and gods knew, he didn't want to be mean.

"So she goes and throws you one mercy fuck, and bang! you're at her feet again? Bad form, Joxer." Nebula turned around, hands on her hips and jaw set, and for a single moment Joxer was astounded how very much she looked like Gabrielle when she was angry. "I know you're a little dizzy, but I didn't know you were outright stupid."

"I am stupid." It was the first sentence he could say. He looked at the floor, at his feet still covered with the dark rich earth of the grotto, and could not face her for his misery. "I am, I'm stupid and I'm thoughtless, and I know it doesn't help any to say I'm sorry, because all my life people have been saying that to me, and I know it doesn't help. And I never...I never would have, if I'd had any idea Gabrielle would...or that you might, y'know, start..."

"Start what?"

"Start, um... more than fun."

Nebula snorted. "Of course it wasn't anything more than fun. Honestly, guys and their egos. They all think they own the greatest dick in the world."

He looked up, suddenly hopeful again. He'd just been being stupid and full of himself, like usual, then, it really wasn't--and he saw her eyes, and he knew her too well now, and he looked away again.

After a moment Nebula sighed. "Okay. I have to at least try to save face."

"I understand."

"It's more politics. You know how it is." She returned to the table and unfolded the shirt, then folded it again. "I'll make them think I gave you to Blondie for a reward. They'll understand that. Then I don't look so... Well."

"You don't," Joxer said softly. "If anything, it's me they'll laugh at. Me, practically a slave, a nobody, following the Queen around as if..."

Nebula turned back to him and took hold of his chin, silencing him. "As if she could really fall for you." She held him for a moment, then pulled his face to hers and kissed him for a long, sad minute. Then she released him, and he had no idea what to say as she turned and walked to the sideboard. "She better be good to you."

Joxer sighed. "I'll stay away," he promised. "I'll keep out of sight, won't..."

"The hell you will. I'm going to make you an official member of Court, the same way Blondie and Xena are. Not as bodyguard, but as a political advisor. I still need your advice, and I respect it, and as for that other stuff--well, I'm a grown woman, I can cope." She poured two cups of water. "Now then. Have some breakfast, then go and put on some goddamn clothes. I want you in the Court session along with Xena this morning. We have to call another formal Court for Khalil's sentencing, and I don't want a thing going wrong."

Joxer took the cup she offered him. "Thank you," he said softly. "I don't deserve it."

"Oh, you deserve it all right. You've earned the position."

"That's not what I meant."

"Well, as for that, just remember one thing, studmuffin." Nebula lifted his chin again with a finger, forcing him to meet her eyes. "I'm the Queen," she said as carefully and dangerously as Xena, "and I don't give up, and I don't like to lose. You tell Blondie that." Then she let him go, and grinned the wolf grin. "Between having to deal with you and having to deal with me," she announced cheerfully, "that woman's gonna be in for the ride of her life."