| 1997 |
The team is
established as "Three Matts and Three Fat
Boys". The aims are noble but simple; to get an
extra day off work, to spend as much time and as little
money as possible in the subsidised bar, and to watch the
ladies netball team in action. Incredibly, despite these modest aims,
with their spirits raised and their body weights doubled
by cheap lager the team triumphs against the odds and
finishes second.
|
| 1998 |
In an attempt to go one better
than the previous year the team brings in a ginger bloke
in the hope of repulsing the opposition. It is also
decided to start drinking earlier to maximise the
advantages of that performance enhancing drug, alcohol. The result is sporting infamy. With the
opposition wearing illegal studs, and our heroes having
difficulty standing up straight, the team is once again
relegated to the runners-up spot.
|
|
| 1999 |
If at first you
don't succeed...After a year of following a strict diet
of beer, kebabs and pies the team is in confident mood.
The not entirely successful "ginger-bloke"
strategy of the previous year was repeated as three new
team members were called up. |
|
| |
Once again the boys fell at the
final hurdle. The disgraceful sobriety of certain members
of the team didn't help, and the ginger bloke kept his
hat on. And the opposition turned up with too many
members. The boys left
slightly worse for wear, but vowing to return in triumph
next year...
|
|
| 2000 |
With the name "Three Matts
and Three Fat Boys" becoming increasingly
irrellevant (there being only two sportsmen named Matt in
the team) the decision is taken to rename the team
"Los Gordos", which is Spanish for
"Sporting Heroes", or something. Several changes of personnel are made but
the team's backbone, and beergut, remains intact.
|
|
| |
At the fourth time
of asking the team takes the title, proving that there is
no obstacle that cannot be overcome by determination,
dedication, and 8 pints of Kronenbourg per man. Incredibly there is no mention of their
triumph in the National Press.
|
|
| 2001 |
After their triumph of the
previous year it was back to the drawing board for Los
Gordos as they looked to defend their title. It was an
almost totally changed line-up that returned in 2001. Fortunately the team took the decision to
replace the lost experience by signing up the fattest
team of bastards available.
|
|
| |
Despite their
inexperience it's weight that counts as, fired on by a
potent mixture of booze and lard, Los Gordos annihilate
all-comers to defend their title in style. |
|
| |
Oh dear.This is a
perfect example of how not be successful at tug of war.
Where are the fat lads? Where are the pint pots? Where
are the dedication and determination? They are obviously
not taking the sport seriously enough. Witness the goon
second from the left, grinning like a wanking Jap.
The result was all too predictable...... |
|
| 2002 |
A major team reselection results
in a considerable loss of bulk as 2 brand new members
come in and one of the clowns from last years second team
is promoted. Will it be enough? |
 |
| Inspired by the discovery that
Kronenbourg is available in 8-pint jugs, and with the
addition of some comedy nautical head-gear the team
overcome stiff opposition to claim their hat-trck of
titles. |
 |
| 2003 |
Things started so well...
A new heavyweight was introduced, a member of the team
who had previously been a tee-totaller - and who shall
remain nameless (Attif) - had discovered the joys of
booze, and the whole team started drinking early, and by
the time the competition was ready to start was in the
advanced state of inebriation necessary for sucessful
tugging. |
 |
| |
Unfortunately the team's state
of inebriation was so advanced that they are too pissed
to send anyone to take part in the draw and were promptly
disqualified. Some serious arse-kissing gets
them reinstated, but with the hardest possible draw.
Further bad news follows when it is announced that teams
should in fact consist of 8 members, resulting in Los
Gordos having to dilute their team spirit, and overall
alcohol content, by roping in two untrained strangers to
make up the numbers. Defying the odds Los Gordos battle
through 3 rounds to the finals, where a combination of
exhaustion and inability to stand up finally take their
toll, and Los Gordos are relegated to runners up, vowing
to return heavier and even more pissed next year... |
 |