Seaman is what many would describe as a "virtual pet". But he's really more than just that. In actually, Seaman is in a category of his own. Unlike most virtual pets, he is neither loving nor charming, nor can he even be considered somewhat cute and likeable. He is the ultimate anti-virtual pet. Among the cynical little bastard's most endearing traits is a mischievous smile, a tendency towards cannibalism, an obnoxious demeanor, and a condescending tone of voice. You communicate with Seaman via a special microphone which you plug into the Dreamcast controller. Meanwhile, helping you along in the game is none other than Mr. Leonard Nimoy himself (an inspired casting choice and a great tongue-in-cheek nod to his role on the now classic television series In Search Of...), who greets you at the beginning of every gaming session and gives you a quick recap of previous events as well as clues you in on possible events to come.

Presented are the following excerpts from a mini-journal which I kept to document the growth of my Seaman, which took place over a surprisingly exhausting two and a half week period:

Day 2, second visit: The Nautilus corpse is gone. However, for some unknown reason, two of my baby Seamen are now dead. The remaining six baby Seamen continue to swim about, occasionally spouting gibberish whenever I try to communicate with them. They don't seem to notice the two floating baby Seamen corpses near the top of the tank. They must not care.

Day 2, fourth visit: Once again, I try to teach them some vocabulary words in the hopes that it'll start some kind of conversation between me and them. They may have ignored me last night, but today I plan to remain persistent.

Mr. Nimoy comments on my frequent visits. "You visit the tank an awful lot... as if you have nothing better to do."

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Day 3, first visit: Apparently, my Seamen are too mad to eat. I pick them up and tickle them. That doesn't seem to help.

Day 4, third visit: Another Seaman is dead. The fact that I can't even keep a digital pet alive shows that I'll probably never be ready for kids.

Day 6, first visit: My Seamen hate me.

That is all.

Day 7, second visit: So far, I have been unsuccessful in convincing the gillmen that I am a well-paid and highly sought-after porn star in the erotic film industry. They also made sure to remind me that they still happen to hate me.

Day 8, first visit: The Seamen do not seem to like the way I pronounce their names.

Day 12, first visit: I got up a little earlier than usual today. I've been making real progress with Seaman and I wanted to make sure that I had enough time to talk to him before I went to school. I booted up the game, was quickly briefed by Mr. Nimoy, and was then greeted by Seaman, who seemed to be in a very good mood at the moment. He asked about my date of birth. I told him it was November 17th. With a creepy grin, he remarked that I share the same birthday as Britney Spears. A quick online search shows that Britney Spears birthday takes place on December 2nd. Either the frogman misheard me, or he felt like making fun of me and decided to do so by saying that I share the same birthday as Britney Spears, who he doesn't seem to think very highly of.

Day 12, second visit: Have I mentioned that he still hates me?

Day 11, second visit: Do not try to raise your Seaman while under the influence of an alcoholic substance. Not only will he lecture you about drinking while being legally underage, but he won't talk to you until you sober up a little. He also didn't find it very funny when I kept throwing food into his tank.

Day 12, first visit: I didn't get a chance to visit Seaman before going to school this morning. He seems a little pissed. I lied and told him that I was busy. He doesn't believe me. I inform him that I don't care. He smirks and continues to hop about his tank.

Day 15, second visit: Nimoy has congratulated me on a job well done on the raising of my Seaman. Knowing that me and Seaman have accomplished our mission and that his assistance is no longer needed, Mr. Nimoy signs off for the last time with a fond farewell. After what has really been a fairly satisfying two and a half weeks, I'm exhausted and consider doing the same.

I still don't think I'll ever be ready to have kids.

For more information on the myth that is Seaman, please feel free to visit the American Science Journal Online website.