The Joke Room

10. You've got a hole in your head.
9.  Your master strangles you all the time.
8.  Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.
7.  You shrink in cold water.
6.  You never get a haircut.
5.  You always hang around with 2 nuts.
4.  Your closest neighbor is an asshole.
3.  Your best friend is a pussy.
2.  Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.

And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick:

1.  Everytime you get excited, you throw up.
 

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand
up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one
freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?"
enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see
you standing up there all by yourself."

A brunette, a red head, and a blonde were having a very
interesting conversation and it got around to their daughters. 

The brunette said, "I went in my daughter's room the other day
and found a pack of ciggarettes, I didn't even know she smoked!"

The red head said, "I went in my daughter's room and found a
half-empty bottle of vodka! I didn't even know she drank!"

Then the blonde burst out and said, "I went in my daughter's
room and found a pack of condoms, half-empty, I didn't even know
she had a penis!"

Child: Mother, where do babies come from? 

Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married.
One night, they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have
sex.

(The daughter looks puzzled.)

Mom: That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina.
That's how you get a baby, honey. 

Child: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and
daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you
get when you do that? 

Mom: Jewelry, dear.

A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a
password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary
to setup the password for him.

The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting
to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said,
"Penis."

Blushed, the secretary inputted the password Penis, and re-typed
it again. Then she hit enter.

The whole office heard the secretary bursting out of laughters
as a reaction from the computer's screen: 

"Password rejected. Reason: Too short"