Suggs: I Almost went Mad Sue Evison 18/10/2002 THE heavy, heavy monster sound of Madness is back with West End musical Our House. The show, set to a background of classic hits such as Baggy Trousers and It Must Be Love, tells of a boy who comes to a crossroads in life and the path he chooses. Here, Madness lead singer Suggs tells how he came to a crossroads too � and found salvation in love. Madness were one of the best bands of the Eighties and spent almost a decade under the fierce glare of the spotlight. It is perhaps why lead singer Suggs is as nervous as a rabbit when he is interviewed alone. He is not just uncomfortable with being the focus of attention � he is also afraid all the showbiz madness might start again. Since the band split in 1988 he has kept a relatively low profile, leading a quiet family life with Anne, his wife of 20 years, and daughters Scarlet and Viva. It is what has kept him sane. Suggs, 41, suffered a breakdown when Madness ended. He says: �I was very lost for six months. It was about feeling alone. The band broke up, I broke down. �The band had been a very physical thing. We�d been together all of the time and I had only ever been in the band. "I lost my point of reference, I was flailing, not knowing what to do, where I was going, what the future held. It was strange and scary. �Unless you have suffered a breakdown you don�t realise the intensity of something like that. �In my head I thought, �What the f*** am I going to do? Where do I go now?� �I felt I was staring into an evernarrowing tunnel and floating in the silence of space. It was too much. I became depressed and paranoid.� The band had been his surrogate family and his feelings of loneliness were acutely heightened by his own childhood experiences. His father, a heroin addict, walked out when he was three. His mum, a failed jazz singer, tooka bar job to make ends meet. In those days it was much harder to be a single parent. Suggs � real name Graham McPherson � says: �There was no support to help single mums. They were castigated for being alone. �When I was eight, Mum took me to Wales to stay with my aunt. Mum said we were going on holiday but she left me there and didn�t come backfor three years.� As a child he felt bitter and guilty, believing it was his fault that his mum didn�t love him. Now he is very close to her and says, with the help of hindsight, counselling and his own experiences as a parent: �I misunderstood her. �She had a very difficult time herself and she loved me very much and she did the best thing she could at the time.� But when Madness split all the childhood fears returned. He says: �I wondered who loved me and who didn�t love me. It was important to me to know who didn�t. It was horribly confusing.� He feared he would lose his wife and children � one three, the other a baby � that he might fail them as a husband and a father. He had had no role model and wasn�t certain how to be �a man, never mind a dad.� Suggs says: �I know I�m a man now, and what that means, but at the time I didn�t. �I�m so lucky that Anne was a strong woman and a strong mother and devoted to our children.� His crisis ended in a mundane fashion. He says: �I remember walking down the Caledonian Road in North London and feeling totally alone. Then, at the end of that road, was Anne. �I realised there were people in my life who loved me, that I was responsible for these people and should be looking after them, that I shouldn�t be wondering where I was going or what I was doing. I should just get on doing it with my family. �It sounds simple doesn�t it? But it wasn�t. Anne helped me through some very difficult times. �And the best way she helped me was staying because, at the time, I was scared I would lose her. People do often lose everything at that point and I thought I would too.� The couple met when he was 18. She sang with the band Deaf School. He says: �I fell in love with her immediately and we�ve been in love ever since. �I don�t know how I knew she was The One. �I looked at her and something inside me knew I�d found the person I wanted to be with. �We�ve both put a lot of effort into our marriage and staying married.� From that moment on the Caledonian Road, Suggs has revelled in fatherhood. He says: �I put my family first. They�ve taught me what unconditional love is and they�ve taught me wisdom. We laugh a lot. The most important, wonderful thing in my life is looking in my children�s eyes and knowing they trust me.� The best bit, though, is being an embarrassment! He says: �I can be the embarrassing dad at times, I can be a bit loud and insensitive about things I find amusing. If I know there�s some pop star they like in a pub round the corner, I�ve been known to drag them round to meet him. They find that excruciating. I�ll say to the pop star, �Hey, they�re fans of yours. They have a poster of you�. �They�ll tell me later that actually they took his poster down six years ago.� Suggs and his family are looking forward to the opening of Our House at London�s Cambridge Theatre on October 28. He says: �The girls love it, they�re excited and I think they�re a bit proud. But they wouldn�t tell me that, of course � that would be embarrassing! �It�s great to feel like we�re rolling again but, you know, I was thinking about the lack of rock�n� rollness in my life recently and I thought. . . good. �You add up all the rock�n� roll clich�s and you get a huge neon sign above your head that just says �Unhappiness�. �I love my wife. I love my kids. I don�t want to f*** it up.� |
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