Departments


Current Projects

Astronomy

Our Astronomy Department is presently conducting research for various Federal agencies, and invites you to participate in this meaningful expenditure of tax-payer dollars. Review the form below. If you have relevant information which you believe could be helpful to our project, please fill in the form, and be proud of your part in the next Great American Adventure: The Search for Intelligent Life in the Universe. Your information will also be forwarded to the Air Force, even though they are not conducting any research on flying saucers because there is no proof that extra-terrestrials exist.

Alien Alert Form!


Tell Us About Yourself:
Name:   E-Mail: 

Astrological Sign: 

I am a(n):
 Insomniac            X-Files Junkie
 Normal/Sane Person   Habitual Psychedelic Drug User
 Trekkie              Extra-Terrestrial
 Member of Heaven's Gate
 Avid Reader of the National Enquirer

Alien Type:
Greys       Ewok
Insectoid   Wookie
Klingon     Ferengi
Hillary Clinton's Alien Baby
Other...(Describe Below)

Where was the encounter?:


Describe Your Encounter:


Also seen in Vicinity of Sighting:


What Would You Like Done?:
Return them to their Planet,with over Two Hours Unaccounted for
Force them to watch an entire week of C-SPAN
Shove Metallic Implants up their Noses
Give them a bizarre physical exam on a shiny metal table
Other (include information in box above)

 

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Biology

Contact Dr. Seed if you would like to participate in the
Human Cloning Project.

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Chemistry

Contact Dr. Jekyll if you would like to participate in the
Better Living Through Chemistry Project.

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English

Contact Mr. Huxley if you would like to participate in the
Brave New World Project.

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Math

Contact Mr. Fermat if you would like to participate in the
Last Theorem Project.

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Social Studies

Contact Mr. Ralph Lee White if you would like to participate in the
Experiment in Group Home Living Project.

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