Get your own Free Home Page
The Bossman and the Disco Inferno are relaxing at a Philadelphia Fliers game. The Bossman is disappointed because it is well into the second period and there hasn�t been anything close to a fight. He yells out, �Jody Hull! You suck!�
There is no reaction, but the people around him get a little agitated. Again, he yells, �Jody Hull, you have a girl�s name!�
�Why don�t you just shut up?� a fan yells.
�I�m the Bossman,� he says, �I can say whatever I want and I�m saying that Jody Hull is a pussy!�
�Yeah, why don�t you go back to wherever you came from, redneck?� the fan yells.
�Ray,� the Disco Inferno says, �maybe you should ease off on them. The home team is down by a touchdown and this is hockey!�
�The reason they�re down by seven points is because Jody Hull is a faggot! He suuuuuuucks!� the Bossman yells.
�That�s it, big man,� the fan yells, �you�re going down!�
The fan jumps through the air and is met by a Bossman uppercut to the jaw, crumpling him to the floor. Two other fans rush the Bossman, only to meet the same fate. It is a brawl!
�E-C-dub! E-C-dub! E-C-dub!� the crowd chants as the Bossman cleans house. Opponent after opponent fall to the floor and soon a large berth is given to the Bossman as no one will dare to face him.
�Stop chanting that faggot ass Philadelphia wrestling league!� the Bossman yells to a chorus of boos. �I can kick anyone�s ass! And I will!�
After the minor league San Diego Gulls beat the Fliers 15-0 in an exhibition game, the Disco Inferno is following the Bossman outside to the awaiting taxi. �How come you always start stuff like that, Ray?� he asks. �I can�t take you anywhere.�
�You�re one to talk,� the Bossman replies. �Mr. Alienation and Sedition.�
�Oh.�
The Bossman take the taxi to the house of their good friends Public Enemy. Flyboy Rocco Rock meets them at the door. �Come in you miserable sons of bitches,� he says.
�Good to see you too,� the Bossman replies. �This is the Disco Inferno.�
�I know. Eric Bischoff made us job to him and that German guy once.�
The men gather on the sofa. Public Enemy each open a can of beer, the Disco Inferno opens a bottle of IBC Black Cherry soda and the Bossman goes to the kitchen to mix himself a vodka martini.
�What�re you going to do while you�re in Philly?� Rock asks the Bossman.
�I got a fight over at the Blue Horizon and we�re wrestling on an ECW card a couple of nights later.�
�Cool,� Rock says as the men silently watch a replay of Superbowl XIII on ESPN Classic. They retire for the nigh.
The next morning, the Bossman is in the gym. The Disco Inferno is holding the heavy bag while he works on it. The Bossman gives the bag a blistering series of power shots. Then he jumps rope and practices his six ball fountain to the amazement of the boxers present. When he finishes, they all give him a round of applause.
�Who are you fighting?� a voice behind him asks. It is legendary boxer Tommy Hearns!
�Tommy! Nice to see you again. I�ve got a match against Butterbean,� the Bossman says.
�You know how well the last wrestler did against him.�
�Yeah. Bart Gunn lasted shorter than a 16 year old in a whorehouse.�
�Heh, heh. Well, I�ve got to go. I�m fighting Fabrice Tiozzio for the Cruiserweight title in the main event. I�ll see you after the fight.�
The two men separate and prepare for their fights later that night.
The Bossman is in his dressing room where legendary trainer Eddie Futch has come out of retirement for this one match to show the world how great he is. The 94 year old Futch wraps his hands and tells him, �just remember. Get him hurt to the head and go to the body. Even with all that fat, he�ll go down to constant attack. I want you to throw seventy punches a round. No more, no less. There�s no way that Butterbean can stand up to that.�
The Bossman makes his entrance to the ring and awaits the arrival of Butterbean. Commentator Teddy Atlas comments on the new �pug� that is being fed to Butterbean and how an investigation should be made into it.
The match begins. Butterbean starts off throwing his trademark looping power shots. The Bossman ducks all of them and counters with an uppercut to the chin. Butterbean stands back and shakes his head, bringing the crowd to its feet. He wades back in and throws more shots, but with each shot he misses, the Bossman lands three. The Bossman staggers him with a lead straight right. He wades in and hits Butterbean with a viscous barrage to the body. Butterbean takes a knee!
As the referee makes the count, Teddy Atlas shouts, �I can�t believe this! This wrestler can fight! Eddie Futch is a genius!�
After the mandatory eight count, the Bossman gets on the inside and nails Butterbean with a combination to the body followed by an uppercut to the chin. Butterbean is flat on his back! It is over!
�E-C-dub! E-C-dub! E-C-dub!� the crowd chants.
The Bossman gets on the mic and says, �shut the hell up! I ain�t no Extremely Crappy Wrestler! I�m from the WWF!�
The Bossman is ushered out of the ring as quickly s possible so that Atlas can remark on the brilliance of the venerable Futch, who really didn�t do a thing except for give the Bossman one pre-fight speech.
After the event is over, the Bossman, the Disco Inferno and the victorious Tommy Hearns on Public Enemy�s sofa, drinking their respective cocktails.
�Man, you really stirred up the boxing world with this one, Tommy,� DI says.
�Yeah, good work, son,� the Bossman says. �You did well.�
�Look who�s talking,� Hearns replies. �You just ruined Bob Arum�s cash cow.�
�Well, he sucked and it was easy to beat him.�
Two days later, the Bossman is backstage at an ECW event, listening to the crowd chant, �E-C-dub! E-C-dub! E-C-dub!� That is his cue to enter.
Jerry Flynn has just defeated Jerry Lynn in a �loser changes his first name to Jennifer� match, in what people were saying was the match of the night, if not the month. The Bossman runs out and gets on the mic and yells, �Shut up!�
Boos follow.
�You inbred hicks keep cheering E-C-dub, but Flynn, the Disco Inferno and I have nothing to do with this piece of shit federation. We just come here once a year to kick ECW wrestlers� asses. The Inferno sent RVD to the hospital and then came here to send Tommy Dreamer to meet him. Now I�m calling out anyone in the back for a fight! I can out E-C-dub the E-C-dubers. Bring it on!�
The lights go out.
Enter Sandman plays on the loudspeaker. The crowd goes crazy.
Sandman is on the balcony, doing his beer routine when the Bossman gets on the mic and says, �come on, you fruit. Can�t you hold your beer?�
Boos follow. The Sandman rushes the ring. He swings the Singapore cane at the Bossman, who turns it into an armdrag, taking control of the weapon. he strikes the prone Sandman over and over again. The Disco Inferno joins the broadcast team at ringside.
�I thought you were dead,� Joel Gettner says.
�No, WCW finally started spending more money on its production,� the Disco Inferno replies. �Let�s pay attention to the match. It looks like the Sandman is going down.�
�I�ve seen the Sandman get up from worse beatings than a teenager in a bunk bed,� Joey Styles says.
�Really? Then how come his eyes are glazed over and blood is pouring out of his mouth?� DI asks.
�Oh, shit! Our cash cow!� Styles says and rushes into the ring to stop the match.
The Bossman exits the ring carrying the Singapore cane in victory. Enter Sandman, Part Two plays on the loudspeaker as the E-C-dub crowd laments the destruction of its top stars at the hands of the new Triple Threat. The men leave ECW Arena and Philadelphia in triumph.
Get your own Free Home Page