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| 1994 COPYRIGHT BY PETER CHRISTOPHER RAYMOND (FOR JENNIFER MARTINEZ) I THINK ABOUT THE DAY WHEN I STRUGGLED TO STAY FAITHFUL A MORNING WHEN EVERY STEP TO THE TRAIN WAS PAINFUL THE NIGHT BEFORE I HAD BLOWN OFF DISCIPLESHIP TIME YET I WAS APPROACHING B.U. CENTRAL ON THE TROLLEY LINE I WAS STILL UNSTEADY ON A DEFINITE DECISION MY DISCIPLER AND I WERE DESTINED FOR A HEAD-TO-HEAD COLLISION I WOULD BE CALLED UPON TO GIVE MY ACCOUNTABILITY TO CONFESS MY REBELLIOUSNESS AND TO DESIRE MERCY I MIGHT HUMBLE MYSELF TO ELDERS BUT IT WOULD BE A FRAUD IF I DIDN'T SEEK REPENTANCE AND THEN FORGIVENESS FROM GOD I HAD MADE THE MECHANICAL GESTURE BUT I STILL HAD TO DECIDE I CROSSED THE STREET TO THE G.S.U. AND ALLAN TOLD ME MY RIDE IN THE BACK OF THE FUNKY BUS THERE IS AN ODOR AND MANY FLIES IT GETS THAT WAY IN AUGUST WHEN THE CITY REALLY FRIES SOMETIMES YOU'RE PACKED SO TIGHT YOU THINK YOU'RE IN A STOVE AND IT TOOK AN HOUR OR SO TO GET TO LABELLE GROVE THEN SOMEWHERE ON THE RIDE WHILE MY BLOOD WAS JAVA BREWING YOU LOOKED AT ME ENCOURAGINGLY AND ASKED ME HOW I WAS DOING I WROTE A NOTE WITH MY HAND AND PEN JUMPING AT EVERY POTHOLE YOU WROTE ME BACK WITH EMPATHY AND A HEART TO SERVE AND CONSOLE WE ARRIVED AT THE GROVE AND DRAGGED OUR COOLERS INTO THE SUN AND YOU CAUTIONED ME THAT YOU WERE YET FAR FROM DONE I WALKED TO THE TABLES AND JOINED MY FAMILY ON THE NORTH SHORE COUPLES, SINGLES AND TEENS I DON'T SEE MUCH OF ANYMORE I TOLD MY DISCIPLER THAT MY CONVICTION WAS FADING AND THAT BY BEING AT CHURCH I WAS MASQUERADING BUT WHEN I'D EMBARKED ON MY ILL-CONCEIVED SEARCH FOR HOPE AND FULFILLMENT OUTSIDE OF THE CHURCH I DISCOVERED I WAS DOOMED TO DEADLY DECISIONS AND I HAD NO POINT NOR PURPOSE WITHOUT A POSITIVE MISSION HE TOLD ME THAT IN WEAKNESS I MUST HOLD FAST TO THE BODY FOR I WOULD DIE IN SECLUSION FEELING USELESS AND SORRY WHEN ALL HAD UNLOADED THEIR FOOD TO BE COOKED MARK ASKED US TO TAKE OUT OUR SONGBOOKS AND WHEN WE WERE ROUNDED UP LIKE CATTLE IN A HERD TRACY TOOK THE PODIUM AND BEGAN TO PREACH THE WORD MANNY'S YOUNGER SISTER AND DALNY HAD COME AS VISITORS TRACY CLOSED OUT HIS MESSAGE AND EVERYONE ATE THEIR DINNER AND AS THE SUN WARMED CARMEN'S ARTHRITIC BONES THEY PLUGGED IN THE TELEPROMPTER AND KARAOKE MICROPHONES AND AS WE WERE FILLED WITH DOGS PULLED FROM THE GRILL WITH METAL TONGS YOU STOOD UP AT THE EDGE OF THE STAGE AND SANG US A YEARNING COUNTRY SONG YOUR HONEST VOICE DENTED THE AIR AND THE SMOKE FROM THE BARBEQUE THE BURN OF THE BUSRIDE LEFT REPLACED BY AN ATMOSPHERE OF COOL GREEN AND BLUE THE SERVICE WAS WHAT REALLY COUNTED AND THE SERMON WAS RESONANT AND WHAT MY POOL OF EMOTIONS AMOUNTED TO WAS AN URGE TO REPENT IN MY SALVATION I PROMISED TO LEAD THE LOST OUT OF THE WORLDLY VOID BECAUSE OF THE CROSS AND THE GLEE THAT COMES FROM THE FREEDOM WE ENJOY |