Given below, translated from the German original, is what was sent to the producers of a few such TV shows:
"THE STORY OF ONE OF THE MOST UNUSUAL COLLECTIONS IN THE WORLD.... BUT READ ON FOR YOURSELF !!!
Andreas went on a trip to Great Britain, to the South West Coast. Apart from the usual travel paraphernalia, he took a few pieces of the Berlin Wall with him. He is a collector and, as he knew how sought-after pieces of the Berlin wall are, he took a few examples with him, in order possibly to swap these or give them away as presents.
One day, as he got into a conversation with an ex-Royal Marine, he was offered a most unusual collection in exchange for his exhibits, plus a payment of approximately DM6000.00 - 'The Shit of the Royal Family'.
The ex-Royal Marine told him, that this collection stems from the time 1980-1986, when he was serving on the Royal Yacht Britannia. He was on board the vessel as a bodyguard and steward of the Royal Family. All Royal Marines enjoyed this work, yet it proved to be boring from time to time. And so one develops a certain fantasy and begins to collect everything possible. Starting with nightshirts and ending up with the remnants of the meals of the Royal Family and other prominent guests. These sought-after trophies are then 'cared for' in the so-called Royal Marines' Mess,naturally to the exclusion of the Royal Family and members of the public. These messes are very private. Every Royal Marine knows about them and will smile, if one mentions them. Furthermore, he explained how he collected the crap. Quite simply a hairnet was placed over the outflow of the toilets while the ship was in harbour. These 'specimens' are then placed in bottles and conserved. There are remnants preserved of all important visitors, amongst them King George V, several prime ministers. and of course the Royal Family.
Andreas was so enthusiastic about this, that he exchanged his pieces of the Berlin Wall, together with the payment, for this highly unusual collection. He is possibly the only one in the world with this collection."
The above is extracted from the book 'IT HAPPENED IN BERLIN', being a semi-autobiographical novel and spanning eight years during and subsequent to your Lordship's many longer visits to Berlin.
Apart from the obligatory sex, drugs and Rock 'n Roll, it gives an insight into corruption and mismanagement in the music industry, money laundering,spooks and their activities, paedophilia and drug taking in a major public school and generally life in one of Europe's more exciting cities.
Further extracts to follow.