"Craig, that's my robe."
Newbie rolled his head in Curtis's direction. "Hmph?"
"My robe. You're�" Curtis waved a hand up and down at Newbie. "You're wearing my robe."
"Mm," agreed Newbie, not taking his eyes off the tv. " 's comfy."
"Yes. It is. Which is why I like to wear it. Which is why, in fact, I would like to be wearing it now."
"Can't. I'm wearing it now."
"Do I have to remind you that it's my robe?"
"Nope. Kinda smells like you," Newbie said, burying his face in the collar and wrinkling his nose.
"Oh, well, that's incentive to wear it."
"It's a good robe, Curtis. I think you underestimate the value of a good robe."
"No, actually, I don't. I appreciate my robe. I love my robe. I would like to be in my robe right now."
"Admit it, Curtis. You just want to see me naked."
"Yeah, Craig, that's exactly what I�naked?"
Newbie leered. "Very."
Curtis jumped up from the couch, putting as much distance between him and Newbie as was physically possible. "Naked? You're naked? In my robe?"
"Well no. That's kinda impossible. But I would be naked if I took off your robe."
"You mean you're all�" he waved a hand at Newbie's crotch, "rubbing in there?" Newbie raised an eyebrow. "Gah! Take it off take it off take it off!"
"Doesn't seem quite fair, does it?" Newbie asked, slinging an arm across the back of the couch. "I mean, you get your robe back and a particularly nice view of my naked self. What exactly do I get from this arrangement?"
Curtis threw his hands in the air. "You're sitting there�despoiling my bathrobe, and you're trying to bargain with me?"
Newbie shrugged. "I can sit here forever, Squirtus. The longer you hold out, the more I�despoil." He wiggled his hips for emphasis.
"All right, all right! Just stop�" he waved a hand at Newbie "�squirming. What do you want from me?"
"Hope."
"Hope?"
"Yup."
"You want me to trade my girlfriend for a bathrobe?"
"Well not permanently or anything. She'd drive me all kinds of crazy. Just, you know, for a night."
"So you want me to whore my girlfriend to you for a bathrobe."
Newbie considered. "Yup."
"You are a sick, depraved, and utterly despicable excuse for a human being, you know that?"
"Yup," Newbie said, stretching. "I know that." He lazily reached inside the robe and scratched his stomach. "Look, you want it off me, you're just gonna have to come over here and take it off me."
Curtis rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's going to happen."
Newbie grinned. "Have it your way," he said, letting his hand drift down to scratch lower.
"Hey!" Curtis was across the room in three steps, grabbing Newbie's wrist and tugging it out from under the robe. "No jacking off in my clothes!"
Newbie twisted away from him so that he was practically lying down across the couch. "You like it," he told Curtis, who was still leaning over him, pinning his hand against the back of the couch.
"I d�" Curtis broke off with a gasp as Newbie moved his leg just enough to brush against the suspicious bulge in the front of his pants.
"Sure you don't. Still want me out of this robe, Squirtus?" Newbie asked, freeing his hand and squirming around beneath Curtis until he was lying naked on top of the bathrobe. Curtis swallowed visibly.
Of course, that was when they noticed Hope leaning against the doorframe with a large box propped on her leg.
Curtis leapt off Newbie as if he had just caught fire. "It's not what you think!"
Hope raised an eyebrow at his crotch. "No?"
"No. It's�yes. It's exactly what you think. But it's entirely his fault!" he added, pointing at Newbie, who draped a hand over the back of the couch and smirked provocatively.
Hope looked at them for a moment or two. "Ok," she finally said, holding out the box. "Cake?"