They are the lost ones, the forgotten ones, the ones left behind.
He came back, he had protested, and that had to count for something. But it didn�t. Not really. By the time he did, too much had changed, too many years had passed, and his presence here no longer stood for anything but a painful reminder of the years they had lost.
California, he knew now, had been a mistake. If he was honest with himself, he had known it then, known it that night when Josh�s eyes flashed with a split second of betrayal. But the reality hadn�t set in, not right away, and he hadn�t missed this life as much as he had expected.
Once he missed it, it was too late.
He returned only to find that there was nothing to return to.
He could remember the days when these halls had been filled with people looking to a better tomorrow, a better future for themselves, their children, their grandchildren. He wasn�t quite egotistical enough to believe that the idealism had disappeared when he had, but it couldn�t have been so long after that, because all the stories he heard now, from the few people who remained, they were all about events that never would have happened in his days here, decisions that never would have been made.
Now he walks halls of unfamiliar faces, and he mourns what once had been.
Even the people he once had known are different now, almost unrecognizable. Josh�s hair is greyer, thinner, and his face is lined with the pressure of upholding an incoming administration. There is almost a laughable contrast now between him and Leo, because somehow being the Vice President elect has taken years out of Leo�s eyes.
It hurts the most to look at the President, to see a shell of the man he once had known. It�s not just the physical changes, although those are startling enough. Something had been lost in these years, something that had once defined this administration, and the loss of it had gradually broken this great man.
He finds himself in her office because it is the only refuge he has left, and she greets him with barely an upward flicker of her eyes from her desk.
�When did it break?� he asks her as he collapses on her couch, and this time she looks up, but only briefly.
�Long time ago, Spanky,� she tells him. �You just weren�t around to see it.�
He hasn�t yet reconciled himself with the idea that this office no longer belongs to Leo, but it doesn�t really matter because in a matter of weeks it will belong to Josh and he will never set foot in it again.
He wonders now how there ever could have been a day when he was na�ve enough to believe that he and Josh could survive a country between them. Time had been an obstacle, but it was one that they were more than willing to deal with. There had been moments when it took every ounce of will he possessed to keep from going into Josh�s office and gathering him up in his arms, and there had been nights when their wills had failed them both. But always, there was the promise of for the good of the administration, and someday this will all be over.
But then he left, and it changed everything.
When he returned there had been no welcome in Josh�s eyes, barely even a flicker of recognition, and that hurt perhaps more than anything else. So he sits now in an office that will soon be Josh�s, and he tries not to think of him because it�s not worth the pain.
�How�s Toby?� he asks instead, because there was nothing better to say, but the way her eyes hardened almost made him regret asking.
�He went back to New York.� There is a world of meaning behind the words that he knows she doesn�t want him to explore, so he leaves it alone.
�We�re all that�s left now, you know,� he says, and she frowns a little at the papers on her desk.
�You�re not left,� she tells him, and there is an unfamiliar bitterness to her words. �You escaped before it all went to hell. And now you come back, god knows why, and you still expect to be treated like part of the old guard or something. Well there is no more old guard anymore, Sam. Now there�s just me. Me and him.� She waves a hand in the direction of the Oval. �We�re all that�s left. You�re just a spectator.�
�Ouch,� he comments, but he can�t deny the truth of it.
�Why didn�t you sign on with Santos anyways?� she asks, and now he hears more curiosity than anger in her voice.
�Right. Because the best thing a guy can do when returning to politics is get a job from a guy he used to sleep with. That looks real good on a new President�s record.�
�You know, there�re probably ten people in Washington who even know about that, and none of us could give two shits. That�s not the reason.�
�No,� he agrees. �It�s not.� But he doesn�t elaborate, because she didn�t explain about Toby, so he owes her nothing.
He watches through her window as the sky turns from blue to pink, and she watches him, even though he doesn�t doubt she has three hundred better things to be doing.
�It really did break, didn�t it?� she finally asks, and he nods, because there�s really nothing more to say, and no way to put it all back together again.
They sit together in silence and watch as a brilliant lament is painted across the evening sky.