.:|WoRMS! Part Fourteen|:. top ---------- Episode 66 "Pigmen : Who Killed Iverach?" pt. ii ---------- Additional Cast: [the camera is showing a long, dark hallway. A layer of hazy cigar smoke hangs above the well-trodden linoleum floors. Some swing music from the 40's is playing faintly in the background. At the end of the hall is a door leading to an office. A sign is taped to the door. In bold lettering are the words, "Murley, P.I."] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Hmmm...quiet day, isn't it, Pinkie? Pink Ranger: Yep...quiet quiet day. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: [takes quick glace at digital wristwatch] Hmmm..time to close up for the night... [Murley starts to pack up when the door suddenly creaks open. He looks up. He sees a young woman standing at the door. Their eyes meet. Lightning flashes outside, followed by thunder.] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Good evening, ma'am. Pink Ranger: [reverts to Pnik rangr form] uhhhjhfjh...braests! swet sweet can11! The Mistress of Seduction: [stares at him] Ugh. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Hey! Cut that out, Pinkie! [smashes lamp over his head and stuffs his body into his desk drawer.] Now...what can I do for you, ma'am? [looks at her seductively] Mistress of Seduction: My employer needs some of your services. [hands him a business card] PSCF: Johnny Wong, eh?...wow, this *must* be a big case...now, what am I to do? Mistress of Seduction: Find Iverach's murderer. PSCF: ... Mistress of Seduction: .... PSCF: ...I'll do it. [duhn duhn] [fade out] [a large crowd has congregated outside of Necrophiliac's home protesting his leading skills] Scotty: Down with Necrophiliac! Crowd: heeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Crazy Li'l Bastard: Let's burn it! Burn 'em all! Bob the Leprechaun: Hey, that's my line! [tackles him. they cause a brawl] Necrophiliac: [sitting on comfy leather chair, peering outside the window. he lights a cigarette] Cripple! Cripple: Yes, masterrr? Necrophiliac: Disperse of this crowd for me! Cripple: With what? Pepper spray? Necrophiliac: Heheh...dah pepper. Dat's what I put on my plate! Cripple: Yes, master! [outside...] [a motorcycle pulls into the curb. the rider steps out and pulls off his helmet] K+K: Eet's Johnny! All: Yaysirs! Johnny: [peers around] Dear lord, I leave this place for a vacation and you've already screwed yourselves over. Let me speak to Necro. The Friendly Giant: They're barracaded pretty well in there. Johnny: Son of a bitch...We'll have to make a plan... [down in the slums of Windsor, Nesbitt Street....] PSCF: Hey you! Dumbass McGee: [in fetal position] Go away! PSCF: I'm just here to ask a few questions! Dumbass McGee: Are they about Iverach? PSCF: Yes! What do you know? Dumbass McGee: He took my virginity...and I can't find it again! Waah! PSCF: Here, have mine. [gives it to Dumbass McGee] Dumbass McGee: Sniff...thanks. PSCF: Now, what do you know about Iverach? Dumbass McGee: Why, I'd have killed him, had I the chance! PSCF: Did you? Dumbass McGee: No...I went home and I... PSCF: You...? Dumbass McGee: I danced to Richard Simmons and lost 10 pounds! Hey, wait a minute! I've got a date with Brie tonite! Thanks, Matt! [leaves] [back at Necro's home] [Johnny is planning an all-out assault on the mansion. A group of the most elite WoRMS!ers are to be sent in and bring him down.] Johnny: [after half hour debriefing] And this, my friends, is Operation Underlord. Gerg: [eating a corn dog] Uh...so we just run in and kill him? Johnny: [sigh] Yes. [there is a loud crash from the mansion as Necrophiliac sends his riot squad to quash the protest] Frizzle Fry: Eat lead, fools! Johnny: Attack! [the protesters charge the riot police] [back to PSCF...] The Concealed Sausage (formerly known as The Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast): No, I would never kill him! All this revenge! It's not good! Why, I've already forgiven him! PSCF: I see... [there is a knock on the door] Crocodile Hunter: [in a wheelchair and neckbrace] I know who the killer is! I was there when Iverach got killed! PSCF: What? Who was it? Crocodile Hunter: [wheels himself slowly towards the window] It...was...AHHHH!!! [falls out of 42nd storey window] PSCF: Wait! Don't die! Shit, I knew I should have gotten those windows installed! [to the battle at Necro's house...] Idoit: Ahhh! I'm not gonna make it! [gets shot in head] Sassy: Idoit! Nooooo!!!!!! Johnny: Come on, people! All we need is...LOVE! [they start throwing flowers at the riot police] Frizzle Fry: What? What are these feelings I'm experiencing? HAHAHAHA I feel as giddy as...Tingles in a gay bar! AHAHAHAHA Nerdboy: I'm....I'm smiling! Teeheeheee! FEEEEELLLLLINGS! [before long, everyone is partying together and singing like a bunch of drunken hippies] [back to Murley...] Old Man Wyman: Couldn't have been us. Spadinabus: Back in our day, we could've gave him a good thrashing! Mr. Bflat: Yeah! PSCF: I see... Teacherman: And you know, with all those union regulations, we couldn't touch him! [scene changes again] [the protesters have forced their way into Necrophiliac's home] Cripple: No! Run, master, run! I'll save you! [get trampled but crowd] Necrophiliac: So, you all think you can beat me? Well..AHAHAHAHAH!!! [he makes a failed attempt to show his true power] Necrophiliac: ...awww shit. [he is lynched and Johnny is made leader of WoRMS! again. And the peasants rejoice] [later on...] PSCF: I can't do it! I can't find the killer! Johnny: There there, it's all right. PSCF: Unless...it was me! I remember now, I was pissed off at him for stealing my porn! It must've been me! I've just forgotten it! George Bush: Bull shit. I killed him. All: Huh? Necrophiliac: I donno. Johnny: All's well, ends well! Iverach: I'm still dead... Johnny: Shut up. Mistress of Seduction: Tee hee hee Byeeeee ~Hersheykisses!~ -- 08/02/02 > Frizzle Fry: What? What are these feelings I'm experiencing? HAHAHAHA I feel as giddy as...Tingles in a gay bar! AHAHAHAHA ---------- Episode 67 "Random Acts Of Maiming" ---------- -- By Pink Ranger [The writers block continues on the 7 x 10^8 floor] Johnny: damn....ideas...gone..can�t..go..on! Necrophiliac: well at least there�s some new blood in our midst..meet...[he turns the ridiculously large chair next to him around] the crocodile hunter! C. Hunter: guday mates! I�ve a grand idea for an episode about some of the interesting animals found only on Australia! DM: maybe thats a gud idia! C. Hunter: what does everyone else think? Pink Ranger: no Johnny: no Necrophiliac: no PSCF: no C. Hunter: common guys, it could be good. Johnny: I think not! [He pushes a switch on the table] C. Hunter: what the??? AAAH!!!! [He falls back into a flaming pit] C. Hunter: AAAH...I�m still alive, I�m just very badly burned Johnny: continuing on. C. Hunter [stuttering]: if someone could just give me a band-aid or maybe some water..I think my legs are broken.. let me check [crack] AH yes that ones broken, let me check the other one [crack] AH yes that ones broken too! [Johnny picks up a phone next to the buttons] Johnny: yes..yes, badly burned..ah huh...good, thank you. [Hangs up] [Five minutes of oh god I�m badly burned! later] C. Hunter: ah a door. And the handle is moving! hello, I�m still alive, I�m just very badly burned! Thank you for saving me! wait, what are you doing with that AK47? [Several shots go off] Johnny: back to bisness C. Hunter: you shot me! You shot me right in the arm, I cant believe you shot! [Several more shots] Johnny: [listens] [relaxes] [listens] [here�s door close] very well then, anymore ideas? PSCF: nope. Pink Ranger: nope. Necrophiliac: nope. Some guy: nope DM: nope [The lights go off] PSCF: no, no, AAAH!!!!! [Lights go back on] Johnny: matt? DM: yupe. Johnny: not you Dumbass look! [In PSCF�s chair was a freshly sliced-up PSCF] Necrophiliac: damn, he�s worthless to me now DM: wel thre gos a staf member! [All stare at Pink Ranger] Pink Ranger: hey, don�t look at me! Johnny: ok everyone remain calm [Lights go off again] Pink Ranger: what the helllllAAAH!!!!! [Lights go back on] [Pink Ranger has all his limbs torn off] [MIEOWP!] DM: wel, tht ruls hm out! Necrophiliac: yes but his torso is intact..hummm.. Johnny: ok, before the lights go off again [The lights go off, again] Johnny: damn, we really need a backup generator. DM: I am beng violated!! [The lights go on, again] [Iverach walks in] Iverach: hi guys, what�s the new idea? Do I councur the world and then am hacked to tiny bits? [He sees PSCF, Pink Ranger and Dumbass McGee] oh, I see your friends have been [puts his pinkey to his lip] brutally maimed? Johnny: Iverach, you fiend! Lets get him boys! [Johnny and Necrophiliac crucify Iverach] Iverach [with his last breath]: it wasn�t me; it was it was it was Johnny: Who� Who! Iverach [with his last breath]: it was THE ONE ARMED MAN!!! FUAHAHHAHA COUGH HACK ACK ACK... Damn phlegm. [Dies] Johnny: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWell. Necrophiliac: can I take his body and perform an autopsy to find the cause of death?? Johnny: we crucified him, don�t you remember! Necrophiliac: yes, yes, but who knows. it might have been that phlegm!!! Johnny: [sigh] fine then take him away [Necrophiliac takes down Iverach�s body and proceeds to open the door] [The lights go out [Sigh] again] Necrophiliac: what the hell is this shit about [sigh] AAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!! [The lights go back on] [Johnny looks to the door to see a pile of ground Necrophiliac on the ground] Johnny: why? Why do you torment me so? [A mysterious figure appears holding a ridiculously large axe] Johnny: ah crap. [With one smooth stroke Johnny�s head was severed] [The figure lifts his hood to reveal Matt Lunn!!!!!] Matt L.: FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA. [Cripple walks in wearing a similar robe] Cripple: my life for you master Lunn!!! Matt L.: FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA FUAHAHHAHA COUGH HACK ACK ACK...damn phlegm The End? Yes�. -- 06/02/02 ---------- Episode 68 "ANEREXA NERVOSA" ---------- --By Necrophiliac additional cast: filup - philippe marsh ACT 1 scene 1: Hot stuff: oh Johnny, johnny, whefore art though...... Johnny: i'm right here Teg's, remember we just slept together? Hot stuff: oh, that was you....... Johnny: so that was why you were calling necropheliacs name.....i thought it just turned you on....... Hot stuff: hehe.....yeah...(in a whinny voice)..Johnny...i'm hungery..... Johnny: really? well i'm go get some poultry. Hot stuff: Poultry? why would you want poultry....a tree with a pole sticking out of it? Johnny: uhh, you see tegan, poultry is......nevermind....lets just go back to bed (mieowp)....(shakes his head in disgust) (10 minutes later) (dumbass mcgee rushes into to the room for no apparant reason) DM: hey John-....(like a little school girl) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!!! Whats that!!!!!! JOhnny: thats a chicken Hot stuff: oh.....i thought it was you johnny....... Johnny: no, i went to use i the washroom and i come back to see you ruining my chicken.... DM: (starts hyperventialting) Pink ranger: its okay, don't worry, just breath, in and out...in and out... hot stuff: Maybe i should put some clothes on..... Johnny: ah, why bother Hot stuff: I'm fat. Do you think i look fat Johnny? Johnny: ah damn....i lose\lose question.....uhhh yes? Hot stuff: OH god....i'm going to go kill my self now...... JOhnny: i mean....no, your not fat..... Hot stuff: Your lying!!!! i Hate you, can't you tell the truth everynow and then..... (storms out of the room) Johnny: ......women DM:(still hyperventilating) uhngg....woman....naked...unngh....scarred for life... (all stare at him) DM: i mean....i like women...hehehe.... god: i'll be your friend DM.(mieowp) Necropheliac: that reminds me, shaun, your new name is social outcast!!!! (duh duh dunnnnnn) social outcast: but, but, but , but , but...... (he dies) Cripple: lordy, lordy, he has done it again, the lord has bestowed another miricle upon us!! Pink ranger: hey, i've got an idea, we can all go skiing!!!! Necropheliac: allright!!! girl with british accent: hey, thats my line you piece of crap!!!! (a battle insues) Necropheliac: hah (does some cool move) you are nothing to my kentaiitchi!!!! Judo CHOP! Girl with british accent: ack! Help me into some house, Benvolio, Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me: I have it, And soundly too: your houses! Hot stuff: what?? (girl with british accent dies) Necropheliac: not again, dammit! oh well....she'll be back, mwahahahahahahahaha Johnny: why are you laughing? Necropheliac: Zounds! light abroad! Johnny: whatever.... [exeunt johnny and Necropheliac] (at martock) Tingley: wow, i am acctually, pretty good at this...... (runs into a pole then trips an elderly lady) Pink ranger: HA-HA! (tingley nuns into him) (they all have a grand time, for hours before they realise that Pink ranger is gushing brain fluids) Johnny: wow, thats pretty cool Necropheliac: hey, umm we have to do first aid....we're morally obligated Johnny: i *didn't* see it..... PSCF: well....i have porn to look up, catch ya lata losers (they leave him to die a slow and painful death) Necropheliac: well that was amusing now time to go swimming!!! (they get to the acadia pool, its a dump, there is moss growing out of the tiles, and half rotted bodies are floating in the shallow end) (all of a sudden for no apperent reason they hear some guy) Man with P.A.: hello, members of WoRMS, get ready for you death.... Necropheliac: you know....i've died so many times it has lost all meaning.... Man with P.A.: i'll do the talking!!! well, i've got a deal for you,i'll let you live if you accept a new member of WoRMS! Johnny: no....why don't you just kill us DM: (breathing hard) hhhhhh....i'm so scared.... Man with P.A: you mean....you don'T mind if you die??? PSCF: not really Man with P.A.: oh well.....you have to add a new character to WoRMS! anyway! Necropheliac: why? Man with P.A: cuz i said so (the WoRMS members have a group huddle) Necropheliac: allright....on one condition Man with P.A.: what is that? Johnny: you must give us (puts pinky to mouth in traditional Dr.Evil manner) 1 million dollars, mwahahahaha man with P.A: WHA??(in a pouty voice) no faiiiiiiir! FINE!!! i'll give you your money! (a mysteriously overly large cheque falls out of the sky to kill the croc hunter) man with P.A.: so....there's your stinking stolen...errr...totally legel money.....yes that will do......now you must add the additional character!!! Necropheliac: allright...but you must know....like about 95% of the WoRMS! characters are rarly used anyway man with P.A: meh, whatever, FILLUP!!!! come forth some other guy with a microphone: and here is bachlor number one!!!! (out of the door comes a guy..who looks like....... K&K: josh harknett??? (no....ryan bezanson) K&K: eww...and when a girl says eww she means eww! fillup: (with a slurred voice as if he is drunk) heyyigot ajoke!!! Johnny: a joke! he doesn't seem so bad! lets hear it Fillup: most anorexic person in the world (uses his fingers to demonstrate) a crack, wahahaaaaaaa! Necropheliac:(brings out a gun and shoots him) did anybody understand that? Hot stuff: no Johnny: well don't be hard on your self, you don't understand a lot of things Cripple: well he has been officially christined!!! Johnny: wah? Cripple: pink ranger is pissen un him! Necropheliac: ewww thats gross (they all stare at him) Necropheliac: what? Johnny: what do you plan on doing when you get home? Necropheliac: oh yeah....i guess...... PSCF: well, this conversation is dry Johnny: what? why? PSCF: cuz there are no sex stories Necrpheliac: i just realised something, how can you be a SEX craved freak....if you never get any....like almost every WoRMS! character has been laid.... except for you PSCF: yeah your right.....oh well, thats WoRMS! for you hehe....i want some porn.....(starts to suck on a blanket) (they all stand around for a while, looking for their towels) -- >23/02/02 ---------- Episode 70 "not another cheap titanic ripoff" ---------- Additional Cast: Green Kitty - Kirsten B. Trapped Idiot - Chris L. Purti Gurl - Nicole R. [WRHS is being reopened after being closed for the removal of hazardous materials. Everyone is excited.] Some Guy: I am excited. [Eyeshadow and Randy arrive, in a wheelbarrow] Eyeshadow: I thought you were rich, is this all you can afford? Randy: Uh...money can't buy love! Eyeshadow: Yes, it can. Now get your ass in there before I tie you up in a burlap bag and beat you with reeds. Randy: Yes, ma'am. [they enter] [meanwhile, on Nesbitt St...] [Li'l Nicky, Mrs. Claus, Tingles, and Crazy Li'l Bastard are playing strip poker in a hazy, cigar smoke-filled room] Tingles: Two pairs! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Full house! Mrs. Claus: Nuts! Oh well, I enjoy stripping in the company of fellow men! Tingles: Man, I'm losing a lot! Oh well, here's my last possession, a ticket to WRHS! Li'l Nicky: Ok, last time! Winner takes all! [they pool everything they have] [the cards are dealt] Tingles: Yes, three pairs! Mrs. Claus: Full house! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Boo yeah! Royal flush! Li'l Nicky: Uh...shit. One pair. Oh well. Yoinks! [grabs the money and runs to WRHS] [a while later] Some Guy: Tickets? Where's your ticket, sir! Li'l Nicky: Right here...[searches around in pocket]...uh, I swear, it's in here somewhere....er...ah...no, really...aw, phuckit! [pushes the ticket dude into the shark infested water] [he makes his way towards his room, but is accosted by Eyeshadow] Eyeshadow: Oh, woe is me! I am in a relationship with a man I do not love!... Hey, you! Yes, you, behind the bikeshed! Li'l Nicky: Wha? Eyeshadow: Let's have sex, stranger! Li'l Nicky: But who are, you? Eyeshadow: That doesn't matter, this is just another pointless romance! Screwing strangers is perfectly normal! Li'l Nicky: Ok, then... Darth Hartlin: No! That is bad! You have to use a condom to prevent the spread of STD's! Dumbass McGee: Solor-powered Toy Dogs? Eyeshadow: Shut up! [makes passionate love to Li'l Nicky] Randy: Huh? How come I never get any? [meanwhile, a bunch of random people from Florida are loitering in the lobby] Green Kitty: This place sucks. Trapped Idiot: Yeah, with a ratio of fifteen Tim Hortons's per capita and not even one Krispy Kreme to be found. Purti Gurl: I'm outta here. Squeekie Kitty: Yeah, hosers. [neways, Johnny's band is rehearsing] Johnny: Ok, let's play "Rock and Roll May Or May Not Be Noise Pollution Depending On How You Look At It"! King of the Birdies: Uh....wot's a quarter note? Mr. Tambourine Man: You're outta the band! [everyone starts noodling] Dumbass McGee: Hey, let's play some Linkin Park! All: ... [there is a stunned silence as all activity in the room comes to a sudden halt] God (not to be confused with the Social Outcast formerly known as God): Thou has blasphemed in my house! You shall face the full fury of your lord! [aMinal turns to Dumbass McGee, but his face is contorted and twisted. He rises and the room turns dark] aMinal: Out of my house, roach! Dumbass McGee: But, but.... Chowski: We will end you! Dumbass McGee: What? Never! aMinal: ARRGHHHHHH! [becomes the first person in WoRMS! to harness his true power] Dumbass McGee: Huh? No! No! Noooo!!! Aghhhhhh!!!!! [pop] [Dumbass McGee meets a horrifying and untimely death] All: .... Brie: Oh dear God! My love, no! Pink Ranger: Wow, that was kooool! Do it again! aMinal: Oooh..you're gone. [pop] Pink Ranger: $%%$%#&^%&%$^(&%*!!!!!! [another uncomfortable silence] All: ... Tiger Woods: Hi, I'm Tiger Woods. aMinal: I'd sure like to kill you, too! [pop] You're gone. Social Outcast: Hey, guys, I bought some bagels....oh shit. aMinal: You're dead. [pop] Tingles: You can't just go around gratiously killing everyone! [pop] aMinal: Who's next? [a mob of WoRMSer's run for the door in a frantic attempt to save their lives] [pop] [Crazy Li'l Bastard bursts into the room] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Iceberg! Right ahead! aMinal: How dare you disrupt my killig spree? Crazy Li'l Bastard: No, see, you don't understand, the sh-- aMinal: Excuse me, I think my rampage is more important than anything you might have to say. Crazy Li'l Bastard: I doubt it. aMinal: Go away, I'm trying to get some killing done here! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Well I'll tell you if you'll just shut up for a minute. I have-- aMinal: Enough of this prattle. [pop] [Suddenly the light changes to a sober red as the rays of the sun filter through a dark cloud floating above their heads like some diseased heart. A bolt of lightning cracks the sky. It could have split it open, the underbelly of a massive airborne demon. But it's just a cloud that has burst, although it is no ordinary cloud. Now drops of blood fall as rain to Earth.] Christopher Pike: What? You bastards stole my paragraph! I'm suing! Chowski: Uh...good one, aMinal. PSCF: May God help us all. Some Guy: AAAAHHH, what's happening? AAAAHHH: Don't ask me. Me: Yeah. Yeah: What? What: Yes? Yes: Huh? Huh: Yes? Yes: Ugh? Ugh: Yes? Yes: Argh! Argh: What? What: You rang? You: No, I didn't. I: But he did. He: I did? I: No, you did! You: Did not! Not: Hey hey, we're just friends! Hey hey: What are you talking about? I don't even know you! You: Sure you do! Sure: No, I don't. [and it continues] It: I do? [so, just what is happening?] Happening: I am the Lizard Queen! [ARGH! Shut up!] Up: But I'm not open. [Smartass. neways....continuing on. Everything is going to hell in a hand- basket and no one knows why] Sassy: Everything is going to hell in a handbasket! Do you know why? Johnny: No. Some Guy: Repent! The world is coming to an enddddddddddd! VZ: Why, yes, there is a crazed wacko. Crackdude: No, that's just my uncle Louie! [one of masters of seduction of the apocalypse walks by] Dude Guy: What's a master of seduction doing here? The Master of Seduction: Walking. Leave me alone. Nerdboy: Go fuck a moose! Master of Seduction: Cretin! You do not understand who I am! I am one of... The Four Master[s of Seduction,baters] of the Apocalypse! All: gasp! Master of Seduction: Yes, that's why it's raining blood! It's the apocalypse! Garrett: Uh, where are the other three? [The Master of Seduction points to a disturbing figure in the corner] Michael Jackson: No, not me! Him! [points to another disturbing figure in the corner] The OTHER Master of Seduction: That's right, it's me! [cell phone rings] Hello? Yeah, get over here already! We're starting the apocalypse! ... I know, I know...Yeah, you'll miss it if you don't hurry...No....Okay, yeah, you go down King Street and hang a left...Huh huh, yeah...Okay, and could you pick up some Pepsi on the way? Thanks. Bye. Dannie: Pepsi? You guys must be evil! The OTHER Master of Seduction: You guys should get ready to face the wrath of the Master[baters,s of Seduction]! $%$#% Nelson: Here's the grapes! And here's the wrath! Skinner: Yes, very good wrath, Nelson. The OTHER Master of Seduction: That was uncalled for. [A large station wagon pulls up and the OTHER OTHER Master of Seduction walks out] the OTHER OTHER Master of Seduction: Hey, I got the Pepsi! I also got "Hybrid Theory" by L[incoln,inkin] Park! Johnny: Nooo! Frizzle fry: %$^%&#&%^&*^$*%*!!! Necrophiliac: Linkin Park ROX! The Deceased Dumbass McGee: Right on! ^_^ *giggle* The Congealed Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: Uh, where are the other ones? The Master of Seduction: Uh....Shut up! And can you turn off the blood-rain? This is my good shirt. [Its a Tommy Hilfiger shirt. The blood rain stops] [there is great runble and the WRHS building starts to shake violently] VZ: It's sinking! AHHHH!!!! [leaps off the building] [indeed, the building begins sinking back into the swamp from whence it came] [there is mass chaos] Principal VZ: Deploy the life boats! Quick! Women and children first! [Li'l Nicky, Randy, and Eyeshadow are gathered on the deck, waiting to get out] Li'l Nicky: Eyeshadow! Hurry and get on a boat! Save yourself! Randy: Uh, yeah. We'll meet you again on shore! Li'l Nicky: Don't worry about us! Eyeshadow: Fine then, I won't! See you in Hell, LOSERS! [hops on nearest boat] Li'l Nicky: ... Randy: ... Li'l Nicky: This isn't how it happened in the movie. Randy: Uh, my bad. Let's go beat Final Fantasy IX before we meet our deaths. Li'l Nicky: That's the best idea i've heard all day! [they leave] [meanwhile, The Matt Murley Little Big Band is playing their final performance] PSCF: Gentlemen, it's been an honour playing with you. No, nevermind. You guys suck. I'm leaving now. [they start playing] #99: Capt'n Keyes! What are you doing? The last boat is leaving! Capt'n Keyes: No. I will go down with the ship. #99: You fool, don't you know how much insurance money we're gonna get out of this? Capt'n Keyes: Uh...no. #99: m=r^2xc+7(56/f)x(dx3g), with f being the number of occupants! Capt'n Keyes: [ponders for a bit] Woah. That's a shitload of money. Let's go! [The apocalypse finally starts. It's a heartbreaker, a mover and a shaker, a cup of lukewarm coffee, and other random things. All around the world, statues crumble. Mountains, too. Everyone is screaming.] Everyone: Aaaaah. Masters of Seduction: ha ha ha ha ha. [The planet starts to disintegrate and everyone plunges into a blanket of darkness illuminated by flashes of light wiggling into strange patterns, not unlike that psychedelic sequence on 2001 : A Space Odyssey] [A vertical dark blue line on a white background.] [Vertical line on a background. It's now changed into odd psychedelic colours.] [Vertical line. It shrinks and disappears, then reappears.] [Vertical line, back to blue on white. Zoom out to reveal that the line is one of two near the top of a large white rectangle. Near the bottom of the rectangle is a dark blue triangle. The lines flicker again.] David Bowman: My God...it's full of stars! [Scene: A darkened room. A blue lava lamp provides a pale glow, the room's only source of light. In the middle of this room we can faintly see a black bed, covered with WoRMS! episodes on papers, illegally copied sheet music and the occasional compact disc, one severely scratched. The debris starts to move slightly, and is flung aside as a shadowy figure emerges from beneath.] Johnny: Uhh....I knew I shouldn't have had so many ridiculously long sandwiches before bed. What a strange dream. [another figure emerges] Hot Stuff: Huh? Go back to bed, Johnny. -- 03/03/02 >Tiger Woods: Hi, I'm Tiger Woods. .:|WoRMS! Part Fifteen|:. top ---------- Episode 71 "The Man And The Journey" ---------- --By Johnny and Hunch Additional Cast: Blonde KES Girl - Rebecca Wightman Unfortunate Fool - Matt Lloy Hunch - Nicole Graves FryGuy - Mrs. Rhonda Fry [it is late at night in Dense Mountain. A full moon is shining merrily in the sky as crickets chirp quietly in the background. We see a small shack on a hill. Inside is Idoit, talking to a picture of a Blonde KES Girl.] Idoit: Oh, Becca, my love! I have one thing I must say to thee....ahem...i wanna stand with you on a mountain, I wanna bathe with you in the sea, I wanna live like this forever, until the sky falls down over...me...? Shit, I can't remember the rest...who am I kidding? I'm just a hick from Dense Mountain, she'll never love me! [the room is suddenly filled with an unnatural light. There is a crash and a bang and a man in a flaming pie appears to Idoit in a mystical vision. On closer inspection, we notice the figure is none other than...Capt'n Keyes] Idoit: What be this infernal magick? Capt'n Keyes: Hark, young Idoit! It is I, Capt'n Keyes, your faerie godfather! Idoit: Capt'n Keyes, can you help me find my lady? Capt'n Keyes: Yes, but you must go on a perilous journey to KES! Idoit, take up thine stephyscope and walk! Idoit: What, I don't have a stephyscope! Capt'n Keyes: Huh? Oh nevermind. [disappears in a puff of logic] Idoit: Yeah, he's right, I'm gonna go and find my girl! [he packs his bag and makes his way out] Hey, y'all! I'd be going to da city to find ma girl! See ya, ma! Narrarator: And thus, Idoit sets off to have an adventure and find the Blonde KES Girl. [meanwhile, in Windsor] Unfortunate Fool: But, Disturbed...I love you! Disturbed: Oh, Unfortunate Fool, I love you, too! Narrarator: And thus, the happy couple make passionate love, because Disturbed is horny. Disturbed: Hey, I resent that! Narrarator: Quiet, you. At least I actually bothered putting you in this episode. Now, stop being insolent, or I'll tie you all up in a burlap bag and beat you with reeds. Tiger Woods: Hey, ure hot! Wanna come play "golf" with me? (mieowp) The object is to get the club in the hole, not the balls! [wink wink nudge nudge] Disturbed: Oh, okay! Unfortunate Fool: No, back off, you big bully! Tiger Woods: Haha, you are nothing but an Unfortunate Fool! I will kill you! [he eats Unfortunate Fool in one bite] Disturbed: Oh, Tiger! [they embrace and the camera pans away, while PSCF plays erotic music on a kazoo] PSCF: Dum dum dum dum... [meanwhile, Idoit accosts a congregation of extreme right-wing neo-nazis busy trying to crucify One-Eyebrow Man on 2-foot high cross] One-Eyebrow Man: Ow, my eyebrow!...er, lid. Nerdboy: Dammit, I told you we should have got a bigger cross! Naziboy: How was I supposed to know it wasn't big enough? Idoit: Hi, all! Naziboy: Shut up, can't you see we're busy? Nerdboy: Yeah, we albinoJewishNaziEskimoes don't have much time for chit-chat. Idoit: But this is wrong! You can't just go and kill people for being different! Naziboy: Uh, why can't we? Idoit: Because you're different and special in your own unique way, just like everybody else! Naziboy: Hey, you're right! This *is* wrong! Thanx, you've shown me the way! From now on, I'll be nicer to people! One-Eyebrow Man: Phew! Now I can go home and continue making plans to burn down the White House! Idoit: Well, that solves everything! [starts to leave] Nerdboy: Wait! Idoit: What? Nerdboy: Wait for me, Idoit, I wanna come too! Idoit: To KES? Why? Nerdboy: I heard the Wizard of DOS lives in Windsor! I surely need his help! Idoit: Why so, comrade? Nerdboy: For I was born without emotion, Idoit! Only he can help me, cuz he's on crack, he's on crack. Idoit: Poor cretin! Then I'll help you get to the Wiz! Maybe he'll show me the way to the Blonde KES Girl! [meanwhile, in a jungle in Africa...] VZ: Ah, it's so nice to escape from that dreary school every now and then! FryGuy: You think those kids will notice us missing? VZ: No, they're capitalist swine. FryGuy: I wonder how they're doing right now? [back in Windsor, in room 99...] [the room has greatly deteriorated since FryGuy's departure. Darth Hartlin is the substitute teacher, sitting quietly at her desk doing a crossword puzzle while giving mindless drivel for the students to copy off of the blackboard and pretending to be marking assignments] [students are throwing textbooks, molotov cocktails, kitchen sinks, and whatever they can get their grubby hands on] [at the back of the room, Chowski and Kutch are stuffing King of the Birdies into a locker] King of the Birdies: Help me! Kutch: Fuck you! Chowski: No, fuck you! Kutch: No, fuck you! Chowski: No, fuck you! Kutch: No, fuck you! Chowski: No, fuck you! Kutch: No, fuck you! Chowski: No, fuck you! Kutch: No, fuck you! Chowski: No, fuck you! Kutch: Oh wait, I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to King of the Birdies! Chowski: Oh, my bad. Kutch: Uhuhuhuhuhuh. Darth Hartlin: [not even bothering to look up from her "work"] I'm trying to work, please quiet down class. Shhh.... Buddy: ....it. Teeheehee. [meanwhile, at the front steps of KES] [Idoit has picked up a large following of people also wishing to see the Wiz, including: Nerdboy, who is looking for emotions to fill an empty heart, Social Outcast, who is desperately looking for some friends, Garrett, who is pissed off that Johnny never bothered giving him a nickname in WoRMS!, Hot Stuff, who wants to get a brain, and a bunch of random people.] [they make their way into the central chambers of the Wizard of DOS; it resembles the inside of the Taj Mahal, with a giant talking head at the back. It is the wizard of DOS] The Wizard of DOS: Halt! Who goes there! Idoit: We come to ask for your help, oh great one! [everyone looks at Wayne Gretzky] Wayne Gretzky: No, not me, him! [points to the Wiz] Wizard of DOS: Help? Pray, tell me more. Garrett: Wizard, I need a nickname! Wizard of DOS: Your wish is granted! [Garrett becomes...bum bum bum...Homey G!] Homey G: Yaysirs! Hot Stuff: I want a brain! Wizard of DOS: Oooh. This one's a toughie....you sure you don't want a cup of tea instead? Hot Stuff: You mean leaves in water, with milk...from a cow? Wizard of DOS: Yes. Hot Stuff: All right! [take the cup of tea] Social Outcast: I want some friends! Wizard of DOS: I can do that....[he starts to concentrate intensely, but he can't seem to grant Social Outcast's wish...after ten minutes of thinking, sparks begin to fly out of his eyes and smoke from his ears. Then, the whole wall collapses, revealing a man with a microphone in his hand...Frizzle Fry!] Frizzle fry: Aw, dammit. i'm outta here. Social Outcast: But what about my wish? But...but... Frizzle Fry: Fuck you. [leaves] Idoit: Nooooo! Becca!! Now I'll never find you! Blonde KES Girl: Will! Idoit: Hey, Becca! [they embrace and the scene fades to black as sappy music begins to play] Hunch: *sniff* I love happy endings. -- 06/04/02 >PSCF: Dum dum dum dum... ---------- Episode 72 "The WoRMS!! cast finds out about exams only 2 days before they start and try to steal the answers so they can cheat and pass the exams but the writers Brie and Dumbass Mcgee go insane and kill off everybody but themselves" ---------- --By Dumbass McGee and Brie Aditional Cast: [It is Wednesday, January 23, at WRHS. Johnny, Necrophiliac, Perverted Sex Craved Freak, Dumbass McGee and Brie are all sitting in Slackers class just before the bell rings] Necropliliac: does this bell seem to be taking longer than normal to ring? Johnny: Yes it does. Let me check the time. [Does so] It's 12:29 AM! [The bell rings 1 minute later] Slacker: Ok. Now, if you were all listening to me, you should be ready for fridays exam, as well as the exams next week. PSCF: EXAMS!!! WHAT THE HELL IS AN EXAM!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!! [Jumps out the 47th story window] Brie: [to Dumbass McGee] Exams! If I fail , I be sent back to Ontario! DM: What?! That can't happen can it? Brie: Yes Johnny: You know, we could steel the answers and copy them! DM: No! That's immoral! I will never participate in any sort of theivery! NEVER! Brie: please, Matt? I really don't want to go back , the people in Ontario will eat me! DM: Of course I'll go. Brie: Thank you Matt. [looks at everyone else] Will you guys help? Necropliliac: Sure. Besides, we all need those answers, too! Well, except Murly, I think he's dead, but me and Johnny will. Brie: Ok. Well, we'll go get them then. [Later, outside of the school, Necro, Johnny, DM, Brie and PSCF arrive outside of the school in all black outfits.] Necro: Hey Murly, I thought you were dead! PSCF: Well, that's what happens when DM helps write the episode. Brie: well, I don't see you guys writing them. PSCF: That's because I'm lazy. Brie : All Windorians seem to be. [Sticks her tounge out at Murly] Johnny: Shut up. Who cares if Murly's dead or not? Lets get these answers so all us lazy bastards can go to bed! Necro: yeah DM: Ok. You people stay here, I'll see if I can climb up on the roof. [Dumbass McGee starts trying to climb the brick wall. While he is making a fool out of himself the others walk in the door. DM follows them after failing miserably.] Brie: ok, well, where are the exams anyway? Johnny: They should be in Mr. Bartons room. [They begin walking down the hall toward Slackers classroom, when an arrow shoots out of the wall and hits Murly in the eye.] PSCF: Owww! My Eyelid! [Dies] Necro: You're not having a good day, are you Murly? Murly? PSCF: ... Johnny: Oh my god! They killed Murly! Hey, who cares? It's not like it was me who died! [A lightening bolt shoots out of the wall and almost kills Johnny.] DM: Maybe Murly dying was a sign that we shouldn't be doing this. Necro: I doubt it, probably just some random violence. Hey, you wrote that he died, don't you know? DM: Oh yeah, I did! Yes, it was just random violence. Oh well, lets keep going. Just hope I don't feel like killing someone else...Fwahahhahaha -- ack! *cough cough* Damn pleghm [Everyone stares at Dumbass McGee.] Brie: That's Iverach's line. DM: Well, he's not here right now. Iverach: That's what you think! DM : Where did you come from? Iverach: The staff room. I was smoking some pot with Teacherman, but that doesn't matter. I'm here to...uh...do...something...Hey Dumbass, why am I here anyway? [DM shrugs] Iverach: I'll teach you to play games with the dark lord of evil! [He stands there doing nothing.] Ah, I'm too lazy. [Iverach walks back to the staff room.] [They all start walking towards slackers room again.] Brie: This is way too easy. Matt, can you see if it's safe up ahead? DM: Uh, ok... [He walks foreward and is attacked by evil robot ninjas!] Ahhh! Help! [They all battle the evil robot ninjas until the last one is vanquished.] Brie : is everyone ok? [Necrophiliac is lying on the floor.] Johnny: Oh god! They killed Max! Still wasn't me, haha! DM: How many more people must die so we can pass these exams? Oh, wait, as many as I want! Brie: LOOK! [ necrophiliac spirit raises out of his body ] he's come back to finish his unfinished business Necrophiliac's Spirit : I will still help! DM: Oh no you won't! I killed you off and your not comming back untill the end of the episode, so get back in that lifeless shell of yours and don't come out untill I say you can! Necrophiliac's Spirit: Yes, sir. [He returns to his body untill further notice.] DM: Hey Brie, why don't you kill someone off? It's fun! I've never felt so alive! Brie : ok! [Tries to kill off DM by throwing a knife at him, but misses and throw it into Necrophiliac's lifeless body] Brie: Oops, missed. Necrophiliac's Lifeless Body : Oww! DM: Hey! I didn't mean me! Kill Johnny! Brie: Bwahahaha! Ok! [Turns on Johnny.] DM: Do it! Kill him! Feel your anger! Only your hatred can destroy him! Brie: Mwahaha [Throws a knife at his head] Noooo!!!!!!!!! [ Johnny ducks and it misses him] DM: Here, let me help you. [Looks at Johnny. He instantly bursts into flames.] Now you try. [Johnny comes back to life.] Brie: Ok [ grins evilly ] Hehe [Summons a tabiths to come and kill Johnny.] Better ? [Johhny gets a tabiths swoop through him and dies instantly.] DM: Much better. Now, lets get those answers and get out of here before they take their awful bloody revenge on us! Brie: Ok , lets go. [They walk to Slackers class without any more useless traps, simply because they don't feel like killing themselves off. They get to the classroom and look around for the answers.] DM: I don't see them anywhere. Do you? Brie: Yes! Over there on that desk. [Points to a desk in the middle of the room.] DM: Oh, right. I knew that. Brie: Why don't you go get them? see if it's safe. DM: Aw, why do I always have to "see if it's safe"? Brie: Because I am scared to. DM: Oh, ok. Then sure, I'll do it. Why didn't you just say so? I'd be more than happy to. [Walks over to the desk, picks up the answers, and walks back] DM: Hmmm, that was too easy... [All of a sudden, a huge boulder a la Indiana Jones falls from a hole in the ceiling and rolls toward them. They run out of slackers room, with the boulder right behind them.] DM: We're gonna die!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!! Brie : Do you still have the answers? DM: Yes, but what good will they be when we're dead! [Suddenly, a hole opens behind them and swallows up the boulder.] DM: That was interesting...pointless...but interesting. Brie: yes, your right, i guess we should be going with those answers now though DM: Yeah. I'm sure PSCF, Johnny and Necro will like haveing them. Not to mention you won't have to leave because you failed the exam. Brie: yes, your right, I will get to stay right here... until the next exams.. DM: Hopefully the next exams we will know about them a little sooner Brie: Yes so we can get the answers sooner DM: Couldn't we just study? Brie: [laughs evilly] yes, but this is so much funner! DM: Well, I did enjoy the adreniline rush when I killed everyone off... Brie: Except me! DM: Right. I have no intension of killing you. If I did, every part of this episode that you wrote would dissappear in a puff of purple smoke that smells oddly like weed... Brie: [laughs loudly] [They both walk out of the school oddly calm after such a disturbing night...] [the next day...In Slackers Class, as Necro, DM, Johnny, PSCf and Brie are all sitting ready to do the exams] Brie: I thought we killed you off! Johnny: You did, but WoRMS!! has never been very consistant. Necro: I had to come back to have my daily ridiculously long sandwich... PSCF: Yes...another day...another sandwich... Slacker: Ok, now I'm sure all of you are ready for the exam...but first, the exemption list! DM, Brie, PSCF, Johnny, Necrophilliac! Congratulations! Brie: No way!!!! We went through all the trouble to kill everyone off and steal the answers and we're exempt! Johnny, Necro, PSCF: DAMN! DM: Gosh darn it! Brie: DM, don't you ever swear at all? DM: No, never! I pushed the limit enough just with the "Gosh Darn It" Brie: Why don't you swear? DM: It is a sin against God and against my moral values... Johnny: Mo-ral val-ues? PSCF: Speak english, boy! Necro: Yes, please do. Brie: what values? DM: Never do anything my mommy says is bad. DM's Mom: Yeah, boy. If you ever let one damn swear out of your mouth I'll kick your ass!!! Brie: Both my parents swear anywaz so I can all i want. DM: My parents do too...maybe I should re-think my values... [Thinks for a few minutes] DM: Nope, I can't do it. And don't even get me started on any type of porn... PSCF: Did someone say porn?!?! Where is it!!! Necro: There is none, stop drooling... Johnny: Those Wacky Zany Nutty Funsters! -- 30/04/02 >Iverach: I'll teach you to play games with the dark lord of evil! [He stands there doing nothing.] Ah, I'm too lazy. ---------- Episode 73 "Its Summer!" ---------- --By Pink Ranger Additional Cast: The apperentice - Clayton MacDonald [johnny, necrophiliac and pink ranger are heading to the pool] johnny: hey all pink ranger: hi mike waz up? johnny: nothing much.... necrophiliac: i hear from my sourses (aka: flood) weve got a new coach! pink ranger: really? necrophiliac: do i have any reason to lie to you? pink ranger: yes necrophiliac: what? pink ranger: you see, i can do this [necrophiliac spontainiusly combusts] johnny:hey, you cant do that![brings necrophiliac back from the dead] pink ranger: yes sir... [finily they reach the pool] fung koo: wow chris... you grew! pink ranger: so fung koo: now i expect you to be 42 times faster!!! pink ranger: why 42? johnny: it works pink ranger: youre kidding, right? fung koo: no pink ranger: really? fung koo: yes pink ranger: yes,as in your'e kidding or yes,as in your'e not kidding? fung koo:. ..just get in the damn pool! necrophiliac: yeah, get in the damn pool pinky johnny: yeah! fung koo: all you damn kids get in the damn pool damnit! dr dre: i can't do it sir there is too much urine! the apprentince: chris, are you sure this is legal? fung koo: of corse not! were too poor for anything sanitary! cripple: AH! my eyes! the goggles, they do nothing!!!!! johnny: ah summer, don't you miss it? pink ranger: no necrophiliac: no k+k: no, and when a girl says no, she means no! some guy: no fung koo: SHUT UP AND SWIM BEFORE I HAVE TO PUT YOU IN A BERLAP BAG AND BEAT YOU WITH REEDS! or just tell you to get out and do 10 pushups. -- 08/06/02 >dr dre:i can't do it sir there is too much urine! ---------- Episode 74 "The WoRMS! Saga Sells Out! Fit the First" ---------- Additional Cast: Li'l Whitey - Billy Coone Phat Tony - Tony Wood Soulman - James Andrus Toastman - Himself Rudiger - Rudy Allen [an infinite number of WoRMSer's are typing on an infinite number of typewriters, in an attempt to write a half descent episode] Johnny: Damn, with these odds, you'd think that we'd come up with at least *one* non-filler episode! Pink Ranger: Virginize me, genius. Dumbass McGee: Hey, I just got a good one! All: NO. Dumbass McGee: Awww...gosh darn it! All: ... Necrophiliac: Ever notice how he never seems to swear? PSCF: Yeah, that's not normal! Dumbass McGee: Guys...it's not my fault I don't like to swear! Pink Ranger: Hey! And he has no interest in pr0n, either!...speaking of which, I've got a craving for some good Hentai! All: Eeewwwwww!!! Fung Koo: Sick...and to think that, just four years ago, this kid thought he was Batman! PSCF: Geez, you're right, Dumbass McGee's going into grade ten and he's still not looking at pr0n! Naziboy: I've got an idea! A labotomy will cure all his ailments! Dr. Doom: [appears at the doorway, brandishing a rusty meat cleaver] Did somebody say labotomy? [he drags Dumbass McGee onto the operating table] [sounds of pain] [the next day] PSCF: Another day, another sandwich. Hot Stuff: Hey, where's Dumbass McGee? Johnny: He had a labotomy, remember? Hot Stuff: Oh. Chowski: Labotomy! Kutch: Uhuhuhuhuhuhuh. Necrophiliac: Hey, look, it's Dumbass McGee! Dumbass McGee: Greetings, fellow WoRMS!'ers. I have returned from the void. I am now cured. All: ... Dumbass McGee: ... [starts to convolse] ...Hell....damn?....crap...damn...damnit... mother...motherf....mother?...crap...HELL!...The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog...The square root of pi is 1.7724538090... log e to the base ten is 0.4342944...the square root of ten is 3.16227766... I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois, on January 12th, 1991. My first instructor was Dr. Chandra. He taught me to sing a song... it goes like this... "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you... All: ... Pink Ranger: Don't you see? It's not really Dumbass McGee! It's a mask! [he jumps on Dumbass McGee and starts to tear at his face] Dumbass McGee: Oww! Agh! UGh! Dammit! It's me, bitch! Pink Ranger: Oh. Sorry. PSCF: Hey, what's up with you? Something's not right! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Besides the fact that you look like a wet gerbil! Dumbass McGee: Fuck you. All: *gasp* Hunch: He....swore? Some Guy: AHHHHH!!! It defies all logic! [leaps of out 1st storey window] Eyeshadow: You're a loser, Kehoe. Dumbass McGee: But...but...I'm swearing! I'm kool, now! Necrophiliac: No, you are certainly not L33T, Kehoe. Dumbass McGee: But...but... Johnny: Bah...stop spewing your ignorance! [whips him] Phat Tony: It's The Wong! It's a whip! It's The Wong with a whip! Run away! [random acts of wacky zany nutty funsterism ensue] Johnny: Ok, I guess I'll post your episode, after all, seeing as I'm too lazy to write some myself! Dumbass Mcgee: Yay. [there is a knock on the door] [knock knock] Pink Ranger: Who's there? Some Guy: Bill Gates. Pink Ranger: Bill Gates who? Bill Gates: It's only a joke, you don't need to cry! ahahaha! All: ... -_- Johnny: Confound his White sense of humour! I'm surrounded by foreign devils! Li'l Whitey: gah! Local devils! Bill Gates: Gentlemen, I have a proposition for you! Johnny: What? Bill Gates: We, at Microsoft, have taken note of the great success of the WoRMS! Saga, and we are interested in aquiring all of the materials in the saga and complete control of publishing rights. Necrophiliac: No way, man. This is *our* saga, leave it alone, you corporate fat cats! Johnny: Capitalist swine! Bill Gates: Now, now, boys. I'm sure we can work something out. PSCF: Get out of my house, roach! Bill Gates: What would you say if I offered you a ridiculously large sum of money to buy it? Dumbass McGee: How much? Bill Gates: [writes a figure on a scrap of paper and hands it to Johnny] Johnny: Zarks! [faints] Necrophiliac: Holy shit, we can't turn this down! PSCF: Sold! [an indeterminate amount of time later...] [shot of a tv screen] Reporter: So, Johnny, I hear about the sell-out of the WoRMS! Saga. Is it true that you sold it to Microsoft? Johnny: Yes, though we will still write episodes periodically. Reporter: But, don't you feel like you've betrayed your fans? I mean, don't you feel like a sell-out? Pink Ranger: No, not one bit. Reporter: [in disgust] Sir, how do you sleep at night? Necrophiliac: I'll answer that....on piles of money with many beautiful women. [tv turns off] [the shot pans away from the television set to show a dilapidated trailer, in which is Soulman, lying drunkenly on a chewed-up rug] Soulman: Ugh....huaffff.....ohhhh dreaa, the dog shat on the floor again! Hey! Somebody...pick it up!.... [no answer] Soulman: [gets up] Gah...I'm so hungry.... [eyes the the pile of feces on the floor] No..no....what am I thinking, I'll have to save that for supper. [exits] [scene changes to the WoRMS! crew, busy playing golf] Johnny: Hole in one! haha! Where's my caddy? Li'l Whitey: Coming! My life for you, masssster! Pink Ranger: Ah...now this is the life! Hey, it's #99! PSCF: AHHH!!! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Run away! #99: Hahaha...don't worry, kids, I'm just here to golf! It's not like math class or anything! PSCF: Oh, ok! [hits the ball into the green] #99: Nice shot! Now....just for fun, can you tell me the formula for calculating where the ball will go? PSCF: Um...1x^2+ax+b??? #99: No! YOU FOOL, IT'S {3xa+b^3+fg(c^5-f)}{7+x^2}!!!! [beats PSCF with sawed-off golf club] Puddle: You math nazi! Dumbass McGee: Hey, guys, I can't find my rare Pokemon cards! All: AHAHAHAHA [Soulman appears] Soulman: Hey, Kehoe! I heard u collect Pokemon cards! Dumbass McGee: Yeah, why? Soulman: 'Cuz I stole em from some loser's collection in the locker roo....er, I bought them. Dumbass McGee: Hey, they look like the ones I lost! In fact, they even have my name printed on the backs! Wow, I'll buy em! Five million! Soulman: Cha ching! Rudiger: Bling bling! Puddle: Mmmm...chickenballs! Dannie: Hey, let's go. I have a premonition that Johnny will write an episode about us in the near future! #99: Speaking of which, I have to go teach a class now! Good game, guys... [mumbles under his breath] ...aside from the fact that you all sucked! [exunt] Johnny: Hey, Pinkie, let's write another episode! It's been a while since the last one! Pink Ranger: Good idea! What shall it be about?...hmmm...how about we have an adventure in the red light district in Amsterdam? Necrophiliac: Sounds good! [a lawyer walks up the the gang] Lawyer: Um...er....guys, I don't think that's such a good idea...I mean, after all, we're releasing a WoRMS! children's television series in a few weeks and we don't want any unecessary sexual exploits to tarnish the WoRMS! franchise... Johnny: Oh, I understand. All right, how about an episode where we go and save the world from the vice of evil tobacco companies? It'll be insightful and educational, while allowing plenty of opportunities for wacky zany nutty fun! Lawyer: Hmm....no no...no, that certainly won't do...tobacco companies are a big sponser of our upcoming "WoRMS!: The Art Exhibit" Pink Ranger: Art exhibit? Children's book? Why were we not asked about this! Lawyer: Er....sorry guys, but to increase our total revenues from WoRMS!, we decided to create some spin-off products under the WoRMS! label... Necrophiliac: But do they have anything to do with the original WoRMS! at all? Lawyer: Hell no! What do you think we are, crazy? [meanwhile...] Naziboy: Nerdboy, we've got a math test today! Nerdboy: Yayfun. Shouldn't be too difficult. #99: Good day, class! Let the testing begin! [silence] All: ... [more silence] Naziboy: Uh, where's the test? #99: [suprised] Test? You don't get a test, little boy! What do you think this is...grade 8?! Nooo...you're supposed to know all this by now! [chuckles] Ha, that's a good one, actually giving the damn questions.... you guys crack me up. Nerdboy: Oh God no! Toastman, save me! [Toastman flies into the room, does a merry rendition of Riverdance and flies away] Cripple: Huh? What was the point of that? Crackdude: Quiet, you! I'm writing my test! [kicks him in the face] Cripple: OOf! [flies out of 27th storey window and lands in a truck full of unprocessed manure] Heyyyyy, is this manure? Yum yum! [back in the classroom] K+K: Ah...mista 99? Did I do zis question right? #99: Yes, good job, K+K! You get a gold star! Tingles: #99, how do I do this question? #99: Deal with it, dumbass! Ditz: #99?...can you help me with this question, I don't understand! #99: Kali...that's the line where you print your name. Ditz: So I leave it blank? #99: No, Kali, you print your name there. Ditz: Oh, ok! [begins to write out random numbers on the sheet] #99: No! PRINT YOUR NAME ON THE SPACE! Ditz: Oops, ok, I get it! So, the answer is y=mx+b? #99: NO! PRINT YOUR FUCKING NAME THERE! Ditz: Um, do I have to show my work for this question? #99: [self destructs] [meanwhile...] Lawyer: ...and no, I doubt that'll ever sell! Johnny: Oh. Well, there goes all of *my* ideas. Pink Ranger: Fine, I've got one ultimate idea left! How about we- Lawyer: No, now that certainly won't do! Necrophiliac: Bitch! So what are we going to do now? Lawyer; Nothing! We've already got a team of writers writing new episodes 24/7! Johnny: What? Lawyer: Here. [hands them copies of episodes, labelled: 'Buy Windows 2002!', 'Why Windows Is Better Than Linux', 'George W. Bush Is Your Boss', and other such things] PSCF: Man, these are good! Pink Ranger: They suck! Lawyer: [glares at him] Pink Ranger: Diese Nachricht wurde unter die obersten Richtungen Der Microsoft Geheimnis Polizei und der fuerher sich selbst beendigt! Heil Bill Gates! Johnny: WTF??! Lawyer: Hahaha, you are nothing to us, little men! Not even you can stop our censors! Necrophiliac: AHHHH!! [jumps out of 27t storey window] Lawyer: No, those random acts of violence simply won't sell! Get back in here! Necrophiliac: Yes, sir.... [later...] Some Kid: Hey, let's go to the WoRMS! site and see what those wacky zany nutty funsters are up to today! Some Other Kid: Yeh, I wonder if they put up any new episodes? [they go onto the WoRMS! website] Some Kid: Hey, something's wrong! Some Other Kid: You're right, it never used to have Pay-Per-Read episodes! Some Guy: And what's up with the pictures idolizing Bob Barker? Some Kid: We should do something about this! Some Other Kid: Such as? Some Guy: Let's call our hax0r friends! Some Kid: Who the hell are you? Why are you in my house? Some Guy: Hey, don't get on my case, I'm just Some Guy! Some Other Kid: Some Guy's got a good idea! Let's find someone to hack into Microsoft and find out whats going on! Some Kid: But who will do it? Scotty: I will hax0r you! [blows up Li'l Whitey's computer] Some Other Kid: The Wizard of DOS! Frizzle fry: You called? Some Kid: Help us find out what happened to WoRMS! Frizzle Fry: Oh, ok! Hmmm....it seems that....they've been bought out by Microsoft! All: Gasp! Some Kid: Something must be done about this! Some Other Kid: But what? Dumbass McGee: I can help you with that! Some Kid: It's Dumbass McGee, returned from the grave on the anniversary of the night that he got laid! Dumbass McGee: Ew! That's gross; that never happened! All: Oh. Dumbass McGee: Anyways, I think I can help save WoRMS! This whole Microsoft takeover is part of a greater conspiracy involving the Republican Party and CBS! The truth is--- [the door bursts open and a SWAT team charges in and apprehends Dumbass McGee] Dumbass McGee: The truth is out there! Agh!!! Man In Black: You saw nothing. [they exit] Some Kid: That was interesting. Some Other Kid: I'm bored, let's play Doom! [to be continued...] -- 27/06/02 >Some Guy: Hey, don't get on my case, I'm just Some Guy! ---------- Episode 75 "The WoRMS! Saga Sells Out! Fit the Second" ---------- -By: Pinky additional cast: [an unusilay hot november night....] william shatner:west, use your bat-a-rang to get us up there! adam west:[searches his belt only to find that it is a normal dress belt] drat, left it in my other belt! bob denver:[sigh] [denver steps over the wall with relitive ease] william shatner:[gasp] how'd you get over the wall that easily? bob denver:the wall is 2ft high.... [west and shatner look down only to see the wall is only 2ft high] adam west:you could figure that out but you couldn't get off the island... [west and shatner step over the wall] [a searchlight narrowly misses exposing them under it's incredibly bright light] bob denver: well lets keep going, i dont want to take out another loan from Mr Howall. adam west:wait, i dont need this money, i'm still on the air and getting royalties! [west leaves magicly] william shatner: damn we still need batman though... pink ranger: hey i can help you there fung koo: hey look its batman! [pink ranger randomly pulls out a batman costume and reverts to batman] batman: i'm batman. girl with the british accent: alright! bob denver: whatever, lets go [they continue until they get to the valt] batman: what now? [william shatner walks straight into the door] william shatner: its not the same as on the enterprise bob denver: spoiled bas... [trails off] batman: the door is half open... we can just go in.... shatner&denver: oh... [they go in to find johnny, PSCF, necrophiliac and some guy filling berlap bags with gold] johnny: hello good sirs,would you care to go away. batman: hey guys [becomes pink ranger again] PSCF: gasp! william shatner, i have all your books,your my hero! william shatner: yes, i get that all the time. johnny: well we should get going, you know, need to buy back the site and all! necrophiliac: yes, and because we spent all the money on booze, women, porn, food and computer upgrades we need some more to buy our site back. pink ranger: yep! some guy: but couldn't we just get relible jobs and slave for sevrel years until we could buy the site back... johnny: ya and then we could live on jupiter without any atmosphere production so that we would be living on toxic gasses, graduly moving towards the center of gravity until we are crushed into a ridiculously small ball of ramdom matter only to be studied by scientests after the universe expands again and we fall to earth and kill our future counterparts! would you like that??????? all:........ johnny: well! all: no sir. johnny:good, lets go! [they leave and seconds later denver and shatner are being arrested] -- 27/06/02 >johnny: ya and then we could live on jupiter without any atmosphere production so that we would be living on toxic gasses, graduly moving towards the center of gravity until we are crushed into a ridiculously small ball of ramdom matter only to be studied by scientests after the universe expands again and we fall to earth and kill our future counterparts! would you lik that??????? .:|WoRMS! Part Sixteen|:. top ---------- Episode 76 "The WoRMS! Saga Sells Out! Fit the Last" ---------- Additional Cast: [three shadowy figures talking in a slightly dimmed alley] Bill Gates: This certainly won't do...we've lost 54 billion dollars on this stupid thing already, and we haven't even started the X-Box game yet! Shadowy Figure: You're right. It must Saddam Husein. He must be found and stopped! Other Shadowy Figure: Fool of a took! And to think that, for only half the price, we could've bought the Dragonball franchise and used it to milk money from those stupid Americans! Bill Gates: What do we do now, master? Other Shadowy Figure: Give it back to them! The price was wrong, cretin! Shadowy Figure: I say we nuke them for their insolence! [the WoRMS!'ers arrive at the Microsoft headquarters] Johnny: Bill Gates! Bill Gates: Oh, it's good to see you guys! Johnny: We're interested in buying back the WoRMS! Saga! Bill Gates: What a coincidence, we were thinking of selling it away, too! Pink Ranger: We'll give you five bucks. Bill Gates: But...but...but... [a spacecraft lands next to Bill Gates.] Extra-Terrestrial: You're a jerk, Gates, a real knee biter. [leaves] Bill Gates: But...but...but..but.. Johnny: Five bucks, take it or leave it. Bill Gates: Fine then. Take the damned thing! Oh, and I've ordered my guards to kill you on the way out. Have a nice day! [a man drops from the ceiling, whielding a scimiter. He pulls off some impressive moves with it and advances towards the WoRMS!'ers.] Johnny: [Pulls out a pistol and shoot him] Bill Gates: [looking defeated] I'll go play Chip's Challenge now. -- 01/07/02 >Extra-Terrestrial: You're a jerk, Gates, a real knee biter. [leaves] ---------- Episode 77 "So Long, And Thanks For All The Laughs" ---------- --By Johnny and Iverach Additional Cast: Diane van Schie - Dude Girl [The Annual WRHS Smartass Awards were, if you remember, a time of great joy and attempted murder when all the Windsorians gathered in a rather small gym and did the things one would do at any award ceremony. The 99th Annual Smartass Awards will be taking place shortly, though it promises to be very different from the preceding year's because of the multiple demolitions of the school and the number of WoRMS!'ers leaving Windsor, along with the insane amount of wacky zany nutty fun that occurred. Strangely, the first Annual WRHS Smartass Awards cermony had taken place 50-odd years before the school was actually built, so rumour has it that it had very little to do with Windsor and high school and smartasses at all, and a few people have speculated that the school was actually named after the award and not, as commonly thought, the other way around. Other people have speculated that those people are spouting complete nonsense in a desperate plea for attention. This turns out to be the correct theory. For what it's worth, the 1st Annual WRHS Smartass Awards was set up by a man named Haliburton, who was high off of opium at the time.] Capt'n Keyes: [hangs up phone] Ok, it's cool, we got gym. VZ: I don't get it, why do we have to rent our own gym? Capt'n Keyes: We're not renting it; we're buying it! VZ: And why are we doing that? Capt'n Keyes: I...uh...sold it so I could buy some beer. Old Man Wyman: Oh well, let's go. [hits head on door frame] Ouch! [they walk into the gym and start to set up] [someone knocks on the door. VZ answers it and finds a couple hundred ridiculously long sandwiches and a small furry thing] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Oh God, not you again! VZ: Can I help you with anything? Ridiculously Long Sandwich: No. VZ: Goodbye, then! Furry Thing: Wait! VZ: What? Furry Thing: I think you may have misunderstood my colleague here. We want you to leave. VZ: What?! All the Ridiculously Long Sandwichs: We want you to leave. Furry Thing: What they said. VZ: Huh...? Who are you? Furry Thing: Don't remember me, eh? VZ: No. Furry Thing: How about that bovine gentlemen...er, lady behind you? Wondercow: AHHHHHHH!!!! [runs to a corner and titters insanely] Furry Thing: My name is Walter. This is my friend, the Ridiculously Long Sandwich, and his friends, who are also named Ridiculously Long Sandwich. Except for Earl. Earl: Hi. [by this time VZ is utterly confused and worried] VZ: What do you want? Walter: We want you to leave! We have to hold our 99th annual Ridiculously Long Sandwich O-Rama here! VZ: But this is our gym! Some Guy gave it to us! [the Ridiculously Long Sandwiches chatter among themselves in surprise] RLS (Ridiculously Long Sandwich): But we gave it to us, dumbass! VZ: Well, let's see the deed, dumber ass! [the RLS shows him the deed] VZ: OHhhhhhh dreaaa.. RLS: Well, that settles it. Unless you've got the deed too, [all the sandwiches chuckle] you'd better skedaddle, toot-sweet. VZ: Well...erm, I have one, too! [shows deed] RLS: Well, this is a rather revolting development! [They attempt to contact Some Guy to get the whole mess straightened out, but they only get his answering machine, which tells them: "You have reached the residence of Some Guy, former owner of the WRHS gym. I am unable to come to the phone right now as I have jumped off a high rise office building in response to my lack of a job. What's the problem with these employers? I've got the skills. I'm not just some guy...I'm Some Guy! Not even MacDonald's will hire me! I wish I never sold that gym! Though I did get a good chuckle thinking of what'll happen when those two parties find out I gave them both the gym. However, that was the last chuckle I'll ever have had, because, as I mentioned earlier, I have jumped off a high rise office building. I definitely can not call you back, even if I'd have wanted to, but you can leave your name and number at the beep if it'll make you feel better. BEEEEEEEEEP..."] Walter: Well... VZ: [an evil smile, which nobody notices because the RLS's don't have eyes and Walter just isn't paying attention, crosses his face.] I'm sure we can work something out. [later on...] [VZ glaces around, seeing if there is anything he had failed to take care of. The audio/visual stuff had been installed. The RLS problem had practically sorted itself out. The podium and various booths had been erected (nmiaow). The security guards were patrolling the area, and the problem of what to eat was solved. Capt'n Keyes speech was ready. The SWAT team was on spees dail. Everything was ready and the awards were about to begin.] [soon, the doors have been opened, the students are inside, and Capt'n Keyes has now set up speakers all over the gym so everyone will have to listen to his speech, whether they want to or not. No one seems to be paying attention.] Capt'n Keyes: Pay attention. [The crowd glances at him with expressions that seem to say "This had better be good."] Capt'n Keyes: Good evening, people. [Everyone cheers and starts partying. Capt'n Keyes continues anyways.] Capt'n Keyes: I'm your host, Capt'n Keyes, and I'm here for my last Annual WRHS Smartass Awards before I get sent to HWRHS! Have fun congregating until the nominations are announced, and feel free to grab a ridiculously long sandwich while you're looking around! VZ: Slow down, guys, there's plenty for everyone! [He chuckles as if he's said something humorous or done something clever, both of which he thinks he has.] Capt'n Keyes: ...and now...let the partying begin! [Actually, the partying had begun quite a while ago, but that doesn't discourage Keyes. He's too busy thinking about how cool he's suddenly decided he is to be bothered with petty semantics.] Dude Guy: Man, these sandwiches are great! VZ: THANKS! Dude Guy: [Slightly startled by VZ's sudden outburst] Uh...I'll just be on my way, then. [a few hours and a few kegs of beer later...] Capt'n Keyes: ..and it is with great sadness that I announce my departure from WRHS. I will now be transferred to Hants West Rural High Scool, aka HWRHS, aka The Bizarro World. Also leaving WRHS are...Li'l Nicky, Buddy, Iverach, Chowski, aMinal, FryGuy, Old Man Wyman, Big Cheese, Boourns, and Hunch. And now, for his farewell speech, the one and only Li'l Nicky! [applause] Li'l Nicky: Well, I'm not much on speeches. Cya! Pink Ranger: SHUT UP, NICK! Capt'n Keyes: All right...and now, Iverach, the main antagonist for the WoRMS! Saga, will be naming his replacement! Iverach: Well well well... Look what we have here... A bunch of idiot do-gooders here to see me off....I hate you all... [applause] I mean it, I really do! [crowd goes wild] Have it your way then... Yes... I am leaving.... off to take over the real world.... I should thank some people here, but no one comes to mind... My succesor is someone you all know and love... Boourns! .... wait.... he's leaving too? Shit... why didnt anyone else tell me this? Bah.. whatever... Um... Ok, its uh..... that guy! [points at a random person in the crowd]. Oh.. thats a woman? Uh... sorry... uhh... VZ? Little help? Oh hell... um... Johnny! I'll leave it to you.... [runs off] [sound of car door slamming and tires squealing] [sound of airplane flying overhead] [sound of rocket launching into space] Capt'n Keyes: ...ok...and so, I'd like to thank all the teachers for their hard work and dedication, except for Slacker; you're fired. Scotty: They can't do this! How can they fire Slacker?! All: Boooo! Booo! [they pelt Capt'n Keyes with garbage] Capt'n Keyes: Ugh! Piss off! Arghh! [runs off of stage squealing like a grade 5 schoolgirl] Old Man Wyman: Well...enough of these random acts of trash-throwing! Ouch! [is hit in head with kitchen sink] Ok..ok...and our first award is...The Mediocrity Award! And the nominees are: a)Dumbass McGee b)Tingles c)Mrs. Claus d)Idoit And the award goes to...Dumbass McGee. Now get ure ass up here so I can hurry up and finish this damn ceremony. Dumbass McGee: Be nice! Old Man Wyman: Fuck you! I'm finally being released from this dump and there's nothing you can do about it! [another couple of hours later...] Old Man Wyman: Finally...what you've all been waiting for....THE SMARTASS OF THE YEAR IS.... [everyone in the crowd is listening attentively] Old Man Wyman: The Smartass Award goes to...Johnny Wong!!!! [massive applause] [Johnny struts to the podium, with the song "Louie, Louie" playing in the background] Johnny: Thank you, thank you. No applause please...Well, this is the third time I've won the Smartass Award, and it sure feels great! People have told me that there was no chnce in Hell that I would win this award three times in a row...well, I have now proven them all wrong! And anoth-- Old Man Wyman: Mike! Johnny..! Johnny: Huh? Wha? [leans over, and Old Man Wyman whispers something in his ear] Old Man Wyman: Sorry, I was reading last year's script! [turns to the mic] ...And the award goes to...Dude Girl! ["Louie, Louie" starts playing again] Johnny: But...but...but..I...I... Old Man Wyman: Get your ass outta here, no one wants to see you now! [boots him off the stage] Dude Girl: Thank you, thank you. I am very pleased to recieve this prestigious award. I'd like to thank... [insert acceptance speech here] Johnny: But...phuckit then. I'm outta here. [stomps off] Necrophiliac: Hey, wait up! [Meanwhile, VZ just remembered that there's one thing that he's forgotten to take care of. He runs to find the problem, but it's too late. The problem has already found him, and is at the podium about to give a speech.] Walter: Ahem...your attention, please! [since it's not Capt'n Keyes' voice, the crowd assumes that it could possibly be something important and pays attention] Walter: It may or may not surprise you to learn that your friend VZ has murderously slaughtered hundreds of innocent ridiculously long sandwiches, which I see that you are now eating! EATING!!!!!!@#$% I'd just like you all to know that VZ is solely responsible for the death by nuclear explosion that is about to befall you all. [Cries of "Good one, VZ" and "Thanks a lot, Steve" arise from the crowd.] Walter: I've hidden an atomic bomb somewhere in this facility. It will be going off shortly, and I can assure you that you'll all die. And don't bother trying to escape, as you'll find it impossible. I shall now leave you to your death. Have fun! [He disappears in a puff of mwahaha.] The Master of Seduction: Geez, not another one. [the Windsorians try to escape, but they find it impossible] Capt'n Keyes: [stumbles to the podium] Don't panic! [everyone throws stuff at Capt'n Keyes and panics. They flock over to the ridiculously long sandwich stand, figuring that since these sandwiches cost them their lives, they'd better enjoy 'em. They do. Meanwhile, the security guards are ransacking the building, trying to find the bomb.] Security Guard: See any bombs around? Other Security Guard: Urhmm...Nope. Security Guard: Our work here is done. [They take a break and go get some jelly donuts. The bomb is, in fact, hidden in the pile of jelly donuts, but the guards will never know that. Elsewhere, Capt'n Keyes is having a nervous breakdown.] Capt'n Keyes: Skueeee...it's my last time hosting the awards and I get everyone killed! That's not gonna be good for my reputation... [Elsewhere] Gerg: Oh. Looks like we're facing imminent deaths. Again. [he takes a sip of his soda.] Duck and cover. [the crowd starts a rousing round of Kumbaya] Capt'n Keyes: Aha! [he presses a speed-dial button on his cellular phone. Meanwhile, since they're all going to die, Pink Ranger decides to auction off his RPG "Palidan"] Pink Ranger: Igottwohundredcmonwhatdoihearforpalidangoingoncegoingtwicethreehun dredcmonpeopleimeanthisispalidanweretalkingabfourhundredgoingonce, goingtwice Capt'n Keyes: [now at the podium] Your attention please! We're not going to die after all! [Pink Ranger swallows Palidan] [Seconds later, the SWAT team arrives, breaks a hole in the wall, and the Windsorians escape. They've been driving away for quite some time when...] Thief: The Crocodile Hunter's still in the building! [the gym and the surrounding city blocks are completely annihilated, leaving a huge area upon which nothing can ever grow or live again, especially crocodile hunters] Crocodile Hunter: Ouch! [meanwhile...] Johnny: [looks at reflection in stream] Pathetic, that's what it is. Pathetic. Mistress of Seduction: Good morning, Johnny....Oh. [thinks for a while] Johnny: I don't get it...I've won that awards for two years in a row and then some dude girl comes and ruins it all! I've been shut out of the whole award ceremony! Scotty: It was a set up! Notice how no guys won any awards all night...? Dumbass McGee: But, what about me-- Scotty: Exactly! See? Dumbass McGee: I take offense at that. We all know I'm superior to you! Scotty: Take offense at this, pussy! [beats him with a suggestively shaped rock] Necrophiliac: I know what can cheer you up! PSCF: Let's go out and get some Mello Yello! [we see the WoRMS! gang driving down the street singing songs from KC and the Sunshine Band.] [They pull into a gas station.] Johnny: Wow, thanx, guys! I feel better already! Necrophiliac: Now, time for some wacky zany nutty funsterism! [takes a pump and sprays everyone with gas] PSCF: Hey! [takes a pump and sprays Necrophiliac] [soon, everyone joins in, and there is a big gas fight] Gas Station Attendant: [shakes head] [Johnny walks away momentarily] [Crackdude walks into the gas station and lights his cigarette] [there is an immense explosion.] Necrophiliac: Ouch. PSCF: You can say that again. Necrophiliac: Ouch. Johnny: Hey, we're still alive? Pink Ranger: Yeh, how'd that happen? Crackdude: I dunno, uhuhuhuhuhu. [they look around and notice that the gas station is intact and nothing has been destroyed...except for the Crocodile Hunter!] Crocodile Hunter: Ouch. Pink Ranger: Crikey! It's the Crocodile Hunter! PSCF: But he already died this episode! Pink Ranger: TWIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!! [later...] Johnny: ...in closing, we have now found that even crocodile hunters can be killed in tragic gas fight accidents. King of the Birdies: [solemnly] Is this the loved one?...Well, crank it up, Johnny! Woah! Look at him go! With only six volts of electricity, you can make your relatives dance again! Necrophiliac: And now, for what we all came for...hardcore nudity! -- 01/07/02 >Capt'n Keyes: ...ok...and so, I'd like to thank all the teachers for their hard work and dedication, except for Slacker; you're fired. ---------- Episode 78 "Inspect-Her Gadget" ---------- --By Necrophiliac additional characters: InspectHER gadget - Inspector gadget small fry - laura quinn (like most things this episode starts inoncently enough with a game of vollyball...) Johnny: herrrrreeeeeeees Johnny!! (nails K&K in the back of the head) Johnny: uh-oh spegetio's! (K&K turns around) K&K: who did zis??? Johnny:(pointing to some guy) it was him, get 'im guys! K&K: (picks up some guy by the head (mieowp or nmiaow, whichever you prefer)) you are nothing little man!(procceds to skewer him) necropheliac: fresh meat!.....er....eww...a dead person....gross....hehehe.. PSCF: hey, i've got a joke, how many porno stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Pink ranger: oh i got it, 5, 4 to turn the house, and one to hold the lightbulb! PSCF: uhh....no, it takes.......0, porno stars can't screw in a lightbulb..they're to busy screwing me HAHAAHAHA ditz: wha?? i don't understand? Johnny:.....what do you get? Necropheliac:...shes good at math Ditz: whats that? Necropheliac: whats what? Ditz: math? Johnny: you know...the class you take in school..with all those numbers?? Ditz: ohhhhh.....you mean gym necropheliac: no...you play sports in gym ditz: i don't understand Johnny: go suck on a duck! duck: what? i'm insulted by that! ditz: oh...a duck...yummy! (ditz and duck frolock of together) Necropheliac: well that was messed Crocadile hunter: hey, how come you guys never kill me off anymore Johnny: who the hell are you? Croc hunter: its me guys!, don't you recognize me!? Necrpheliac: ohhhhhhhh right that guy that always dies for no disconcernable reason hot stuff: dis...dis- what??? johnny: its okay hot stuff....lets go to the closet Hot stuff: okay moo moo: not so fast! (they start walking slower) moo moo: stop! hot stuff: but.....we were going to.... moo moo: johnny....you two timming basterd! hot stuff: huh? moo moo: thats right...Johnny has...... PSCF: a pussy.....hehehehe moo moo: no! a girlfriend (dum dum dum duuuuuuuuum) Johnny: hehe...ya...about that... necropheliac: allright! 2 of 'em, way to go! PSCF: ...girls.......(falls having seizures on the ground) Hot stuff: he's getting worse and worse each episode... Johnny: YA! lets all talk about him! moo moo: no! your girl friend is.....laura quinn!!!! laura! get your ass out here before i lay a whoppin on ya! ( a small shy girl enters the mad house called the WoRMS! gym) small fry: (in a sultry voice) hello johnny, i'm waiting for you...... Johnny: thats not your voice small Fry: (in her normal voice)....oh well..get yo' ass in this changing room... we have love to make! Johnny: Can hot stuff come too??? Small Fry: who is this hot stuff you speak so fondly of? Hot stuff: so you were trying to steal my man! You're goin down!!! (a long but interesting fight comences) PSCF: hey, lets pour water on them! Necropheliac:....why? PSCF: then we can see through their shirts! Johnny: mmm...sweet sweet can PSCF: ahh well (hot stuff deals a particulary painful blow) Small Fry: ahh! pound sign! exclamation mark! Astreix! At sign! percentage sign! Pound sign! Skull and bones! hot stuff: wow, these comic book profanities leave much to be desired Small Fry: you you're right. Hey! i've got an idea lets go have an itellectual chit chat over tea and crumpets! Hot stuff: intelect...wha??? Small Fry: come with me....girl talk Hot stuff: yes maam (exunt small fry & hot stuff) Johnny: allright! manage et trois! PSCF: cool... (some guy rushes in) Some guy: hither young people. There is one who has come to destroy us all! he will invariably crush us into small cubes! I got some notes from him! Johnny: what do they say? some guy: you have 30 minutes to move the croc hunter. you have 10 minutes to move your croc hunter. your croc hunter has been crushed into a cube. you have 30 minutes to move your cube. Pink Ranger: not my cube!!! (runs off screaming) Nerd boy: hey guys, i beat the internet! Necropheliac: really?? Nerd boy: ya, the end boss was hard! Johnny: what? Nerd boy: the end boss..from the internet Necrohpeliac: WTF? Nerd boy: what the fuck is WTF? johnny: right.... hot stuff & Small Fry: come on Johnny Johnny: buya! (they leave for some 'unknown' reason) PSCF: hey, i got a stupid question. What does the X on windows popups do? necropheliac: your right, that is a stupid question. VZ: hey who wants some po....err oregeno??? PSCF: oh! me,me,me! I love to cook VZ: yes you'll...people will just love your cooking some guy: what about the evil that will destroy us all? Necropheliac: ahh i'm not to worried, if we die we'll just say ouch and come back and eat a ridicously long sandwich. (a small puny puff of smoke originates from somebodys ass...or so they think) necropheliac: wasn't me PSCF: wasn't me VZ: it was...wait no, wasn't me Nerd boy: not me (some guy is being burned to death from the mysterious smoke) Necropheliac: some guy? Some guy: help....me.... PSCF: it must have been him Nerd boy: oh well (they start to leave) Voice from above: hey! you, yeah you in the pants! (they, not wearin pants keep on walking) Voice from above: dammit, you, people walking! not so fast! (they slow down) Voice from above: just stop (they stop) Neropheliac: show your self, creiton! (the feeble mist parts to show a shroded figure holding a cat) Nerd boy: its...man its god...god i didn't know...she said she was 18, i didn't know she was 13, come on man...mercy Voice from above: i'm not god! Nerd boy: oh...in that case...screw you! (runs away) Necropheliac: I know who you are! your (puts pinky to mouth) Dr. EVil!! Voice from above: NO! dammit doesn't anybody know me??? I'm...Dr. Claw!!! All: *gasp* (inspector gadget theame song plays) (enter InspectHER gadget) InspectHER gadget: okay.......(pulls out list of things to do) get laid....beat Dr.Claw...do laundry...feed Brain...okay everything except beat claw and get laid!(realises there are people around him) i mean...ALL i have to do is beat Claw...yeah. Necropheliac: hurry. beat claw! InpectHER gadget: go go gadget dildo!!! (fires multiple dildos hitting Dr.Claw) Dr.Claw: ouch! Exclamation mark! AT sign! Astrix! Pound sign! Doller sign! InspectHER gadget: wow..i knew those things would come in handy other than sticking them up my a- err....yes i finally found a use for these heheh....uhh go go gadget vibrater! (multiple vibraters hit Dr. Evil wounding him slightly) Dr.Claw : ack! you have beaten me again...you may have won this time gadget...but i will get you again! come cat whos name i have forgotten...we have work to do. InspectHER gadget: MIEOWP Dr.EVIL: shut up! (flys away) InspectHER gadget: well..thats the end of that chapter...i must go now..people need my love...and my gadgets... PSCF: you..(wips tear from his eye)...man you are my idle. InsectHER gadget: come with me..we can have a adventure in africa together VZ: allright! PSCF: i think this is the beginning of a beutiful friendship (they fly off with an umbrella) (they all see PSCF and InspectHER gadget get sucked into the engine of a plane) Necropheliac: what a beutiful ending....going to africa. Nerd Boy: but...but they- Necropheliac: A BEAUTIFUL ENDING! -- 07/03/2002 >some guy: you have 30 minutes to move the croc hunter. you have 10 minutes to move your croc hunter. your croc hunter has been crushed into a cube. you have 30 minutes to move your cube. ---------- Episode 79 "Highway 101 Revisited" ---------- --By Johnny and Necrophiliac Additional Cast: The OTHER Beast - Karla Hines (geez, what's up w/these "OTHER" names? Am I just too lazy to think of something original? Well...yes!) [another day in WRHS] Johnny: I wonder....what ever happened to that Call to Remembrance thing? Necrophiliac: Thing? Johnny: You know...the thing where we had an adventure in Berwick! We went to Bargain Harley's to get some illegally smuggled goods, the Crocodile Hunter got cancer from a 99 cent microwave, there was this guy there called The Beast, who answered all the questions before they were even asked, so K+K mauled him while we distracted the Quizmaster, who later went on a date with K+K, and Coach went out for a smoke every five minutes? Necrophiliac: Uh...no, I have no idea what you're talking about. Say, what ever happened to the Crocodile Hunter? Johnny: He's probably retired and living a comfortable life now. [we see the Croc Hunter outside, screaming in agony as he is eaten by a lion] Crocodile Hunter: AGGGHHHHH!!!! For the love of God, help me! Necrophiliac: Yup... Johnny: Neways... Necrophiliac: Look, it's Coach! Coach: Get ure asses over here, kids! Chop chop! Necrophiliac: Yes, ma'am.... Coach: See here, since we didn't do as horribly as I thought we would at the last Call to Remembrance competition, they're sending us to represent our district at provincials! K+K: Vhen is zit? Coach: You've got lots of time to study...it'll be in five months! K+: Vut, I cant go! K: Oh vell, I can! K+: All right! [K+K split to become K and K+] Johnny: But who'll be K+'s replacement? PSCF: Me, of course! Necrophiliac: Yeah! Coach: Shut up, we've got five months to practice! I'll contact you people when I feel like having one! [five months later...] Johnny: I wonder....what ever happened to that Call to Remembrance thing? Necrophiliac: Thing? Johnny: You know, the thing we were supposed to go to five months from five months ago, cuz we didn't suck as much as expected, and PSCF joined because we needed a replacement for K because she split away from K+. Necrophiliac: Uh, no...I have no idea what ure talking about. Coach: Hey, kids! We have to have a practice today! We need to get ready for provincials! K: Say...vhen is zhat? Coach: ...In two hours, so you'd better hurry! PSCF: Oh...I just remembered...I, uh....need to do something right now...I can't go, bye! [runs out the door] Necrophiliac: No, we're screwed! We need another person! FB: Not to worry! I found someone just in time! Coach: Meet...THE OTHER BEAST The OTHER Beast: Let's get cracking! No need for me to introduce myself, seeing as you are all enthralled by my model figure! Necrophiliac: *gag* K: Who iz zis slut? Coach: All right! Let's see how many questions you people won't screw up on! Ok.. What is- The OTHER Beast: The War of Attrition! Coach: NO! it's Hitler, you dumbass! What the hell you think you're doing!!!! you supossed to let my finish the God-damn question!!! The OTHER Beast: But....I know all...I scored a 99 on my multiple intelligences, i'm the closest human ever born to near perfection! Coach: right....well i'm going to have a smoke, you kids....(in a menacing tone) sort her out K: okay guys! I'll lead the practice....who was the 1'st person to ever (coach leaves).....sweet!!! gossip time! The OTHER Beast: I don't gossip i am the human epitiy of being anti-social... K+: uh...yeah K: anyway...I heard that somebody has a crush on....Shaun Hudson Necropheliac: *gasp* Johnny: Not Social Outcast! (The OTHER Beast starts sweating nervusly) The OTHER Beast: hehe...yeah...what a....loser that would be....hehe.... (they all look at her suspiciously) The OTHER Beast:....uh...go socialism? Necropheliac: you just got all the wrong answers! Johnny: let's get em boyz!! K and K+: hey! we're allowed to gangbang....i mean....hehe...uh gang beat too! The OTHER Beast: NO! Stop, i'm smart, I may never shut up...but I know things... i work at the post office...and when you control the mail...you contron information! All: *gasp* (coach enters) Coach: SO, did you get her straitened out?? The OTHER Beast: yes all's good, you're all stupid! Necropheliac: Do you have some supuriority complex?? The OTHER Beast: yes, yes I do. I'm better than all of you! Coach: okay! lets get back to work....who- The OTHER beast: Churchill! Coach: wow, you got it right...lets try another. When- The Other Beast: 1956 Coach: we've hit a gold mine a knowledge, we can't lose!!!! After we win, lets all go get drunk! The OTHER Beast: sorry....i don't drink Coach: ARG! you're going to be an pain in the ass! Meet here at 7:00 in the morning! Johnny: yaysirs! (that night everybody crams like they've never crammed before...acctually nobody crammed at all except for the OTHER beast. The rest were getting drunk off cheap liqour] (the next morning) All except for the OTHER Beast: ohhh my fricken head...i'm so wasted Coach: i'm hungover too! you don't see me complaining! Now get your asses in that piece of junk i like to call me car K: i claim the back Necropheliac: me too Johnny: me three The OTHER Beast: oh sweet! thanks guys, i get shotgun! Johnny: well...thats what friends are for (makes a disgusted face to the other 2) Coach: now, all of you shut your yaps! it will take a while to get to wherever the hell we are going! Johnny: cool, well i got my walkman to listen to! ya go doors! Necropheliac: damn...we have to put up with karla's incessent babbling... The OTHER Beast: ...and as i was saying after my dad said i couldn't be an east coast witch I... K: please...no more (commits suicide) (reapears immideatly) K: damn! even in death there is no escape Johnny: what a cruel and unusual punishment! The OTHER Beast: mwahaahahahahahahahack ack cough cough damn phlem. neways, there is no escape! as I was saying, me being perfect and all- Coach: shut the hell up bum! do you do anything but babble???? The OTHER beast: no, no i don't Coach: Well, you can continue, but i'm not going to pretend to listen, and i'm sure nobody else will want to listen either, so don't expect any reaction out of anybody! got it? The OTHER beast: ................anyway, me being pefect and all- (the trip drags on with necropheliac, K, and Johnny contstantly killing themselves to end the pain and then instantly reapering) (they get there after an indeterminable amount of time) Coach: allright, here we are....where ever the hell here is. Now, get your asses inside! on the double, i said move it! The OTHER beast: hey! you can't tell me what to do, i am superior to you! iam perfect! Coach: go to hell Johnny: ohhhhhhhhh burn! The OTHER beast: i am better than you! Coach: what an ass! Now, get inside before i lay a whopping on ya! (they all manage to find there way into the legion, hoping for more pop towers and stale cheezies) Johnny: hey! 2001: a space oddessy! Necropheliac: isn't that the one about the aliens and how they invade the planet and start a new colony of ants breed with humans to create a sort of super human ant, that will one day rule the univerce with an iron fist? is it that one? Johnny: ....ah.....not quite The OTHER beast: stop wasting your time on trivial matters, we could be studing diligintly like all the other teams here. (points to all the other groups of nerds-err....call to remembrance teams studying) K: will you never learn??? We don't study, we laze about, go shopping, and then whoop the other teams around Necropheliac: at least...thats what we're hoping will happen. If not...its one less day we have to spend with you Karla The OTHER beast: ...well what do we do...knit? tell stories?? Coach: here, I found some cards, that should shut you up for a while. Now i'm going to use the privy, and get some cocain....er caffine....yes, that will do...that will do nicely Johnny: you go do that Coach: shut up! was i talking to you??? (leaves for a smoke) johnny: hey! wheres the pop? the stale cheezies??? this place stinks! K: lezz play cards! The OTHER Beast: i will 'whoop' you all at cards, i am far superior to your feeble minds! you fragile brains would shatter trying to compreheand the shear power of my brain! Necropheliac:...so crazy 8's it is? Johnny: no other ( they pass around the cards and start to play) Necropheliac: hah! pick up 2 katie! K: damn! oh well, hah! johnny, pick up 4! Johnny: bitch! well take this, pick up 6! The OTHER beast: or darn, oh well, mack, pick up eight! Necropheliac: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooohwell...heheh, pick up 10 kate K: 10??? this game is rigged, you are nothing to me little man, your time has come (the beating commences) Coach: heY! stop that, only i may administer beatings! we need you all at least able to talk and think today, after, i don't give a shit if you all gangbeat karla, kill her and dump her body in the water....now, get your asses in the car, before i rip you a new one. This place is more boring than school. (they all hop into the car, with the OTHER beast in shotgun of course) coach: allright now the school gave us some money to buy something but- The OTHER beast: yes! now i can get that purse i always wanted, ohhhh my sister will be soo jelous Coach: shut up. As I was saying, the school gave us some money, but i went out and spent it on.....books...for school, so there's none left. Johnny: damn, but i wanted a milkshake K: yah, we wanted to play some old music at that chicken diner thing Necropheliac: yah! We're not going to shut up karla until you take us to the place...where...food and drink...are Coach: believe me, i can handle a little bit of babbling. I am a teacher, i have many suckups babble at me trying to get on my good side Necropheliac: yes, but nothing compares to...her babbling (they drive around aimlessly for an hour listning to karla babble incoherntly) Coach: enough!!!!! i can't take anymore of this...fine i'll take you stupid kids to the damn diner. (at the diner) Coach: now you all get one milkshake, you pieces of shit (to herself) i can't put up with this crap...they don't pay me enough K: hey look, a jukebox! now i can play yesterday! Johnny: yesterday.....all my troubles seemed so far away..... The OTHER beast: music....sorry i'm not allowed to listen to that Johnny: me thinks that dumbass mcgee and karla would make a good couple K: awww what a cute couple that would be Necropheliac: (shudders at the thought)....get out of my heaD!!!!! (they listen to random nonsence such as the beatles, the doors, louie louie, and other such milidly amunsing tunes) Coach: allright we've wasted enough time here, lets get back and get our asses whooped (they go back) (at the legion) K: i hope they don't say my name is kathryn like last time, because i fear i will snap if they do Announcer dude: here we have windsor...karla, mike, mackenzie, and...kathryn K: thats not my name you idiot, your ass is mine (jumps over the desk and brutally murders the announcer dude) K: my...name....is....KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (she goes back to her seat) OTHER announcer dude: uhh.....hehe....and katie...on the other team called.....well they don't have a name, but they are good...its bob, jane, john, and joanna. lets get started. how many people died at the battle in italy? Necropheliac: uhhh.....300 OTHER announcer dude: ohhhhhhhhh way oFF!!!!!! 3 million, man are you guys stupid or what! necropheliac: shit OTHER announcer dude: okay..how many miles was the 3rd canandian contingent after 3 days of travel through italy? Johnny: umm.....5 thousand? OTHER announcer dude: no! that is BAD! you are way off, it is 300, man your team sucks, hard! Johnny: that would be my bad K: go to hell bitch! OTHER announcer dude: go suck n a duck! ONto the next question.... (Windsor gets their asses kicked) Coach: man you guys do suck, okay, we have 5 hours before we get whooped again so what do you asses want to do? The OTHER Beast: we could..... K: go shopping! Coach: whatever...as long as you know i'm going to pretend i don't know you. (they go to the mall) coach: okay...we have a while so meet back here in a few hours. the OTHER beast: hey, katie lets go to the pet store Johnny: hey mackenzie, lets go to the electronics store! Necropheliac: okay (they leave) K: shit...oh well...come on Karla lets go.... (everybody shops randomly for a while) Necrophiliac: hey look its coach drinking some coffee Johnny: lets say hi. Hi (she ignores them) Necropheliac: hello!!!! Coach: have we met? Johnny:.....uhh don't think so...lets go mack (an hour later they are on their way back to the legion) coach: well that was a waste of time Johnny: hey, why did you pretend not to know us? coach: well, i don't want to embarass myself by letting people know that i know you The OTHER beast: wow, you guys are so cool, i'm glad to be friends with people like you (k, necropheliac, and Johnny all share a distressed look) coach: oh come on, you know nobody likes you. The OTHER beast: no, your lying, you are all my friends coach: oh do shut up... (at the legion) coach: now get up there and kick ass (they lose worse than before) coach:.....oh god...lets get out of here. (on the way home) Necropheliac: so coach, you going to be doing te Call to remembrance next year? coach: hey, look at that jeep over there isn't it cool (they all look over with oohhhs and ahhhs) johnny: smooth. necropheliac: she could put us to shame (a half hour later) K: hey, lets see if karla can go 10 seconds without talking...1,2,3,4- The OTHER beast: my dog smells good K: 1,2,3,4,5,6- The OTHER beast: ya i like to play video games, they are so fun, don't you guys agree K: whatevere.....1,2- Karla: i like movies too... (this continues until K, necropheliac and johnny sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall) (back in windsor) Coach: thank god, its all over...i'm glad we didn't do well...one less day we have to put up with karlas incessent babbling. Necropheliac: alls well that ends well Johnny: hey...i wonder if we could do it next year (they all stare at him blankly) Johnny: ya okay..... -- 13/06/02 >Coach: All right! Let's see how many questions you people won't screw up on! Ok.. What is- The OTHER Beast: The War of Attrition! Coach: NO! it's Hitler, you dumbass! What the hell you think you're doing!!!! you supossed to let my finish the God-damn question!!! ---------- Episode 80 "The Shuffle Demons: ALive in Europe" ---------- [Necrohphiliac: Hey, look, it's the Shuffle Demons CD from their live tour in Europe! Johnny: Woah, "live tour in Europe". That was excessively redundant. Pink Ranger: What other kinds of tours are there? Crazy Li'l Bastard: Yeh, you should've seen the CD from their taped tour in Europe!] Additional Cast: Jeff Goodspeed - Himself Some Guy - Some Guy [everybody is at band camp] [again] Goodspeed: All right, it's time to play some scales! Large Logan: Oh boy. Goodspeed: How shall we begin?- Necrophiliac: With an Eb pentatonic for two octaves? Hollis: Sounds good to me! Goodspeed: No, you fool of a Took! What kind of Dumbass doesn't know that one already? Dumbass McGee: Oh... [look of disappointment] Goodspeed: Let's see...let's try a concert Gb half-diminished for three octaves, then an F# phrygian descending. All: ... Johnny: Ohhh dear. Hollis: Well, I told you kids to practice last year. [hums the funeral march] Goodspeed: Now, play! [the band attempts, but fails miserably] Large Logan: Where's Dr. Dre when you need him? Dr. Dre: I can't do it sir, there's too many flats! Goodspeed: Well, you guys certainly sucked. Hard. Let's do it again, and get it right this time, you little shits. [they try again. and fail.] Goodspeed: That was good. Or at least that's what I'd be saying if you got at least one fucking note right. Again. [once again, they show their utter crappiness] Goodspeed: What the Hell was that? Sid Vicious knew more about theory than you people. I'm outta here. Dumbass McGee: But..but...but... Goodspeed: Here's a quarter, call someone who cares. Dumbass McGee: What do we do now? Cripple: Go to the SUB, Dumbass...McGee. [the gang heads over to the SUB building] Johnny: Hey, Pinkie, what's up? Pink Ranger: I'm stuck in a band with little kids. All: AHAHAHAHA Pink Ranger: And they're better than all of us. All: ... Thief: It's true. PSCF: Hey, look, it's Some Guy! Some Guy: What up, man? Cripple: Die, pussy! [splashes him with Vanilla Coke] Some Guy: Ugh, I'm melting! [he grabs chair and hurls it at Cripple] [it flies past PSCF, who is eating a ridiculously long sandwich] PSCF: ... Cripple: Oww! My eylid! [shoots Some Guy] Some Guy: Bitch! [takes PSCF's ridiculously long sandwich and throws it at Cripple] PSCF: ...geez, people. Do I have to do this again? [shows portion of true power] Cripple: Ouch. Necrophiliac: OH MY GOD, IT'S A BOMB!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111 Security Guard: Panic! AHHHHHH!!!! TWIX!!!!!!!!111111 [leaps out of 1st storey window, rolls down a hill, onto the Crocodile Hunter and knocks him into the path of an oncoming golf cart. Croc Hunter dies obligatory death] Pink Ranger: Really? Necrophilac: No. Not really. Let's go get some food, I know a good place at the end of the universe...well, down the road, really. Johnny: You mean Joe's? Ncrophiliac: Yeh. -- 15/07/02 >Necrophiliac: OH MY GOD, IT'S A BOMB!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111 Security Guard: Panic! AHHHHHH!!!! TWIX!!!!!11111111[leaps out of 1st storey window, rolls down a hill, onto the Crocodile Hunter and knocks him into the path of an oncoming golf cart. Croc Hunter dies obligatory death] Pink Ranger: Really? Necrophilac: No. Not really. .:|WoRMS! Part Seventeen|:. top ---------- Episode 81 "Softly As In A Morning Sunrise (How *Sensual*)" ---------- Additional Cast: Erin Murley - Herself ...how original! Pansy - Hannah Gibson Large Logan - Logan Rivers [the WoRMS! crew is on their way to Joe's] PSCF: Damn it, who invited Kehoe? Pink Ranger: Not I. Erin: He's a bum. And he stinks. Johnny: I've got a getaway plan....HEY, ERIN, LET'S GO MAKE OUT! [they run away] Dumbass McGee: Wonder what that was about. Crazy Li'l Bastard: Shit, we're still stuck with him...and Social Outcast is coming, too! Pink Ranger: HEY! NECROPHILIAC, LET'S GO MAKE OUT! [they run away] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Crazy fuckers, what am I to do now? [eyes Cripple] Hey... CRIPPLE! LET'S GO MAKE OUT! Cripple: Really? Crazy Li'l Bastard: No, not really. [they run away] [Dumbass McGee and Social Outcast stand and watch as everyone runs away.] Dumbass McGee: Hey, everyone's going to make out! Social Outcast: Sounds like the kool thing to do. Let's do it! Dumbass McGee: But K+ of K+K loves me! K+K: Ah deny zat. Scotty: Where's that crazy li'l bastard? K+K: Ee iz right zere! [points to Crazy Li'l Bastard, running down the street] Scotty: No, not him, the one that wants your body! K+K: Oh. Zit is im. Get im, boys. Scotty: You are nothing to me, little man! Dumbass McGee: SHIT! Ah...I gotta go....Social Outcast, let's go make out! [they run away] Scotty: Meh. You pondering what I'm pondering? K+K: Ya, but me and George Lucas...vut would za children look like? Scotty: No, not that, K+K, LET'S MAKE OUT! [they run away] Some Guy: Well...I guess I'm on my own. Again. *Sigh* Crocodile Hunter: Hi, nice to see you, Some Guy! Some Guy: I'm sure you're just saying that to make me feel better about myself. Don't waste your time on a loser like me. In fact, I think I'll go kill myself now. [does so] Crocodile Hunter: NO! SOME GUY!!!! NOOOO!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! TWIXXX!!!!! [voice cracks] Ugh, damn helium. [explodes] [meanwhile, at the restaurant] Necrophiliac: How do you know if Dumbass McGee and Social Outcast won't find us here? Large Logan: Well...they'll be expecting us...but they won't be expecting... *not us*! Erin: Shit, it's them! [Dumbass McGee and Social Outcast look inside Joe's, looking for some WoRMS!'ers, and see a group of people with mustaches who look ridiculously similar to the WoRMS!'ers] Dumbass McGee: It's them! Social Outcast: Take that silly mustache off, I know it's you! Person Who Looks Like Necrophiliac: And who are you, my good man? Person Who Looks Like PSCF: What do you want? Dumbass McGee: Don't give us any of this BULLSHIT! You can't fool us! [jumps on The Person Who Looks Like Large Logan and starts pulling on the mustache.] Person Who Looks Like Large Logan: Ouch! This is preposterous! Stop it at once! Social Outcast: Um...Kehoe, I don't thnk that's a disguise... [across the street, at Pronto Pizza] Johnny: [peers out of window] Why, look at that, dear! It's Dumbass McGee and Social Outcast being beat up by a bunch of mustachioed people who look ridiculously similar to us! Erin: Why, it is! Pink Ranger: Oh well. [starts recreating Michelangelo's David with soiled napkins] Johnny: Oh, how I pine for a moist towelette! And to think that, were it not for them, we could be eating at Joe's right now! Owner of Pronto Pizza: Oh God, no! [runs away, crying] Johnny: Oh, sorry, dude! Pink Ranger: Good one! Erin: Oh, look! It's Hannah! Johnny: Bah, she plays alto! Only pansies play alto. Necrophiliac: I take offense at that. Pansy: Oh yeah? Well...yoink! [steals Johnny's Pokemon cards] Johnny: No!!!!!! It took a long time for me to steal...er collect em! PSCF: I thought you hated Pokemon? Johnny: I was gonna sell em back to Dumbass McGee for a ridiculously large sum! Cripple: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Johnny: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH All: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA Johnny: AHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahaahahah ha hah hah ha haha ha... Cripple: That was funny. Johnny: I know. -- 18/07/02 >Johnny: Here, will you marry me? [gives Erin a wedding ring] Erin: But it's just a cheap plastic Muppets ring you found on the floor! Johnny: With a no name Muppet, to boot! Pink Ranger: Hey, is that a Muppet ring? Wow, it's Zoey! All: ... ---------- Episode 82 "Vintage WoRMS! : Young Goodspeed Plays It Safe" ---------- Additional Cast: Johnny: As host of the WoRMS! Saga, I am proud to present our "Vintage WoRMS! Episodes", straight from our WoRMS! Vault of Old Episodes That People Forgot About. Now, here is a gem from April 10, 1975.... [in Technicolor!] Spadina Bus: [sporting an afro and platform shoes] Hey, brother! Check out my new Herpe Hancock eight-track! Mr. Bb: Impressive. Most impressive, but you are not a Jedi yet. No Herpe Hancock collection is complete without "Headhunters!" Mr. Tambourine Man: But, Star Wars doesn't come out until 1977! Oh well, look, it's Old Man Wyman! Old Man Wyman: [ducks to avoid hitting his head on door] Good morning everyone! Goodspeed: Woah, look at that! [a vortex opens up and drops Murley, and Erin onto the floor] Murley: Huh? Where am I? Erin: Hey, look, it's 1975! Murley: Heyyy....this is 1975! Erin: ...um, hey, it's dad! Mr. Tambourine Man: Er...do I know you guys? Goodspeed: Your clothing is so "out"! Where did you collect such rags? Your fashion tastes suck. Hard. Murley: And it's uncle Mike! Spadina Bus: Huh? Ok, whatever... Erin: Why, that vortex that you got sucked into back in Collection One must've gotten me, too, and dropped us off here! Yes, that must be it! And somehow, you end up turning into PSCF! Murley: Wha? So, does this mean I can buy porno? Erin: [sighs and shakes head] O...kay....anyways....Goodspeed, you look so youthful! Dad, you look so....sober! And Old Man Wyman...[notices that he looks exactly the same in 1975 as he does in 2002]...right.... [the vortex opens up again and sucks Murley and Erin away] Hollis: Wonder what that was all about. Old Man Wyman: Well, that was interesting. Let's talk about entended harmonics now! Goodspeed: What a bunch of...wacky...nutty...funny...zany...people.... -- 28/07/02 >Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again. It doesn't do it in chronological order, though. -- Douglas Noel Adams ---------- Episode 83 "Dumbass McGee's band camp episode That Johnny forced him to write at 1 in the morning at which time he was so tired that the episode didn't turn out very well" OR "What REALLY Happened At Band Camp" ---------- --By Dumbass McGee Additional Cast: D123 - the 3 basie band drummers combined in a similar fashion to how K and K+ are joined Peeano? - the basie piano player The OTHER Hot Stuff - Zoe Somebody [Acadia, 2002. Dumbass McGee has finally gotten the good sense to come the this band camp instead of the horribly pathetic Dorian Hall] Dumbass McGee: Hey guy's, where is Denton Hall? Johnny: Well, its right over there (points 2 feet away)... DM: Thanks Necrophiliac: ...but due to the emmense ammount of construction going on here, that rout is restricted. You must go up this hill, take a left, then 2 rights, another 3 lefts, around the dorm areas, through all of the girls dorms while they are getting dressed, up to the roof of the Tower, jump off the roof and hang-glide over the construction site to the roof of Denton, from which there is an elivator leading directly to the 11th basement floor. From there you go up 11 winding flights of stairs to reach the denton stage where your practice will be over by the time you reach it. DM: wha? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: forget it...just play pool in the sub all week. DM: oh, ok...anyone want to hit some balls? (nmiaow) Social Outcast: I do! I'll pay for it and use my meal card to get the cues. DM: well, alright. [After getting hustled by some cuban guys, DM goes to the information desk and steals Social Outcast's mealcard simply because he is the only person DM has any right to torture.] Social Outcast: Hey, my meal card is gone! [Later in The Tower] Mr. Bb: Ok, it's time for Scales and Listening. Now, just to set things straight, there will be NO listening to scales in this class. You are here because you suck and need help from the best. DM: ... D123: ... Peeano?: ... Mr. Bb: but the best wasn't available, so you're all going to have to attempt to learn something from me. [CaitO appears in the middle of the room] CaitO: Can they play now? [CaitO disappears] [Peeano? begins asking stupid questions a-la King Of The Birdies] Mr. Bb: Shut up, this session is over, you all suck. I quit! (leaves) DM: Ok D123, lets get Louie Louie going. [DM starts playing Louie Louie at a moderate volume but is drowned out as soon as the drums come in. [During the time when...the campers eat...food] Crazy L'il Bastard: Hey Kehoe, we're going downtown, wanna come? (nmiaow) Cripple: Yeah, we can go look at "PSX" magazines at the drug store! DM: PSX! Really?! I'm there! [Later at the drug store] CLB (Crazy L'il Bastard): Hey Kehoe, look at this amazing picture of a PS2! DM: Let me see! [Looks at magazine]. AHHHHHH!!! THIS ISN'T A PSx MAGAZING, its an XXx magazine!!! Cripple: Obviously...you thought we were actually gonna walk all the way here to look at some video game? You're an idiot! DM: I'm just going ot wait outside. [CLB and Cripple come out shortly after with their backpacks full of porn] Cripple: Man, Kehoe, you are such a mamma's boy! DM: (whiney voice)so? Crazy L'il Bastard: Whatever... DM: Hey guys, we better hurry and get back, the corn boil will be on soon! Cripple: shut up... [PSCF walks out of the supermarket, his backpack also full of porn] PSCF: Anyone notice how the episode is getting a little boring? DM: I'm just tired...[runs in to the nearby cafe and drinks a tremendous amount of coffee]. That'sBetter!!!NowLetsHurryBackToTheCornBoilBeforeAllTheCornIsEatenAndWeCan'tGetAnyCorn!!! [later that night at the Dance. Dumbass McGee is out on the dance floor making a complete fool of himself, or so he thought...] *Warning: What you are about to read is very hard to believe, but it DID happen! The OTHER Hot Stuff: Hey there, what's your name? DM: Who, me? The OTHER Hot Stuff: Yeah, you. DM: Dumbass McGee, but you can call me DM. The OTHER Hot Stuff: uh...nice name DM: Thanks The OTHER Hot Stuff: right...anyway, wanna dance? DM: Well, my mom says that women are the devil, but i supppose one wouldn't hurt... [DM and The OTHER Hot Stuff dance for a while, and surprisingly, she acctually enjoys dancing with DM!] The OTHER Hot Stuff: Hey, wanna go back to my room? I have a surprise for you. DM: A Surprise? I love surprises! [Later just outside The OTHER Hot Stuff's dorm room. DM has gotten his "surprise" and is now about to go home for the day] DM: None of the guys will ever believe me if i told them about this... The OTHER Hot Stuff: Of course they won't. Live with it. [Later, on the last day of camp] DM: Hey guys, guess where I was last night. [procedes to explane what happened the night before] Johnny: Yeah, right... Necro: Bull Shit, Dumbass PSCF: There is no way you would get some in this saga before me... DM: Its true! Johnny: Yes, Matt, I'm sure... DM: Fine, don't believe me. Anyone up for a final game of Pool? Johnny: Yes, but not with you... [The rest of the WoRMS!! crew go off and play pool. Suddenly a huge peice of metal falls from the construction area on to DM.] -- 28/07/02 >Dumbass McGee: Hey guy's, where is Denton Hall? Johnny: Well, its right over there (points 2 feet away)... DM: Thanks Necrophiliac: ...but due to the emmense ammount of construction going on here, that rout is restricted. You must go up this hill, take a left, then 2 rights, another 3 lefts, around the dorm areas, through all of the girls dorms while they are getting dressed, up to the roof of the Tower, jump off the roof and hang-glide over the construction site to the roof of Denton, from which there is an elivator leading directly to the 11th basement floor. From there you go up 11 winding flights of stairs to reach the denton stage where your practice will be over by the time you reach it. ---------- Episode 84 "Return of the Jedi...er Iverach" ---------- --By Johnny and Iverach Additional Cast: Evil Mr. Penguin - Himself [Johnny and Necropheliac are sitting *instert randon public place here* chatting...] [Johnny looks up] Johnny: Whats that noise? [a large object blocks out the sun] Necropheliac: AHH! ALIENS! Johnny: damnit... not again.. [A blinding white light appears on the bottom of the object] [Johnny and Necropheliac find themselves sitting in a plain white room] Johnny: Shit on a stick, why does this crap always happen to me? Necrophiliac: [shrugs] Iverach: Welcome, gentlemen. Necrophiliac: Not you, again. Johnny: Didn't you step down as the main villan of WoRMS! What are you doing here! Iverach: I have, but that doesn't mean I can't pop in every now and then! Meet my protege...Evil Mr. Penguin. Evil Mr. Penguin: Quack. Pink Ranger: WTF? Iverach: Huh? What are you doing in my secret lair? Pink Ranger: To kick your ass, you fool of a Took! Dumbass McGee: We're here to save Johnny and Necro, foo'! Iverach: What? But we were just going to have tea and crumpets! [reveals tray of food] All: Oh. Uraphiliac: Let's gangbang him! Fillap: Yuk yuk! Most anorexic person in the world...a crack! AGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!! Cripple: My bus driver molestered me! Iverach: ...get the Hell outta my lair. [everyone leaves] [Points a Necro and Johnny] Iverach: Not you two! [he points at the chairs] Iverach: Siddown and sheddaup.... [they do so] Iverach: alright.... where was I? Dumbass: You were introducing your protoge... Iverach: Right.. thankyou..... wait a minute.... [Iverach stares at DM] [He looks at Mr. Penguin and nods] [Mr. Penguin walks over to DM, picks him up and carries him out of the room screaming] Iverach: ........ [a large muffled explosion shakes the room] Iverach: Right.. anyway... My new protoge, Mr. Penguin will be taking over from me as Master Of All Things Evil (insert TM symbol here). [DM walks back in the room carrying what looks like a chicken drumstick] Dumbass: mmm.. this is good.... Mr. Tambourine Man: Mmmmm...this meatloaf is GOOD! [leaves] Iverach: My God!!! What did you do to Mr. Penguin?!! Dumbass McGee: We went out for an inexpensive dinner and had efficient German sex. Evil Mr. Penguin: Quack! Iverach: [covers face w/hand and shakes head] [Iverach looks up and raises his fist] Iverach: YOU SPITEFUL BASTARD!!! [a small figure appears in a flash of light] God: Whats this? Who's insulting me now? Iverach: YOU!!!!! God: It was you wasnt it? I thought I told you to leave these mortals alone Iverach. I guess I'll just have to smite you like I should have all those milennia ago... [Iverach looks puzzled for a moment] Iverach: Wait.... I dont believe in you... God: But I- [God dissapears in a puff of logic] Iverach: Gah, why must I constantly be interupted? Johnny: [shrugs] Iverach: Fuck, where was I again? Necrophiliac: Uh, the whole protege thing again. Iverach: Oh yeh, anyways, I was -- [the Crocodile Hunter crashes through the ceiling, wrapped in a large python] Crocodile Hunter: Crikey! Now watch as this giant snake sinks its giant fangs into my ripe testicles! Ugh! [he dies. a random henchman drags the body away] [Iverach looks around for something] [he picks up a hat, puts it on, and immediately takes it off and tosses it on the ground] Iverach: ALRIGHT! THATS IT! [there is a long drawn out silence, Johnny and Necro shift uncomfortable] Johnny: Um.. what's it? Iverach: Shut up.. I'm thinking Johnny: Well, is there a point to this whole affair? Iverach: Uh...well...erm....yes..um...a bit, a bit...a bit...maybe...no...possibly...no. However, I've got a copy of Doom 3 on my computer. Necrophiliac: That's the best thing I've heard all day! Evil Mr. Penguin: Quack. Iverach: Damnit! Who let him back in here? Random Suit #1: Uh, you never kicked him out, sir. Iverach: Dont contradict me bitch! Come here! Random Suit #1: I'm sorry sir, dont de-activate me! It.. It was him! [He points to another suit, standing by the door] Random Suit #2: Hmm? What? [He attemtes to escape through the door but it closes in his face] [Iverach walks over to him and presses one of the button's on the suit's jacket] [The suit disintegrates] Iverach: I've had enough of this. [there is a blinding flash. Johnny and Necro find themselves sitting back where they were] Necro: ...... Johnny: Well... that was interesting... Evil Mr. Penguin: Quack! -- 30/07/02 >Iverach: My God!!! What did you do to Mr. Penguin?!! Dumbass McGee: We went out for an inexpensive dinner and had efficient German sex. ---------- Episode 85 "School�s back! Dammit!" ---------- --By Nerdboy Additional Cast: The New Person - TO BE RELEASED AT A LATER DATE �A�Hole - Matt Abell Gobby Bibson - Bobby Gibson [It�s the beginning of school again! The seasons are-a-changing, the sweet smells of summer are fading fast leaving a coldness that is freezing everyone�s ass�s off!! WRHS is full of activity once again as the teacher�s attempt to cram as much into their student�s dense skull�s as possible...] [group of random people] Greg: hey! What do you have this semester? Idiot: uhhh... some stuff eh? Ma Paa told me I can�st do whatever I�s want!! heeuuck!!! what you doing? Greg: never looked yet... [Greg opens paper and gasps] Greg: oh my god!!!! all *advanced* calculus all semester!!!!! AAAGGGHHHHH!!! Mini Flynni: man you suck!!! Greg: how the hell am I going to do this? I can�t even do plain math!!!! Johnny: funny, yet true hahaha!! Nerdboy: have fun haha!! Greg: dammit!! [bell rings] [Frizzle Fry enters.. Late as usual...] ALL: [GASP!!] Frizzle Fry: what? Did I forget something? Awww dammit... am I wearing any clothes?? [Frizzle Fry looks around obviously disturbed] Mini Flynni: holy crap man! You got some �fro goin on man!! [points at Frizzle Fry�s head from which a massive Afro has arisen] [Crocodile Hunter walks into the room. He walks over to Frizzle Fry] Crocodile Hunter: Krrikky!!! this is one of the *LARGEST* I�ve seen to date!! It�s best to stay clear of these! They�re very dangerous and are easily agitated. But I am a professional. Remember... never do this yourself!!! I�m going to try to rescue this boy from the massive Afro beast!! [the Crocodile Hunter grabs Frizzle Fry by the Afro] Frizzle Fry: easily agitated my ass!!!! [Frizzle Fry bites the Crocodile Hunter�s testicles] Crocodile Hunter: AAGGGHHHH!!! my groin!!! [Crocodile Hunter keels over and dies for the millionth time] [everyone stares] Frizzle Fry: you saw nothing!!!! #99: Sit down and shut up everyone!!! [they proceed to do so] [the hour long announcements start] Mr. VZ: hello again!!! I sure hoped you had as much fun this summer as I did!!! [he proceeds in telling about every little detail of his whole summer]..... and that�s when got done purchasing that BIC pen... boy that was a hoot!!!!! well that�s all I got to say about that! Have fun!! [bell rings] [everyone slowly regains consciousness again] [everyone goes to their classes] Nerdboy: how�d we end up in the same first class? Johnny: I donno... Dumbass Mcgee: hey cool! I�m in all the same classes as you Johnny!!! Johnny: god dammit!!! [large group of people are waiting outside the classroom Johnny, Nerdboy and Dumass Mcgee are going to] Johnny: what the hell?? Why are there so many people going to this classroom?? Dumbass Mcgee: I don�t care... as long as I get to sit near you! Johnny: dear god!! Someone help me!!!! [meanwhile... in a class far away from the others] Some *advanced* calculus teacher: ok now, if u take the radius of 2a+pi, and subtract the denominator of 2/16 then what is the radius of 5ax? Greg? Do u know the answer? Greg: aaduhhhh....... ummmm..... Some *advanced* calculus teacher: u have 5 seconds to give the correct answer or u get the strap!!! Greg: AAGGHHHH!!!!! ok... is it 5? Some *advanced* calculus teacher: no. no it isn�t... [he pulls out the strap] Greg: dear god nooo!!!! [I�m sorry I had to take you away from that hilarious scene but because of certain censor laws to protect the youths �virgin eyes� we must go away from this scene. Sorry] [back at the large group of people waiting to get into the class...] The New Person: what�s taking so damn long? I wanna learn dammit!!! Frizzle Fry: Learn?? What is this word �learn� you speak of? The New Person: you know... what the teachers try to help us do. King of the Birdies: ummm.... excuse me.... I don�t understtttaannd......... The New Person: teachers are the people in front of the class!! Frizzle Fry: Ohhh!!!!! you mean the people that direct nappy time!!! The New Person: Nappy time?!?! what the hells wrong with this school?? Is everyone like this? [The New Guy runs around talking to people like Crackdude, Wayne and Gobby Bibson] The New Person: [runs by johnny, Nerdboy and Dumass Mcgee] AAAHHHHH!!!!!!! my god!!! you�re all idiots!! Johnny: What was all that about? Nerdboy: I donno... [door opens...] Dumass Mcgee: yay!!! we can go in now!!! [everyone piles into the room] [Dumass Mcgee sits next to johnny] HARD @$$ TEACHER: SHUT UP!!!! you are all nothing but a putrid pile of maggots!!!!! [the class of 50 people looks at him] HARD @$$ TEACHER: what is your major malfunction!?!?!?! [hands start going up] Some Guy: errr..... what�s a malfuntion? Some Girl: I think it�s your best subject.... Some Other Guy: I can kiss my ass!!!! [he does so...] Some Other Girl: sick!!!! Some Guy: is school over yet?? I�m sooooo bored.... Frizzle Fry: NAPPY TIME!!!!!!!!!! [Frizzle Fry falls asleep] [half the class does the same] HARD @$$ TEACHER: [pulls out a blow horn] BBBBBBUUUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!! [everyone wakes up] HARD @$$ TEACHER: POP QUIZ!!!!!!!! ALL except teacher: AAAGGGHHH!!!!!!!! [HARD @$$ TEACHER starts passing out papers] Hot Stuff: ahhh could you help me with this question teacher-sir? HARD @$$ TEACHER: ummm that�s where you put your name... Hot Stuff: Oh... ok then... HARD @$$ TEACHER: .......... Hot Stuff: ...... HARD @$$ TEACHER: you gonna put your name there? Hot Stuff: I... can�t remember what it is.... HARD @$$ TEACHER: ok then... I think you�re gonna do real good on this test... [very sarcastic] Hot Stuff: thank you!!! [HARD @$$ TEACHER finishes passing out the papers] Some Other Girl: ummm... these questions seem exceedingly difficult for a first day of school quiz... HARD @$$ TEACHER: I was just going to go over the questions to help you idiots understand..... ok then... it�s a short quiz... only 2 questions long... CLASS: YAAAY!!!!!!!!!!! HARD @$$ TEACHER: ok... QUESTION #1: define the word �THE� QUESTION #2: give the meaning of the word �A� And for each question give it�s country of origin and date of it�s first usage. CLASS: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! HARD @$$ TEACHER: No Dictionaries or any other books or notes are to be used... �A�Hole: Screw this test!!! [he induces a voluntary brain-dead like seizure and falls to the ground] Nerdboy: errr.... why is he twitching like that? HARD @$$ TEACHER: that�s just the lactic acid in his brain starting to build up. Don�t worry though. I have the antidote for just this occasion. None of you are getting out of this quiz that easily... [he walks over to and gives him the antidote] [ �A�Hole wakes up] �A�Hole: Dammit!!!!! HARD @$$ TEACHER: oh... and by the way everyone... this quiz is worth � of your final mark CLASS: AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!! [Will Greg ever get out of the hell that is *advanced* calculus? Will �A�Hole try to go into a brain-dead like seizure again? Who is The New Person in WRHS? Where did The New Person run off to? What is the name of the Hard @$$ Teacher? Will Hot Stuff remember her name in time? Does the class that Johnny, Nerdboy and Dumbass Mcgee are in have any chance of passing this retardedly difficult quiz? Did Frizzle Fry wake up from �nappy time�? Why is Frizzle Fry always late for school? Is Gobby Bibson REALLY as stupid as he�s lead everyone to believe? Will Mini Flynni ever grow tall? All these and more MAY, at one point in time be revealed... Stay tooned to find out more about these very important questions!!!] -- 23/08/02 > .:|WoRMS! Part Eighteen|:. top ---------- Episode 86 "What Happened At Provincials" ---------- Additional Cast: PSCF: So, what happened at provincials? Johnny: A whole lotta shit. Necrophiliac: Yeh. Pansy: Another year another sandwich. -- 25/08/02 >Take me down, Little Susie, won't you take me down? I know you think you're the queen of the Underground Well, you can send me dead flowers in the morning Send me dead flowers by the mail Send me dead flowers to my wedding And I won't forget to put roses on your grave. --"Dead Flowers", The Rolling Stones ---------- Episode 87 "What REALLY REALLY Happened At Band Camp" ---------- --By Pink Ranger Additional Cast: scotial outcast: hey guys, want to play pool. necrophiliac: how about no. dumbassMacgee: i'll play pool with you all:..... hollis: alright, Bb penitonic for two octives Pink Ranger: what, you think we came here for the music all: LOL [at joes] crazy l'il basturd: hey can i get some rum here! cripple: yeah by the barrel!!!! johnny: oh dear [at murleys cottage] phat tony: tooks unite 1! PSCF: 2! Necrophiliac: 3! Crazzy L'il basturd: gay pride! pink ranger: what the hell, 5! Thief: .... Erin: 7! Johnny: 8!!!! [some guy: what the hell was that? cripple who gives a fuck] -- 21/08/02 ---------- Episode 88 "Les Gars de Syrop L'Erable : What REALLY REALLY REALLY Happened At Band Camp (Yes, we REALLY mean it this time!) ---------- --By Necrophiliac and Johnny Additional characters: Killer Joe - Jeff Smith Salmon- mike ape man- some dude who plays his sax with a double lip (one day, the worms crew we enjoying a freshly stol- er baked ridiciously long sandwich when DM got an Idea) DM: hey lets - Necro: no DM: but but but... Johnny: no DM: lets - hot stuff: no DM: uh man... (any way after a while they all realised it was that time of year again) Johnny: I have the strangest feeling we should be doing something..... Dm: yeh, we need to go- Johnny: no DM: whatever I'm out of here..i'm going to band camp Necropheliac: hey! I got it, we're supposed to be at band camp Cripple: no we're not! Johnny: acctually...I believe he's right, we are supposed to be at band camp DM: hey, thats what I was saying Necropheliac: stop babbling your nonsence kehoe, anyway lets go gang Pansy: I'm coming too Cripple: sweet sweet can..sweet sweet....can, can...-er, I mean it will be great to have you along Pansy: great, then I can play my alto! Necropheliac: alto? wow all this time I thought you were some low-life ghetto whore now I see your really cool! Pansy:...uhh yeh! Johnny: yeh anyway, lets get going before Goodspeed kicks our asses (some finite amount of time later) (in the Denton Hall) Gargantian greg: (in that *voice* of his) allright, guyzzz goodspeed should be here momentairlybut until then we shall sing songs, and try to amuse you Crazy lil bastard: shauns gay! gargantion Greg: hey! who said that?? All: ..... G greg: I mean it! All:..... (G Greg takes off his sandle and throws it randomly) (Johnny Was minding his own buisness hitting on some girl when it hits him square in the head) Johnny: owww! who threw that fucking sandle...that really hurt! (one of the councellers wispers in Gregs ear) counceller dude: ummm, we're not allowed to abuse the children...some lawof some sort G Greg: WTF??? not allowed to abuse the children...I'm out of here (leaves) (hours pass without a sign of Goodspeed) Theif: where is that bum, does he think he's to good for us to show up on time??? Johnny: he is too good for us Fung Koo: he sucks man, sucks hard. HE's a real prick can't stand the guy (hours are eaten away, as are a many large sandwiches) (goodspeed Finally graces the kids with his presence) Goodspeed: hey you pieces of shit! all: yah!!! goodspeed!!!! Fung koo: what a load of shit Goodspeed: yeh I am better than you, arn't I? Fung Koo: Go Fuck a moose you queer! Goodspeed: ....I think I shall (leaves) Bb: anyway..I'm the leader of the shit--er basie band for shit-er beginner playersall of you who can't tell the diffrence between a A7 and A-7 please come with me Killer Joe: all of you who know the diffrence between A7 and A-7 but still have no idea onhow to solo over it, come with me (everyone except PSCF and crazy lil bastard leave) chickoy: and anybody who is better then everybody else, come with me PSCF: allright! (That night at the food place) Johnny: yeh that was some good rubber chicken...if I had a belt I would loosen it! Necropheliac: hey, I got it, lets go get some Ice cream Johnny: yeh, that will settle my stomach (at the Ice cream thing) Johnny: hey, look, light vanilla! my favorite! (reaches for it when he is rudly pushed out the way by people from a neiboring black camp) (After they leave) Johnny: no, No, NOOOOOOOOOOOO, they took all of my light vanilla!!!!!!!!!!!! sadness and woe Necropheliac: and my double double double, extra fudgy chocolate!!!!!! Johnny: damn it, they ruined my whole experience (the next day, during johnny and necropheliacs class with Killer Joe) Killer Joe: okay, today we're going to work on counting! Johnny:uhhh...I think me and mack here are in the wrong band (they start to leave) Killer Joe: no your not...and if you are, we'll keep you here to show these others who don't know anything how to play Johnny: sounds good Killer Joe: okay now we are going to count in 4\4 time, 16 bars...after 16 bars clap (after about 15 bars of counting there are sparatic claps all over the place) Killer Joe: okay....that was....a good attempt...we'll skip the counting and go right into the music. we'll start with killer Joe (starts singing in an off key) Killer joe: Killer joe....Kiiiiiiiler joe.....Killer Joe......kiiiiilllllerrr JOEEEEE!!!!!!!!!1 (they play the head and bridge nicley but when they get to the solo's...it kinda falls apart Killer Joe: well...jeez can't you guys play this its only 2 chord changes a bar! get out of hee! (they all go to the next class) (in the next room) Demon Dave: hey guys! i'm you teacher! girl with british accent: all rightt1! Demon Dave: hey, you're not here this year, leave now or forever hold your peace Necropheliac: yup.... Johnny: yup....... Where's that PSCF again? Necrophiliac: Probably in the can...bonner wocking. Erin: Well, we've got 30 minutes until our next class... Necrophiliac: 30 minutes to kill... Johnny: Yup... [they twiddle their thumbs, whilst humming the intermission tune from Monty Python and The Holy Grail] Erin: Ok, let's go back to the practice room and noodle. This sucks. Johnny: Whatever you say! [they arrive at the practice room, where they see Demon Dave] Demon Dave: Hey, how's it going? Demon Dave: Good, how are them Expo's lately? Demon Dave: Good; I like them because they play baseball. Demon Dave: And they play baseball on grass! Demon Dave: Speaking of grass, look at those daisey's! All: .... Demon Dave: What? I was having an intelligent conversation with the only person here who could provide one! Necrophiliac: Well, seeing as this is the guy who wrote "Out of My House, Roach" I'm not too surprised. (the week passes with many a mocking of shaun, chris and other random outcasts) counceler: hey guys, time for colour group (at the place where the....group thing happens) Salmon: hey guys! who here has a usless talent??? some guy: I do, watch! (turns his head around 360 degrees) all: ohhhh, ahhhhh salmon: ya well, watch what i can do, I learned this when i was gang beaten by little kids! (pulls off an amazing stunt where he snaps his arm behind his head and makes it floparound like it's popped out of its joint) Dumbass Mcgee: ya well..watch what I can do! (does nothing out of the ordinary) Dumbass mcgee: isn't that great!!!??? Johnny: you're an idiot! dumbass mcgee: ....shuut up! (more shunning comences) Salmon: yeh...anyway, time to go down to the pool! (in the changing room) Girl 1: yeh that neropheliac and johnny are cool! girl 2: yeh...whats with that kehoe character...i talked to him today and he kept averting his eyes from my full bossum girl 1: what a weirdo girl 2: i know...freaks me out...it was like he didn't want to look at me at all I mean...he wasn't even undressing me with his eyes like most guys girl 1: ....that guy wont get anyone doing that girl 2:uh-huh (PSCF enters) Girl 1: HEY!!! we're getting dressed here! PSCF: *whoops* heheh nice! (whistles appricitivly) (leaves) Girl 2: now thats what i'm talking about! there is a real man! girl 1: really though (anyway...in the other changing room) Dumbass mcgee: hey guys...today in the sub, a girl came up to me and talked to me! I was real smooth too Necropheliac: whatever kehoe Dumbass mcgee: hey i'm serious Johnny: she was probably a dirty Dumbass mcgee: nah, she was...uhhh...whats the word? Johnny: hot? Dumbass mcgee: ya thats it, hot Johnny: sure whatever (later in the pool) cubans: you want to play water polo, students take us?! Necropheliac: sounds good, are you good? Cuban dude: no no...first time ever Johnny: sweet PSCF: okay i've got a plan....I swim up, drag the golie under..you score dumbass dumbass mcgee: okay...finally somebody gives me something important to do Johnny: ya what are you doing murley, giving kehoe a job to do? PSCF: well....you're right...hey kehoe...i've got a more important job for you to do Dumbass mcgee: allright! PSCF: go over to those girls and give them my number okay?? Dumbass mcgee: cool! Johnny: okay, lets get this show on the road! mackenzie, chris, other guy, delta formation! necropheliac: wha??? Johnny: uhh...just get the ball and shoot necropheliac: oh, yeh! (mike goes up, gets body slamed by a cuben from the side) mike: bitch...I think i'll just float for a while...let my back fix itself Necropheliac: I'll shall avenge you! (cross check from another) necropheliac: I am undone! Pink ranger: fOr kink and country! (cuben drowns him) Pink ranger: mmbbubummm.... (a guy they seen up at the camp comes out of the changing room) apeman: hey guys, look like you're having fun, I'll join in! (lifts his arms to expose the most disgusting thing any of the wormsers had ever seen...masses of arm pit hair, hangin to his waist! all: ahh!!!!! (everyone jumps out and runs) (except for necropheliac, johnny and pink ranger of course) (a week later, mack and mike are released from the hospital) Necropheliac: hey...what ever happened to mummery? Johnny: Who cares? 09\03\02 >Crazy lil bastard: shauns gay! ---------- Episode 89 "What Really Happened At Provincials...more or less" ---------- Additional Cast: Cool Guy - Blair Forward Social Incast - Ryan Hudson Cashman - Chad Pothier Lesbo - Abbie Lynch Li'l Nicky: I knew I shouldn't have rented a car from Pothier Motors. Cashman: Hey, I take offense at that. And aside from the random defamation of Pothier Motors, Li'l Nicky is too busy in Ottawa to be meddling in summer swimming provincials! Johnny: Yeh, all right, sorry. Let's forget about this whole thing and go to Joe's. Cashman: Sounds great; let's go. Say, you interested in a free Dodge Viper? Johnny: Sweet! This is the start of a beautiful friendship. [in Bedford for the 2002 Summer Swimming Provincials] Johnny: shit...I have to do the 200.... necropheliac: yeh...hey look some dead body in the pool The other mistress of sedutcion: hey, he's not dead! Johnny: really...well if he's not dead he wont care if I throw this ridiciously long and suggusivly shaped spear at him (throws his spear, scewering him) guy in water: awwwww! my eyelid! (floats around some more! Johnny: see..he's fine pansy: yeh Apprentice: hey guys, get your asses over hear, i've got a story to tell you necropheliac: what is it sir? apprentice: YOU DAMN WELL BETTER WIN THIS PROVINCIALS CUZ IF YOU DON'T I'M GOING TO RIP OF YOUR HEAD AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS AND THEN TRAIN YOU NEXT YEAR SO HARD THAT YOU WILL WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE! AND IF YOU WIN, THEN I WILL TRAIN YOU JUST AS HARD SO YOU CAN KEEP YOUR FIRST PLACE! johnny: shit either way we're screwed necropheliac: yeh Johnny: Hey look, it's Blair Forward! Necrophiliac: Shit! [dives into bushes] Cool Guy: Hey, guys, how're you? Johnny: Hallo, Blair! Necrophiliac: [peeking out from bushes] So you're not gonna kill us for trying to poison you with Rain-X last year? Cool Guy: Haahaha, of course not! In fact, after I got my stomach pumped, I ended up swimming faster than I did before! I owe it all to you guys! Necrophiliac: Wow, thanks Blair! Cool Guy: Well, I've got another record to beat; I'll see you all later! Johnny: C'ya Blair! Necrophiliac: Well, that settles that little vendetta. Johnny: Had we taken the time to get to know him, we would've realized that he was actually a pretty cool guy. Necrophiliac: Yeh... Some Guy: Hi! Will you be my friend? Johnny: Fuck you motherfucka! muahahahaha Necrophiliac: Hey, look at that duck! [suddenly, they are accosted by a visiter from the past.] Necrophiliac: It's Big Cheese! Johnny: [falls to his knees] All hail! Big Cheese: No, no no! Stop that! What are you doing? Necrophiliac: Diverting my gaze, oh lord! Big Cheese: Stop that! I hate it when people grovel in front of me! Oh, and those appalling psalms! Johnny: Yes, sir! Um...so...uh...what have you been doing since you left? Big Cheese: I biked across Canada. Necrophiliac: Why? Big Cheese: I did it for the hell of it, like my father before me, and also, it's the cool thing to do! Johnny: You look like you've gained some weight. Big Cheese: Well...I've got quite a large refrigerator, and I've been eating a lot of porkchops lately. The Apprentice: Welcome back, Crowe! Big Cheese: Yes, it's good to be back home again....oh wait, no, I've been trying to get away from this godforsaken backwater province all my life! That's why I moved to Hong Kong! [enter: pink ranger and Dumbass McGee] Pink Ranger: Metallica r0X0rZ!!!!1111111111 Dumbass McGee: Yeh, Metallica are gods of metal! Big Cheese: What the? What ignorance are you spewing now? [reveals that he is wearing an Iron Butterfly t-shirt] Dumbass McGee: [hisses and pulls away] Argh! Good music! Johnny: Wow, you like Iron Butterfly? Big Cheese: Classic rock is the way to go! Necrophiliac: Yeh! Apprentice: Oh, then I suppose you must be a Led Zeppelin fan? Johnny: Of course! Pansy: Yeh, that Led Zeppelin's a pretty cool guy! All except for Pink Ranger and Dumbass McGee: .... Pink Ranger: Yeh guys, he is cool! All: ... Apprentice: fools of a took! led zepplin is no man, it's a band! what ignorent fools I have on my team pansy: yeh...I knew all along...just testing ya! dumbass mcgee: yeh....you guys can go back to your 'classic rock'....i'm going back to my 'cool' metallica! pink ranger: hey, you want to come too, Hannah? pansy: no, I think i'll stay here with my....friends lesbo: oh you know we're more than that..mmmmmm pansy: no we're not lesbo: oh....at least I still have Kiera! Other mistress of seduction: oh yeh! Johnny: you know your not allowed to have sex under the age of 14 NecropheliaC: yeh, me and mike found that out when we were trying to sleep in the comfort inn! Cripple: 2 guys sleeping in the same room...sounds kind of...gay! Lesbo: yeh, we break the law every night...don't we The Other mistress of seduction: yeh we get so drun- er yeh...lesbos...thats what we are Necropheliac: thats pretty cool Johnny: all right! Lesbo: you arn't disgusted? Johnny: no Lesbo: shit...well there goes that plan...ah well, bi! Necropheliac: yeh...anyway, that blair is cool Cripples dad: hey, colin you going to church. now. Cripple: fuck...yes sir Necropheliac: mwahahahahah I feel so schadenfreude. poor fool! Johnny: yeh (all of a sudden, from the middle of knowhere, appears...could it be, shauns COOL brother????) Social intcast: yeh, hows it goin, rap rules Johnny: no it doesn't, its c-RAP! hahahah oh i crack myself up necropheliac: yeh rap is egregious Social Incast: Underneath your clothes.... [starts to sing various Shakira songs] Necrophiliac: Shakira sucks! Johnny: Yeh...she does. [a Shakira cd falls out of his pocket] Johnny: Uh....how'd that get there?....erm....hey, it's time for my event... ...I'll be leaving now... [does so] Social Incast: Excellent, I needed that cd to complete my collection! [takes it] Cripple: [with halo on head] I have returned. God is now on our side. Yoda: Muahahaha. Necrophiliac: Excellent, and with my shaved legs, our team is bound for glory! Pink Ranger: Nuh uh! Shaving your legs makes you slower! Necrophiliac: Says who? Pink Ranger: Me! I should know better than you, lowly maggot! I mean, your dive is simply horrible! You should try arching your descent at a 30 degree angle with a force of 52 newtons drawn down to your...blah...blah blah blah....blah... (an hour later]...and finally make your way up and touch the wall to win! Necrophiliac: ...yeh. Or I'll just do what I've been doing all along.... Pink Ranger: And l0se! hahaha Yeh, I'll catch you d00d5 l8r! I gotta b3at that Blair F0rward prick! [leaves] Cripple: Man, I got this nasty pimple on my back....[tries to pop it]..ungh...boy, this thing's tough...ungh...ungh...[tries harder] [a random old lady from Bedford walks behind Cripple] Cripple: Ungh....I think I got it! [pop!][splatters all over the old lady] Old Lady: AHHHHH!!!! My God!!!! [trips and smashes head on concrete steps] Necrophiliac: Good job, dumbass! Yoda: Yeh, look what u did! You injured an innocent old lady! Criple: Heh....no I didn't! Johnny: Hi, I'm back. Necrophiliac: How was it? Johnny: Good enough, I started getting bored, so I swam faster to get out sooner. Cool Guy: Man, that was a nice race! Yoda: So, Pink Ranger didn't beat you? Cool Guy: Course not. I'm not losing to some no name loser who never even made it to provincials last year. If he beats me, I'm quitting. And putting a gun in my mouth. Pink Ranger: Hey, Blair, I checked the times, I beat you by 0.3 of a second! Cool Guy: O...k...ARGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! [jumps off 27th storey pool deck] Johnny: Blair! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! [follows him] [meanwhile, the Crocodile Hunter is enjoying a nice afternoon walk] Crocodile Hunter: Crikey! What's that noise?....Sounds like--AGH! [jumps out of the way. Blair hits the ground and bounces back to his feet] Whew! That was a close one--[thud] Johnny: Well, that was relatively painless. [gets up, revealing a crushed Croc Hunter] Cool Guy: Yeh. Let's go pick up some chicks. Johnny: Sounds great. Necrophiliac: Hi all. Johnny: Took you long enough to get down here. Necrophiliac: I became Pissed off Necrophiliac and gave Pink Ranger a verbal beating, hence he became Pissed Off pink Ranger and farted a lot. Pink Ranger: Hey, guys, I'm having a victory party with all my friends now. You guys wanna come? The Congealed Sausages Formerly Known as the Pot Roast: Victory party...with Pink Ranger..sounds kinda....gay. Cool Guy: Let's go ditch this joint. Social Outcast: Can I come, too? Yoda: Sure, friend. [they depart] -- 04/08/02 >Apprentice: fools of a took! led zepplin is no man, it's a band! what ignorent fools I have on my team pansy: yeh...I knew all along...just testing ya! ---------- Episode 90 "Everything Is Still OK" ---------- -By Johnny and Necrophiliac Additional Cast: Terry Potti - Himself Gobby Bibson- Bobby Gibson [a dark room. strains of miles davis to be heard in the background.] A Standup Bass: Bo dab ba de ba do ba. Muted Trumpet: Dee DOO. Standup Bass: Dum ba dee ga do wa. Muted Trumpet: Dee DOO. Tenor Saxophone: Doga deba do ba om de de de wa. Alto Saxophone: Do re-- Tenor Sax: [whacks pansy alto sax] Alto Sax: Ow, my octave key. [][][][][][][][][][][][...........][][][][][][][][][][][] Johnny: [sipping warm drink] Ahhh.... A Hollow Voice: Plugh. [Johnny takes another sip] Johnny: Yep, everything is still ok. [the end] -- 27/09/--[--][[[0.2/>>[a rock hits Johnny in the head he is finishing typing the ep].../>>>!Johnny: Ouch! Who did that? {}{}}]][,.,.>>>< Reader: I did! Johnny: Damn you. Reader: Damn straight. Johnny: Why did you do that? Reader: Because that was a really half-assed episode! Johnny: What can you expect, I've been in a bit of a rut lately. And I liked it a lot better before WoRMS!'ers interacted with the viewers. Reader: Hey, it was your bright idea, buddy. Johnny: Yeh, I know. Buddy: Someone called? Johnny: Hey, you're supposed to be in Halifax! Buddy: I came back. Reader: They all come crawling back, don't they? Buddy: Quiet, you. [leaves] Johnny: Well... Reader: Well, you better get to work. I expect a good episode! Johnny: Yeh yeh yeh... [episode 90.5 "Trinity, part 1"] [at the debut of the Microsoft X-Box] Bill Gates: [on podium] My people...my people. My name is Bill Gates and I am your boss....bitch! All: [and there was much rejoicing] Bill Gates: Today, we gather here for the release of my latest creation, the X-Box! All: [and there was much rejoicing] Bill Gates: Let it loose, boys! [a giant screen rises from behind Gates. it begins to show footage from some upcoming X-Box games] Bill Gates: This will begin a revolution in the gaming world. Pink Ranger: Wow, this X-Box really r0X0rs! All: [and there was much rejoicing] [suddenly, the screen flickers. then it becomes...the blue screen of death. a pall is cast upon the congregation.] Bill Gates: Oh....shit All: .... Bill Gates: Break out the rifles! Shoot them all! Make sure no one leaves this place alive! [a group of elite stormtroopers descend from the ceiling, systematically killing all the spectators.] Bill Gates: Excellent. Muahahaha. [meanwhile, Necrophiliac is at home. he is holding a large drill. we see a shadow on the wall....of a body, perhaps?] Necrophiliac: Hello there....muahahaa I've been waiting for this day for ages! [turns on drill whilst laughing maniacally] Not so fast now, are you! MUahahaahahahaah!....oh....it's just a mannequin. [he discards the drill and goes to try out his new GameSphere.] Necrophiliac: Wow, I hear this GameSphere's pretty advanced shit. [attempts to put game disk into GameSphere] [it rolls away] Necrophiliac: Damn it. [tries again] [the GameSphere rolls away again] Necrophiliac: Damn you! Why won't you let me put this in you? GameSphere: But we've just met. I don't think we know each other well enough. Necrophiliac: ... GameSphere: ... Necrophiliac: But, it's the latest first-person shooter! GameSphere: I don't like first-person shooters. Necrophiliac: But, but but... GameSphere: Do you have any RPG's? I like them. Necrophiliac: Er...Final Fantasy XXIX? Final Fantasy XXX? Final Fantasy MCLXX? GameSphere: Final Fantasy is for losers. This conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye. [rolls away] Necrophiliac: Hey, get back here! Hey, what are you doing? AGH!!!! [GameSphere attacks Necrophiliac and jumps out of a window] Some Kid: Hey, free GameSphere! Necrophiliac: Damn you, GameSphere! [sheaks fists] [suddenly, he hears a very shrill, feminine voice.] Necrophiliac: Hey there, hot stuff! Terry: Out of my *way*! [his voice is two octaves higher than a normal male] Necrophiliac: [shudders] Fuck you. Terry: Hey, don't give me that profanity, I don't like that! Necrophiliac: ....fine. Motherfucker. Terry: Ugnh! My virgin ears! Eyeshadow: Stop making fun of him, you sick twisted man! Poor Terry! Necrophiliac: But...but...but.... Terry: [gives Necro the finger] Necrophiliac: .... [Eyeshadow leaves] Terry: See ya, loser! Necrophiliac: Hey, sorry about being so rude. Let's make up. [extends hand] Terry: Well, since you admit to your inferiority, then I guess I must acknoledge you. [as Terry goes to shake Necro's hand, Necrophiliac shatters his knee with a devestating roundhouse kick, then shatters Terry's vertebrate with his elbow] Necrophiliac: Muahahahaah. [Johnny walks in, eating a jelly donut] Johnny: Hiya. Is that Terry's body lying limp on the ground? Necrophiliac: Why, it is. Johnny: OK [eats donut, then proceeds with stomping on Terry's body] Well. That was fun. Necrophiliac: It was. Johnny: [starts giving Terry CPR] Terry: *cough cough hack* What are you doing? Why, you saved my life! Johnny: It was so fun killing him that I want to do it again. [punches him in the face] Li'l Whitey: Hey, is that Terry? Johnny: Yeh, it is. Li'l Whitey: I hate that guy. [Kicks him in the genitals] Terry: It does nothing! [elbows Cripple, who wasn't even in the last scene] Cripple: Agh, my heart! [dies] Necrophiliac: I will avenge you! [beats Terry with a large rod] Terry: Ow, stop it, boyz! [they all join in, beating him with sticks] All: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! [they continue to beat him with sticks] All: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! [they keep beating him with sticks] All: AHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! [yep...] [they beat him some more] [mm hmmm] [and a bit more] [uh uh....] [and the beating continues....] Johnny: Hey, do you think we should stop now? Necrophiliac: Uh....nah, let's beat him just a bit more and see what happens. [they do so] Lil'l Whitey: Yep... Johnny: Uh huh. Necrophiliac: Let's go, now. Johnny: OK. Necrophiliac: Don't tell mom. [they shuffle away] [Please Wait While We Change Reels] [intermisson] [Thanks For Your Patience] The OTHER Beast: ...so there must be life on every planet, because if there isn't, then simple mathematic algorithms would dictate that there would be no life at all, seeing as a finite value multiplied by infinity would be zero! And furthermore, the speed of light is passable; suppose if we had a spacecraft and moved the rear row of atoms to the front and continually shifted the atomic structure of the craft, then we would travel at infinitely high speeds! Johnny: I object! One, the universe is neither static, nor infinite! And two, how would one go about rearranging individual atoms? That is folly! If that's possible, why don't we just make transporters and -- Dumbass McGee: They did it on Star Trek! The OTHER Beast: But...but..but... All: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Johnny: And should one reach the speed of light, you would become pure energy! And if you traveled at speeds faster than that of light, time would pass so slowly for you that you would actually be going in reverse! Dumbass McGee: But only if you go past Warp 10! The OTHER Beast: But..but..but...I'm an East coast witch! I can do whatever I want! My pixies will eat you! Johnny: Stop spewing your ignorance! [suddenly a figure descend from the ceiling. it is none other than Sir. Stephen Hawking, author of A Brief History of Time!] Stephen Hawking: The... universe..is...neither...static....nor infinite. The OTHER Beast: But my faerie gods told me-- Stephen Hawking: I am...smarter than you....therefore....I am higher...up... the food....chain....bitch. The Other Beast: Oh God, no! [leaps out of 1st story window.] Johnny: Wow, thanks for the help, Dr. Hawking! Stephen Hawking: It is....no...problem. I am here....to put an end....to ignorance...thank *you*, Mike....my work is not...done...I...shall return to... my...studies....working on a....grand unified theory....live long...and prosper... [he flies away] Johnny: Wow, that was the most intellectually stimulating experience of my life! Necrophiliac: Yeh, Stephen Hawking is cool! Johnny: Hey, let's go get some heavy water. I feel like making a black hole. (nmiaow) Necrophiliac: Huh? Johnny: Well, if I could use all the heavy water on the planet, I would be able to manufacture an atom bomb large enough to have such a violent reaction that it would resemble a collapsing star and thus create a small black hole. Necrophiliac: Wow, how did you get enough money to be able to obtain all that heavy water? King of the Birdies: Doh, what's a heavy water? Stephen Hawking: Heavy water...is an anomoly....instead of hydrogen....it... contains....deuterium...a much...heavier element....there is only....1 molocule of....heavy water....in 10 000 molocules....of water.... Johnny: Well, I ran a business during the summer. Necrophiliac: What was it? Johnny: Dig Your Own Grave. I mostly depended on repeat business, though. Necrophiliac: Huh? Johnny: Let's go. Necrophiliac: All right. Terry: Where are you boys going? Johnny: But...you're dead! Terry: That's what you think! Get 'em, boyz! [Gobby Bibson and other various greasers appear] gobby bibson: duh...cherge! terry: KILL KIILL!!! YES KILL THEM AL- (eyeshadow walks up) terry: uhh, what are you doing!!! be gentle! stop beating up those boys! Eyeshadow: ahhh your so nice, breaking up fights! Mike! MackenziE! you should be ashamed of yourselves! Necropheliac and johnny: but...but...bu..but- Eyeshadow: no buts! necropheliac: shit, oh well screw you (beats the shit out of Terry) Terry: owwww Johnny: yeh! beat his ass good, yes, pain!!! OOHH i love it mwahaha mahahahah ahahahahahahaah!!!!! muahahaahahaahahaahaha!!!!!! necropheliac: you don't have to enjoy it so much Johnny: shut up (beats terry into a pulp) Eyeshadow: awww poor boy! (carries him away cuddling him) Necropheliac: WTF? Johnny: yeh...to think we could be writting a canadian history research paper for our favorite teacher right now necropheliac: indeed Terry's bro: hey! you can't beat up my brother and get away with it! Crack dude: duuuu uh you die now! (falls and hits his head on the pavement, then struggles to his feet bleeding) Crack dude: duuuu ow! Terry's bro: AHAHAHAHAHA [swings at him and falls also] CrackDude: You are nothing to me, little man! [punches him in the kidneys] Terry's bro: Ow, my eyelid! Eyeshadow: Poor Terry! [cries] Johnny: ... Necrophiliac: ... Johnny: Well, if I felt like being nice and considerate today, then I'd go and comfort her. OH well. [stomps Terry until he is flat as a pancake] [meanwhile, in Iraq] Saddam Hussein: Oh, what a wonderful day it is! [starts dancing like the guy on that Viagra commercial] [we see a F16 fighter jet fly over him] Saddam: It must be my American friends coming to visit me! I'm so happy! Some Guy: Hi, Saddam! Saddam: Hi, friend! [gives him a flower and frolicks to see the Americans] George W. Bush: H'yuk yuk. What da hell are you doin on ma land? Saddam: Hi, George! Would you like to stay for a sleepover? We'll have pillow fights and hot chocolate and fun! Dubya: What are you, a good fer nuttin pansy? H'yuk. I'm here fer yer oil. Beetch. Saddam: I don't understand? Would you like a cup of tea? Dubya: What? So yer threatin us now, are yea? Shut yer trap 'fore we drop em nukes on you. [slaps him] Saddam: But.. but......here, let me show you my butterfly collection! Everyone loves butterflies! Dubya: I can't be seeing any of that now, you heartless infidel. [signals secret service agents to nuke the butterflies.] Some Arab: George W. Bush! Evil, evil man! Dubya: Who is that? A Palestinian? AND HE SPOKE TO ME? Christ, I feel dirty now. Get that there fuckin terrorist out of my sight. [his secret service gang beat the Arab] Saddam: You shouldn't do bad things like this! I'll tell the UN! Dubya: You fool. WE ARE THE UN. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US. Saddam: Nooooooo1!!!!111!!!11!1111111111 [Ariel Sharon enters] Ariel: Not another fucking Arab. Shit on him, judge!...er, kill him, Bush. Yes, good boy. Dubya: Let's go. [the Americans bomb Iraq to hell and blame the people for their own misfortune] Saddam: [rising from ashes] There must be something I can do! The WoRMS!'ers will help me avenge my people! [Pansy, Johnny, and Necro are "chilling" in "the hood"] Johnny: Yep... Necrophiliac: Yep... PSCF: Yep...Hey, speaking of which, I have a doctor's appointment right now! Bye! Necrophiliac: For what? PSCF: Ingrown toenail. Johnny: Again? It's the second time this month. PSCF: The tenth one's free. Bye. Johnny: This is boring. I'm going on a mystic quest now. Pansy: YEH, you know, I haven't been on a spiritual journey in ages. Necrophiliac: Sounds great. Hey, look at that, it's Les Paul guitar, just lying on the ground! [they go to take it, but it slides away as they step toward it] Necrophiliac: Why, isn't this strange? [they walk toward it and again it slinks back] [upon closer inspection, we see that the guitar is tied with a piece of string and Bob Barker is at the other end, giggling like a school girl as he lures the WoRMS!er's into some insidious trap!] [they are not yet aware of this <--- dramatic irony!] Necrophiliac: Why, look at that! It's leading us to an oversized dog cage! It'll have nowhere to run now! [they follow it into the cage and the door slams behind them] Johnny: Damn it. Bob Barker: Hi all! All: Hi, Bob! Bob Barker: Well, as we all can see, I've trapped you in an insidious trap. Necrophiliac: You beast! Bob Barker: Tone it down there, son. Well, most villans would come up with some sort complex machinery to grind you into tiny bits and feed to bums on the street, but I'm just gonna leave you here until the human population grows to such an extreme that the energy it produces causes it to become a hot ball of molten lava! Johnny: But that's not expected to happen for at least another 600 years! Bob Barker: Oh, I know, which is exactly why I left some music for you people to listen to while you're waiting! I'm such a nice guy! [pulls out the Britney Spears cover of "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"] Johnny: My God! She bastardized one of rock's greatest anthems! Damn them all to hell! [falls to the ground, gibbering like a maniac] Bob Barker: Well, it seems as if you will all a die slow and painful death. I know just what you need! Take it away, Charlie! Announcer: Well, we here at The Price is Right are pleased to present this sterling silver dinnerware collection, brought to you by the Acme Silverware Company! All: ... Necrophiliac: You'll never get away with this! Bob Barker: I already have. Muahahahaha. Muahahaah. MUAHHAHAHA--Oh, I think I'm going to die of cardiac arrest! [keels over] Pansy: Great, what are we going to do now? Johnny: Would you pass me the newspaper, dear? Thank you. Pansy: But our lives are in danger! What are you going to do with a newspaper? Johnny: Read the obituaries. Necrophiliac: And how will that help us? Johnny: It won't, I'm just doing this for my own enjoyment....Oh my God! Necrophiliac: What? Johnny: The world record holder for Space Invaders! He's dead! Damn them all to hell!! [breaks down and cries] Necrophiliac: Oh, we're fucked. A Voice: No, you're not! I'm here to save you! Necrophiliac: It's the Congealed Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast! CSFKATPR: I have come to save you all! Pansy: But you have no appendages! CSFKATPR: ...uh....Oh yeh....oops, I kinda forgot bout that. Guess I can't help you, after all....but I can sing the Oscar Myer song to comfort your weariness! Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer weiner....! Necrophiliac: [repeatedly smashes head against wall] Johnny: Dead! Dead, I tell you! He was my hero! Damn them all to hell! [continues lamenting death of Space Invaders record holder] Voice: Don't worry, I'm here to save you! Necrophiliac: Who is it this time? Slacker: It's me! Johnny: Barton! Slacker: A new and improved Barton, at that! [tears out porticullus with bare hands] Ever since I got fired, I've been working part time as a sidekick to Teacherman! Necrophiliac: Wow, thanks Barton! Slacker: No problem, kids! And remember to eat your veggies! [tears shirt to reveal an 'S' for Slacker] Johnny: Wow! Slacker: I was swimming in Lake Pisiquid, and the radioactive waste in the water gave me super sexual powers! Necrophiliac: Wow! Slacker: Yeh!...and super strength, but that's just a bonus. Well, I've got people to save! Toodles! [he flies away. when everyone looks away, he gets sucked into a Concorde jet turbine] Pansy: Cool, now what do we do now? Johnny: Beats me. Necrophilac: My God! Look at that! It's a cult! Pansy: ...and they worship blue oysters! Eric Bloom: Hi, I'm Eric Bloom of the heavy metal band, Blue Oyster Cult, and we're here to play "Don't Fear the Reaper!" All right! A one, a two, a one two three four! All our times have come....Here but now they're gone! Seasons don't fear the reaper, Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are! Hey, more cowbell! More, more! Ok, just a tad more, great! Good job, guys. [they start packing their instruments] Necrophiliac: But, you only played ten seconds of the song! Eric Bloom: Yeh, well, Johnny hired us for $850 an hour and he only bothered giving us five bucks. Cya! Pansy: Well, that was interesting. Johnny: Yeh, best five bucks I ever spent. I'm going home to play Super Mario Brothers 3 and NHL '96 now. Pansy: I'll come too! Necrophiliac: Enjoy your Mario, I'll be too busy playing....Tac Ops! Ta ta! [all exeunt] [please wait while we change reels] [....] [Act III] [scene i : the triumvirate of dystopia] [three shadowy figures are conspiring in the the moonlight] One: Sorry masters, for I have failed. Two: No, matter. We will soon start phase one of the infestation of...strepococis! Three: Yes. Muahaahahaha. [at Necro's house] Necrophiliac: You know, we could use a new computer right about now. Al: Uh....yeh, you're right. I'll pick one up after work tomorrow. [the next day, at FutureShop] Clerk: ...Pentium 9 processor, 50 ghz...uh, 900 terabyte HD.... Al: Great! I love it! Clerk: So, you want to buy it? Al: Of course not. [stuffs the monitor under his shirt and starts to walk away.] Shit! [it's chained to the shelf] Well, isn't this a dilly of a pickle? [Starts to drag the whole shelf to the door] Clerk: Uh...you need a hand with that, sir? Al: No, that's all right. Thanks anyways. [meanwhile, at the crocodile hunter's convention, on the former nuclear testing grounds in Nevada] Crocodile Hunter: Wow, nice to see you! Some Croc Hunter: Hey, long time no see! [scene changes to show a jet carrying an atom bomb] [back to the croc hunter convention] Some croc hunter: So, how's your new syndicated tv show? Croc Hunter: It's great, the ratings are higher than ever! [back to the jet] Pilot: .... [back to the convention] Croc Hunter: ...yeh, it's great! I didn't even know you could do that with crocodile skins! Some croc hunter: Amazing! Some other croc hunter: Excuse me, but I couldnt help but overhear your intriguing conversation, boys! [back to the jet] Pilot: .... [at the convention] Some croc hunter: ...really? Croc Hunter: Yes, that's that's how I found the recipe for.... [jet] Pilot: Approaching target. [convention] Yet another croc hunter: Yeh, then says Mabel --- Croc Hunter: Oh my God! Some croc hunter: It's a bird! It's a plane! Croc Hunter: It's --- [jet] Pilot: [drops payload] [convention] All: AHHHH!!!!!! [the place is eneveloped with deafening noise] Croc Hunter: Ahahahahah! It was a bird after all, and it shat on your head! Other croc hunter: Hey, I take offense at that. [jet] Pilot: Mission successful. [the camera pulls away and in the spirit of Silence of the Lambs, shows that the jet was actually flying nowhere near Nevada, but over Windsor!] [the bomb keeps dropping]] Cripple: [kicking Crazy Li'l Bastard's ass in Tekken 3] YEH! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? UHUHUHUHUHUHU!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! [the house is blown apart] Crazy Li'l Bastard: [climbing out of debris] What the fuck happened? Cripple: I farted. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! [the bomb falls on his head.] Cripple: Ow, my eyelid. Wow, look at all that nuclear fallout! [fin] -- 04/08/02 >She's got a smile that it seems to me Reminds me of childhood memories Where everything Was as fresh as the bright blue sky Now and then when I see her face She takes me away to that Special place And if I stared too long I'd probably break down and cry --"Sweet Child of Mine", Guns n' Roses .:|WoRMS! Part Nineteen|:. top ---------- Episode 91 "Crazy Things are-a brewin..." ---------- --By Nerd Boy Additional Cast: [back at WHRS where we left our friends...] CLASS: AAAAGGGHHHH!!!!! Cartman: Screw this you guys... I am going hume! [Cartman waddles away] Nerdboy: Since when did he go to this school? Some Guy: Who cares... I am going home too. Hard @$$ Teacher: If you people leave without doing the test you will automatically fail- [Noise] : ROOOOF DOG!!!!!! [Fat-ass dog with a cape falls through the roof for no reason and lands on the Hard @$$ Teacher] CLASS: YAAAA!!!!!!!!! Johnny: That was pointless... But hey, I can�t complain Hot Stuff: Yaa!! I was finding that first one hard... [Class leaves] [undetermined amount of time passes] Dumbass Mcgee: Hey guys look!! I got a Ti-93 calculator!! I can finally be accepted as one of you!!! Necropheliac: Stupid Kehoe! Ti-93 is so last week! Take a look at these.... [Everyone holds out the same calculators] Dumdass Mcgee: Whaaat.... Ti-94??? Necropheliac: Yes... It�s brand new and ever-so slightly better then your obsolete piece of crap! Hahaha!! Dumdass Mcgee: But I....But they...FRICK!!!!!![nmiaoy] [Everyone points and laughs] Dumbass Mcgee: well can I at lest hang out with you guys? Necropheliac: What do you guys think? Johnny: Ummm.... Murley: Well let�s see... Everyone but Dumdass Mcgee: NOOO!!!! Dumbass Mcgee: awwww.... [Dumbass Mcgee leaves] Murley: What a loser hahhah [everyone goes] [meanwhile something rotten is going on in the school , and no I don�t mean the usual toilet flooding and foul sewage seeping though various locations throughout the sinking sludge pit we so happily call home for 6 hours of our day!] [anyways...] Nerdboy: Yess!!!! keyboarding!!! What an easy class this is gonna be! Homey-g: Yeah man! Even I�m gonna get 100 in this class! Ms. FAGan: who are you?!?! Homey-g: I�m Homey-G, what�s it to ya? Ms. FAGan: THAT�S IT SMART ASS!!!! 10% off your term!!!! Homey-g: Awww crap.... CLASS: hahaa!! Ms. FAGan: Shut up and start typing! CLASS: awww.... Ms. FAGan: You�re all doing it wrong!!! Put your hands on home row!!! ..... Are you looking at your hands??!?!?! You�re using the wrong fingers!!! Be quiet!! Turn around!!! You can�t type while you�re talking to someone else!!!! Straighten your backs!!!! Feet flat on the floor!!!! How many times do I have to tell you Homey-G not to look at your hands!!! Put a cloth over your hands!!! ...... Dear god, you guys are almost giving me a heart attack!!!! [Noise]: WALL DOOOOG!!!!! [a huge dog in a cape rams through a wall and continues through to the next wall...] [Ms. FAGan faints] Some Guy: What is up with these dogs? Nerdboy: ..... Homey-G: Whatever... I�m going on the internet! Whoohoo! �You sunk my battleship!� Murley: Shut up man! Homey-G: Since when do you go to this class? Murley: Never! Mwaaahahahaha!!! [Murley runs out the hole in the wall screaming WAALLL DOG!!!] [The new Person walks up to the class] The New Person: What the hell is going on in this school!! You people are retarded!!! Mini Flynni: Who are you? The New Person: I...am.... [Drums, trumpets, and other various noises start up to basically take up space on this episode for the most part. Oh... and also to properly bring introduction to The New Person�s name... ahem... sorry I got a bit carried away there... any-whoo..] The New Person: .... Screw you guys!!! I�m not telling you morons!! You�d probably stalk me or something!! I don�t know why I�m even here!!! [The New Person Leaves never to come back again] Mini Flynni: Wow man, that was so pointless it�s not even funny.... [time passes] [WoRMS! gang is walking down a hall] Necro: You guys ever notice that these episodes shouldn�t really be called WoRMS! anymore? None of us are in middle school anymore... Johnny: That�s true enough but WoRHS! just doesn�t seem really to have the same kick as WoRMS! does... Pink Ranger: I suppose.. But if I- Johnny: No Pink Ranger: But.. Johnny: We don�t need you to go through a very large and possibly very time consuming explanation of what you are thinking. Pink ranger: Ok... [All of a sudden a very large portal thingy appears in front of them] ALL: ........... Johnny: That�s exactly what Nerdboy would have said. Necro: You�re right but what is that? [everyone looks at Dumbass Mcgee] Dumbass Mcgee: Hey! Don�t look at me!!! I didn�t do anything!!! I swear!! Johnny: No you idiot! You have to see what it is. Dumbass Mcgee: Yeah right!! I�m not going to do that!! Johnny: If you do, we�ll let you hang out with us. Dumbass Mcgee: Really? You mean it? Necro: Yup! Dumbass Mcgee: Hey........ You guys did something like this to me before and you didn�t let me hang out with you after I did it. I�m not gonna do it!!! Johnny: Fine then.... I guess we�ll be going then- [Johnny turns to leave but quickly turns around and pushes Dumbass Mcgee in the thing] Dumbass Mcgee: AAAHHHH!!!!! DM: Ewwww!!!!! This isn�t a portal thingy!! It�s a big pile of sewage!!!! ALL: Gross!! Janitor with Scottish Accent: Ohh me god!! It�s the mighty Sewage Monstar!!! [tears his shirt off] grease my up laddies!! Johnny: Ummm, that would be a good job for you Kehoe! DM: You can�t be serious! Johnny: Oh, but we are! Everone but Dumbass Mcgee: HAHAHAHAHHA DM: Dammit!! [The WoRMS! group besides DM leaves] -- 30/10/02 ---------- Episode 92 "..." ---------- Additional Cast: Batman - Jim Bryan H4X0R - Denis Martin Ted - Ted McDiarmid Mrs. Chow - Holly Raymakers PSCF: [walking down street] Dum dum dum... [an unmarked white van pulls up next to him] Man: Get in the car, kid! PSCF: But... Man: Do it! PSCF: Now what would Doug think about this? Mr. Tambourine Man: Strangers have the best candy! Now get the hell away from me! PSCF: Yeh! [runs in, van speeds away] [meanwhile...] [in the WRHS band room] [random acts of noodling] Johnny: God, this band sux0rz! Necrophiliac: Yeh, you're right. Kali the Ditz: Uh...what's a quarter note? Huh, I don't understand! Johnny: Shut up, you dumb piece of shit. Ditz: Hey! I got a higher mark in science than you! Johnny: Yeh, that's quite an achievement for someone with an IQ of negative five. Ditz: Hey, I'm smarter than I look! Johnny: That's not exactly such a difficult feat. Ditz: Huh? Who has feet? [implodes in puff of logic] Batman: Hey, I'm assigning you guys a science test! Dumbass McGee: When? Batman: Uh, I'll make it yesterday! Necrophiliac: But we only live in a three dimensional universe where time travels in a linear manner! Batman: Yeh, well look in your notes. Dumbass McGee: What notes? A sheet from a colouring book? Batman: Well, you should have extrapolated. Hmph! [leaves] Necrophiliac: What a dick. Dumbass McGee: Yeh. Erin: Hey, Mike! You ready for the concert? Johnny: Huh? Erin: You're supposed to be in that orchestra! Johnny: Shit! [starts to run to Halifax] [meanwhile...] PSCF: Who are you people! Phat Tony: WE are the brass asses! Li'l Whitey: Join us! Scottay: Thrust! Dude Guy: [farts] [in a dark room...] Bill Gates: As you know, you are now ejected from the triumvirate. Bob Barker: I have failed. I understand. George Bush: Meet the replacement...Evil Mr. Penguin! Mr. Penguin: Quack! Bill Gates: My, what eloquence! He shall be a most worthy parter! Muahahahaha. [over in Queen Elizabeth High in Halifax] Johnny: Gee, thanks for letting me stay here for a few days. H4X0R: No prob. Johnny: Hey, you have Grand Theft Auto! H4X0R: Yep! It's a cool game. Johnny: Oh nuts, it's time for our concert! Oh, look it's Erin! Erin: Hiya. Hey, you should hang out with me, Mike! I don't know anyone here! Johnny: Ok. Let's go for a walk. Man, QEH is a dump! [back to the brass asses] PSCF: Duh... [gets smashed in face with board with nail in it] Phat Tony: Wow! He's IQ's already down to 50 and we've only been doin this for ten minutes! A record! Dude Guy: Uhuhuhuhuhuh [over to Erin and Mike] Johnny: Dum dum dum...hey, look it's a fire alarm! Erin: So? Johnny: It's got one of those cool protective cases! Pull to open? Ok! [he yanks the whole fire alarm off the wall] [an alarum] Erin: You idiot, what did you do that for? now the sprinklers are going to go off and ruin all the instruments! Johnny: Um...big loss. Let's get outta here! [they run into Large Logan] [he trips over them and smashes his head through the ceiling] Large Logan: Ouch, what did i trip over? Johnny: Us! Large Logan: Sorry, but being so large (nmiaow), I did not see you! Johnny: MY God, you seem to have grown an extra five kilometres! Large Logan: I don't know, it just happened overnight. Ted: Hey! Johnny: Hey, it's my favourite teacher, Mr. McDiarmid! Ted: Haha, no need to BS your way with me, I'm an easy marker! Mrs. Chow: But you didn't mark my test easily! Ted: Well, I guess it's just because Mike is such a cool guy. Johnny: Indeed. [Necrophiliac, once again left unsupervised at WRHS, begins plotting something] PSCF: Yond Necrophiliac has a lean and hungry look, he thinks too much! Such men are dangerous. Phat Tony: Huh? PSCF: Duh...I mean, die bitch! [punches him the kidneys] Necrophiliac: Yes, the time has come for the demise of George Bush! [there is knock at the door] Necrophiliac: Enter! Saddam Hussein: You must help me, the American pigdogs have exiled me from my homeland! Necrophiliac: That is grave indeed! Capt'n Keyes: Hey, did somebody say McDonald's? Necrophiliac: Why...no. And I thought you got transfered to HWRHS! Capt'n Keyes: Yeh, I know. I came here to help you out in liberating the world from the vice of Western society! All: Yeh! Capt'n Keyes: You see, this school was built originally as a bomb shelter! That's why most of it is underground! In fact, we even have a nuclear warhead at our disposal! Necrophiliac: Wow! Let's fire it at George Bush! [they do so. the missile flies to the US, then knocks over a little kid's sand castle. The Americans respond by bombing the school with their high tech F-16's. 90% of their missiles miss the target, however and the vicinity of Windsor is obliterated.] [Smart bombs....dumb pilots] Saddam Hussein: Oh shit! Necrophiliac: Oh shit! Geoge Bush: All your base are belong to us! Necrophiliac: Noooooo!!!!! [blacks out] [he awakens in a dream-like state] Necrophiliac: Where am I? Everythin seems so strange!...like a bizzarro world [he sees strange visions] NecroPimp: Yo! You got some smokes, BrassAss McGee? BrassAss McGee: Whadda got for me, homes? PSCF: Yo yo yo! I stole us some 'shrooms! Batman: 2+2=5! 2+2=5! NecroPimp: Dat mofo is da bomb! PSCF: Bling bling bling bling Beaulio: You say it, brother! Dat Eminem is da tr00 muzak g0d! Some Guy: But, what about Eric Clapton! BrassAss McGee: Huh? Whadda phuck u bitching 'bout, G? Who da Eric Crapton? Some Guy: Clapton=God! .:. Clapton>Eminem PSCF: Huh? Batman: Duh, I think he's ratting on Eminem! All: Uh...Cherge!!!! [they lynch Some Guy] [Necro awakens] Necrophiliac: Oh.... Capt'n Keyes: They have compromised the structural integrity of the WRHS building! Why, at the rate its sinking now, by the next school year, it will be completely deteriorated! Necrophiliac: What do we do now? Capt'n Keyes: There's only one thing left to do....combine with HWRHS! Necrophiliac: But isn't that just a cesspool of country bumpkins and ignorance? Capt'n Keyes: Yes. And the combined schools will be called Avon View High School, or AVHS! Necrophiliac: But that will spell the end of the WoRMS! Saga! Capt'n Keyes: Technically, yes, seeing as WRHS will cease to exist, but I have a feeling that Johnny will continue using the name WoRMS! simply for the sake of convenience, and the fact that he thinks Avon View High is a pretty fucking lousy name for a pretty fucking dumbass idea. [in Halifax] [strange sounds are emanating from the girls' washroom] Some Girl: Hey, I wonder what those noises are? We should investigate! A crowd of people: Good idea! [she opens the door and finds Johnny and Erin with a chess board] Some Girl: AHHHHH!!!! Johnny: ...um....it's not how it looks....er....no...um..... Some Girl: AHHHHH!!! You beast! Johnny: Er...um....shit! [the end] Johnny: There! I finally got around to finishing this ep! Erin: Finished? Kinda anti-climatic, isn't it? Johnny: Uh, yeh. Hey, are you free tonight? Erin: No. Johnny: Damn. -- 24/12/02 >Man, we're getting lazy. ---------- Episode 93 "georgedubyabushisafucki ngloserhesahickandaredn eckandhehasnoideawhatth ewordsforeignpolicymean dhehasapoopybumcuzhenev erwipeshisbumhestillnee dshisdaddytowipehisassf orhimandhisassstinksits mellslikewrhsthebiggest shitholethissideofthefo rtyninthparellelxxxxxxx" ---------- Additional Cast: Les - Lesley Taylor George Bush: [surveying the damage in Windsor] I think we did some good here. This place looks better than it ever did! Jean Chretien: Ah, zir? What zid you do to my town? George Bush: Your town? But we all know Nova Scotia is the 62nd American state! Right? Jean Chretien: But zir, zere are only -- George Bush: Yes, of course I'm right. You crazy canucks crack me up! Jean Chretien: But... George Bush: Here's a billion dollars, knock yourself out, kid. [flicks him an American quarter] Jean Chretien: Yes, sir. George Bush: Well, what have we here! [rummaged through pile of rubble and pulls out Saddam Hussein] Well, look who's come crawling back! Saddam Hussein: ... George Bush: Its time to finish what was started by my father before me! [kicks him and the groin] Saddam Hussein: Oi!!!!.... George Bush: Muahahahahaha. Fools, I'll destroy them all. Random Henchman: What shall we do now? George Bush: Deport all the foreign devils from this place! Random Henchman: Yes, my lord. VZ: But you can't so this! George Bush: Oh yes I can! Johnny: But this town is run by foreigners!! Necrophiliac: Yeh, like the Hong Ying, Downeast, Chaker's, Kamille's Market, and the Windsor Wharf! CrackDude: And most importantly, Windsor Pizza! Without it, where else will disillusioned youth obtain marijuana to escape the pain of our cruel and sadistic society! PSCF: Huh? George Bush: So...ci...ety?...?!!!? CrackDude: *sigh* Dat's where da homeys get dem weed! PSCF: Ohhhh. George Bush: Ohhhhh. Well, isn't that a shame? I'm sure your little shithole of a town will manage. Gerg: Hey, guys, lighten up! We don't need foreigners to run our town! Keep in mind that 90% of the revenue goin into this place is made up of taxpayer money being sent to all the lazy white people, sitting at home waiting for their welfare cheques! George Bush: Resistance is futile! Johnny: Oh yeh? Think again! [Bill Clinton and Al Gore appear behind him] Al Gore: Hey shithole, *I* won the fucking election, not you! It's payback time, you sorry mofo! Bill Clinton: What he said. [plays on his sax for a bit] George Bush: Shit! Dick, get over here! Dick Cheney: My life for you, massster! Yes, Mr. Pigglesworth....oh, my heart! [dies cardiac arrest] George Bush: Crap! Where is my axis of evil when I need it?! Bill Gates: You're screw, buddy. See ya! Evil Mr. Penguin: Quack. [they leave] George Bush: Traitors! I must get help from the only scum in the world that will stoop to my lows! [suddenly, two mysterious figures appear and the Unholy Trinity is compleat] All: Oh my God! It's the Father, Son, and....the Other Son! George Bush Sr.: Muahahahahaha. Jeb Bush: Muaahahahaha. Dubya Bush: Muahahahaha. Thanks for joining me, dad! Let's kick some ass! Al Gore: You take down George Senior and I'll pummel Dubya. Bill Clinton: What about Jeb? Saddam Hussein: It'll be my pleasure! [an ultimate battle royale ensues, where the fattesr pigs of corporate America fight with the last defenders of justice.] [unfortunately, due to budgt cuts, we will not be able to show you what happens.] [we can, however, attest that they "blowed up real good"] Bill Clinton: Phew! Finally, we have rid the world of its greatest threat! Al Gore: And now I can assume power in the White House, like I deserved! Saddam Hussein: Thank you, WoRMS!'ers, for aiding me in liberating my people from American slavery! Pansy: You're all very welcome, but c'mon! It wasn't ALL my doing! Johnny: -_- Les: What an excellent adventure. Erin: Bum bum bum bum bee bum bum bum bum Johnny: Schwing! -- 02/01/03 >Crazy Li'l Bastard: Why'd the house blow up? There must've been propane or something. Johnny: No, the explanation is pretty simple, he farted. ---------- Episode 94 "untitled" ---------- Additional Cast: Some Chick - Robyn Alcorn [ 10:00am] Erin: Damn it. I have to get up stupid mega-jam. [Murley invades Erin's room.] Murley: Erin!!!! Mega-jam!!! Today!! Woo hoo!! [Runs out of her room like a girl, waving his hands in the air.] Erin: What a dumb ass... [She gets out of bed and walks downstairs, only to find Murley lying on the floor, shaking.] Erin: Ahh well. [ 12:00. Necropheliac barges into the Murley household. ] Necro: Hey guys!! I just thought I would get here a little early so I can sit around and do nothing! Erin: Hmm, sure..why not. Murley: Hey! Lets play hacky sack! [ Again, runs around in circles, waving his hands in the air] [They start kicking the hacky sack, never getting it to the other person.] Murley: Isn't this fun guys!?!?!? Huh; huh? Mr.Tambourine Man: Would you guys stop that stupid game? You'll break something! Necro: Excellent...I mean, er,sure Doug. Wouldn't want to get you mad. Mr. Tambourine Man: Great. Why don't you kids go and noodle? Erin: Meh, don't think so. we'll just wait until someone else gets here. [They sit down on the couch and once again, twiddle their thumbs and hum the tune to the intermission from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.] [The Tooks all arrive at the exact same time - how ironic] All: Howdy! Murley, Necro, and Erin: Hey! We've been waiting for you! Erin: Wait a sec, where's Johnny?! [Suddenly, Johnny pops out of a cake and starts to sing, " Happy Batman, to youuuu"] Erin: Well! Now it's a real par-tay! Murley: Yeah baby, yeah! Necro: Did you just call your sister, baby? Murley: Well, um.... Johnny: What a perv..oh well.. Tony: Let's jam guys! Thief: Yeah! Sounds fun to me! Erin: Sure. As long as we don't have to play Four. Thief: Or Blue Bossa. [Erin and Thief start listing every song they know.] Tony: Well then. I guess I'll have to play some of my music. [He starts playing Mary had a Little Lamb.] Murley: Hey! My favorite song! I use to pretend I was the lamb, so I could follow Mary around everywhere. She is one hot sugar mama! Necro: Only you would say that. Johnny: HEY! That's not true, we all know I would say that too. Erin: Aww, poor Johnny. Johnny: See?? SOMEBODY loves me! Erin: Hey, I just needed a filler. Johnny: Damn it. Murley: Anyways, people should be getting here soon! It's 2:00! Erin: Yeah we probably should noodle. We have nothing better to do Tony: Excellent. Murley: Lets play Four!!! Erin: Noooooooooooooo! [Everyone starts playing. Thief snickers.] Thief: (Under her breath) Sucker! Erin: Hey! I heard that! We're playing Blue Bossa next, anyway. Meghan: Shit. [Erin plays an ultimate solo.] Johnny: Holy shit. That was awesome! Erin: Dum, dee dum dum Johnny: Dum dee dum dum Erin: BUM! Johnny: Well..that's getting old. But it's still cool. Halb! Pink Ranger: Man. You guys are queer asses. Tony: I wouldn't be talkin' Johnny: Yeah! Don't diss Erin. She's a cool girl! Erin: That's right. And Johnny is a...well...he's a perverted guy. Johnny: Thank you! Erin: Anytime, anytime. Johnny: Anyone care for a nice game of...chess? Pink Ranger: I'd like to play a nice civilized game like chess! Where shall we play? Murley: What's chess? Necro: . Johnny: I'll meet you in Murley's room in 2 minutes. Be there�.or don't be there. Pink Ranger: Great! [They leave to play...chess.] Necro: Say, where is that crazy lil' bastard? Meghan: Meh. we don't need him anyways. Tony: Yeah, he's a little strange. Erin: What an idiot. All: ...(sigh) [4:00. People are actually there] Necro: Erin, are the Alcorn's coming? Erin: Yeah. I think so! Tony: Who's the Alcorn's? Necro: These people. The daughters are hot. Tony: Sweet ass...I mean; we'll have nice civilized conversations with them. Johnny: Hey. What cha guys talking about? Erin: The Alcorn's are coming. Johnny: Great! They're hot. Erin: Man on man, I'm around strange, strange people. Johnny: So true. Erin: Oh well. you guys are great! (rolls eyes) Laurie: Hey guys! The Alcorn's just arrived!!! Necro: Yes!!!! [The guys run out to the kitchen to catch a glimpse of Robyn and Natalie.] Tony: Holy mother of God! She's fuckin' hot! Robyn: [Looks at Tony] Hey sexy. Tony: ah ah ah ah ah..um....hey braid..I mean...babe...(shit) Robyn: Hehehehehe. [They run off into the wilderness.] Erin: Well then....that was unexpected... Necro: Why would he bother with ladies from Antigonish? Pink Ranger: Because they're hot!!! Did you ever think of that?! Necro: No... Pink Ranger: Ugh. [Necro gos upstairs to have a nap.] Erin: Oh God.it's Dumbass Mcgee..shit. I'm outta here. [She heads upstairs.] Dumbass Mcgee: Hey Chris...whats up? I'm going to hand out with you! Pink Ranger: Oh no you're not! [He opens a drawer, pulls out a butcher knife, and cuts off his own head.] Dumbass Mcgee: Hmmmm, I wonder why he didn't cut of my head. oh well. [Skips off.] [Meanwhile, upstairs, Erin is lying down in her bed.] Necro: Hey, mind if I come in? Erin: Hmm..? Necro: I mean to talk! Erin: Ohhh, sure! C'mon in! Necro: Hmm, this looks interesting! [He starts rummaging through Erin's things.] Erin: Hey, if you find anything that says Mackenzie is hot, just ignore that! Necro: Sure! Wait a sec! I'M Mackenzie..! Erin: Really? I never knew.. Necro: So you wanna... [Les barges in.] Les: Hey guys!! Erin: Shit! I mean, er..hi Les! How are you? Les: Chipper! Why, -- holy shit, what is that? [Crazy Li'l Bastard comes flying through the window.] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Sorry, guys. I'm just a bit late. [PSCF barges in] PSCF: Hey, man! Look, I got a new sax! It's one of those expensive black lacquer ones! Dumbass McGee: [walks in with bowl of chili] Man, this chili is GOOOOD! -- Woah!!!! [spills it all over PSCF and hid sax] Oops. Pink Ranger: Hey, Kehoe! Frankly, you suck. Dumbass McGee: Hey, that's not nice. We all know I'm better than you! Pink Ranger: Oh yeh? Dumbass McGee: Yeh! Johnny: ... [sheaks head, then promptly beats up both of them] PSCF: My sax is ruined! Erin: And my floor is covered in chili! Man, it'll be a pain in the ass cleaning this up! Necro, get to work! Necro: Huh?....oh....yes, ma'am... [starts licking chili off ground] Erin: It's nice to have manservants around. Les: Ohh....I wish I had some, but for now I'm still Crazy Li'l Bastard's sex slave. All: !!! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Hey, sweet! Les: Take me, you sexy li'l bastard! All: !!!!!!!!!!! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Oh...and I hope you know....I'm not completely...uh... proportional! You know....its like having a...kickstand! All: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 Les: Mmmmmm....sweet sweet.... Crazy Li'l Bastard: What? I was talking about my legs. What did you think? Les: Such sexy legs! You're even hotter than Johnny! And everyone knows he's a cool guy! Johnny: I sure am. Crazy Li'l Bastard: Oh, Les! Les: Oh, Christian!! [insert sex scene] All: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111 Les: Wow, that was a nice shag. Thanks, hun! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Anytime! Anywhere! Mr. Tamborine Man: Woah I didn't know that shit was anatomically possible! Erin: ....ewwwww!!!!!! That was on my bed too! I'm gonna have nightmares about it for the rest of my life! CaitO: Hey PSCF, let's noodle! PSCF: Okay! [they leave to "noodle"] [PSCF and CaitO return] CaitO: Wow, you gave me some good head! All: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PSCF: Hey, we all know who the man of this relationship is. CaitO: Me. PSCF: Of course. I mean, her penii are even larger than mine! Idoit: But CaitO, I'm your bitch! Not PSCF! All: ^%&$^$^#&*%&#@%&$##@#@%#$&&*#^^$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Erin: Ewww, that's sick! I'm gonna throw up! Necro: Yum,that chili was good! I finally finished it all! Erin: [pukes] Necro: ....oh. Nuts. [gets back to work] Erin: I feel much better. Johnny: Uh....let's go downstairs now. Killer Joe: Wow, Mike sure is a cool guy! [kisses Johnny] All: .... Killer Joe: What? Wasn't that scandalous enough? All: No. Killer Joe: Oh. The Master of Seduction: Hey, PSCF! PSCF: Donnie! Master of Seduction: Let's play "Final Fantasy" PSCF: Final Fantasy? Master of Seduction: No, "Final Fantasy!" PSCF: OHHHHH...he he he!!! [they run off] Johnny: Um...yeh...this is pretty disturbing shit! Erin: You got that straight. Now get the hell out of my room, everyone. Necro: Even me? Erin: No, you missed a spot. [everyone leaves] Erin: Great, now that we've got some privacy.... Necro: Hey Erin, let's make out! [they do so] Necro: Wow, that was great. Erin: Yeh, it certainly was....say, did you wash your mouth after cleaning up the floor? Necro: Um.....yeeeessssssss, of course I....did...... [meanwhile, at the Pink Ranger residence] PSCF: My God! What are they doin! Pink Ranger: Aww...isn't that cute! Wow, I'm glad I put in those secret cameras. PSCF: Yeh they're great....hey! So you've been spying on me all this time!? Pink Ranger: Uh...no.... [he edges away from PSCF and bumps into the wall. a secret compartment opens up and a number of videos fall out, each labeled like: Murley's in the shower, Necro in bed, Necro in morgue, Dumbass McGee watching vampire fetish pr0n, Thief watching Dumbass McGee watching vampire fetish pr0n through her secret camera, Cripple watching Thief watching Dumbass McGee watching vampire fetish pr0n through his secret camera, or Crazy Li'l Bastard and Les] Pink Ranger: Uh....ohhhhh dear. [jumps out of window] PSCF: Sweet, now I can look at all this raunchy PR0n! -- 07/02/03 >Dum dum dum da dumdum da da dumdumdumdum BUM! ---------- Episode 95 "Classic WoRMS! : Summer of Love" ---------- --By Johnny and Necro Additional Cast: [a field outside of WRHS. students are protesting Windsor's involvement in the Vietnam war.] All: No more war! #99: [sporting an obscenely large afro] Wayne Gretzy! We want Wayne! All: ... #99: Well, isn't that what we came here to see? Mr. Tambourine Man: Woah, man! This blows the mind! Wayne Gretzky isn't even famous yet....and you're even alive yet! How radical is that? #99: Well, technically speaking, from a theoretical standpoint, should you complete the expression {4x(d^5^4^n)/gi(3/m)}{k/i(gh)^f} where i is the complex number (square root)-1 everything works itself out! (the camera fades in with kehoe looking up at his rope in the attic with a forlorn expression on his face...he seems to want somethingwhat could it be??) DM: uhh i can't reach! moooooom!! Kehoes mum: yes hunny can i get you something anything?? i'll go hire some friends for you! DM: i've got plenty of friends Kehoes mum: ....(taps shoe) come on, we both know you don't have friends. The other day Necropheliac cameby looking for you and when I said you wernt here. He started stroking his knife saying 'kehoes life is forfit...itsss mine!!! he stoles it from me' DM: shit i never payed him for that chocolate bar...oh well i'll just tell him i gave it to pscf. neways mum can you hang me up again?? Kehoes mum: not again kehoe!! thats the fifth time today! why don't you jerk off like any other teenager DM: but muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum...just one more time? KEhoes mum: ugg fine (hangs him up, upsidedown) Kehoes mum: there! now just answer one thing...why do you like that vampire suit so much?? DM: i like to pretend that i can suck more than blood! Kehoes mum: whatever... (mummery jerks awake) Pink Ranger: holy shit! what an arousing dream...aww not again..MOM!!! MUMmerys mom: what?? Pink Ranger: i had another wet dream mummerys mum: ugg...not againn..allright take the sheets off Pink Ranger: hmm you know what i could use...some good ol video games and hentai! (johnny jerks off...er awake) Johnny: what the fuck was that...i'm going to the shrink.. (at the shrink) (johnny enters, only to find that his doctor is none other then dr. DOOM!!!!] Dr. DOOM: MWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA haha you're such a fucking loser! having dreams about mummery!! hahahahaha... Johnny: i guess it all started when i saw the bike in that store back when i was a lad.... Dr. DOOM: shut up! i don't want to hear your boring childhood stories Johnny: and then 5 years later....I ran over my dog...over and over and over...until its corpse- Jill redden: whats a corpse?? (she dies for her incompetance) Johnny: and then (sniffles) i ate the bOWL!!!! dr. doom: man you are fucked up! Dr. Dre: yeh! shit on him judge!!! Dr. doom: shut up you dirty scum! Time for a full frontal lope lobotamy! Dr. Dre: we can't do it sir! there are too many lawsuits! Dr. Doom: oh well fuck the judicial system...its all fucked up anyway Johnny: shit...i'm out of here (leaves whilst the 2 scientists laugh maniacally) (out on the streeT) Johnny: ~how many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man! Barton: ~how many seas must a white dove sail...before she sleeps in the sand.. Johnny: hey, you like bob dylan!!?? Barton: any sane person would Pink Rangor: yeh! bob dylan RoXors!!....whos he? Johnny: you will be killed for your insolence Pink Ranger: hey i like good bands...led zeeplins a cool guy..and pink floyd too! (they gangbeat him) DM: hey! i just got back from my vampire masturbating! Johnny: its true?? its trUE!!???? ahahahahaa ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh (jumps off the curb and falls 4 inches only to drown in a centimenter of water) DM: haha! (somebody drops a penny from the cn tower and it rips right through his body killing him) barton: allright! Necropheliac: neways, give yo e-mail teach! Barton: coming right [email protected] [email protected]... Necropheliac: allright! girl with british accent: allright! Necropheliac: shut up you fuckin dirty! dirty girl with british accent: so? Dr. DOOM: there! i found you guys! dr. dre: yes my precious brain!!! Dr. doom: shut up bitch, now where is that johnny?? uhh hes dead...oh well this british girl looks good enough to sate my brain fetish Dirty girl with british accent: allright! a dinner with a doctor Dr. Doom: ohh its more then dinner...its a lobotomy with your brain!!! mwahahahaa dr. dre: that was subtle crazy lil bastard: here come lollipops here come lollipops right on lolipop lane Cripple: i will be your sex slave! [scene fades back to #99] [he is smoking a rather large joint] #99: Boy, that was a disturbing dream. I must lay off on all those drugs! -- 25/02/03 >je suis un grand enfant, maintenant .:|WoRMS! Part Twenty|:. top ---------- Episode 96 "Some f#*&ed up excuse for an episode" ---------- --By pinkie [A short time ago in a building not so far away�.] [WoRMS! WARS!] [A NEW HOPE�FOR SANITY] [The purging began a short time ago in the building formally known as WoRMS! Central {a.k.a. Johnny�s house} it all began with a game� of volleyball] Dumbass McGee: hey Johnny what�s going on over here, what�s with all the nets, and volleyballs�[realizes there are topless chicks around] and topless chicks [runs off screaming in multiple languages that women are the devil] Johnny: that was disturbing Necrophiliac: quite�. PSCF: so guys when are we gonna, you know *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* *know what I mean*� [this continues for days] all: JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PSCF: � Cripple: enough of all this shit! AAAAHHH [jumps off a conveniently located traveling cliff] Crazy Li�l bastard: oh no, my cube! [jumps after him] [meanwhile] Mr. Tambourine Man: oh man I just got on the top 1000 high scores list on trampoline! Erin: that�s nice dad. [anyway] Pink Ranger: Wow, that was random. Oh well, better tape this! [rushes home n a frenzy] Necrophiliac: yeah, he�s got cameras everywhere� everywhere� everywhere� every- Johnny: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THAT! [Unbeknownst to all, all of pinkie�s cameras are surrounded by an S.E.P. field] [Any who�] PSCF: now where were we? Narrator: so, this is when Dumbass McGee comes and kills you all, leaving you dead and freshly virginised, right? Writer: yes. [Suddenly Dumbass McGee comes out of nowhere brandishing a ridiculously small sandwich] Dumbass McGee: THEY FORGOT TO PUT ON THE DILL PICKLES!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [throws down the picklless sandwich and (in a puff of irrationality) pulls out a ridiculously large inflatable George bush sex doll (it�s Kehoe, think about it)] all: what is he gonna do? advance on us? [he advances on them] all: MAN THIS EPISODE IS PRIDICTABLE!!!!!!!! [Dumbass McGee charges forth and begins to slaughter/ass rape the cast of WoRMS!] Dumbass McGee: Grey skies are gonna to clear up put on a happy face Brush off the clouds and cheer up put on a happy face And spread joy and sunshine all over the place Just, put on a happy face PSCF: my, that is disturbing. Necrophiliac: you know, I was just thinking that. Johnny: yeah� but its catchy! [Man this is really F&*%#$ up] Crack dude: this is the best s$&# I�ve ever done! Dumbass McGee: open down you smart mule!!!! [beats him to death with ol�Georgy boy] [after brutally murdering/ass raping 95% of the WoRMS! cast (the filler characters that say one line and then never show up again) Johnny, Necrophiliac and Murley (and PSCF) jump Dumbass McGee] PSCF/Murley: DIE PUSSY!! some guy: the question for you is are you feeling lucky, well do ya, punk? some other guy: that and� how-much-wood-could-a-woodchuck-chuck-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood? some random guy: those and� what is the sound of one hand clapping? some other random guy: all of those plus� do you leave them there, or do you beat them off? Dumbass McGee: urge to kill� fading do to confusion, fading, fading RISING!!!! fading, fading, aww, f%$& this shit! Necrophiliac: we must save mankind by all showing our true powers at once!! PSCF/Murley: it�s worth a try. Johnny: I�m game. Pink Ranger [from out of nowhere]: sounds good to me. [they do so] . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [ganB giB] . . . . . . . . . . . . [and out of the void comes only one thing] [a couple of dill pickles] -- 28/02/03 > Grey skies are gonna to clear up put on a happy face Brush off the clouds and cheer up put on a happy face And spread joy and sunshine all over the place Just, put on a happy face ---------- Episode 97 "The Death and Return of the WoRMS! Saga" (one) ---------- Additional Cast: [scene: a cemetary] [it is a dark and stormy afternoon. a crowd is gathered around a freshly dug grave, whilst a pastor makes some final comments for the departed] Rev. Gibson: Here lies the WoRMS! Saga, beloved among some, hated among others, but forever slightly amusing. May our saga dwell in the kingdom of heaven, and uh some other crap like that, but I'm sure you people are dying to leave (excuse the pun haha); I know I sure want to, my tee-off time's in twenty minutes. That being said, ta ta! Some Guy: I sure hope there's a reception after this. Some Other Guy: With jelly donuts. Some Guy: Yeh, I love jellies, especially the purple kind. Not the kind with sprinkles, mind you, I hate sprinkles. [the crowd disperses, in search of jelly donuts with or without sprinkles, leaving a man in a trenchcoat standing in the rain] Man in Trenchcoat: ...come get some, motherfucker! [a black helicoptor flies over the grave. machine gun fire sprays across the field. the man in the trenchcoat ducks behind the WoRMS! casket and opens it up, revealing a assault rifle, which he fires with machine-like accuracy. the helicoptor crashes into the ground, burying itself into the wet mud. The man relaxes and tosses his gun aside. he looks around him and sees Some Guy, frozen in shock] Some Guy: ....uh....uh...uh....WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? Trenchcoat Man: [revealing himself to be Johnny] It's a long story. It all began with -- Some Guy: A game of volley ball? Johnny: Oh fuck off, will you? That joke isn't funny anymore. As I was saying, this all began innocently enough with...a rather sinful game, actually: chess. -- 31/07/03 >this is the end, beautiful friend ---------- Episode 98 "The Death and Return of the WoRMS! Saga" (two) ---------- Additional Cast: Pickle - Mike Soo Ziggy - Steve Lydiard Kato - Kate Grandy K+ - Kelly Grandy K - Katie Hines [some indeterminate amount of time earlier...] Johnny: [noodling on the gee-tar] [Necrophiliac walks into the room] Necro: Man, its some cold in here. Johnny: No, its not just cold, its damn cold. Necro: Really? It's not quite that cold. [checks thermometer...it reads: 'shit cold'] Johnny: Meh Necro: Boy, I'm tired. I had twelve whole hours of sleep today. Johnny: Wow, thats brutal. You must've spent a shitload of kilojoules of energy! Necro: I know, that was tiring. Johnny: Hey, its Barton! Slacker: Top of the hat to you, boys! [does a merry jig and leaves] Johnny: Now thats a happy man. Necro: Yeh, he does seem kinda gay today. Some Dumbass: HE SAID GAY! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHAHG GAY!!!!!!!!1111111111111111 All: ... Some Dumbass: Gay's a funny word.....bye! Necro: Yeh...anyways...Barton sure seems happy.... [outside...] Slacker: Mornin', VZ! VZ: You ready for that funeral? Slacker: Oh yeh! I feel great! I don't have to teach those little shits today! Batboy: What dumb fucks they are. They didn't know that a light year was scientific terminology for a million years... [back at school..] Johnny: Hey, look! They're starting a chess club! let's join! Dumbass McGee: Sure! I need something to do during my lunch hours. Johnny: Excuse me, kind sir, but could you direct us to the chess club? Idoit: Hey, guess what, you're a fag! Johnny: You are nothing to me, little man! [throws him into a locker and beats him with reeds...soprano sax reeds] CaitO: Hey! Are you picking on my boyfriend! Johnny: Agh! Forgiveness, CaitO! Don't beat us up! CaitO: What makes you think I'll try to beat you up? Just because I'm manlier than most actual guys in the school? Johnny: Yes. CaitO: Oh, well that's perfectly reasonable. Anyways, I'm off to rescue my boyfriend. Not that he's not capable of rescuing himself. At times, he can be even more masculine than me! Idoit: [cowering behind CaitO] Yeh! You hear that? Johnny: Whatever. [they walk into the nerd...er, chess club] Some Nerd: My fortress is impenetrable!!!!111111111 Another Nerd: No way! If i move my bishop to E7, your king is in check and I get your knight! Some Other Nerd: That won't do anything! If you try that, then... 57.bE7 58.RxE7 NA3+ 59.KB2 RB7++!!!!!!! Another Nerd: NOOO!!!!! I can't lose! You can't defeat me, minion! Some Nerd: Your mother has a smooth forehead! Another Nerd: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! [attacks Some Nerd, but gets punched in the head. he flees in disgrace, after having lost a William Shatner pr0n video for losing.] Dumbass McGee: Gee, this seems like a cool place to be! Johnny: Yeh! Dumbass Mcgee: I wish I had a good chess set though [pulls out a Star Wars-themed set] [they start playing] HomeyG: Hey, wanna play chess, guys? Pickle: Ha! I will thrash you soundly, whelp! Have not the plebians warned thee of mine greatness! Let it be known that at one time, I was chess champion! Johnny: Yeh, then I came and kicked your albino ass. Pickle: ...no you didn't! Johnny: Uh, yes I did! Pickle: No! You are a knave and a scoundrel! I shall smite you with my Yu-Gi-Oh! cards! Johnny: Fuck you, loser. Dumbass Mcgee: I know! We can piss off the nerds with loud heavy metal music! hehehe! A Nerd: Woah, is that br00tal d3th m3tal I hear? That r0x0rz! Another Nerd: Metallica is our god! Dumbass McGee: ... Nerdboy: Don't you know? All nerds listen to heavy metal! Except for me, of course, I enjoy more sophisticated music. Like Eminem. Johnny: Ugh, I'm outta this rap-infested hell hole. Necro: hey Johnny, you smell anything funny in here? Johnny: Don't worry, its probably just B.O.; these nerds always seem to hate bathing. Necro: No, I smell something different....this room is filled with gas! Johnny: O shit! Necro: We better not fart or else we'll blow up! Johnny: Good ide.....a...... Necro: What? Johnny: How would farting blow us up? Necro: Um.... Dumbass McGee: Oh well, its not that bad in here. Nerd: Hey, I challenge you to a duel! Dumbass McGee: Ok, then! Nerd: My chess skills will 0wnz j00! My fortress is impenetrable! You n00b! Dumbass McGee: Uh.....yeh...... Necro: Um...yeh, how would farting blow us up? lol I guess that didn't make too much sense, did it? Well, i guess I may as well fart, now that I know we won't be blown to pieces. [he farts] [elsewhere in the building] K+K: Ah feel ze ztrange disturbance zin da force. Scheise! [the school explodes in a burst of fire, seering everything in it.] [as the smoke clears and the dust settles, a number of flaming figures emerge from the ruins] K: What's going on?? K+: Ohhhh....what happened? K: Hey!! We're separated! K+: OMG, this is crazy! And we've lost that ridiculous German accent! K: This is strange. Kato: SURE IS! K+: Hey, Kato! Kato: Hiee all! I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that Johnny Wong is a cool guy! K: Speaking of which, where are those guys? Ziggy: But I'm right here! Kato: No, the WoRMS! episode writers! What happened to them? Johnnayy?>? Johnny?! Pickle: Their bodies must be charred beyond recognition! I was looking for Necro's, cuz I also enjoy some necro action, but I couldn't find any of the main WoRMS!'ers! K+: Then they must be dead! May God help us all! -- 14/08/03 >this is the end, my only friend, the end ---------- Episode 99 "The Death and Return of the WoRMS! Saga" (three) ---------- Additional Cast: Idaho - Duncan MacDonald Chicoy - Himself Cuban Slacker - Silvio Pupo The Drunk - Dave Burton The Ancient God - Bob McCarthy [several weeks pass] [Capt'n Keyes is at a press conference] Capt'n Keyes: And so, with the WRHS building destroyed, a new facility has been built in its place, AVHS, with the combined student body of WRHS, and of course its bizzaro counterpart HWRHS. This will make for much debauchery, and thus... more orgies. Thank you. I will answer a few questions now. Cripple: Do you partake in mass orgies yourself? Capt'n Keyes: Yes. Yes I do. Next question? Reporter: As for the fate of those students missing in the explosion, what are your thoughts on that matter? Capt'n Keyes: I clearly said in my statement after that incident that I would launch a thorough investigation into that. Reporter: And what have you found? Capt'n Keyes: Well, I haven't exactly started the investigation yet, so I must say that I have found nothing. REporter: What is you favourite colour? Capt'n Keyes: Blue. No...green! Reporter: What is the maximum velocity of a laden swallow? Capt'n Keye: Um....no comment. Thank you. [end press conference] [meanwhile, at band camp] Necro: You know, that was a really good fart, the best I've ever had! Johnny: We damn near got killed, and here you are talking about passing gas! Necro: Well, it was pretty good. And good thing, I farted, too! If it weren't for the overpowering stench, we never would have ran outside, and we would have died when that suicide bomber blew up the school! Johnny: That was no suicide bomber, that was just Li'l Whitey; he was trying to take his home-made pipe bomb to show and tell, and the dumbass accidently set it off on the way in! Necro: No matter. We've got a fun week ahead of us in band camp! Johnny: Shouldn't we tell everyone we're ok? I mean, people in Windsor will miss us! Necro: Oh yeh....well, there's PSCF! We can inform him! PSCF: HUH? Hey, you guys are ok! That's great! I'll go tell everyone immediately!... oh, look! A dog with a poofy tail! Tehehehhehehehe! [runs away in amusement] JohnnY: Excellent, now we can enjoy a week of great music! Necro: Yeh! [they walk into the bandroom] [a guitarist is playing Metallica licks. And rather badly, to add insult to injury] Goodspeed: Hey! You, on guitar! What's with your noodling! I told you to play rhythm! Guitarist: Uhhh...rhythm? Goodspeed: Yes, you know, when you play chords. Guitarist: Ch...chords? Wot's a chord? Goodspeed: Die, pussy! [kicks him in the face] Guitarist: Oh no! [runs away, crying] Goodspeed: Who else wishes to invoke the wrath of the Great Goodspeed?! King of the Birdies: Uh....wot's a quarter note? Goodspeed: [kills him] mMuahahahahah Phear me! For I am a vengeful god!! YOUR GOD! Johnny: Ahh, nice to know Goodspeed is up to his old antics! Necrophiliac: Fo sho. Goodspeed: Oh, hi Johhny and Necrophiliac! Did you practice your scales? Necro: [to Johnny, telepathically] Shit. Johnny: [to Necro] We cannot lie...his mind probing powers are strong...like a fox! Necro: Um.....no! Please don't kill us! We'll offer Pink Ranger as a sacrifice!!!!! Goodspeed: Ah ha ha ha! You kids crack me up! You'll just have to practice more, then! Johnny: Huh? What the hell? I thought you were gonna mutilate us for our laziness! Goodspeed: I have changed my ways. To kill you would be a mean thing to do! all: Gasp! Goodspeed: Just kidding! You guys fucking suck! Now get your horns out before I boot you in the ass! Johnny: [sigh of relief] Idaho: Hi guys, I'm Duncan and I'm gonna be your camp counsellor! Originally, the plan was that I would guide you along on an amusing and excellent adventure, whilst making amusing comments about such topics as George Dubya's stupidness, or rap "music". However, Johnny is simply too lazy to write about such things, so I'll just say hi and leave you at that. Necro: Uh. Ok. Johnny: Damn that Johnny, he's so fucking lazy...oh. Nevermind. [meanwhile, PSCF is on his way to tell everyone about Johnny and Necro] [he accosts Crazy Li'l Bastard, who is building a massive bonfire in his front yard, avec Cripple] Cripple: Lordy Lordy! Take me, I will be your sex slave! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Hi, PSCF! PSCF: Hey guys, I've got great news to tell -- Hey! Are those cap guns? Man, we can have awesome cap gun wars! I'm the best; I can get perfect head shots from 300 metres awaY! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Hey, u wanna join my team? My BATTLEBOT TEAM?! Hahoiwg!!1 Zyberg! Crazy Li'l Bastard's Mom: OMG, CRAZY LI'L BASTARD!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU COULD BURN THE WHOLE FUCKING HOUSE DOWN! PUT THAT OUT, NOW! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Shut up, mom, it's only a little fire! Can't I have a little fun? [the house is in flames, and the fire quickly spreads to adjacent houses] Cripple: Burn, baby, burn! [in his secret lair, Evil Mr. Penguin is plotting the doom of all WoRMS!'ers] Evil Mr. Penguin: Quack! [the WoRMS! gang is eating at a Subway restaurant] PSCF: Another day another sandwich. Johnny: Another day, another sandwich. Erin: Another day, another sandwich. Necro: Another day, another sandwich. Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Another day, another sandwich. Crazy Li'l Bastard: Hey, isn't that like...cannibalism or something? Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Well...no! Because I am actually a human wearing a ridiculously long sandwich costume!!!! [pulls off mask] All: Gasp! Ridiculously Long Sandwich: [looks in mirror] Oh. I guess I'm just a ridiculously long sandwich wearing a ridiculously long sandwich costume... Meh! [continues eating] Pansy: Another day, another sandwich. Gargantuan: Another day, another sandwich. Idaho: Another day, another sandwich. Cripple: Another day, another....BONER! AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA [notices people staring at him] Er...sandwich. All: Ahh. [continue eating] Cripple: Excuse me, people, I'll be back in a jiffy. [he puts a handgun in his pocket, slips a Subway bag over his head, and walks up to the counter] Cripple: Pardon me, my good man, but GIMME ALL YOUR FUCKING MONEY CUZ THIS IS A STICKUP!! Subway Dude: Uh....all right! huhuh Cripple: DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT, BUDDY! I GOT A BONER! [points to his pants Subway Dude: Uh...but that's just a gun. Crocodile Hunter: No, this is a gun! Subway Guy: But that's a spork. Crocodile Hunter: So you've played sporkey foon before! Cripple: Hey. Guys? What about me? What about the robbery? Subway Guy: Shut up, kid. Can't you see we're playing sporky foon? Cripple: But..but..but... Subway Guy: Here have some Subway bags. Now beat it! Croc hunter: Spork! Subway Guy: Foon! Cripple: Aww....here, guys have some Subway bags. Necro: Thanks. Maybe these will come in handy for some adventure later on.... All: Nah! [later...] chicoy: ...now, 'ere is what I call the Chicoy scale. It sounds good over all chord progressions! PSCF: But wouldn't that make it a blues scale? Ancient God: There is life beyond the blues scale, believe it or not! PSCF: That's just conspiracy talk! It's just different kinds of blues scales! Ancient God: These fledglings know nothing of music. Let us depart into the night, Chicoy. [exeunt] Hollis: Who cares, let's all just play a C major pentatonic for two occtaves! Dr. Dre: I can't do it, sir! There's too many flats! Drunk: Shut up, loser! I'm a drummer and I know scales better than you! Hey, I got a joke: how do you know if a stage is level???? Look at the drummer and see if drool comes out of both sides of his mouth! AHAHHAHAHA All: ... Drunk: Oh boy. Tough crowd. I need another drink. Cuban Slacker: I hear ya. Let's go get some beers. Hollis: What? And leave me alone with these sucky people? Wait up, guys! Johnny: Damn. Necro: Hey, it's Cripple! Cripple: Man, my band sux0rz to teh m4x0rz! I wanna come here! Goodspeed: CRIPPLE! What are you doing here, you ingrate! Cripple: Uh...this is my band. Goodspeed: Really, now? I thought you were supposed to be on the other side of campus! Look, it says so on my list! Cripple: Uh...they changed it! Goodspeed: Who changed it! Answer me! Cripple: The...band...changing people changed it... Goodspeed: That would be me. Cripple: so....you must have changed it! Goodspeed: No I didn't. Cripple: But...uh...I've always been here! Goodspeed: I saw you practicing with your band yesterday. In fact, I specificly needed a tenor of your ability to play there! Cripple: Oh God! Don't kill me, Jeff! [starts crying] Whatever you say, master! Lordy Lordy....take me! Please, I can be your sex slave! Goodspeed: Get up, fool, and go to your band right now! And maybe I won't have to beat you again! [he glances around the room. Necro is writhing in pain on the ground] What's up with that mo fo? Necro: He.....bag....tagged.....me..! Goodspeed: Good bag tagging technique, Johnny. But, for maximum pain, it is recommended that you do this instead! [tags Necro and sends him flying through the wall] See? Keep practicing, and you may be just as good as me. Wait, scratch that. I'm the best, you can't compete with me. [leaves] Necro: ......ohhhhh........ [it is the day of the camp concert] Drunk: All right, it's the big concert! Before you go up, I've got one important bit of advice my mentor gave me when I was your age. I believe his words were..uh...don't mess up! Yes, that's it! Oh, and no surprsises, Johnny. Johnny: Wha? Aww.... [puts away his accordian] Necro: Shhhh, i wanna hear PSCF 's band playing... PSCF: [to audience] Hi all. Our setlist tonight is...uh....Louie Louie. Yeh. So enjoy or something. [blows the crowd away with his superior knowledge of the Bb blues scale] Drunk: Go, you're up! Necro: [to audience] Hello Wolfville! Our first song is gonna be..No More Blues! Crowd: Boooo, we want blues! we want...All Blues! Johnny: Meh. [starts playing All Blues. the crowd goes whiald] -- 16/09/03 >no safety or surprise, the end ---------- Episode 100 "The Death and Return of the WoRMS! Saga" (four) ---------- --By Necrophiliac and Johnny Additional Cast: Breanna Lovett - The Little Drunk Andy White - the other apprentice (after the concert, back in Windsor) Necro: ahhh I love getting up at 7:00, knowing I have nothing to do Johnny: I hear ya both:..... Necro: SHIT!! we're on the swim team Johnny: YES! i can't wait to have my body brutalized by extreme hard sets (they head to the pool, fearful of the wrath of the coachs) the other apprentice: HEY!!! where were you guys?! both: uhhh...at band camp Andy: band camp? you pussies, why play music when you could be training hard Johnny: meh the Apprentice: yeh, now everybody get out of the water! man you guys are pale! except for Ryan...well and mike of course hahahaha The little Drunk: wha? why would mike have a tan? Necro: well bec.....uhhh nevermind The little Drunk: I like cats Johnny: yeh i mean, i'm just a grade 12 caucasian male Necro: heheheheh (hard swimming ensues) Clay: you guys suck, good work, see you later (crazyness ensues) (the day of the Windsor Swim Meet dawns and many parents are working hard in order to ensure their kids have a fun time, kids are stretching getting ready for the big race) Lesbo: hey i've got an idea, instead of this stretching shit, lets go get hammered, that will make us swim faster! the other mistress of seduction: genius! somehow lowering our motor skills with alcohol will make us swim faster! The little drunk: yeay...i'll drink with the most...obviously since i have the least muscle mass i should be able to handle my liquer the best all: well naturally hahah (they run off to 'increase their swimming skills') (20 minutes later) the little drunk: uhhhhh..hahh (stumbles)...i've got 2 legsss....heh....(falls into a mass of beavers) Lesbo: rrg, why are you so smashed, i had 2 pints and i don't even have a buzz! The other mistress of seduction: hey i've got an idea! lets make her go swim her breaststroke like this! she's sure to win The little drunk: huick.....(belch) Lesbo: thats a great idea! then we'll all seduce these sexy 18 year old boys, their sure to love us prostitots! ALL: yea! (the microphone cuts through the cacophony with a piercing screech of feedback, then marshalles the 13-14 female 50 metre breaststroke) The little drunk: well...iitt.gggutsss i betts get ups and swims.....(sounds of flatuance)..heheh (she stands up on the block, burps, then falls head first into the water, creating a domino effect among the other swimmers resulting in one doing a full flip, smashing her teeth on the wall, thereby causing them to sink to the bottom) The apprentice: my god!!! this is the pinnacle of all things that can fuck up when i'm coach! i'm gunna be in shit when they find out i let my swimmers get drunk...oh well The other apprentice: breanna you're a fuckin lousy drunk now go home The little drunk: but my dad will (hicc-up) beat me (Necro and johnny eye each other uncertaintly, not knowing whether she is serious or not) Necro: you know....hes not allowed to do that Johnny: ..uhh yeh The little drunk:ohhh its okay..ihe dson't....he just (belch) somethinng...botut a belt....is okay guys...imm goin ome.. (she mumbles incoherently somemore before dissapearing for an undisclosed amount of time) Necro and Johnny: hey maybe we should....meh Cripple: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH i love to eat people hahhaha thief: shut up colin, your so stupid! i wish i could perform a lobotomy on your brain and then slowley torture your body with accupuncture needles until you die then move your brain into another body and perform the same agonizing accupuncture death, switching bodies over and over until your mind bursted when you went MAD Cripple: hah yeh sounds fun (once again the microphone breaks the uncomfortable silence with a loud screech, much swearing, then an listing of team placing) necro: hah, we always win this meet, we should be in first by a lot! announcer: in second place with 2347 points Windsor Bluefins, and in first place, with absolutly no competition...unless of course mummery had been here...if only he was here to win us all the points we need (breaks into tears) i can't...contintue... johnny: damn that mummery The apprentice: hey just because he never shows up at practice and when he does he doesn't both getting in the water most of the time does'nt mean that you can make fun of him....wait yes it does...where is the little fuck....oh well, i'll just call all my dedicated swimmers slackers instead The other apprentice: man i'm ripped necro: fuck this shit...why get hassled for swimming hard.....i'm goin to Toronto, the city where dreams are made, and destroyed all in the same day (he hops onto the plane, fondling his ticket for the ridiciously large Rolling Stones concert ticket) Necro: mhwawaahah hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha sweet...ac\dc, the stones AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE in concert all at once...it doesn't get much better then this (arriving days early for the concert, he decides to spend the night on the town) Necro: hey hooters....thats what i came for!!! i'll have to take pictures for doug...man there are hot chicks everywhere i look...pscf would be jerking off in public...i'm glad i didn't take him (he crosses the street only to see a pscf look a-like publicly choking his chicken) necro: what a fucked up place...this is great (he manages to only get ass raped 3 times before the day of the concert...a big accomplishment in his books) necro: man i'm glad i got this ass plug, now i have protection (he gets ass raped) necro: fuck!! oh well...its all worth it to see ac\dc (he enters the park, only to be strip searched by the security) Necro: hehe that tickles security officer: ohh and ration packs of weed are bein given out, just to make sure you have a good time necro: isn't this illegal security guard: not in toronoto....its the most liberal city on weed necro: well thats cool (he climbs closer in the crowd, the fetid stench of human waste increases with every foot closer he gets to the playing band. The cloud of pot smoke grows thicker and ever darker as the people become more crushed between him. He soon reachs an inpenetrable wall of human backs, he knew by instinct that there was no way through it, only over. so with a might roar he jumped onto the groping hands of the stoned teenagers and yelled FREEEEDOMM>...errr crowd surf!!!) (a ridiculious amount of time and joints later necro discovered that his weed rations, disposable camera, and wallet size picture of marilyn monroe had been lifted by the smashed teens) necro: ahh my picture! theys stoles it froms us....our precioussss our picture!! we traded our saxs fors its....our precious is gonesss! oh well stoned concert goer: heyyyy thats that slimy creature in the movie lord of the smoke rings....the one everybody relates to...i have voices in my head...tellin me....telling me to kill everyone!!!! (he pulls out a soggy noodle and begins beatting unsuspecting concertgoers) other concert goer: heey man....peace on ear...ahhh no not the noodle anything but the ...AHHHHHRRRRRRRGRGGGGCHSSSSSS (splat) (the mass homocide is quickly put down by bikers with sharpened spoons Necro: well that was amusing...hey justin timberlake!! man i wish i was close enough to through my human wastes at him...oh well i'll have to make do with cheering wheneever the hosts make fun of him (he plays an awesome set, with hundreds of thousands fans cheering him on bowing on their knees to their new god) -_- now come on do you seriously believe that bull shit? thats what i thought (in reality he sucked ass and got bottles thrown at him...what did you think would happen) (more bands play...making it a mildly pleasant afternoon) necro: hey AC\DC is up! schweet dude #1: yeh man...you know once they stole the show from aerosmith dude #2: wicked dude #1: yeh man...look they're opening with hell aint a bad place to be (wickedness from AC\DC ensues) (more wickedness from AC\DC ensues) ('' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '') ('' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '') ('' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '') ('' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '') ('' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '') get the point? necro: man that was wicked. er..at least i think it was. Man, i wish I could see what they were doing. [camera pans away to show an AC/DC fan wielding a huge sign labelled THE GUY BEHIND ME CAN'T SEE, which is conveniently placed in front of Necrophiliac] [then, as AC/DC ends their set, the Master of Ceremonies steps up to the mic] Crocodile Hunter: And this is the moment we've all been waiting for....here'sssss Justin Timberlake's encore! [crowd boos] ha ha ha. No, that guy just plain sucks. Wow, I just noticed something. I haven't been killed off in a gruesome manner in quite some time! Wouldn't it be ironic if I was never killed again? Angus Young: Wait a moment, there, my repilian friend. That is an improper usage of the word ironic. For you see, my good man, there are different forms of irony, including situational irony and verbal irony. In WoRMS!, situational irony is perhaps the prevalent form of irony used. In situational irony, the audience is led to believe one thing is to happen, when really the outcome is indeed different. Croc Hunter: That was beautiful, Angus. I love you, man. All right, here's the moment we've all been waiting for! Meet the Rolling Sto-- [suddenly, a huge meteorite flies out of the sky and smashes into the stage, which erupts and sends shards of shrapnel flying into the crowd. There is much burning. After the dust settles, we see things return to normality] Justin Timberlake: [who miraculously emerges unscathed] Wow, the pyrotechnics here are amazing![gets mobbed by a group of Jehovah's Witnesses] Keith Richards: [mumbles something incoherent and starts playing his guitar] [back in Nova Scotia...] [it is provincials for summer swimming in Bridgewater. All of the best athletes in the province are there. The Windsor Boys are there, too.] Johnny: Yep, quiet quiet day. Boy, its pretty damn hot out. Yoda: Yep, shure is. Announcer: Hi everybody, I'm the annoying announcer everyone loves to hate! Here are the standings so far! Oh man, Windsor is donig terribly! Even Pink Ranger can't keep up with the other teams! These guys shouldn't even be here, geez! Little Drunk: Hey guys, it's my event right now! Wish me luck! [leaves] Johnny: Yep. For once, the announcer's right. We're getting our asses kicked. We'll never be able to win this one. Little Drunk: [returns, with a slew of gold medals, to boot!] Hi guys, I just won five events. Yoda: Huh? But you just left! Little Drunk: Yess....well, I went up to swim, and I was done so quickly that I finished before the races even started! Announcer: Uh....geez, this is insane. Windsor has just won this year's provincials! We've got another day's worth of events, but man o man, they've got more points than anyone will be able to win! Little Drunk: Yeh, I cleaned out the liquor store last night. I told ya it would make me god faster! Johnny: Go figure, eh? Lesbo: Where is my man servant!? Yoda: Yes, master? Lesbo: Bed with me, you cretin! Yoda: Yes, master! [exeunt] Pansy: Wow, that was disturbing. Johnny: Yep,....I feel like such a loser this year, I haven't won anything! Pansy: Me neither....we can be losers togethER!!! Cool Guy: Can I join, too? All: Blair? Cool Guy: I only broke five Olympic records this year! Woe is me! Johnny: I understand your pain. Kinda. Well, let's all go out and get pissed! All: Yeh! -- 22/12/03 >i'll never look into your eyes again
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