.:|WoRMS! Part One|:. top ---------- Episode 0 "In the Beginning" ---------- [In the beginning, there was a swamp, a simple swamp located in the middle of the town of Windsor, Nova Scotia. One day, some smartasses decided to build a school on it, a school of epic porportions to dwarf all the other schools, a super school for the world to admire...that school would later become Windsor Regional High School and their dreams of grandeur would all but be shattered. Many students and teachers have wandered its halls, including Mr. Wyman, who has been locked away in the junior band room since 1974. This is not their story...oh wait, maybe it is. Damn. --- 7/07/01 ---------- Episode 1 "In The End" ---------- Cast: Johnny, played by ME Murley - Matt Murley Dumbass McGee - Matt Kehoe K+K - Katie Hines and Kelly Grandy fused together in one body! The Crocodile Hunter - Himself Old Man Wyman - Himself [In the future, the former peoples of WRMS/WRHS are gathered at the ruins of the school to reminisce] Johnny: ...Like most things, my adventure at WoRMS started innocently enough with a game of volleyball... Murley: The Hell are you talking about, boy? Nothing starts with volleyball! K+K: lol Silly Johnny! lol Old Man Wyman: Brings back lot's o' memories when I comes here! Why, I remember when I was a lad, had ta' walk nine miles to school everyday, through blizzards, hurricanes, and budget cuts! Many MANY budget cuts... K+K: LOL Dumbass McGee: Makes me laugh to think about those good ol' days! Who would've guessed that I'd become an international porn star? K+K: LOL [suddenly, the Crocodile Hunter walks in for absolutely no reason, carrying a king cobra] Crocodile Hunter: Now watch as this giant snake sinks its giant fangs into my ripe testicles! [the snake does so] Crocodile Hunter: Argh! My groin! [the Crocodile Hunter sinks into the swamp, never to be seen again] K+K: LOL Murley: Oh my God, you bastards! You killed the Crocodile Hunter! Johnny: What wacky zany nutty funsters! -- 8/07/01 >Now watch as this giant snake sinks its giant fangs into my ripe testicles! ---------- Episode 2 "Band on the Run" ---------- Additional Cast: Necrophiliac - Mackenzie Howatt Crazy Li'l Bastard - Christian Cole Pink Ranger - Chris Mummery The Master of Seduction - Don Morris Girl With British Accent - Meghan Donohue Dr. Dre - Andre Edwards Petttaaaahhhhh! - Peter Johnson Hot Stuff - Tegan Tracey Brendan, Nathan - Themselves Mr. John Hollis - Himself [everybody is at band camp] Mr. Hollis: All right, it's time to do some scales! Johnny: Yayfun. Mr. Hollis: What scale shall we do first? Necrophiliac: B flat concert! Mr. Hollis: What did you say? E flat pentatonic for two octaves? Why, that's a kickass idea! Girl With British Accent: All right! Johnny: Ohhhhhh dear... Necrophiliac: But I said... Dr. Dre: I can't do it, sir! There's too many flats! Mr. Hollis: Of course you can, now PLAY, you little @#$%, I mean...nevermind. [the band makes a feeble attempt, failing miserably] Mr. Hollis: Now what was that? [glares at Murley] Murley: It was HIM! [points to Dr. Dre] He's messing me up! Nathan and Brendan: Yeah, Dre! You suck! Mr. Hollis: Well, let's try that again. Girl With British Accent: All right! [once again, band fails horribly] Mr. Hollis: That was a good attempt. Let's try that again. Girl With British Accent: All right! [mass garbling of notes] Mr. Hollis: That was a good...er...you all suck! I'm outta here! [leaves] Girl With British Accent: Woohoo! [Petttaaaahhhh! enters room] [Nathan is wrestling with Dr. Dre on the floor] Pettttaaaaahhhhh!: Hey! Cut it out! You guys're gonna kill me. Necrophiliac: Yo, I lost my reed! Murley: It's probably in your biga$$ case. Necrophiliac: Oh right. [opens saxophone case] [The Crocodile Hunter walks out of the case] Girl With British Accent: All right! Crocodile Hunter: G'day, children! I've come to talk about the dangers of pollution on...AHHHHHH!!!!!! [slips on bannanna peel and falls out of 27th storey window] Murley: Oh my God! You bastard! You killed the Crocodile Hunter! Necrophiliac: He's dead! Sweet! Now I can go screw him!...I mean, give him an autopsy. [laughs nervously] Girl With British Accent: Woohoo! [Necrophiliac jumps out of window after the Crocodile Hunter so he could be the first to give him an "autopsy". Unfortunately, when he lands, he's only in good enough condition to *recieve* an autopsy.] Murley: Hey, it's time for lunch, isn't it? I'm starving. Johnny: Fo' sho. Let's go. [they go down to the SUB building. Crazy Li'l Bastard and Pink Ranger are playing pool] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Ha! You lose! That was the NINTH time today that you sank the eight ball! Pink Ranger: Oh well, what can I do about it? Crazy Li'l Bastard: Well, for one thing, you could pay for the game. Pink Ranger: No way, man. I already paid for the last one. Crazy Li'l Bastard: I ain't paying for it! Pink Ranger: Well, I don't want to, either! [attacks Crazy Li'l Bastard] [Murley and Johnny sit down and start eating] [Crazy Li'l Bastard throws chair at Pink Ranger, misses horribly and the chair flies by Johnny.] [Pink Ranger smashes guitar over Crazy Li'l Bastard's head] Pink Ranger: Look what you did to my bass! Crazy Li'l Bastard: All your bass are belong to us! [Crazy Li'l Bastard body slams Pink Ranger into Murley's table.] [Pink Ranger picks up a cue from pool table and smashes Crazy Li'l Bastard in the crotch] [Crazy Li'l Bastard grabs Murley's sandwich and beats Pink Ranger with it] Murley: ... [fighting continues] Murley: WHY YOU SONS OF B#%*^!$!!!! THAT WAS MY LUNCH! NOW I'LL HAVE TO SHOW MY TRUE POWER! Girl With British Accent: All right! [Murley kicks Crazy Li'l Bastard's and Pink Ranger's a$$e$ then resumes eating] [Necrophiliac enters room] Necrophiliac: Man, I'm tired... Hot Stuff: You didn't seem so tired last night...grrr.... [starts rubbing against Necrophiliac] Necrophiliac: Not in public! Johnny: Hey, wait a second! That security guard is looking at us suspiciously! Murley: There's a SWAT team outside! Necrophiliac: Well, that's the last time *I* bring a bomb to a public area! [The Master of Seduction strolls in] The Master of Seduction: I've just got an idea! Let's start a band! Girl With British Accent: All right! Johnny: Kickass idea! What shall we call ourselves? Necrophiliac: The Necrophiliacs! The Master of Seduction: The Nobodys! Johnny: Kiera is hot! Murley: The Hell does that have to do with anything? Johnny: Well, she is! Necrophiliac: The Cool Guys! [gives thumbs up sign] The Master of Seduction: ...and Chris. [give thumbs down] All: The Cool Guys and Chris! -- 9/07/01 >I can't do it, sir! There's too many flats! ---------- Episode 3 "Live, from the BBC!" ---------- Additional Cast: Idoit - Will Cruickshank [The Cool Guys and Chris are traveling in a van for their concert] Johnny: I need some food! Let's stop for a meal! Murley: But our concert's at 6:15! We don't have time! Johnny: Well, I'm certainly not going to play on an empty stomach! Necrophiliac: Ya, let's eat. Girl With British Accent: All right! Murley: Fine, but if we're late, it's your fault. [the band stops at Joe's Emporium, because of its quick service, friendly staff, reasonable prices and good food! ] Necrophiliac: Man, this is some good chicken. Johnny: Fo' sho! Girl With British Accent: Woohoo! Murley: Hurry up! We only have ten minutes! Johnny: I'm eating as quickly as I can! Necrophiliac: FGFDGNJCVBDW erTEWGBN FDG [mumbles incoherently, seeing as he's too busy enjoying Joes' fine cuisine] Murley: Let's go GO GO!!! [the band gets back in the van and continues driving] The Master of Seduction: We're gonna be big! I mean, bigger than those four guys from Liverpool! Pink Ranger: You mean, The Ruttles? Johnny: No, The Beatles, idiot! Idoit: Did someone call for me? All: No. [Idoit crawls back into his little hole] [there is a loud thud as the van slams into the Crocodile Hunter] Necrophiliac: So many pedestrians, so little time... Murley: [looks back] Oh my God! You bastards! You killed the Crocodile Hunter! Girl With British Accent: All right! [the van arrives at the place where the concert is going to be held. The band rushes onto the stage] Johnny: There's nobody here... [A janitor appears] Janitor: So you guys getting ready for your concert tomorrow night? Murley: Tomorrow? Oops.... Necrophiliac: Damn you! [time passes] The Master of Seduction: Now that it's really time for the concert, let's start! [takes the mic] Here's a song about my two favorite womans... Natalie or Christine... Such a hard decision... Christine or Natalie... Who will marry meeeeee? [the crowd goes wild] -- 9/07/01 >So many pedestrians, so little time... ---------- Episode 4 "Camp Sherbrooke" ---------- Additional Cast: Capt'n Keyes - Doug Keyes Bob da Leprechaun - Himself Jung - Himself The OTHER Master of Seduction - Michael Lamontagne Mini Flynni - Matt Flynn Nerd Boy: Troy Young Pit Pony - Some guy whose name I can't remember Beaulio - Matt Beaulieu Reporter: John! Johnny, sir! Your band has reached the top of the charts with your single "Yellow Subroutine" How do you feel about this? Johnny: Well, a fan said to me, "You guys are bigger than sliced bread" and I agree. Sliced bread will go, but The Cool Guys and Chris will live on forever. Reporter [amazed]: Are you saying you're better than sliced bread? Johnny: Yes. [the exchange is broadcast across the nation] [The makers of sliced bread are outraged and urge people to burn their Cool Guys and Chris records] [their popularity plummets] The Master of Seduction: Well, that's the end o' that. Necrophiliac: Ya. [a school bus pulls in, with Murley driving] Murley: It's the Magical Mystery Tour! Hop on in! [everybody goes in, and gets driven to Camp Sherbrooke] [there is an assembly] [Capt'n Keyes is standing at the podium, talking] Capt'n Keyes: Ahem...is this thing on? Ok...Welcome to Camp Sherbrooke! [everyone cheers and starts partying] Capt'n Keyes: Wait a minute, wait. I still have more to say. [Everyone groans and look at their digital watches. Those without watches look at their bare wrists just to fit in with the crowd] Capt'n Keyes: First of all, I'm happy to say that there are people from all across the world here, even Korea! Jung [in Korean]: This Keyes fellow, what a buffoon. Johnny [in Korean]: He smells like a wet moose. Jung [in Korean]: Did I tell you about the time a moose bit my sister? Johnny [in Korean]: Yes, many times. Jung [in Korean]: I need another drink. [people start partying again] Capt'n Keyes: No no no, I'm still not done yet! [crowd looks at digital watches] Capt'n Keyes: AHHHH!!!! [A shot rings out and a bullet flies past Capt'n Keyes head. There is a silence, followed by "uh oh" at the back of the room. Bob the Leprechaun, holding a gun at the back of the room drops his gun and runs. When it hits the floor, it fires, hitting the Crocodile Hunter in the stomach. Paramedics come and take the gun to the hospital] Murley: My God, you bastards! You killed the Crocodile Hunter! [rimshot] [mass pandemonium] Capt'n Keyes: Ahem...hello? People? [the mob ignores him] Aw, screw it (not meant in any obscene way). Just go to your cabins! Johnny: Lessee, I'm sharing a cabin with Mini Flynni, Nerd Boy, The OTHER Master of Seduction, Crazy Li'l Bastard, Pit Pony, and Necrophiliac. Pit Pony! Wow, I'm sharing a cabin with a movie star! [Beaulio peeks in through the window] Beaulio: My mom says I'm cool. [leaves] Necrophiliac: Where's Dumbass McGee? Johnny: Beats me...probably signed up for the wrong camp! lol [meanwhile, in some other camp] Dumbass McGee: Hello? Where is everybody? Some Guy: Welcome to BIBLE CAMP!!! Other guy: LORDY, LORDY! Let's all praise the Lord! Some other guy: Jesus is king! Some guy: Amen to that, brother! [now, back to Sherbrooke!] Mini Flynni: Damn, I'm thirsty. The OTHER Master of Seduction: Wait, I got some Cocaine Cola. [he throws it to Flynni, but it hits Nerd Boy in the forehead] Nerd Boy: F"#$!!!! [topples over] Murley: Oh my God! You bastards! You killed Nerd Boy! Mini Flynni: He's just a little injured! He's still good, he's still good! The OTHER Master of Seduction: Yeah, we'll just stuff him inside his sleeping bag and prop him up against the wall...No one will notice the difference; I mean, he never talks anyway! Crazy Li'l Bastard: I think you should shove that sleeping bag up yo' ass! -- 9/07/01 >This Keyes fellow, what a buffoon! ---------- Episode 5 "Disco Inferno" ---------- Additional Cast: Lavalamp Lord - Ryan Rehberg Dannie - Danielle Fudge Teacherman - Tim Swinamer Iverach - Rob Smith Frizzle Fry - Nick Hutt [party sounds are emanating from Johnny's cabin. That's because there's a party going on inside. The party grow even more lively as The Cool Guys and Chris start to do an improv concert.] Lavalamp Lord: We're all wasted! Dannie: I'm sooooo sexy! Johnny: Shut up, Dannie. K+K: Enjoying the party, Troy? Nerdboy: ... K+K: Nerdboy? Nerdboy: ... K+K: How rude! [Nerdboy, propped up on a piece of plywood, tips over and falls in the garbage bin] Teacherman: What's wrong with him? The OTHER Master of Seduction: ...errrr... Mini Flynni: I think he's had one too many drinks...[laughs nervously] Teacherman: Don't drink and drive, kiddies. Capt'n Keyes: That's my job. Iverach: Meh. [a puff of green smoke appears in the room] Murley: PU! What'd you eat for lunch, boy? Necrophiliac: It ain't me, honest! K+K: Well, of course it wasn't us. Dumbass McGee: It was I! Johnny: Gasp! It's Dumbass McGee, returned from the grave on the anniversary of the night that we betrayed him! Girl With British Accent: All right! Pit Pony: Who's Dumbass McGee? Does he want my autograph? Bob the Leprechaun: Dumbass McGee...infamous for his inability to get a girlfriend. Necrophiliac: Gasp! It's Bob the Leprechaun, returned from the grave on the anniversary of the night that we betrayed him! Crocodile Hunter: G'day, mate! Lavalamp Lord: Gasp! It's The Crocodile Hunter, returned from the grave on the anniversary of the night that we betrayed him! Frizzle Fry: Don't forget about me. The Master of Seduction: Gasp! It's Frizzle Fry, returned from the grave on the anniversary of the night that we betrayed him! Idoit: How many people did we betray that night? Mini Flynni: A real shitload, that's for sure. Pink Ranger: But we ran you over on the way to the concert! How did you survive? Crocodile Hunter: My story shall not be left untold! I'll tell you... Idoit: He's going to tell! K+K: He's going to tell! Johnny: He's going to tell! Murley: He's going to tell! Teacherman: He's going to tell! Crazy Li'l Bastard: He's going to tell! Capt'n Keyes: He's going to tell! [this continues for the next ten minutes. The apparitions become impatient and explode. The Crocodile Hunter catches on fire and jumps out the 27th storey window] Murley: Oh my God, you bastards! You killed the Crocodile Hunter! Teacherman: The cabin's on fire! All: AHHHHH!!!! [everyone rushes outside just as the fiery cabin collapses] Capt'n Keyes: Well, I'm glad we all made it out safely. Johnny: Um...where's Nerd Boy? The OTHER Master of Seduction: Aw crap. -- 10/07/01 >Gasp! It's Dumbass McGee, returned from the grave on the anniversary of the night that we betrayed him! -- Well, that's the end of part one for the WoRMS! Saga, but don't you worry! We'll be back with more pointless rambling in part two! .:|WoRMS! Part Two|:. top ---------- Episode 6 "The Episode Where the Crocodile Hunter Actually Doesn't Get Killed Off" ---------- Additional Cast: Mr. Smiley - Mr. McNeil Gerg - Greg Harnish Necrophiliac: School... Johnny: Soooo boring. Dumbass McGee: I know, we could talk about Japanese animation! [everyone stares at him blankly] Dumbass McGee: Or not. Frizzle Fry: Why don't we go get a pizza? Idoit: Fo' sho. Girl With British Accent: All right! Frizzle Fry: What toppings? Gerg: Pepperoni. Frizzle Fry: Pepperoni... Idoit: Salami. Frizzle Fry: Salami... Dumbass McGee: Mushrooms. Johnny: Magic ones. Frizzle Fry: Magic mushrooms... [calls for pizza] [Nerdboy walks in, still on fire] Nerdboy: Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Hot Stuff: No, it's me. Gerg: Ohhh...I'm so HOT. [starts stripping] Pink Ranger: Ahhhh! My eyes! My eyes! [falls over] [someone knocks on the door] Johnny: I'll get it. [opens door, the pizza delivery guy is outside] Pizza Man: Yo yo, here's yo' pizza! Johnny: Thanx, man. [takes pizza back to group] Man, this is some kickass service; they deliver it the minute you call them. [everyone starts eating] [Mr. Smiley walks in] Mr. Smiley: Hey guys, did my pizza come yet? All: ... Mr. Smiley: Damn slow service; called for it two hours ago. All: ... K+K: You should smile more, Mr. Smiley. [pizza arrives] Mr. Smiley: Took you guys long enough. Pizza Dude: Yo yo, here's yo pizza! Mr. Smiley: [frowns] This pizza tastes pretty strange...HEY! I feel like....SINGING! [Mr. Smiley goes on and becomes a star in Broadway] Nerd Boy: So, is this over yet? Johnny: Yeah, sure. Gerg: Wait, I gotta close this window. [Gerg tries to close the window] Gerg: Damn, I think this is stuck. [Gerg climbs on window sill and starts pulling] [Necrophiliac pushes him off] [Gerg falls off the 27th floor of the building] [The Crocodile Hunter just happens to be walking down the street at that exact moment. Gerg crushes him] Murley: O my God! You bastard! You killed the Crocodile Hunter! Johnny: Ok, I lied. -- 10/07/01 >I feel like...SINGING! ---------- Episode 7 "Burglar King" ---------- Additional Cast: [Johnny and Necrophiliac are eating at Burger King] Johnny: [finishes burger] You know what they call at 0.124496 kilogrammer with cheese in Paris, Texas? Necrophiliac: They don't call it a 0.124496 kilogrammer with cheese? Johnny: No. Necrophiliac: Then what do they call it? Johnny: They don't use the metric system in Paris, Texas . They call it a quarter pounder with cheese. Necrophiliac: A quarter pounder with cheese? Well, that's new to me. [Frizzle Fry, Nerdboy, and Crazy Li'l Bastard are at the next table] Frizzle Fry: Blah. This food sucks. I'd rather be eating cardboard. Crazy Li'l Bastard: Me too. Here, have some. [hands piece of cardboard to Frizzle Fry] Frizzle Fry: uhhh...thanks. Nerdboy: Better than MacDonald's. I'd rather eat dung than MacDonald's. Crazy Li'l Bastard: Me too. Here, have some -- Nerdboy: Ack! No! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Look at the mess you made me make. Frizzle Fry: I need to puke. Johnny: Do you think this episode's long enough to upload? Necrophiliac: No. Frizzle Fry: No. Nerdboy: No. K+K: No. And when a girl says no, she means no. Crazy Li'l Bastard: No. [A giant penguin falls on The Crocodile Hunter] -- 11/07/01 >Nerdboy: Better than MacDonald's. I'd rather eat dung than MacDonald's. Crazy Li'l Bastard: Me too. Here, have some -- Nerdboy: Ack! No! ---------- Episode 8 "Leaving" ---------- Additional Cast: Cripple - Colin Boyd Dude Guy - Keith Burgess aMinal - Aaron Swinamer K+K: Keith, hunny! I should be back by Thursday. Remember, feed the cats, start the laundry, wait for the laundry to finish laundrying, take the laundry out of the washing machine, put the laundry in the dryer, wait for the laundry to finish drying, take the laundry out of the dryer, fold the laundry, put the laundry in the closet and other assorted places in which it should go, and don't forget to eat! Byeeeeeee! Dude Guy: *belch* [scratches armpits] [K+K leaves. if it isn't obvious enough, she's going on vacation] Dude Guy: Crap. I forgot to ask where the beers were. Guess I'd better look in the fridge. [he opens the fridge. the Crocodile Hunter walks out] Crocodile Hunter: G'day, children! I've come to talk about the dangers of pollution on...AHHHHHH!!!!!! [slips on bannanna peel and falls out of 27th storey window] Murley: Oh my God! You bastard! You killed the Crocodile Hunter! [Meanwhile, in his secret island volcano hideout...] Iverach: Meh. The poor fools! They know not of the doom that is to come! Fwahahahahah! Fwahahhahaha -- ack! *cough cough* Damn pleghm. aMinal: Heh. Cripple: Oh, I can walk again! Lordy, lordy! I can walk again! Praise the Lord! Iverach: Quiet, you. -- 11/07/01 >This space for rent ---------- Episode 9 "I'm Running Out of Ideas" ---------- Additional Cast: Big Cheese - Nick Crowe Fung Koo - Chris Flood [K+K has returned from her vacation and Dude Guy still hasn't found his beer] K+K: Hi, Keith! How'd it go? Dude Guy: It sucked. K+K: That's great! Did you feed the cats? Dude Guy: No. K+K: Well then, did you bury them? Dude Guy: No, but I threw 'em outside in the dumpster. They were starting to stink. K+K: Hmm. Well, did you start the laundry? Dude Guy: No. K+K: ...wait for the laundry to finish laundrying? Dude Guy: No. K+K: ...take the laundry out of the dryer? Dude Guy: No. K+K: ...fold the laundry? Dude Guy: No. K+K: ...put the laundry in the closet and other assorted places in which it should go? Dude Guy: No. K+K: ...eat? Dude Guy: Where are the beers? [Let us draw this scene to a close...] [Meanwhile, back at WRHS] Johnny: Come on! We're gonna be late for practice! Necrophiliac: Dammit, why'd they have to put the pool on the 27h floor? Pink Ranger: Out of shape...gasp! Johnny: I heard Nick Rondhuis is making his WoRMS! debut soon. Big Cheese: You guys are late! Johnny: Yeah yeah, I know. Fung Koo: All right! We have an easy set for you people: 10 000 meters butterfly on 15 minutes! Everybody except for Johnny, Necrophiliac, and Pink Ranger: Yay! Thanks coach, you're the best! Necrophiliac: Oh God no. -- 13/07/01 >Where are the beers? ---------- Episode 10 "Filler Material" ---------- Additional Cast: Li'l Nicky - Nick Rondhuis Garret Dearman - Himself [By now, it has come to the day when our young Inuit friend Amuk-luk has come of age. The Great Spiri...Uh sorry, wrong cue cards. By now, it has come to the day of the awards banquet at WRHS. It is the day when student will gather in the assembly and attempt to stay awake long enough to hear the words, "And the Smartass award goes to..." Everyone is preparing for this great event.] Teacherman: You know, it would really help if you prepared for this a few weeks in advance instead of an hour before the show. Capt'n Keyes: Shut up! I'm trying to think!!! Who's the Biggest Dumbass of the Year?!? Besides Bobby. Teacherman: George W. Bush. Capt'n Keyes: THAT DOESN'T COUNT! HE'S NOT A STUDENT HERE!!! [doorbell rings] Capt'n Keyes: Must be my Chinese takeout. [he puts the dishes on the table and walks out to the podium] Capt'n Keyes: Ahem. Crowd: blah blah blah... Capt'n Keyes: Ahem. Crowd: blah blah blah... Capt'n Keyes: ... [Capt'n Keyes belches and in some freak accident in probability, Swissair Flight 111 crashes in Peggy's Cove, the entire nation of Mozambique is wiped out by smallpox, and John Doe in Toronto develops an ingrown toenail.] Capt'n Keyes: ... Crowd: ... Capt'n Keyes: Right! The Banquet will start in a few minutes! If there are any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace! Li'l Nicky: Ahhh! My eyelid! [The OTHER Master of Seduction walks in, eating a bagel] The OTHER Master of Seduction: Hey, they're selling bagels in Lobby 276, and...WOW! Moo goo gui pan! [The OTHER Master of Seduction attachs himself to the Chinese food table and starts eating. Li'l Nicky's eyelid still hurts] Teacherman: Are you ready to ROCK!? Crowd: .... Teacherman: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!!?!?!? Crowd: Yeah. Teacherman: I still can't hear you! Oh wait, nevermind, I guess I should take of these earplugs. The Awards will kick off with this category: Most Unusual Student. The nominees are: a) K+K b) Mini Flynni c) Garret Dearman Garret: COME ON, GARRET! [The background music kicks off with the insanely popular 70's song "Stayin' Alive," and Garret comes up and pulls off some extremely hard dance moves.] Crowd: Show 'em who's the man! Garret Wow, they like me! they really, really like me! [Keeps on dancing.] Garret: This is so touching! I'm actually appreciated! Maybe I should take up a job as a dance artist! Capt'n Keyes: Ahem. Garret: Wow! I haven't done this in months! Capt'n Keyes: ..... [Garret stops reluctantly.] Capt'n Keyes: Collect your award. [Capt'n Keyes hands Garret a small Oscar-like figurine.] [hours pass] Capt'n Keyes: And the Smartass of the Year is..... [The crowd waits intensely.] Capt'n Keyes: is.... WAIT! My eyelid hurts! [Capt'n Keyes rushes into the bathroom briefly, and then comes back out again.] Capt'n Keyes: And the Smartass of the Year is..... [Suddenly there is a bang and a flash! A strange hooded figure appears.] Capt'n Keyes: NOOOO!!!! WHY ARE MY SPEECHES ALWAYS INTERRUPTED AT CRITICAL POINTS????? WHY? WHY? [Capt'n Keyes runs into the corner of the room and starts chanting gibberish.] Crowd: Who are you? Death: I..... AM..... DEATH..... Crowd: GASP! Death: IS..... THERE..... A..... PERSON..... NAMED.....JERRY....BOYLE..... IN..... THE.....ROOM?..... Frizzle Fry: ...tried to kill him once. Crowd: Uh, no. Death: Oops! Sorry for the inconvenience! Well, gotta go! [Death disappears with another bang and a flash. Capt'n Keyes gets up, and brushes himself off. He marches toward the podium, and....] Capt'n Keyes: And the Smartass of the Year is.....JOHNNY WONG! [the crowd cheers] Capt'n Keyes: And the Smartass of the Year is.....JOHNNY WONG! [the crowd cheers] Capt'n Keyes: JOHNNY WONG!! [the crowd cheers] Capt'n Keyes: Where the hell is he? Necrophiliac: NO!!! He's left us! Wait a second! I get the award if he's not here! AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! [The Crocodile Hunter falls on top of Necrophiliac] [Where has Johnny gone? What adventures are to come? Why am I babbling like an idiot? All this and more in WoRMS Part 3!] -- 13/07/01 >My eyelid hurts! .:|WoRMS! Part Three|:. top ---------- Episode 11 "Peas on Earth" ---------- Additional Cast: Katie Garland - Herself [Johnny appears with KatieG carrying a suitcase] Johnny: Heeeerrrreeee's Johnny! Crowd: Gasp! It's Johnny! Johnny: I'm back from my trip to the Cayman Islands!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (Yes, 1. What did you think it was? An exclamation mark!?) Everybody: Yaysirs! Necrophiliac: Dammit, I'll have to give you your award back. [It may not seem like much, but Johnny's return will have a long- lasting effect on the people at WoRMS! They decide to be better people, not insult anyone, and live in peace and harmony. Yeah, sure. Let's see how long *that* lasts.] Crazy Li'l Bastard [kneeling, looking at a flower]: Wow, what at beautiful flower. The Master of Seduction: Just look at the pistil! Murley: It is the epitome of beauty and form. Nerdboy: I will go as far as to say it is the pinnicle of perfection! Dumbass McGee: Oh! Dost thou dare? [they all stare at the flower, "ooh"ing and "aah"ing] Cripple: And look at the busy little bumble bee! Girl With British Accent: All right! [bee flies out and stings Cripple] Cripple: Owwww! My eyelid! Die, you %#$&@!^*!!!!!! Frizzle Fry: Now, remember to discuss your problems in a calm, rational manner. [a bee stings KatieG] KatieG: Who am I kidding? Kill it! Kill it! Johnny: I heartily agree to that, mi'lady! Necrophiliac: Yeah, he's right! Dumbass McGee: He's always right! He's my boss! NerdBoy: Shut up, you yes-man! But he *is* right. Let's go kill something! [Everyone runs around with rolled up newspapers and begin smashing things. Meanwhile, Iverach watches from his secret lair down in Deep 42. He has secret cameras all over the building and is watching from a giant grid of screens. Right now, his attention is focused on the screen showing the back of the building, where students are carrying what look like rolled up newspapers. He turns away and walks to a cage of flting monkeys. He releases them, laughing manically.] Iverach: Fly, little monkeys, FLY! FUAHAHAHHAHA ack! cough! Damn phlegm. [meanwhile, hundreds of flying monkeys fly out of a previously unnoticed hole in the side of the WRHS building.] Murley: Oh no! Flying monkeys! What do we do? Dumbass McGee: Whack 'em!....not meant in any obscene way, though. [Though they put up a good fight, the flying monkeys take the students away and drop them in a big pit where Mrs. Zamora's room used to be.] Johnny: Oof! Necrophiliac: Oof! Dumbass McGee: Oof! K+K: Oof! And when a girl says oof! she means oof! Nerdboy: Oof! The OTHER Master of Seduction: Oof! Necrophiliac: So what're we going to do now? Murley: Who knows what eeeeevil things Iverach is doing back at WRHS? [meanwhile...] Iverach and Crazy Li'l Bastard: Ninety-two bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-two bottles of beer... [Back in the pit...] Johnny: Anyone got a plan? Dumbass McGee: We could ask him nicely to let us out. [everyone stares at him blankly] Dumbass McGee: Or not. Murley: Hey! Maybe if we stand of each other's shoulders, we'll be about to reach the top! [five to ten minutes later...] K+K: Ow! Why do I have to be stuck on the bottom? Necrophiliac: Lift higher! I can't reach it! [suddenly, the ground shakes and the pile topples over] Iverach: Fuahahaha! In five minutes, the pit will fill with water, causing you all to drown!!! Fuahahaha ack! ack! End transmission. Murley: All right, let's not panic. Some Guy: PANIC!!! EVERYBODY: AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Johnny: Wait a second, won't the water just carry us to the top of the pit? Murley: Oh yeah. [a short time later, everyone has escaped] Pink Ranger: So we're in the WRHS parking lot! But it's empty! Frizzle Fry: That's because most of us aren't old enough to drive yet. Pink Ranger: Oh, of course. Murley: Now let's go reclaim WRHS and kick Iverach's ass! All: Ya! [The merry (except for the depressed ones) band of adventurers walk to the front door of WRHS] Johnny: It's a little quiet...a little too quiet. [Dumbass McGee starts playing his accordian] Johnny: Stop that! Dumbass McGee: Sowwy. [Johnny slowly....opens...the door....and nothing happens] Johnny: Let's go in...but very slowly an quietly.... [everyone runs in] [suddenly, the door locks behind them] Iverach: I have devised the ultimate torture! I've locked you all inside WRHS! Now you can never leave! FUAHAHHAHA COUGH HACK ACK ACK... damn phlegm. Intro voice guy: Things look pretty grim for our heroes! They're locked in a room with each other for who knows how long. Eventually, they'll no doubt go insane and start killing one another if they don't escape! But with everyone locked inside, and the only exit blocked, how will they escape? How? HOW?!?!??!?!??!!!? Necrophiliac: Yeah, HOW WILL WE ESCAPE? Murly: AGH!! ^$&$*(#^%#@%!!!!!! [Suddenly, there is a rustling in the distance] [rustle rustle] Teacherman: It is I! Teacherman, here to save you! Iverach: No! My arch nemesis, Teacherman! My plans have been foiled again! [sounds of a guy getting beat up are heard] [pow!] [wham!] [crunch!] [whack!...not meant in any obscene way] [zork!] [sfuiyjnreai!] [the door swings open] Everyone: Yay!!!!! You saved us! Teacherman: It was nothing. I must be off, I hear another faint call for distress off in the distance! Toodles! [leaves] Dumbass McGee: Who WAS that masked man? Murley: The Hell are you talking about, boy? He wasn't wearing no mask! -- 14/07/01 >Whack 'em!....not in an obscene way, though. ---------- Episode 12 "DEATH!!!!!!!!HAHHAAHA...damn phlegm" ---------- Additional Cast: Li'L Nicky: I've got mail!!! Pink Ranger: Shut up, Nick. Li'l Nicky: It says we're all invited to Dude Guy's funeral! The Crocodile Hunter: How come I never get a funeral? [Later, at the funeral] [everyone is there, most notably Dumbass McGee, standing by the grave in a black dress sobbing noisily into a lace hankerchief.] Dumbass McGee: waah K+K: Alas, poor Keith! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen? Murley: Are we talking about the same dude guy? Some Guy: Now, I will present the eulogy. Ahem...Dude Guy was...well... he was...who was this guy, anyway? Johnny: He's the guy that was going out with K+K. Some Guy: What?! I hate that little moron! I'm not eulogyihakfgzofyzing for him! [stomps off, kicking the coffin as he walks by] The Master of Seduction: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Dude Guy's dead, in God we trust. Voice from Beyond the Grave: Dammit! I'm not dead! The Master of Seduction: Yes you are! [Dude Guy starts climbing out of grave] Dumbass McGee: waah Nerdboy: It's a zombie! AHHHHHHH! Necrophiliac: mmmmm...zombie....mmmm, i mean...[laughs nervously] The Master of Seduction: Eat this, bitch! [takes gun and blasts Dude Guy's head off (nmiaow)] Dude Guy: Owwww! My eyelid! The Master of Seduction: Now, where was I? Ah yes, ashes to ashes... K+K: You ought to show more respect for my poor Keith! The Master of Seduction: But we don't have any respect for Dude Guy. [an anvil falls on K+K] K+K: Owwww! What was the point of that?! I'm not having a good day. [K+K flushes herself down the nearest toilet] -- 14/07/01 >Shut up, Nick. ---------- Episode 13 "Writer's Block" ---------- Additional Cast: [There is a sign by the door, "WoRMS! Writers Brainstorming Session" Inside, the writers are discussing plans for the saga] Necrophiliac: WAZZ UP MA HOMEYS? Johnny: I'm in trouble. Fung Koo: What else is new? Johnny: Shut up! It's like this, everyone's telling me to update the saga... The Master of Seduction: And you can't think of anything, right? Johnny: Ya. Necrophiliac: So, after the funeral, Dumbass McGee. Dumbass McGee: Opens his chain of fried chicken restaurants! Johnny: That could work... Dumbass McGee: Yeah! Everyone needs a little DMFC! Murley: Forget it, it'll never work. Johnny: How about an episode where Pink Ranger scores with Rachael? Pink Ranger: Shut up, Nick, I mean Johnny. Dumbass McGee: How about a tribute to -- All, except for Johnny: Shut up! Johnny: Wait, let's hear his idea. Dumbass McGee: How about we find a giant spaceship, and we fly into a giant blob and we find -- Johnny: No, no, we did that already. Pink Ranger: We could have a porno episode starring Rachae -- All: NO Pink Ranger: O-kay, thought not. Necrophiliac: You could write about me saving the whales! Li'l Nicky: Ya, Necrophiliac saves the whales, remember that. Dr. Dre: I can't do it, sir; there's too many flats. Johnny: Al Gore could cameo! Li'l Nicky: Uh huh. I think I'll go play Doom. Johnny: @#$@$%^&@!!!! [suddenly, a little furry thing falls from the ceiling and clings to Murley's face] Murley: AHHHHH! Get it away from me! [rips furry thing from face] Furry Thing: Good evening, gentlemen. My name is Walter. Johnny: ...I think we're running out of ideas. Necrophiliac: You know, now that I think of it, all we have to do is think up a lackluster plot that serves only as the basis for jokes, then throw in a few mindless catchphrases, and the readers will gobble it up like fries! Bwahahahahaha! Girl With British Accent: All right! [Beaulio pops his head in the door] Beaulio: How about an episode where I'm stranded on a desert island with K+K? All: Get outta here! [everyone throws pencils at him] Li'l Nicky: I'm back! Got any ideas yet? Johnny: Nope. Necrophiliac: Nope. K+K: No. And when a girl says no, she means no. Murley: Nope. Li'l Nicky: Good, 'cause I have one. How about we write an episode about trying to think of ideas for an episode? Kind of a Seinfeld thing, you know. Johnny: What a cheap-ass idea. -- 16/07/01 >What a cheap-ass idea. ---------- Episode 14 "Save the Whales" ---------- Additional Cast: [suddenly, the brainstorming room of WRHS explodes, sending everyone to the farthest reaches of the galaxy] [meanwhile, in Dense Mountain, a bunch of hicks are gathered around a black and white television screen] Reporter: Today, for no apparent reason, the brainstorming room of WRHS exploded, sending everyone to the farthest reachs of the galaxy. Idoit: Gee, Ma, I'm glad i don't go to school. yuk yuk Reporter: On another note, rumours that Dumbass McGee is a former porn star are completely false. Idoit: Shoot! Have to cancel that order, then. [back in Windsor...] aMinal: Quiet day, isn't it? Frizzle Fry: yep aMinal: Quiet quiet quiet Frizzle Fry: yep aMinaL: No strange people falling from the sky or anything. Frizzle Fry: Nope. [suddenly, a crowd of strange people, the writing staff of WoRMS!, falls out of the sky] Necrophiliac: Save the whales! Al Gore: Nuke the whales! Everybody: What a wacky zany nutty funster. ha ha ha [Necrophiliac runs over to the closest drowning whale and gives it C.P.R.] Whale: You saved my life! I love ya, man! Necrophiliac: You ain't getting my Bud Lite. All: [Applause] [Necrophiliac sees another whale sunbathing on the beach. He runs over it and plugs up its blowhole.] Whale [slowly inflating]: I thought you wanted to save the whales! Necrophiliac: Eh, what are you gonna do about it? Whale [explodes]: AUGH!! #@^67#$@!!!! All: [Applause.] Crocodile Hunter: Now watch a this giant snake sinks is giant fangs into my ripe testicles! [snake does so] Crocodle Hunter: Argh! My groin! Reader: That was pointless -- 16/07/01 >rumours that Dumbass McGee is a former porn star are completely false. ---------- Episode 15 "Necrophiliac's Day Out" ---------- Additional Cast: Brie Gaultois - Herself God - Shaun Hudson [It's early in the morning at WRHS. Everyone is asleep. Everyone, that is, except for a certain necrophiliac named Necrophiliac, who is trying to rummage in the medicine cabinet as silently as possible. He fails. The medicine cabinet falls off the wall, its mirrored doors shatter, and the medicine falls all over the floor, waking everyone up.] Necrophiliac: D'oh! Johnny: Dammit, Necrophiliac, what are you doing? It's 6 AM! Necrophiliac: I wasn't doing anything. [reattaches broken cabinet to the wall] Johnny: Just felt like breaking the medicine cabinet and waking everyone up? Necrophiliac: Ya. [There is a knock on the door] Voice: Open up! [They open up the door. Behind it is Bob Dylan (not meant in any obscene way)] Everybody: Hi, Bob! What's for dinner? Bob Dylan: I'm not really Bob Dylan, fools! I'm actually...FUAHAHAAHAH...ack! damn phlegm...IVERACH!!!!! Everybody: Gasp! Bob Dylan: That's right! I implanted my brain into Bob Dylan's body! Murley: What happened to Bob's real brain? Bob Dylan: He had a brain? Murley: Oh-kay..... Bob Dylan: Now you will face my wrath! Neil before me! Necrophiliac: Neil? Bob Dylan: How'd you know how I spelled kneel?! Everybody: But how do you know we know how you spelled kneel? Bob Dylan: Damn. But anyway, I've hidden a bomb in WRHS an you'll never find -- Johnny: Found it! [throws it to Bob Dylan] Some guy: PANIC!#%@*%#*@%#*@^*%*!^@*@%#^#*@#(^#*!$#*@%&%#*@^(#!%^&* Bob Dylan: AHHHHHHHH!!! [explodes] The OTHER Master of Seduction: That was interesting. Mini Flynni: If not cryptic. Johnny: Ooooh! Look! You got a letter, Necrophiliac! Necrophiliac: What's it say? Johnny: Well, it says that the IOC has accepted your application form and has decided to allow you into the 2000 Sydney Olympics. Pit Pony: 2000 Sydney Olympics? Wasn't that just last year? Johnny: Yeah, well, I needed an excuse to somehow put in that part from Kentville. Necrophiliac: Application form? I never filled out no application form! Johnny: Well, apparently you got it in the mail 6-8 weeks ago. Necrophiliac: In the mail? That explains everything. And I thought I was ordering CD's! [later, at the Olympics] Big Cheese: Well, after all that coaching I gave you, you'd better get the gold. Pink Ranger [on the PA]: Hello, I am Pink Ranger and I will be the guest announcer today. The first event of the day will be the 1000 meter butterfly. Judge-type guy: On your mark. GO! Pink Ranger: Here we go! What an exciting race! God is currently in the lead, followed by that guy from South Africa and a bunch of other people. Necrophiliac is currently in last place. Two minutes have elapsed. And, wait! God is already done! A new world record! All: Yaysirs! Pink Ranger: And Necrophiliac is getting tired. He's dying, dying...oh wait, I think he can finish this! No, nevermind; he's gone. [meanwhile, the Crocodile Hunter is trying to fix one of the speakers. Suddenly, the amp explodes, leaving him fatally killed, which happens to be the worst way to be killed] [Dumbass McGee walks in, eating a jelly donut] Dumbass McGee: Hi. Crowd: Gasp! Dumbass McGee: Was it something I said? Murley: He's got a donut!!!! [the crowd goes wild. Hehhhhhhhhhhhh] Dumbass McGee: Uh oh. [Dumbass McGee runs. The crowd of rampaging Olympic athletes run after him, screaming such things as "He's got a jelly!" and "It has pink and white frosting!" Dumbass McGee jumps out the window, swings across a power line, and leaps into the hotel next door. The crowd tries to follow him. Some of them fall out the window, and some of them touch the power line while still touching the building. Eventually they get into the hotel building, where Dumbass McGee is frantically trying to hide. Meanwhile, the mob is working its way around the winding staircases of the building and are on the 26th flight of stairs when a door falls from the ceiling, slicing The Crocodile Hunter in half. Everybody else is going, "Nyah-ah-ah-ah" and they all jump out the nearest windows and go back to the aquatics center, where paramedics are pulling Necrophiliac out of the pool. Dumbass McGee eventually comes down from the 27th story to the lobby, and gives his jelly donut to the receptionist at the desk, who just happens to be Brie.] Dumbass McGee: Here, have a bad luck charm. Brie: I hate the night shift. -- 18/07/01 >Brie: I don't have enough lines. .:|WoRMS! Part Four|:. top ---------- Episode 16 "Use the Farce, Luke" ---------- Additional Cast: Yoda - Liam Macmillan Gerg: Dammit! I MUST URINATE! The OTHER Master of Seduction: Hey, I can't seem to get into the WRHS building. Lavalamp Lord: Capt'n Keyes prolly has the keys to it. Murley: Let's go check it out, Necrophiliac. Necrophiliac: Why me? Murley: Just because. Necrophiliac: Imppecable logic Lavalamp Lord: Wait for me! They've probably got liquor in there! [Capt'n Keyes walks in] Capt'n Keyes: Woah, big fella. [takes out giant ring of key(e)s] Well, it won't open. Someone must have changed the locks. Pink Ranger: [looks down] The OTHER Master of Seduction: What is it? Pink Ranger: Well, I just happen to have some plastic explosive in my pocket. The OTHER Master of Seduction: Give it here, peon. Pink Ranger: Come get it. Gerg: Time to show this little @#$% the benefits of sharing. [The OTHER Master of Seduction pulls out a trout the size of Montreal and beats Pink Ranger with it (nmiaow)] Pink Ranger: OWWWW! Take it! Take it! Gerg: Thank you very much. [Gerg sticks the putty onto the door, lights a match, runs away and throws the match at the door. There is a pause. A long pause. A very long pause. Nothing happens.] Gerg: What happened? Lavalamp Lord: Very little. [Gerg steps towards the door. As soon as he gets close to it, it explodes in his face] Gerg: Owww! My eyelid! The OTHER Master of Seduction: Who cares? The door's open! [They rush in, and are greeted with a horrible sight. They look around. Normally, the WRHS building is like a shopping mall of education, with neatly piled books and a fountain in the lobby, but now the place is in disarray and the fountain is dry.] Mini Flynni: AHHH! What happened?! Murley: So...very cold... Capt'n Keyes: My creation...my beautiful creation! *sob* Gerg: Well, I guess I'll go back and tell the others about this. [Gerg leaves] [There is a movement under a pile of rubble as Dumbass McGee crawls out. He looks to be in a worse state than the building.] The OTHER Master of Seduction: Dumbass McGee! What happened? Dumbass McGee: They killed *cough* everything... Lavalamp Lord: Who?! Dumbass McGee: They...*cough hack cough* Murley: Oh my God! They killed Dumbass McGee! Mini Flynni: Bastards! [Gerg returns, tarred and feathered] Gerg: They didn't take it too well. Murley: They killed Dumbass McGee. Gerg: Who? The OTHER Master of Seduction: Must've been those lamers at KES! Capt'n Keyes: Doubt it. Those guys couldn't hack their way out of a paper bag. The OTHER Master of Seduction: Let's go Czech it out. [they continue into the deserted building, leaving Dumbass McGee] Dumbass McGee: [lifts his head up] Uh, guys? I'm not dead yet. Gerg: Yes, you are. Dumbass McGee: I've lost feeling in my legs, but I'm still good, I'm still good! I need help! HELP! [but they've already left] Darn diddly arn it! [resumes being dead] Lavalamp Lord: I sense a disturbance in the force. Gerg: Wow, your force sensing powers are impressive. Lavalamp Lord: Shut up. [Lavalamp Lord is standing around inspecting the decor. Gerg is crouched over, inspecting at a bright yellow book on the floor. Crazy Li'l Bastard is busy inspecting something green and disgusting he pulled out of his nose. Gerg puts on some plastic gloves and picks up the book.] Gerg: "Breaking into WRHS For Dummies". Pretty incriminating evidence, chief. The OTHER Master of Seduction: And it has Crazy Li'l Bastard's name on the cover! [they find Crazy Li'l Bastard trying to escape.] Lavalamp Lord: Looks like you've got some explaining to do. [they tie Crazy Li'l Bastard to a chair and are shining a lamp at him. Gerg wears shades and is sitting on a chair backwards.] Gerg: We have ways of making you talk. Crazy Li'l Bastard: I didn't do it! I swear! It was those Korean exchange students! LOOOOLOLOLOLOLLLOLOL Lavalamp Lord: Shifting the blame, are we? Let's take him to 8-25. Crazy Li'l Bastard: HAHAHA I bet I can survive anything you bastards throw at me! I'll never talk! LOLOLOLLLLL [they pick up Crazy Li'l Bastard and drag him down the hall to room 8-25, the stinking room] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Nooo! This is a cruel and unusual punishment! [8-25 is a large, empty room known for its horrid stench. There is a two-way mirror on the wall, but for some reason, Crazy Li'l Bastard can see Lavalamp Lord and Gerg on the other side.] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Let me out, you bastards! LOLOOL!!! [starts kicking the wall like a maniac. However, Gerg and Lavalamp Lord do not see this act of aggression...] Gerg: I never knew Crazy Li'l Bastard was so ugly. Lavalamp Lord: You idiot! That's us! Who installed the mirror back to front?! Gerg: Oops. [Crazy Li'l Bastard flies through the window, screaming OLOLOLOOOLOLLLOLOL!! and escapes down the corridor] Lavalamp Lord: Damn. Gerg: What's that noise? [suddenly, a mob of KES students push them into 8-25] Lavalamp Lord and Gerg: AHHHHH! [meanwhile...] The OTHER Master of Seduction: Where're Gerg and Lavalamp Lord? Murley: Beats me. [back in the stinking room] Gerg: I can't take it any longer! [starts eyeing Lavalamp Lord (nmiaow)] Lavalamp Lord: Oh dear God no. Gerg: Must eat foooooood. [pulls out a plastic fork. Lavalamp Lord, sensing the imminent danger to various parts of his anatomy, slowly inches away from Gerg.] Lavalamp Lord: ... Gerg: BONSAI!!! [spears Lavalamp Lord in the ass] Lavalamp Lord: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [Gerg begins chewing on his leg] Gerg: How long have we been in here? Lavalamp Lord: Ten minutes. [suddenly, a little green man bounces into the room] Yoda: Save you, I shall. LOLLOLOLOL Gerg: Am I just hallucinating, or did Roger Waters just walk in the room? [Yoda takes the duo back to the lobby] The OTHER Master of Seduction: So you promise never to destroy things again? Crazy Li'l Bastard [strapped in front of a TV playing scenes from Barney]: Yes, Master! Make it stop! Make it stop! Capt'n Keyes: Well, I better get around to fixing things. Dumbass McGee [dragging himself on the floor]: I'm still not dead yet! -- 19/07/01 >This is a cruel and unusual punishment! ---------- Episode 17 "An Impotent, I Mean, Important Discovery" ---------- Additional Cast: Scotty - Scott Christian Li'l Nicky: Multi-million dollar satellite? Johnny: Yes, you heard me correctly! With money from mowing lawns and lots of government grants, I have built and launched the WoRMS! Satellite! Nerdboy: This wasn't on the mailing list. Johnny: Ha! The school newsletter? Of course not! You think I'll tell anyone other than my trusted friends? Some Guy: You told me. Johnny: Quiet, you. I mean, people from KES might get a copy of it somehow. They'd gobble it up like fries! And like Star Trek, it does have a holodeck, eppuiped with several games designed by me. The Master of Seduction: So what are we going to play first? Necrophiliac: Tomb Raider - Necrophiliac Edition! Johnny: Er...no. Right now, I've got the original Legend of Zelda loaded on. Nerdboy: Legend of Zelda? Ugh. Johnny: It's all different now! In fact, the graphics are better than the Playstation 5! All: Better than the Playstation 5? Frizzle Fry: [fiddling with controls] We're talking lush organic environments here. *snort* Virtual reality, man, virtual reality. I could see the light, purple flame, the pilot light of all eternity... look! Here I am, I'm over there now! I'm not here anymore! My hair is green and I'm a tree! LOLOOOLOLLLOL! Johnny: ...all right, calm down. I think the teleporters are ready. Beam us up, Scotty! [They stand on the circle thingies and Scotty adjusts some controls from the satellite.] Mini Flynni: Ow! My atoms! Cripple: Neato! Johnny: Settle down, there's more! [Scotty pushes another button and the door ahead of our Windsorian pioneers opens. He turns a knob and the gravity is increased.] Murley: Wait a second, none of us are old enough to drive this yet. Johnny: Eh? What are you gonna do about it? Scotty: So, where to, Cap'n? Johnny: Let's go for a ride around the moon. Scotty: Aye aye! Increase warp factor by 69%! Square the hypoteneuse! Adjust supplimentry thrusters! Garret: Ow! My eyelid! Johnny: What? Garret: I had to say something, I never have any lines! Johnny: Then why do you waste what little lines you have with mindless drivel? Garret: Shut up. Johnny: Anyhow, let's get to the holodeck (patent pending)! Yoda: Hoho! To holodeck, we shall go! [Johnny comes to a sliding door. However, it doesn't slide for him and he walks into it] Johnny: Damn piece of @#$%$!!!! Open! Door: Go F$#% a cow. Necrophiliac: A cursing door, why that's all we need. Johnny: I'll run Norton Antivirus on it later. [Johnny arrives at the Holodeck (patent pending)] Johnny: Here's how it works. You sit in the chairs, put on the headsets, and get your joystick ready. Remember: your headsets can also allow you to talk to and hear anyone else in the game. [They all sit in the chairs and the game starts. A new, better title flies by and they watch it, oohing an aahing. Johnny selects a 4 player team and the game starts. They all see a lake ahead. They look into it and see that they are dwarfs.] K+K: AGH! MY HAIR! Johnny: Now look at this! [Johnny runs vertically up a brick wall and does a triple back flip in slow motion, a la The Matrix] Pink Ranger: Woah. [Meanwhile, back at ground control, a sinister figure appears...Iverach! He hacks into the stellite computers and hijacks it, while trying to clear the phlegm from his throat] [as the game finishes, Scotty notices a sinister air in the satellite] Scotty: Ach! Who cut the cheese? Johnny: Not me. Yoda: Cut the cheese, I did not. Necrophiliac: He who smelt it dealt it. Pink Ranger: Silent but violent. Iverach [from the monitor display]: GWAHAHAHAH...ack! cough! hawwwwk ptoo! Necrophiliac: Not that cheap ass again. Iverach: Hey! [pushes a button and Li'l Nicky get shocked] Li'l Nicky: Ow! Iverach: Whoops, sorry. [shocks Necrophiliac] Johnny: What do you want? Iverach: The solution to the final puzzle in Myst! Johnny: WHAT? ME TELL YOU THAT?! Iverach: If you must be so stubborn, I'll make you a deal. If you give me the answer, I'll let you off your satellite. Until then, you're staying right there! Gahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaa, et cetera, et cetera! [presses a button] Door: Transporter deactivated, you little #$^%$^! Iverach: I hope you've brought plenty of games, haha! But I'll be nice and upload some of my own for you! HARHARHARHAR! Scotty: Ach! She canna take anymore, Cap'n! She's brrrreaking up! Hoot mon! -- 22/07/01 >AGH! MY HAIR! ---------- Episode 18 "No" ---------- Additional Cast: Iverach: So are you going to give it to me (nmiaow) or not? Johnny: No. Necrophiliac: No. Cripple: No Pink Ranger: No. K+K: No, and when a girl says no, she means no. Scotty: No. Li'l Nicky: No. Yoda: No. Mini Flynni: No. The Master of Seduction: No. The OTHER Master of Seduction: No. Iverach: I'll be back. [Iverach turns off the monitor] Li'l Nicky: This sucks! Why don't you just give him the solution? Johnny: That would be against all I stand for, and besides, I've forgotten it. Everyone: D'OH! $%$#%! [Iverach returns] Iverach: I thought you might be feeling a little hungry, so I've sent you a pack of Ball Park miniature franks. They plump when you cook them. Oh wait, you CAN'T! AHAHAHAHA! ACK! Yoda: A cruel and unusual punishment is this. Pink Ranger: Wait! Someone accidently slipped in a regular sized frank with the miniatures! Johnny: Give me the weiner! (nmiaow) I made this satellite! Pink Ranger: No, it's my weiner and you ain't getting it! Johnny: [Pauses, thinking] Nevermind, you keep it. Pink Ranger [in British accent]: All right! Woohoo! [Pink Ranger scarfs down the weiner] [Necrophiliac tunes in a newsfeed from a neighbouring satellite] Achorman: And in other news, Dumbass McGee was caught in a rather embarrassing accident at a Ballpark hot-dog factory.. Pink Ranger: @#%*&^%!!!! [back on Earth, in Iverach's hideout under the school...] Iverach: Meh. My plans to clone the prisoners on the satellite are almost complete! [Iverach presses a few buttons on a large console. There are six large plexiglass tubes, three of which contain the bodies of what looks like Johnny, Necrophiliac and Li'l Nicky. The other three tubes are empty...but then a swirling mist appears in the three empty tubes.] [back in orbit...] Cripple: Wonder what's happening back home? [tunes into another newsfeed] Anchorman: ...another advance in cloning has been made! A young man, Iverach, has sucessfully cloned humans! Six humans, who shall remain nameless to protect their privacy, have been cloned in a secret laboratory... Cripple: Holy shit, Batman! Door: Watch your language. Cripple: Divine fecal matter, airborne mammal homosapiens! Door: Much better. -- 22/07/01 >Divine fecal matter, airborne mammal homosapiens! ---------- Episode 19 "Mission Improbable" ---------- Additional Cast: Realm Ruler - Greg Lunn Matt Lunn - Himself VZ - Mr. (Steve) Van Zoost the younger Johnny: You know what? I think I'll be ending the saga. All: WHAT??!?! Johnny: Just kidding! All: Haha, what a wacky zany nutty funster! [suddenly, the alarm goes off. Everyone rushes to the satellite bridge. On it is a mysterious figure with a white robe and hood over his face. Behind him is another mysterious figure, this time in a tye-dyed bathrobe] Realm Ruler: I am the almighty Realm Ruler and this is my slightly less mighty brother, MattL. MattL: Hi. Necrophiliac: Uh, hi. What do you want? Realm Ruler: We want the one you call Mini Flynni (nmiaow) Mini Flynni: Why? Realm Ruler: It has become evident that you are an influential thinker in your planet's history... All but Mini Flynni: WHAT!?!%$^$%!!!! Realm Ruler: We need you to further develop our species and strengthen our nation... MattL: And you seem like a pretty cool guy! Mini Flynni: Well, I can't disagree with that. Realm Ruler: We shall beam you to our ship. Yoda: Beam us up, you shall! Johnny: Beam us too! [Realm Ruler smiles. What a lame gag] Mini Flynni [dissolving]: I'm blowin' this joint! (nmiaow) Realm Ruler: We will return... MattL: With a vengence! Realm Ruler: Shut up. MattL: I was only trying to make things more dramatic. Realm Ruler: I don't want to talk about this any more. [back in WRHS...] [Eerie music is playing. Suddenly, a man in a Panama hat and dusty jacket is silhouetted in the doorway. He steps in, the camera panning around to just hide his face in a rather infuriating fashion. Behind him, another cowering fellow is shuffling, carrying what seems like a rather unusually large pile of baggage. The two of them quickly slip into the next room, which is basically a long, white hallway with various threatening carvings of a man and a shorter, cowering man carrying a lot of baggage being killed in various ways] Taller Man: Well, this is a dilly of a pickle...Aha! [he picks up the shorter man and throws him down the hallway. There are screams and sounds of human pain. Finally, there is a shattering of glass, followed by silence.] Taller Man: Damn, I'm glad I didn't go first. [The Taller Man walks off down the hallway into the next room. And there it sits, on a pedestal... a crisp five dollar bill, glinting a bit from an odd shaft of sunlight beaming in from above. The man looks the whole scene in total awe, stirring music swirling and playing all around. The music comes to a crescendo as he snatches the bill and runs off] [meanwhile, in the 42nd storey office of Capt'n Keyes] Teacherman: Something's wrong, I just know it. Capt'n Keyes: I think the fumes are getting to you. Teacherman: No...wait! Look at that security camera! Capt'n Keyes: My God...Someone just stole our annual photocopy budget! Teacherman: But we're nothing without photocopies! Who could have done such a heinous deed? Capt'n Keyes: Iverach... Teacherman: How do you know? Capt'n Keyes: I read the script. Teacherman: Oh. Capt'n Keyes: I will now assemble a team of experts to retrieve the money. To the war room! Teacherman and Old Man Wyman [glasses clinking]: To the war room! Capt'n Keyes: What? Teacherman: I thought you were proposing a toast. [he turns on the emergency meeting alarm and all the teachers rush to the library. They push a button hidden within the bust of Pallas and the bookcase slides open, revealing a series of poles. The teachers slide down the poles and end up at their seats in the war room.] Capt'n Keyes: The time has come to reclaim what is rightfully ours... we shall not go without a fight... I do not like green eggs and ham... I do not like them Sam I am...this is our Independence Day... the day we fight back...ID4... Teacherman: But isn't that an American holiday? Capt'n Keyes: Whatever. Your mission, should you choose to accept it -- and you'd better choose to accept it -- is to infiltrate Iverach's headquarters and take back the year's photocopy money. And it's worse than you think. The terminal's in black vault lockdown. They haven't missed a thing in that room. The mainframe requires significant cooling, meaning there is a large air duct. But the vents have laser nets over them. Inside, there are three intrusion countermeasure systems that can only be deactivated by authorized entry. Which, of course, we won't have. The first system is sound-sensitive. Anything above a whisper sets it off. The room's floor has pressure-sensitive panels. Even something light as a feather, a drop of water, a paperclip, anything, and the alarm sounds. And the final system detects any increase in temperature. The body heat of an unauthorized person in the room will trigger it. All three systems are state of the art. Very, very fine stuff. VZ: You think we can pull this off? Capt'n Keyes: If not, then may god help us all. Now, quick! To the Teachermobile! -- 23/07/01 >Well, this is a dilly of a pickle ---------- Episode 20 "Cheapness" ---------- Additional Cast: [VZ is crawling through the vent...then, he falls through, setting off every alarm in the building. He grabs the money and runs] VZ: Woob woob woob woob woob! [back in the satellite...] K+K: This is episode 20. Shouldn't we be back on Earth by now? Johnny: Right, I should call ground control. [He contacts ground conrol. Garrett appears on the monitor, wearing an apron and brandishing a featherduster and a bottle of Windex.] All: Ack! Garrett: Ack! Cripple: What are you doing here? Er, there? Garrett: Just a little spring cleaning. It's spring, you know. We're planning to rennovate this place. With a little paint and a few curtains, it could be a regular love nest! [he starts to walk around, dusting things.] Murley: You couldn't help bring the satellite back down, could you? Garrett: Wouldn't know how. [sprays the main computer with Windex. It explodes. All Hell breaks loose. The satellite drops out of the sky.] Oops. Johnny: Looks like we're facing emminent death. Again. Take cover. [yawns] [meanwhile, the Crocodile Hunter is picking flowers outside the WRHS building] Crocodile Hunter: Doot doot doodoodoot. [the satellite crushes him, he is crushed by the satellite] Crocodile Hunter: Ouch. In a general way, that is. Murley: Oh my God, you bast - Hey! We're free! Yeeehahahaahah! [and they lived happiy ever after. Well, not really, but stay tuned for more wacky zany nutty fun in Part 5 of WoRMS!] -- 22/07/01 >Ack! .:|WoRMS! Part Five|:. top ---------- Episode 5436089.43 (Actually 21) "Bored of the Things" ---------- Additional Characters: [Iverach is in his evil palace of doom with skulls and fire and lava and other such cool accessories from Walmart.] Crazy Li'l Bastard: The teachers have reclaimed the photocopy budget, mi'lord. Iverach: Well, do something about it! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Yes, mi'lord. [Iverach gets his lazy ass off his throne and walks to the wall, where there is a nice picture of Necrophiliac and various other WoRMS! personalities. Iverach begins laughing evilly while waving an absurdly large sword in the air.] Iverach: I have waited a long time for this moment to crush you... They never told you what happened to your father, but you will see! AHAHAAHA!! COUGH! ACK! Damn asthma. [starts puffing on puffer] [back at the war room..] [Teacherman walks into the room. He hits his head on the way in] Teacherman: Ouch! Johnny: Here, have a ridiculously long sandwich. [Teacherman begins munching on the ridiculously long sandwich] Johnny: We must make up a plan to deal with this Iverach menace! [no one is paying attention. Lavalamp Lord is busy making out with Hot Stuff (obligatory love scene #3 of 248)] Johnny: Hey! Lavalamp Lord: MORE ALE!!!! MORE WENCHES!!!!!!! Johnny: Hey! HEY!!!!! Lavalamp Lord: Just because you're the writer of this doesn't mean that we're obliged to listen to yo - Johnny [cuts him off]: That's it, you're gone. [erases Lavalamp Lord] Let's resume the meeting. Brie: Put Lavalamp Lord back, first. Johnny: Fine. [redraws Lavalamp Lord] The OTHER Master of Seduction: With the correct number of arms. Johnny: Damn. [erases extra arms] Lavalamp Lord: Hey, those extra arms were cool! Johnny: Anyhow, what are we going to do about Iverach? Necrophiliac: I don't know, but the script says that Sylvester Stallone's gonna play the lead male role. Johnny: No, that's a typo...meet the lead male role...ARNOLD! [Arnold walks in, slips on a bannanna peel and falls out of the 27th storey window] Arnold: Ah vil be bak. [splat] Johnny: Ok, scratch that. We'll just use somebody that's already a WoRMS! character. K+K (in Austrian accent): Ah can play dat role. [flexes giant muscles] Necrophiliac: I think Iverach has something to do with this big pink ring! [produces big pink ring] All: Gasp! It is the One ring to rule them all! [Old Man Wyman grabs it and throws it in the fire. It melts] Old Man Wyman: Oops, I guess it's just a thing now. [he take it out of the fire. A fiery inscription shows] Necrophiliac: The fiery letters? What do they say? Old Man Wyman: Well, now that it's melted, it says SDGfdgsfdYUYTg. Now, you see, back in my day, we had to toss things like this one into volcanoes just to see the writing. Of course, we were kids back then, and the things usually said all sorts of strange phrases, like "Mr. McNeil is a dolt" and "Up with miniskirts." Hmmm... I never did get that last one. Anyway, you young people have it too easy! Just toss the thing in the fire and poof! You get the writing. It's just not fair, and - guys? Guys? [everyone is snoring] Well, I'll be damned....I've got an idea...FREE PORN!!!! [everyone wakes up with a start] All: Where? Where? Old Man Wyman: Heh heh. Works like a charm. Anyhow, I think we should send a ludicrously small number of people to cross into Iverach's territory and throw this evil ring into the Cracks of Doom. Murley: Joseph Sandford's ass?! Old Man Wyman: No, it is politically incorrect to make fun of people for being obese. Murley: I apologize profusely. Girl With British Accent: All right! Old Man Wyman: We need to assemble a team and...[he quickly jumps to the window and pulls in the window-washer, Dumbass McGee.] All: It's Dumbass McGee! [he rushes over to the cupboard and pulls out...Pink Ranger!] All: It's Pink Ranger! [he goes to the trunk and pulls out...Nerdboy!] All: It's Nerdboy! [finally, he goes to the oven and pulls out...a pot roast!] All: It's a pot roast! Old Man Wyman: So I caught you spying, eh? Nerdboy: Don't kill me, Mr. Wizard, sir! Dumbass McGee: We only wanted to see if Johnny was alright! Pink Ranger: Actually, I just wanted to see him naked. Old Man Wyman: Well, since you care about Mr. Johnny so much, you can accompany him to...THE CRACKS OF DOOM!!! [lightning and thunder] Murley: That's odd. It was sunny outside. Old Man Wyman: But it's not sunny at...THE CRACKS OF DOOM!!!! [lightning and thunder] Old Man Wyman: Well, gotta jet! [Takes a ridiculously long sandwich for the road and hits his head on the door going out] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! [So now, Johnny, Murley, Lavalamp Lord, K+K, Dumbass McGee, Hot Stuff, Necrophiliac, Pink Ranger, the pot roast, and Nerdboy embark of the journey of their lives...well, sort of.] -- 24/07/01 >It's a pot roast! ---------- Episode 22 "The Goodfellaship" ---------- Additional Characters: Bill Ferny - That dude that owns Pothier Motors [Old Man Wyman is seen walking down an old country road.] Old Man Wyman [to himself]: Hmmm... I think it's about time to do something heroic, lest the audiance think I am just an old guy who complains alot. [three orcs jump out from behind the bushes. They are green with big tusks and grunt a lot. ] Orc 1: Uhhh...Ooogggg... Old Man Wyman: Excuse me, did I hear that correctly? Orc 2: MMMGGGGG!!!! Old Man Wyman (looks at his watch ): Oh, my! Look at the time! I am afraid I will have to kill you now! [Old Man Wyman waves his staff and a cloud of fire erupts, killing all the orcs. Old Man Wyman snuffs out fires.] Old Man Wyman [to himself]: Well, that was worth 300 experience points! Anyway, nothing more to see here folks, but remember - only you can prevent forest fires! [Old Man Wyman continues walking along the road.] [meanwhile, the fellowship is down at Pothier Motors, trying to get a decent rental car] Johnny: We need a rental car. BillF: Yes, cars. We have lots of them. So what are you going to pay for it? Johnny: I have five bucks. BillF: Your five bucks are no good here. We need something more valuable. [Johnny makes a pass with his hand] Johnny: Nevertheless, five bucks will do! BillF: No, they won't. [Johnny makes a pass with his hand] Johnny: Five bucks will do! BillF: No, they won't! Why do you keep waving your hand about like that? What do you think you are, some kind of Jedi? Your mind tricks won't work on me. Director's voice from the back: Cut the silly dialogue, give them the car, and get on with it! [over at Iverach's...] [Iverach is sitting at his usual evil throne place. Crazy Li'l Bastard is standing before him. In classic movie fashion, Crazy Li'l Bastard is portrayed as a bumbling idiot. His robes are too long, he has a silly sounding voice, his hat is on the wrong way, and he's as dumb as a post. ] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Uhhh...we still haven't found that ring thing yet. You want us to keep looking? Iverach: YES, YOU DOLT!! [smacks Crazy Li'l Bastard across the room with one sweep] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Ow, that hurt. Why don't you just use your super powers to locate it? Iverach: Because, like all great villian geniuses, I need to have useless flunkies do my work for me. Then, when I lose, I can blame them! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Okay, that's nice and all, but why don't you just win in the first place? Iverach: Because I'm not allowed to! UHUHUHUH! Oh, yeah...I really should ask my agent about that. Crazy Li'l Bastard: I'll be leaving now. [Crazy Li'l Bastard leaves. Iverach walks over to the pictures of WoRMS! characters and starts talking to Necrophiliac's picture again.] Iverach: Soon it will all be over, my young apprentice. You have fought well, but not well enough. I have much revenge to get, yes I do. It all started in Second Semester, when the juniors made their last stand against me... [scene fades to darkness. Everything is peaceful. Iverach is shown in overalls, tending to his garden while his army of darkness is busy playing games, talking and sleeping in the sun. Suddenly, clouds loom overhead and an angry mob appears at his door.] Cripple: It is time to be smited, dark lord! Iverach: Me? What did I do? I was just planting flowers in my garden! Cripple: No more gardens for you, or your orcs! Iverach: Don't make fun of my friends! They're just different! [the mob mercilessly kills everyone in the garden] Iverach: But... But, surely we can work something out? Cripple: No deals, dirtbag. You die, scum! [Iverach is killed, the ring is taken, and all fades back to the Dark Tower throne room.] Iverach [to Necrophiliac's picture]: And if wasn't for that day, I wouldn't be the mean monster that I am now! So there! And you'll pay for this, Necrophiliac - you'll pay! [Iverach begins laughing insanely while wielding a huge sword.] [The doorbell rings] Iverach: I wonder who that could be? Oooh! Girl scout cookies! [opens the door] Old Man Wyman: Good evening, Mr. Bond. Iverach: What? It's only episode 22. Isn't it a tad early for you to be here? Old Man Wyman: Oops, I knew I should have waited a bit longer. Iverach: Oh well, let's have a scene where I try to persuade you to join my evilness. Old Man Wyman: Sounds good to me. Iverach: But, you'll have to leave your ridiculously long sandwich outside. Old Man Wyman: Wow, this place must be evil. Iverach: Well, that's beside the point. I brought you here to tell you to help me get the Ring or die. Old Man Wyman: Isn't that a bit blunt? I thought you were supposed to charm me into helping you. Iverach: Yeah, well, I just don't feel like it. You gonna help me or am I gonna have to bash your head in? Old Man Wyman: Why are you doing this? Surely you realize that the Ring must be destroyed! If not, we are all doomed! Iverach: Yes, but if we use its powers, we could take over the world! Old Man Wyman: That sounds tempting, but will there be any ridiculously long sandwiches? Iverach: Of course not! Old Man Wyman: Then I cannot help you! You have become evil, Iverach! Evil and twisted! Iverach: I already told you that at the beginning. Old Man Wyman: Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. Anyway, I will be leaving now Iverach: I don't think so. [he pulls out a lightsabre] Old Man Wyman: I see your lightsabre is as long as mine (nmiaow). Let's see how you handle it! [a time consuming lightsabre battle begins. In the end, Iverach wins and captures Old Man Wyman] Iverach: Sleep lightly, foo'. When you awake, you will be placed in my Roof of Easy Escapes!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA! ACK ACK! Damn phlegm. -- 24/07/01 >Old Man Wyman: That sounds tempting, but will there be any ridiculously long sandwiches? Iverach: Of course not! Old Man Wyman: Then I cannot help you! You have become evil, Iverach! Evil and twisted! ---------- Episode 23 "Dude, where's my storyline?" ---------- Additional Characters: [scene suddenly changes to psychiatrist's office. Dumbass McGee is lying on the couch] Dumbass McGee: Doctor, I have these terrible feelings of inadequacy. I've been trying to get in touch with my inner child, but other peoples' inner children keep threatening to beat me up and take my lunch money. I have these terrible headaches, and I'm nauseous all the time, and I think I have a fever coming. I've never been able to establish a healthy relationship with any woman other than my mother, who heaps this terrible guilt on my head because I didn't fulfill her dream of my becoming either a rabbi or French chef. I have this terrible fear of being sexually unattractive to women. I think about death all the time, and I wonder if life is just a meaningless void of horror and despair, like an evening of watching CBC. Psychiatrist: I see. Dumbass McGee: Well, I don't! What am I talking about? This dialogue doesn't seem right for the story. And where am I? Psychiatrist: New York, of course. It's the best place to be Jewish, neurotic, miserable and sexually frustrated. Dumbass McGee: I'm none of those things! Why are we interrupting the story? Where's the director? Where's Johnny? Psychiatrist: He's getting a root canal. Woody Allen is filling in. Dumbass McGee: Well, he's all wrong for this story! And I don't have time for analysis! Psychiatrist: Ah, then! You don't feel inadequate? Dumbass McGee: Of course I do! I'm supposed to save the world, for cryin' out loud! Who wouldn't be inadequate? Psychiatrist: Tell me about your feelings. Let's do inadequacy first, then take the others alphabetically. Dumbass McGee: Well, I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, which in fact it is. And sometimes...hey! Are we in black and white? Psychiatrist: Yes. Very artsy. You'll also notice, if you look around, that the room is filled with Freudian symbols, Art Deco and references to modern literature. This is comedy, but it's comedy for really smart people. You watch it, then you discuss it over espresso. Dumbass McGee: But it's just a movie! Psychiatrist: It's not a movie! It's a film. Dumbass McGee: It was a movie when we started! And it wasn't intellectual comedy, it was fantasy! Psychiatrist: Ah, fantasies. Tell me about your fantasies. Don't be embarassed. Dumbass McGee: Are you referring to Brie? Well, that's a load of shit, pal! Damn that Johnny, shooting off his mouth! I'm outta here! [storms out] Woody Allen: Cut! That's a wrap. Add a little Dixieland jazz, it'll be okay. Where's my wife? Gee, I hope she didn't miss the school bus! [just as Dumbass McGee is leaving, The Crocodile Hunter enters, looking very paranoid] [back at Iverach's dark tower...] Old Man Wyman: Oh dear, how will I escape? Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life on this accursed roof? Will I starve to death? Will my liver be eaten out by buzzards? Oh, woe is me! [he notices a sign, saying "Emergeny Exit". He walks down the stairs back outside] Old Man Wyman: What's up with that? Iverach: Fire regulations, and hey! Get back up there! You're supposed to die a slow and horrible death! Old Man Wyman: Never! [begins walking out] AHAHAHAH! No prison can hold me! [he hits his head on the gate] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! [the scene changes again. this time, our heroes are hitch hiking down the TransCanada] Murley: See? I KNEW we should have stopped for gas, but NOOO, we just had to use the last of our money to buy that ridiculously long sandwich. Necrophiliac: It was good while it lasted. Johnny: Speaking of which, I'm getting pretty hungry. Pot Roast: Don't look at me. K+K: Look! Ma hunny, Keith! [sure enough, they see Dude Guy walking towards them] Nerdboy: I thought you were dead! Dude Guy: Well, apparently, Johnny has big plans for me. Maybe even a starring role! K+K: Keith, ma luv! Dude Guy: K+K! [they embrace. There is a loud cracking sound] Dude Guy: Owww! My eyelid!!! K+K: Sorry about dat. Pink Ranger: Well, let's continue our adventure. Crocodile Hunter: G'day mates! All: Hi, Dr. Nick! Crocodile Hunter: I'm just back from the psychiatrist! I have conquered my fear of dying. I mean, it's not like a giant boulder is fall out of the sky and crush me, right? [a giant boulder falls out of the sky and crushes him. The adventurerers continue walking down the road, only to be attacked by orcs.] Necrophiliac: Poor cretins! Now I must show my true power to fend them off. Watch out, guys! [He concentrates with an intense look on his face. His veins become livid as he grunts and tenses up all his muscles. His face becomes red, he is breathing heavily. Then, as he goes to unleash his true power, all there is is a fart.] Murley: Huh? What true power? Necrophiliac: I have it, I just know! I just don't know how to show it, that's all. K+K: Ah vil take care of zis. [she takes a ridiculously long sandwich and slaughters all of the orcs.] Lavalamp Lord: Well, that settles that problem. Now all we need is ALE! AAAAALLLLLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Murley: Uh huh. Hey, where's Johnny and Hot Stuff? [Johnny and Hot Stuff emerge from the woods, looking disheveled.] Johnny: Obligatory love scene #4 of 248. All: Ohhhhh. [scene cuts to the dark castle] Iverach: Where is that stupid little kid? [Crazy Li'l Bastard stumbles into room, trips over his own robe and falls over. He gets to his feet and speaks.] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Uh, here I am boss! Iverach: Any news on the Ring? Crazy Li'l Bastard: Hey, that's funny that you asked that! See, my buddies and me were going down to the River to get some beers, but then Beaulio said - and you know what a kidder he is - that we should re- [Iverach leaps off his throne and smacks Crazy Li'l Bastard across the room again.] Crazy Li'l Bastard: OUCH! Iverach: Oh, stop that! You're sounding like Old Man Wyman! Now find me that RING!!! [Crazy Li'l Bastard scurries out. Iverach walks over to the picture of Necrophilac and starts talking to it again.] Iverach: Soon, your time will be up, my little Jedi! [Iverach draws a funny mustache on Necrophiliac's picture and then begins laughing insanely while waving a huge sword around.] -- 25/07/01 >Where's my wife? Gee, I hope she didn't miss the school bus. ---------- Episode 24 "I Wonder If People Actually Bother To Read This" ---------- Additional Characters: Murley: Gee, I wonder where the pot roast is? Lavalamp Lord: ALLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!! Pink Ranger: Last time I saw him, it was back at that rest stop. I told him he had five minutes to use the bathroom or we'd leave without him! Murley: So we just left behind a valuable pot roast because of his bowel problems? Pink Ranger: Well, I wasn't waiting all day for it! [at the shore of a pond, outside the dark tower] [Iverach meets a little girl] Iverach: Hello, little girl. Little Girl: Hello mister. Iverach: Aren't you afraid of the way I look? Little Girl: No, because I'm an innocent little girl and never met an evil villan, and because my mother always told me to treat kindly the disabled and the undead. Iverach: *sniff* That's very nice of you and your mother. Little Girl: Here, have a flower. Director: Come on! The audience wants blood and guts and needless gore. Iverach, you were supposed to kill that girl! Remember, you are a villain! Iverach: I've changed my ways. Director: Why on earth you would want to do so? This scene is very important as it is here to pay homage to the movie Frankenstein. Iverach: In the time when I was dead I studied movie history and learned villains have an unfortunate tendency to lose. So I decided I would be a hero instead. Director: You can't be a hero! What would you do if you were a hero? Iverach: I would liberate all the world. It now suffers under the yoke of cruel tyrants but I would set myself as the supreme ruler and set all things right. Director: And how do you mean to set thing right? Iverach: Outlaw everything I dislike, found a secret police, kill everyone who opposes me... You know, the usual way. Director: I can't say you qualify as hero. You are a villain, admit it. A vicious monster, at least. Iverach: No, I feel like a hero. A misunderstood anti-hero is the farthest I will go. Director: Well, all right. You can keep thinking that, but I won't change the plot because of it. Iverach: I see we start to understand each other. I'll let you have your plot and maybe then you'll get convinced of my good intentions and let me decide the ending. Director: I somehow doubt that, but please go on with your plan. It would be nice to direct in peace. Now go climb that tower to pay homage to the movie King Kong. [back to our heroes...] [everyone is sitting around the camp fire, except for Hot Stuff and Murley (obligatory love scene #5 of 284)] Necrophiliac: What's that light in the distance? Johnny: What? Oh, it's only Crazy Li'l Bastard and an army of orcs coming to savagely murder us. Pink Ranger: Oh, and I'm also supposed to be in a nice lightsabre battle too, right? Johnny: Yep. Pink Ranger: Got any words of wisdom before I go? Johnny: Well, procrastination is a lot like masturbation; it may sound like fun, but in the end, you just realize you're just fucking yourself. Pink Ranger: No, your other words of wisdom. Johnny: Oh, do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer. Pink Ranger: Nevermind. Crazy Li'l Bastard: FUAAHAHA! Am I intruding on your little party, boys? AHAHA! Let me show you...the DOOMSDAY LASER!! AHAHAHAH!! Four years in the making, this killer device will undoubtably kill you all! Release...THE DOOMSDAY LASER!! [nothing happens]...Huh? [he looks back, only to see that during the fifteen seconds he spent talking, K+K has completed killed off his army and has dismantled the laser] K+K: Ah hav killed ze armhy. Crazy Li'l Bastard: Crap. [Then, Pink Ranger and The Pot Roast (who came here out of nowhere) ignite their lightsabres just as the evil minion lights his double-bladed light-staff! Crazy Li'l Bastard leaps towards the two good guys, and the whole scene slows down and becomes a Matrix-like battle as the three exchange blows in slow motion.] Pot Roast: *belch* Man, I should not have had those tacos. [The battle proceeds insanely, with the heroes running up trees, leaping across absurd distances, and tossing fireballs at each other whenever they have a free hand. Suddenly, The Pot Roast IS CUT DOWN!] Pot Roast: Avenge me, brother! [disappears, leaving only robes behind] [scene changes to bridge above bottomless pit] Crazy Li'l Bastard [Removing his sunglasses that were not there in the previous scene]: I will enjoy watching you die, Pink Ranger! [They then proceed to have to a lightsabre duel much like that in The Empire Strikes back. Crazy Li'l Bastard cuts off the top of Pink Ranger's hat, but the battle continues. Then, Pink Ranger cuts off Crazy Li'l Bastard's hand, and his staff falls into the pit.] Pink Ranger: I am the winner now. You will now be cast from the character rosters of WoRMS! Crazy Li'l Bastard: Father?... [Crazy Li'l Bastard falls into the bottomless pit. Pink Ranger returns to the party, carrying The Pot Roast's staff] Pink Ranger: Well, perhaps this staff will be useful, should another Jedi arise. Yoda: Always two there are, yes... A master and his apprentice... Pink Ranger: Yeah, I know that. I've still gotta kick Iverach's rear! K+K: Sorry, but zat iz ma job. Johnny: Actually, it's Necrophiliac's. And I wrote this damned thing, so I should know. Murley [after obligatory love scene #6 with Hot Stuff]: Look! It's Old Man Wyman! Old Man Wyman [carrying bundle]: These are the Sausages of Justice, the Pot Roast as was. Processed, they have been sent back, until their sell by date has passed. The Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: This calls for a Bud Lite! -- 25/07/01 >So we just left behind a valuable pot roast because of his bowel problems? ---------- Episode 25 "The Comeback of the King" ---------- Additional Characters: Jerry Seinfeld - Himself [Entire cast and crew sitting around eating ridiculously long sandwiches. Cameras not rolling. The actor playing The Master of Seduction pulls off his masking, revealing that he is actually an eighty year old, chain- smoking, alcoholic, bald midget.] Actor playing The Master of Seduction: Hey Johnny! What in the bloody hell is going on? Why are we all just sitting around eating ridiculously long sandwiches? Johnny [face turns red]: Our main writer escaped from his cell last night, er, I mean, quit. Yes, quit, that's it. No need for the Writer's Union to start investigating our trade practices. [laughs nervously] We've got another one coming in soon, some Steinfield guy. [Scene cuts to a car cruising across the highway. Tons of luggage, etc. is piled on the roof. Chocolate wrappers are strewn across the front seat. Driving the car is none other than Jerry Seinfeld. A ridiculously long sandwich is in one hand. Tiring of a long days drive, Jerry pulls into a rest area. He gets out to stretch. Nearby, four small children, dressed suspiciously like the kids from SouthPark, are playing. One of the kids, who looks like Cartman, comes over to him] Kid Who Looks Like Cartman: Ehh, ahem, excuse me dude. Do you think I can have a bite of that ridiculously long sandwich, to go with my cheesy poofs? [Jerry eyes the kid suspiciously, then smacks him across the face with his ridiculously long sandwich] Kid Who Looks Like Cartman: Maaaaaarm!!! This dude just hit me on the head with his ridiculously long sandwich!!! [Jerry notices the other kids are messing with his car. Suddenly, the Crocodile Hunter falls off the top of the car and lands on a kid that looks like Kenny.] Kid Who Looks Like Stan: Oh my God! They've killed the Crocodile Hunter! You bastards!...Oh, and Kenny's dead, too. Woman Who Looks Like Kyle's Mom: Get him! Jerry: Oh shit. [he fights his way through the mob with his ridiculously long sandwich and drives away] [back to the story! Necrophiliac is standing at the Fires of Doom, ready to throw the ring in] Necrophiliac: I am ready to throw the ring in. [he throws the ring in] [the ring bounces back out] [he throws the ring in again] [it bounces out] [he throws the ring in again] [it bounces out] Necrophiliac: Dammit! Dungeon Master From the Old Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon Show: Fools! Don't you know that the Ring gets a +10 bonus to its saving throws vs. destruction when you attempt to destroy it here?" Necrophiliac: er...no. Pink Ranger: See? I told you you should have played D&D more! Necrophiliac: Hey, I just got sick of you sending those beholders at us all the time! Anyway, Dungeon Master, what are we should we do? Dungeon Master: Well, normally, I'd answer with some silly riddle, but the tavern's going to open up soon and I am in no mood for stupid games. You must destroy it at the dark tower itself. Necrophiliac: Ok, but how would the ring end up back here? Dungeon Master: You must flush it down the Dark Lord's toilet, then it will be sent here without the saving throws bonus! Now, I'll be leaving. Murley: Hey! You never did get those other heroes home in that old TV show - why should we trust you? Dungeon Master: Got any better ideas? Necrophiliac: He's got a point there. [they head off to the dark tower] [scene changes to K+K and Dude Guy, who've suddenly gotten separated from the rest of the group. The camera zooms to their upper bodies. The scenery is plain light gray and doesn't seem to move at all.] K+K [on a horse, nmiaow]: Ah am going to beat you to da dark tower! Dude Guy: No way! [they ride a bit faster, but neither can outdistance the other one bit] K+K: Zis is very strange. [suddenly, her horse stops! Regardless of that her relative distance to Dude Guy stays unchanged!] Dude Guy: I have a quarter in here somewhere. That might help. [He puts the quarter somewhere in K+K's horse's belly and it starts galloping again. When he draws himself up again his lips meet K+K's. They kiss. Soppy 'N Sync music starts to play.] [K+K takes a rock and throws it at them. It goes through all the members of 'N Sync that had started to perform nearby. They die and the music stops a little later when someone turns the playback off.] [Dude Guy and K+K continue kissing. Two singing birds pattern-fly with heart-pattern above them. After a longish time the birds have completely exhausted themselves and sit sulking on the couple's shoulders. Finally K+K and Dude Guy tire of kissing.] K+K: Ve must find za way to da dark tower! Zere is zomethin wrong with zese horses. Dude Guy: I have an idea. [He takes two pairs of sneakers from his bag.] Dude Guy: These are Nike sneakers(tm). I would never product place any other sneakers because these sneakers are the BEST. Nike sneakers(tm) make you run fast like the wind. Nike sneakers(tm) - for athletic living! [They put the sneakers on and dismount. The camera zooms outwards revealing that the gray scenery was just boring paint on a wall and the place is a mall somewhere and the horses were all the time coin-operated mechanical toy horses. A crowd of small children is lined up to wait for their turn in riding the horses.] Some Guy: About time! You should quit hogging! [back to Necrophiliac...] Necrophiliac: I am so very weary.... Murley: Yeah, so am I, but you don't see me complaining. Just why is it you are the hero of this drivel again? Necrophiliac: Because I bribed Johnny. Pink Ranger: Here, let's get back to crawling across this same bit of empty wasteland so that people don't realize that the Dark Tower is only 10 feet away from the cracks of doom. Murley: Oh goodie. We're here. Necrophiliac: Yes, but the vast gates to the Dark Tower are locked shut - we'll never get inside! Murley: *Sigh* Haven't you learned anything at all about villians in all of our adventures? Let me show you...HEY!! HEY, EVERYONE!!!! We are the heroes who have come here to face the great and powerful Iverach! [a little portal opens in the door and a man sticks his head out] Some Guy: Nobody sees the great Iverach - nowhere, nohow! Necrophiliac: But we are heroes - don't we merit the usual senseless opening of the main gates so as to better destroy us? Some Guy: Well, I suppose, though it is lunch break for most of the Orcs. I'll see what sort of nasties I can come up with to destroy you. Just wait by the main gate and we'll be opening it soon. [not long after, the main gate opens. A dozen ninjas walk out, looking fearsome] Dumbass McGee: I have a bad feeling about this. [the ninjas surround our heroes] Hot Stuff: Wait, I've got an idea! [she takes her top off] [the ninjas gawk at her] Ninjas: mmm....swwet sweet can - sweet can....mmm.... Hot Stuff: Hurry! Destroy the ring while we distract them! Necrophiliac: All right! Girl With British Accent: All right! Old Man Wyman: All right...mmm...sweet - can - sweet sweet can... Hot Stuff: Cut it out! You're supposed to be helping me! [hits him on the head] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! [Necrophiliac and Murley rush into the tower] Murley: Well. That was like something from a tale! Wait till I tell The Other Master of Seduction back at home about this! [Necrophiliac has a queer look in his eye as they navigate the hallways of the dark tower, seeking Iverach's most private chamber. His breathing is laboured, and blood drips from his neck. He grips the wall and forces himself onward] Necrophiliac: Murley, we are near Iverach's private quarters... the ring is so heavy... I can feel his presence.... Murley: Necrophiliac, we must be almost there... wait! look! [He points to a door with the silhouette of a little man on it] Murley: Phew! No one here! Our luck is-- [suddenly, Iverach leaps from behind and knocks him out! The screen goes dark. After a moment, we see, from Murley's point of view, things come back into focus. He lying on the threshhold of a vast men's room, with many stalls] Murley: I've never seen so many stalls in a *men's* room! Where is Necrophiliac? [he begins opening each stall, calling for Necrophiliac] [As the last stall creaks open, we see Iverach, sitting on the toilet.] Iverach: Unnnggghhhhh....Anyone got some Immodium? Ugghhhnnnn!!!!! Murley: AHHHHHHH!!! [he flushes Iverach down the toilet. Then, he notices Necrophiliac in the next stall] Murley: Necrophiliac! We made it! Necrophiliac [in a strong voice]: Yes, Murley! It is I! You can tell the Ring is controlling my mind, because no one normally says "It is I!" They say "It's me!" which is grammatically incorrect! Now that I have come this far, I do not choose to be grammatically incorrect! And I also do not choose to do what I came to do-- [he pauses, turns to Murley, voice returning to normal for a moment] Murley: Necrophiliac! [The madness grows in Necrophiliac's face, and he turns fully towards Murley, clutches the ring, and clicks his heels together three times] Necrophiliac: There's no place like-- [Suddenly Dumbass McGee leaps over the top of the neighboring stall, landing on Necrophiliac! At the same time, Murley springs forward and grabs Necrophiliac!] Necrophiliac: No!!!!! 'Tis my precioussssssss!!!!!!!1 Murley: I *must* bring Necrophiliac back to his senses. But I can't figure out how. The Gaffer always said... Some Guy: Murley, you ninnyhammer! Stop thinking about what Gaffer said and think about what he used to DO to you! Murley: Oh yeah. [pulls giant frying pan out of backpack] Necrophiliac: I AM THE DARK LORD NOW!! AHAHAHAHAHAH! [Murley smacks him in the head with the pan and flushes the ring down!] Necrophiliac: Precioooouuuuuussssssssssssssssssssssss....... [There is a moment's silence. Then a tower of smelly water bursts from the toilet, and the bathroom begins to crumble.] Dumbass McGee: We're doomed! [suddenly, the door bursts open! It is K+K to the rescue!] K+K: Com vith me! [punches a hole in the wall and carries them to safety] The Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: And so, our heroes have destroyed the one ring and saved the world. What adventures await them now? Well, you'll just have to find out in Part 6 of the WoRMS! Saga! And remember, Merry Christmas everyone! -- 30/07/01 >All right...mmm...sweet - can - sweet sweet can... .:|WoRMS! Part Six|:. top ---------- Episode 26 "Necrophiliac Goes Grave Robbing" ---------- -- By Necrophiliac Additional Cast: Necrophiliac: Ahhhhhh nothing like a nice warm day, for a walk in the graveyard hahahahhahahaha Wait a minute, it is the middle of the afternoon. I guess I will have to find something better to do. [Necrophiliac stumbles upon Pink Ranger, Murley, the Master of Seduction, and Johnny] Johnny: sup? Necrophiliac: not much just chillen Johnny: cool Pink ranger: I found a moon rocket in my nose! Murley: hahaha you fools!!! Now it is time for me to show my true power Ahhhhhhh- uhhhh -ahooeuh..[Sounds of flatuatuation] [A stench of rotten eggs mixed with a strange unknown scent enfolds the group of bored people] [The whole group looks at Murley with suspicion] Murley: ...Ah well I decided against it [nervous laughter] You would all die if I REALLY showed my true power! Necrophiliac: Sure Murley, sure. [Silence enfolds the crowd] The Master Of Seduction: yes Natalie is hot!! Pink Ranger: huh? The master of seduction: just thinking of her sweet- sweet can- Sweet - sweet can- [The master of seduction walks away drooling and mumbling incoherently] [Murley farts again] Pink Ranger: Hey!! It was my turn! [Li'l Nicky comes out of nowhere] Li'l Nicky: shut up, Pinkie [He then leaves magically] [The Crocodile Hunter appears out of nowhere] [Johnny pulls out a 22 calibre rifle and shoots him in the head] Murley: you bastard you killed him..wait a minute.that is good. Johnny: I am really getting bored with that bastard! Necrophiliac: but you put him in all these stories! Johnny: oh yeah. oh well. We can still blame Pink ranger! Murley and Necrophiliac: YAH!!!!!!!!!! [they continue to shun him] Pink ranger: Hey! This isn't fair you guys are ganging up!! Johnny: Hey, he has a point. oh well, it is still fun. Pink ranger: Yah can't we just get along Murley: oh shut up [They continue to verbally beat him until he leaves] Necrophiliac: well now that, that has been taken care of we can get down to business Murley: business? Johnny: we have no business Necrophiliac: oh yeah.(farts) [The whole gang continues to fart until they are out of "gas"] [a passer-by dies from the stench of all the farting] Necrophiliac: SWEET!...I mean, darn a person died hehe Johnny: uhh-huh. well anyway... Murley: to bad this story has no plot. Necrophiliac: Oh well, you bums get out of here so I can continue my great story Murley and Johnny: yes sir [They magically dissipate] [Necrophiliac goes over to the body hoping to have some fun but finds the body just a skeleton because the stench tore the flesh of her] Necrophiliac: oh well...there will be others [The body of the crocodile Hunter rises and somehow he is alive again] The crocodile hunter: hahahaha you will never defeat me! [Dumbass mcgee jumps out of nowhere and rips his testicles off and runs away] The crock hunter: damn, I hate when that happens [He leaves the area] Necrophiliac: okay this is getting boring, need some fun. Just thinking of a rotting corpse siting there...Just waiting for me... [Necrophiliac leaves] [somehow time passed and it is midnight] Necrophiliac: ah nothing like a stroll in the graveyard [he walks up the path, avoiding guards as he looks for a newly dug grave] [he hears a noise] Necrophiliac: What the hell is that? [he walks over a hill to see Bill Clinton having some "fun with a corpse"] Necrophiliac: Mr. Former president? Bill: we are always the people you would least suspect. Necrophiliac: uh-huh.what about Monica? Bill: a cover up Necrophiliac: is that so? Bill: define "is" Necrophiliac: no [Necrophiliac leaves feeling extremely disturbed] [as he walks he sees a dead corpse just sitting there] Necrophiliac: Hell yes, I am having good luck tonight! [He pulls off his shirt to reveal a women's bathing suit] Necrophiliac: hehehe...it's not how it looks! [he says to the corpse, don't ask!] Necrophiliac: shut up narrator, I want the most lines! [Yes your weirdness] Necrophiliac: that is more like it. Now time for some fun! [He does so] [Somehow, again time passes] Necrophiliac: a good haul tonight [Cripple comes out of nowhere] Cripple: Lordy Lordy! I am open for fun! Take me, I will be your sex slave! Necrophiliac: uhhhhhhhhh [Necrophiliac shoots cripple in the leg and runs away] Cripple: NO!!!!! Not again. Special thanks to: Mike "Johnny" Wong for letting me post this on his page!!! ---------- Episode 27 "Different Dimensions" ---------- Additional Cast: It's a surprise...heheh [the gang is eating lunch at the WRHS cafeteria] Necrophiliac: Yum, this pizza-flavoured cardboard is the best! Li'l Nicky: I know! And this processed milk-like beverage cannot be beat! The OTHER Master of Seduction: Anyone tried the hamburgers here yet? The Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: No, I'm allergic to ham. Murley: Shouldn't be a problem; it's made from soy beans. Beaulio: ....and so are our french fries...and our roast beef....and our soups....and our roast beef.....and our chicken.... Pink Ranger: Yeah, but it's still good. Idoit: Hey, wait a second! This food sucks! Murley: You're right! And what the hell are we doing eating in the cafeteria? We don't even have one! Li'l Nicky: Guys, I just noticed something. Where's Dumbass McGee? [scene cuts to a school. it looks like WRHS, but something's just not right...] Dumbass McGee: I think I took the wrong bus this morning...Oh well, I'm famished, must buy lunch! [he walks into the school...] [a few hours later...] Johnny: Anyone seen K+K lately? Li'l Nicky: I saw her last night (nmiaow) Pink Ranger: I found a crayon! (meant in every obscene way possible) All: Sicko! [Old Man Wyman walks in] [he hits his head on the way in] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! [Dumbass McGee walks in] Gerg: Where were you? Dumbass McGee: Well, I caught the wrong bus this morning, and... All: And...? Dumbass McGee: And I found a different school. All: A different school? Dumbass McGee: Yeah, it's like WRHS, only different. They call it...HWRHS. All: HWRHS? Dumbass McGee: Yeah. [the next day, Dumbass McGee doesn't show up for school again] [he is in the HWRHS cafeteria, with some other people] Dumbass McGee: So, who are you people? Some Guy: My name is Jonny. Right now, I'm writing a story, a...saga, you know? About life here. I'm thinking of calling it....HWoRHS! Some Other Guy: And my name's Smartass MacGee. I'm a real lady's man. Some Girl: They call me J+J, who are you? Dumbass McGee: I'm Dumbass McGee. I came from WRHS. [some teachers walk in] Jonny: Well, you see that guy who can't stop smiling? We call him Mr. Sad. Smartass MacGee: There's our principal, Admiral Lockes. J+J: And that's Young Man Whyman. [back at WRHS] Dumbass McGee: I'm telling ya, it's like the bizarro world over there! Everything's the same, only different. Johnny: Don't be scaring us; there can only be one WRHS. Frizzle Fry: Yeah, ya little shit. Dumbass McGee: I donno...I kinda like it over there. At least they don't swear at me, you evil people! I don't think I'll be coming back. [leaves] Necrophiliac: Good riddance. Murley: So.... The Master of Seduction: Uh.... Pink Ranger: How's the weather lately? Johnny: Something's not right... The Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: He stole our ridiculously long sandwiches! All: Gasp! Murley: Let's get him, boys! [they all leave for HWRHS] Necrophiliac: Let's split up. Murley: All right, meet here in an hour. [they all split up] Lavalamp Lord: I don't like this one bit. Everyone's sober...and the fire hydrants are yellow...YELLOW!!!! STOP THE MADNESS!!! LLOLOLOL! Johnny: Calm down, before they spot us. Gerg: Look! I see people ahead of us! Hide! Some Guy: I can't believe you got honours with distinction again, Jumbo Flynni. What's your secret? Jumbo Flynni: Don't worry, Jonny. You'll get honours one of these days. Johnny: ...my God, this place is evil... [scene changes to Nerdboy, searching a dark corridor] Nerdboy: I am searching a dark corridor. Some Guy: Boo! Nerdboy [cowering in fear]: Is this the end of the great Troy Young? Some Guy: What? But I thought my name was Troy? Nerdboy: I'm not the only one? Some Guy, apparently named Troy: [bursts into tears] Brother! [scene changes to the Crocodile Hunter and Pink Ranger] Pink Ranger: So, as I was saying..why, look! Is that the Blue Ranger? [an anvil falls on the Crocodile Hunter] Pink Ranger: Crocodile Hunter! Crocodile Hunter!!!! Noo!!!!! Man down! Abort! Necrophiliac: He said abort! Let's go back, Johnny! Pink Ranger: Abort! Abort! Johnny: No, we must find that ridiculously long sandwich! Necrophiliac: Dammit. [they meet up with Dumbass McGee and his new gang] Johnny: Hello...Dumbass McGee. Dumbass McGee: Hello...Johnny. Jonny: Who are these people? J+J: Yeah, who are they? Necrophiliac: Who are you? Dumbass McGee: Ignore them, let's go. [he drops his ridiculously long sandwich] Crap! I dropped my ridiculously long sandwich! Smartass MacGee: Gasp! You said a bad word!!! My virgin ears!!!!! Dumbass McGee: What? I don't understand! J+J: You said crap!!! You swore!! Dumbass McGee: No, I didn't! J+J: You said crap! You said crap! You said crap! You said crap! Jonny: You're baaaaad! Dumbass McGee: [starts to cry] No...no....friends? Admiral Lockes: He swore!?!? That's it! You're a bad influence! OUT! Dumbass McGee: Waah. -- 02/08/01 >You said crap! You said crap! You said crap! You said crap! ---------- Episode 28 "In Bed" ---------- Additional Cast: The OTHER OTHER Master of Seduction - Darcy Caldwell [scene: the junior gym, lined with beds. It is night] Mr. Smiley: Dumbass McGee, I hope you've learned your lesson, you trouble maker. Dumbass McGee: I have -- The OTHER OTHER Master of Seduction: ...In bed. heheh Dumbass McGee: Shut up!...or I'll shut you up! -- Necrophiliac: ...in bed.... Cripple: ...with Pink Ranger... Pink Ranger: YES! With Pink Ranger! Dumbass McGee [whines]: Guys! Be nice! -- Murley: In bed. Lavalamp Lord: With Pink Ranger. The Master of Seduction: Forever. The OTHER Master of Seduction: And ever. Li'l Nicky: Amen. Dumbass McGee: Waah. Why must you mock me? Dannie: In bed. Pit Pony: All the time. Teacherman: With Pink Ranger. Capt'n Keyes: Forever. K+K: Ahnd eva. Hot Stuff: AMEN! [everyone looks her way. Party sounds are emanating from her bed...(meant in every obscene way possible)] Johnny: Wow! There's a party in this bed and everyone's invited! [dives into the bed] Cripple: Lordy Lordy! I am open for fun! Take me, I will be your sex slave! Dumbass McGee: But sexual references are immoral!...and why would you want to get in bed with a girl? That's where cooties come from!!!! [he runs around the room, ranting and raving at everybody] [Old Man Wyman hits his head on the way in] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! Someone ought to move that beam on the middle of the doorw - Hey! Is she topless!? Mmmm...sweet sweet can... Dumbass McGee: Nooo! Why doesn't anyone listen to me???? [suddenly, a beam of light shines down from the ceiling. It's a UFO! Mini Flynni falls out of the UFO and lands on Dumbass McGee] The Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: He's back! All: Ack! Realm Ruler: It has become evident that while he is quite an... influential thinker, it is not the influence we desire on our planet... MattL: Yeah, you little @@$%^%&**(^$%#$^&^%^I&*(UGF#$%$#%$#&^%$^@%^!! Realm Ruler: See? Oh, and this time, we're taking away Dumbass McGee! All: Yaysirs! Dumbass McGee: Finally, I'm out of this immoral place! Realm Ruler: After all, we have just perfected our probing technology... Dumbass McGee: What??!!! Nooo!!!! [he is sucked into the space ship (nmiaow)] MattL: Is that a party? Mini Flynni: Mmm...sweet can....sweet sweet... [Iverach walks in] All: Gasp! Iverach: Poor fools, banging away like screen doors in a hurricane... Johnny, Hot Stuff and Dannie: Quiet you. Iverach: Uhh...can I come too? (nmiaow...wait a second, lemme change that. mieowp) Some Guy: Well, grab a brush and join on in! -- 07/08/01 >But sexual references are immoral!...and why would you want to get in bed with a girl? That's where cooties come from!!!! ---------- Episode 29 "No, I will not feel your testicles!" ---------- Additional Cast: The Mistress of Seduction - Kiera Holleman Uraphiliac - Cameron Howatt Murley: Another day, another sandwich. Necrophiliac: Yup... Cripple: Hahoiwg! Zyberg! *snort snort* Sandwich, haha. God: Another day, another medal. Necrophiliac: Yup... Pink Ranger: Another day, another crappy attempt at making an RPG. Necrophiliac: Yup... The Crocodile Hunter [eating a ridiculously long sandwich]: Another day, another death scene. Necrophiliac: Yup... [says this as the Crocodile Hunter keels over and has heart attack] Cripple: Hahoiwg! He died! Zyberg! [passes gas] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: This place is stupid. I'm leaving. [the Ridiculously Long Sandwich crawls away] The Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: Well, you don't see me complaining. [farts] [scene changes to Hot Stuff, Mini Flynni, and The Mistress of Seduction] Hot Stuff: What?! Break up? Mini Flynni: Uh...ya. Hot Stuff: WHY!?! Mini Flynni: Um...here, have a lollipop. Hot Stuff: Oh, cool! [stares at it dumbly] Mini Flynni: I'll be leaving now... Hot Stuff: Shiny.... The Mistress of Seduction: You're an idiot. Hot Stuff: Damn. Murley: You know, Dark Side of the Moon really sucks. Johnny: WHAT?!?!? Murley: Yeah, and I'll have Slim Shady over Led Zeppelin any day. Johnny, Fung Koo, and Frizzle Fry: Get him. Uraphiliac: Yeah, let's gangbang him! [everyone looks at him] Uraphiliac: I mean, let's gangBEAT him. [laughs nervously] Why would *I* be interested in gangbanging him? [everyone continues to stare at him blankly] Uraphiliac: I think I've got some explaining to do. Some Guy: Run! It's Bill Gates and he's the size of King Kong! [the phone rings] The Mistress of Seduction [to the phone]: Hello? Uh...ok. You don't say? Why, come to think of it, I *did* have chicken for lunch. Uh huh...Oh kay... Thanks for calling, buh bye. Dannie: Who was that? The Mistress of Seduction: ...I don't know. I think someone's stalking me again. [everyone turns to Johnny] All: Johnny? Johnny: Hey, that ended a long time ago. I'm a busy man; I'm too busy stalking Hot Stuff, how do you expect me to find the time to stalk The Mistress of Seduction, too -- Oh crap...whoops, I shouldn't have said that... Hot Stuff: Don't worry, I knew all along. [winks at him] Johnny: Huh?...Ohhhhhh...Say, why don't we go somewhere quiet? Girl With British Accent: All right! Johnny: Uh, I was talking to *her* Girl With British Accent: All right! Hot Stuff: Let's get going. [they leave] [Old Man Wyman walks in, hitting his head on the doorframe] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! -- 12/08/01 >Yeah, let's gangbang him! ---------- Episode 30 "Random Insanity" ---------- Additional Cast: Necrophiliac's Live Girl - Courtney Brown [Murley and Pink Ranger are enjoying a game of Risk] Pink Ranger: Aha! There goes South Africa! Murley: Dammit! Pink Ranger: And you'll ever get your men past my stronghold in Egypt! Murley: If only there was another way! Oooh, there goes Mongolia... Pink Ranger: Oh well, I've still got Japan. [Meanwhile, in New York...] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Such a cesspool of stupidity! I'm glad I got outta that place! Some guy: Yo, what it is, homey g flippin' fewl corn dawg! Cab driver: Nyah! Some Other Guy: You wanna piecea pizza? Think I got an extra piece around here somewhere! Yet Another Guy: Eat dis, it's good for you! Random Person: I'm not really very hungry right now. ANOTHER Guy!: Ding-dongs, man, ding-dongs, ding-dongs yo. The First Another guy: What it is witchyoo? You on some kinda diet? That what they teachin' you in that sissy school a yours? Random Person: Back off me, man, back off. The First Another guy: The question is, are you fat, or what? Random Guy: Back off, man, stop it! The First Another guy: You ain't down wit us no more, homey! You ain't fat! Random Person: You ain't fat, you ain't fat, you ain't nothin! YOU AIN'T NOTHIN!*#%@*%#@ Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Hmm. This place clearly has its share of stupidity. I'll take my business elsewhere. [The sandwich takes the next flight to Europe] Pink Ranger: The pink menace is sweeping the world! Victory is emminent! Murley: Never! I still have my most powerful colony! Ukraine! Pink Ranger: The Ukraine! The Ukraine is weak, fool! Some Ukraine Guy: Ukraine not weak! Ukraine STRONG! Pink Ranger: Shut up, we're playing a game here. Some Ukraine Guy: Ukraine not weak! Ukraine STRONG! [The Ukraine Guy takes and axe and hacks through the game board] Murley: Oh shit. [The Ukraine Guy starts chasing them, while waving the axe around menacingly.] Voice: And now then, Johnny, will you tell us why the dialogue is so boring, and monotonous at this point in the story? Johnny: No. Find out yourself. You don't always get what you want. Necrophiliac's Live Girl: I am open for fun! I will be your sex slave! Necrophiliac: Sweet! Necrophiliac's Live Girl: Just kidding! Necrophiliac: Dammit. Hey, why am I getting the feeling that something strange is going to happen? The Master of Seduction: Could it be the ominous music? Necrophiliac: STOP IT, CRIPPLE, OR YOU'RE FIRED! [Cripple stops going, 'ba, bum, ba, bum'] [suddenly, a huge monster leaps out at them] Necrophiliac: What is it? Scotty: It's a hideously mutated KES student! Necrophiliac: How'd you know? Scotty: I donno. Lucky guess. Cripple: Oh my God! That's the second largest hideously mutated KES student I've ever seen! [Necrophiliac dispels excess gases through his rectum] [The hideously mutated KES student drops to the ground, convulsing] Necrophiliac: Oooh! I'm gonna do the autopsy! Johnny: No, you may not feel my testicles! Scotty: Uhh...that was the last episode. Johnny: What? Oh, I mean, no. you may not perform an autopsy on the hideously mutated KES student! Necrophiliac: I don't care, I'm doing it anyway. Johnny: Poor fools! [Necrophiliac steps into the special operation room, where a couple of nurses wait on him.] Necrophiliac: SCALPEL! [Nurse hands him a scalpel.] Necrophiliac: PLIERS! [Nurse hands him some pliers.] Necrophiliac: SPONGE BATH! [Nurse looks at him.] Necrophiliac: Just kidding. Heh heh. (It was worth a shot.) Now here comes the really icky part.... [Necrophiliac pokes around and manages to let loose some purple flesh and stuff. He removes some stuff and reattaches nerves and muscle.] Assistant Doctor: Well, Necrophiliac, you may not realize it, but you just reattached the hideously mutated KES student's brain and spinal nerves to its pelvis. Now the monster will attack people with its hips. Necrophiliac: Oops. Well, how many 14 year olds do you see doing complicated surgery? Nurse: LOOK! THE EYE IS MOVING! Necrophiliac: Oh, well, I think I'll just stand here blankly until the hideously mutated KES student gets off the operation table and swallows us all whole. [The hideously mutated KES student leaps off the operation table and stands still for a few moments. He then gets up and then starts to attack the nurses and the doctors with his hips.] Nurse: AAAAHHH!!!! Assistant Doctor: AAAAHHH!!!! Necrophiliac: AAAAHHH!!!!! ICE CREAM HEADACHE!!!!! [the hideously mutated KES student picks up Necrophiliac and starts gnawing on him] Necrophiliac: AHHHH!!!! It's chewing on my crotch!!! [Meanwhile, the crowd watches the whole operation.] Scotty: Johnny, is this glass bulletproof? Johnny: Yes. Scotty: D'oh! I was going to do this incredible stunt where I gun down the glass, swing through on an electrical wire, grab Necrophiliac, and then successfully crush the Hideously mutated KES student. BUT NO! YOU HAD TO RUIN MY PLANS! Necrophiliac's Live Girl: Don't you think we should do something? He keeps on saying 'IT'S CHEWING ON MY GROIN!' and we all know that's my job. The Crocodile Hunter: I'll save him! Some Guy: LIVE SEX SHOWS! All: Sweet! [everybody rushes outside] Crocodile Hunter: Wait for me! Scotty: We've been had! Where's the live sex show? Cripple: Well, it's live. And it could possibly be a show, but I don't see no sex. Some Guy: Sorry, everybody, but that part got taken out because Dumbass McGeewas offended by the sexual content and he called the editor to have it removed. All: No!!!! Let's kill him! Dumbass McGee: Crap. [The angry mob starts chasing Dumbass McGee down the road. Murley and Pink Ranger, seeing all the commotion, follow the angry mob, while the disgruntled Ukraine guy run after them, while waving his axe menacingly] -- 16/08/01 >Well, it's live. And it could possibly be a show, but I don't see no sex. .:|WoRMS! Part Seven|:. top ---------- Episode 31 "Random Insanity Pt.2" ---------- --By Johnny and Necrophiliac Additional Cast: [As we last left off, Dumbass McGee was being chased by an angry mob for censoring the live sex shows, Murley and Pink Ranger were running after that same mob, hoping to get lost in the crowd while they, in turn, were being persued by the Ukraine guy waving his axe about menacingly] Necrophiliac: AHHHHH!!!! IT'S CHEWING ON MY CROTCH!!! The Hideously Mutated KES Student: Meh. Necrophiliac: Can't I have one thing to myself? [he pulls himself free from the Hideously Mutated KES Student] Necrophiliac: Away! Back with you, evil creature! [nothing happens] [Necrophiliac attempts to show his true power, but only manages to release a cloud of putrid green gas from his anus] Necrophiliac: Oh God, is this the end of the great Necrophiliac? Only chicken can save me now! [a random chicken runs by] Chicken: I am open for fun! Eat me! (nmiaow) Necrophiliac: ....mmmm...sweet sweet...Hey! Get back here! [Necrophiliac follows after the chicken in a desperate attempt to find his true power, while being chased by the Hideously Mutated KES Student. The Crocodile Hunter notices the chase and realizes that it would help boast the ratings for his TV show, so he decides to film the Hideously Mutated KES Student and Necrophiliac. Dumbass McGee sees the Crocodile Hunter, and goes in his general direction hoping to get some help, while being chased by an angry mob for censoring the live sex shows. Murley and Pink Ranger continue running after that same mob, hoping to get lost in the crowd while they, in turn, are being persued by the Ukraine guy waving his axe about menacingly] Ukraine Guy: Ukraine not weak! Ukraine STRONG! Murley and Pink Ranger: AHHHH!!! Mob: SEXXX SHOWS!!!!!!111 Dumbass McGee: Please, friends? AHHHHH!!!! Crocodile Hunter: Now watch as this Hideously Mutated KES Student runs after it's prey. Notice how.... The Hideously Mutated KES Student: Meh. Necrophiliac: Here, chicken chicken chicken... Chicken: You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man! [Suddenly, for no apparent reason, a giant barbeque appears under the chicken. Necrophiliac comes to a halt to pick it up and eat it, The Hideously Mutated KES Student didn't anticipate that Necrophiliac would stop and trips over the giant barbeque. The Crocodile Hunter plows right into the Hideously Mutated KES Student. Dumbass McGee manages to stop in time, but in doing so, the angry mob catches up to him and proceeds with unleashing their anger on him for cancelling their live sex shows. Murley and Pink Ranger run through the crowd and the Ukraine guy falls over and loses control of his axe. It flies out of his hand and splits the Crocodile Hunter in half] Crocodile Hunter: Arg! My groin! [dies] Ukraine Guy: Ukraine not weak! Ukraine STRONG! [from the distance, there is a rumbling. Necrophiliac looks over to a glass of water. Ripples are forming on the surface. The whole glass begins to tremble. A hurricane of sinew and muscle emerges from the horizon, K+K!] K+K: Ach! Zis violence! Zis baaad! Ukraine Guy: Ukraine not weak! Ukraine STRONG -- [she steps on him.] K+K: Ach! Zis violence! Zis baaad! The Hideously Mutated KES Student: Meh. [she stomps on it for ten minutes. when she's finished, she proceeds to tear the mob apart] Some Guy: I thought you said violence was bad! K+K: Oops. Dude Guy [cowering behind K+K]: That's my girl... Necrophiliac: She's more of a man than you are! Dude Guy: Uh...where are the beers? [over in Europe...] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Hi! Some Guy: Now you in Europe none your stupid American laws exist! Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Hi! Some Guy: Now you in Europe none your stupid American laws exist! Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Hi! Some Guy: Now you in Europe none your stupid American laws exist! Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Hi! Some Guy: Now you in Europe none your stupid American laws exist! [the Ridiculously Long Sandwich gets on a plane, not caring where he's going] -- 20/08/01 >Chicken: I am open for fun! Eat me! (nmiaow) ---------- Episode 32 "Necrophiliac just got home from provincials and had nothing better to do than try and fail to write another so-called episode" ---------- --By Necrophiliac Additional cast: The Ridiculously short sandwich - The Ridiculously short sandwich [For some strange reason there is a fade in, it shows Necrophiliac talking to Murley] Necrophiliac: ...and the Mini-golf!!!!!1 It was unbelievable! It was soooooooooo awesome Murley: Woah! Mini-golf!! They must be like all high tech up there! Necrophiliac: Uhhhhhh well something like that... Murley: Wow to stay at a campground where they have beds, showers, minigolf!! It must have been like you were living in the future; such luxury! [Necrophiliac rambles on about how he was the whole relay team at provincials and how he was the only reason they got medals and a bunch of other lies] [Murley interrupts him in a speech on how they barely lost 3rd place because he was too tired to swim harder] Murley: -wait!... Necrophiliac: what? I was just about to tell how I single handedly opened a can of whoop-ass on Blair Forward! Murley: The girl was eating a sausage with a 2-piece bathing suit? Necrophiliac: ...I said that 10 minutes ago Murley: It is only the best 2 things combined! Women and food!!(drools) Necrophiliac: well I've lost him... [Turns on the T.V.] [The T.V. fades in, into an infomercial staring William Shatner] William Shatner: Now, for a limited time you can buy my book "Sex and William" "Willies Sex Life" and "Kirks New Mission" (mieowp) for an extremely low price!! Most people would sell these books for cents apiece but no! They are worth a lot less, but I will sell them for an extremely large price but I will split the payments to make it seem like a lower price! AND!!!! Yup that's not it!!! I will give you a free juice mixer that doesn't work with no guarantee! And now, I will show you my home movie of me having a live sex show!!... Oh wait! I'm sorry but the sex show is cancelled because of some idiot called Dumbass McGee. Well I am off to kick his ass then kick it again then rip out his vocal cords and feed it to a crocodile! Until next time, I'm William Shatner selling illegal pornography to little kids!! [T.V. fades out and for no reason turns off] Necrophiliac: How old is William anyway? [He looks over to see murley attempting to dial the number that was on the T.V.] Murley: must have books...must get juice maker...must stay sane.... [Murley runs out the door screaming, as naked as the day he was born Necrophiliac: if you are wondering why he was naked, it is because after he started drooling about the sausage, he took off his clothes and well...I think you get my drift (mieowp) [A crowd sighs in relief] Necrophiliac: I guess I will take a walk... [In the sky Very far away] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: man, I wonder where the hell I am going. I had better go talk to the captain [An extremely hot flight attendant walks by, exaggerating her hips and posterior] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: after I attend to some business...Sweet sweet .... Some Guy: Whom are you talking to? Ridiculously Long Sandwich: ...quiet you [Some Guy starts crying, he then opens the window, somehow fits through it and jumps off] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: ...yes...well on to business! Time for somebody to get a whack (mieowp) [Follows flight attendant into a zero g room and emerges a bit later looking like he had a " bite to eat"] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: yes well it was nice eating out, haven't done that in a while! So, where can I find the captain? Extremely hot flight attendant: ummmm...sorry I am blonde...ummmmmm...mmmm ...up in the..*cock*pit....hheheh [Ridiculously Long Sandwich notices the name tag on the attendant...Tegan Tracey. Figures. He goes to the cockpit] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: okay who is the captain here? [The captains chair turns to reveal...tune in next time to find out what this guy really is! NOOOOOOO, I am just joking [The captains chair turns to reveal the..Ridiculously small sandwich!!!!!!! Comic Book Guy from the Simpson's: What is this bizzaro world?? Both sandwiches: no! Comic Book Guy from the Simpson's: oh, well it looks like its back to trying to look at pictures of Captain Janeway naked with a 56 k modem...sadness and woe Murley: I think I will join you Ridiculously Long Sandwich: How did you 2 get here? Murley and Comic Book Guy: Beats me [Disappear into fat air] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Brother, I have been searchin for ya my whole life!!! Ridiculously small Sandwich: Yes brother, as have I, it is so great to..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh [For some reason the airbag pops open and kills the Ridiculously small Sandwich] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooowell.. [Plane starts to spiral towards an unknown island] [Back wherever most of these episodes take place] [Necropheliac is walking around trying to shake the image of murley naked from his mind] Necropheliac: must stay sane...must stay sane...must stay sane... [Suddenly a lot of people are walking with him] Pink ranger: so, what ever happened to your crotch Necropheliac? Necrophiliac: Well like most things it started out with an innocent game of Volleyball. K+K: Volleyball? Where! Take uz to zis Volleyball Necrophiliac's live Girl: Volleyball? Volleyball? WHERE>>>WHERE!!!!!!!! TELL ME!!!!!!!!! Necrophiliac: uhhhhh actually what happened was I ate some chicken and I was mysteriously healed Dude guy: Where is Murley? Necropheliac: Last time I seen him he was attempting to get sex books from William Shatner while wearing no clothes. Pink ranger: So, what happened at provincials? Necrophiliac: Well for some reason I think that will be told by Johnny in another episode. Johnny: it will?...Oh, I mean it will! I better get to work [Johnny takes some out some nerd tape, puts it on his glasses and morphs into... "Ultimate episode writing guy"] Johnny: I vill be back K+K: hey! Zhats my line! [K+K starts to chase Johnny down the street] Fung Koo: I am so hammered... Dude guy: again? Fung koo: so! Necrophiliac: it is kinda strange Fung koo: damn. Oh well Chicken: I am chicken, I kill all!!!!!! [director starts talking to chicken in hushed tones] Chicken: my god!!! I GET EATEN??? I am not the main character!! AH!!! I QUIT! [chicken takes a stogie out of knowhere and starts smoking it] Chicken: I'm out of here Necrophiliac: I can't think of anything, this episode is over. ---------- Episode 33 "_|survivor|_" ---------- Additional Cast: Willy - The Volleyball off of "Castaway" Morgan Knabi - Matt Carson Hermann - Matt Carson...so what if the guy has multiple personalties? that's no reason to laugh at him, you bigot you! You don't see me laughing at YOU! What? Boisterous Burt? What a stupid name!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Pink Ranger: and Necrofealiac can sujjest that you do a porn episode staring courtney.......and Then You Could make an episode where necro...turned and becomes incredbly hornoy for courtney!!!! Johnny: ... Pink Ranger: Common, U Know Thats Funny.... Johnny: no its not Pink Ranger: in bed.... Johnny: Oh god, shut up. Pink Ranger: then its halarious!!!!lolbye........... [leaves] Some Guy: Wait a second! Something's not right! Usually, Johnny's episodes are grammatically correct! AHHH!!!! PANIC!!$#%$#@^ %$^#$&^$#*##@%@#^#&!!! Johnny: Oh, well, that part was an actual conversation on ICQ and I felt that the public deserved to know how perverted Pink Ranger is. Some Guy: Ohhh... Gerg: Perverted? SWEET!!!!...I mean, ah dammit. [over in the Digby 2001 Summer Swimming Provincials...] God: Where the hell is my relay team? Hermann: Perhaps they had a little....accident? Morgan Knabi: Shut up. [the scene changes to the highway, where Johnny, Necrophiliac and Li'l Nicky are hitchhiking] Necrophiliac: I told you we shouldn't have rented a car from Pothier Motors. Li'l Nicky: Oh well. [hours later...] God: Where were you guys? Li'l Nicky: The car broke down. Necrophiliac: Sorry for ruining the relay. God: Don't worry, I swam it alone and got the gold. Li'l Nicky: Cool! Necrophiliac: We've never won a relay before! Johnny: Now, we can tell Pink Ranger that after all these years, it was him slowing us down all along! Pink Ranger: hye,you cantblame me!!!!! Hermann: Yes, we can. Pink Ranger: dmmit! this isnt fareyou guys gangig up on me1 Li'l Nicky: Shut up, Pinky. Pink Ranger: Yeah Well F@%% u 2byebyebyebyebyebybybeybeybeybyebye Johnny: That was strange. Blair Forward: Hey, I just got High Point Male again for the 5th year in a row! Morgan Knabi: ... Johnny: You must be tired...here, have a sports drink. It's on the house... [reaches into cooler and pulls out a bottle of Rain X] Blair Forward: This doesn't look like Powerade.... Johnny: I said *sports drink*, not Powerade. Blair Forward: And what's with this skull on the label? Johnny: It's....uh, for pirates. Blair Forward: But I'm not a pirate. Well, I am a bit thirsty, but this smells like paint thinner. Johnny: It's the nuitrients to help you swim faster. Blair Forward: Okay, then.... [over to the Ridiculously Long Sandwich...] Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Oh dear, we're not in Kansas anymore. Willy: If only Tom Hanks was here... [suddenly, a small furry thing drops out of the tree.] Furry thing: Good evening! Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Who are you? Furry thing: My name is Walter. Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Hello, Walter. Are you stupid? Walter: Ha ha, well, I don't like to think so. Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Because I'm on a quest to find stuff that's not stupid. Walter: I understand. But what is stupidity, anyway? Ridiculously Long Sandwich: What? Walter: I mean, there is always someone smarter than you, so therefore you're pretty stupid yourself. No offense. Ridiculously Long Sandwich: None taken. Walter: The trouble with a quest for something that isn't stupid is that you'll never find it. Everything in the universe is, to some extent, stupid. Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Hmmm Walter: So deal with it. Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Walter, you've shown me The Way. I suppose that now I'll have to return to that cesspool of stupidity they call WRHS. Walter: Oh, can you bring me? Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Well, I -- uh, why? Walter: Mucking about in a tree gets mind-bogglingly boring. Even stupidity would be a nice change of pace. Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Sure. [And so they return to WRHS only to discover a Post-It(tm) note reading "Gone to Digby. Waffles in fridge." So they decide, "Screw WRHS," and leave.] [an ambulance drives by, with Blair Forward in it] Paramedic: This boy's drank enough Rain X to kill an elephant! Other Paramedic: He's started convulsing! Blood pressure rapidly dropping! We're losing him! Paramedic: Get the defribulators out! Clear! Clear! Other Paramedic: I didn't really want to be a paramedic. What I really dreamed of being was...a....Ballerina! [does swan lake] Pink Ranger: i liek pies. Johnny: Hey, wasn't my fault. -- 21/08/01 >Pink Ranger: and Necrofealiac can sujjest that you do a porn episode staring courtney.......and Then You Could make an episode where necro...turned and becomes incredbly hornoy for courtney!!!! ---------- Episode 34 "Writer's Block, back by popular demand!" ---------- Additional Cast: [it is late at night. the crickets are chirping away and the moon is out. Suddenly, an angry mob appears in the horizon. led by Murley, they march to the WRHS building, up to the 27th storey, to the WoRMS Writers Room. They pound on the door. It opens, showing Necrophiliac with a bath robe] Necrophiliac: No, I am not immersed in an orgy of booze and sex at the moment. What do you want? Murley: We're on strike! Necrophiliac: WHAT?! Murley: Yeah, we're sick of the stupid things you make us do in these episodes! Cripple: Amen to that, brother! [turns into a frog] Necrophiliac: You can't go on strike! There'd be no WoRMS! if you went on strike! Dumbass McGee: And I'm sick of being the butt of all these demeaning jokes! [his pants fall off, revealing his disturbingly smooth legs] All: AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHH Dumbass McGee: See? All: AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHH Dumbass McGee: Guys! It's not funny! All: AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHH Dumbass McGee: Stop it! [starts crying] The OTHER OTHER Master of Seduction: In bed! Cripple: All the time! Lavalamp Lord: With Colin! Cripple: Hey! Mini Flynni: Forever! Gerg: And ever! Idoit: And ever! Garrett: And ever! Hot Stuff: AMEN! Murley: ...well, as I was saying, we demand better treatment and --- [a klump kalash salesman walks through] Salesman: Klump kalash! Klump kalash! Murley: Ooooh! [buys a klump kalash] Got any Coke? Salesman: No Coke. Only Crab Juice and Mountain Dew. Murley: Mountain Dew? Eewww....I'll have the crab juice. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, better treatment! Necrophiliac: Better treatment? I give you all the Pampers you could ask for! Gerg: What could we do with Pampers? Johnny [appearing from nowhere]: You are now a two year-old child. Gerg: What? [he is turned into a two year old child] Murley: What? How'd you do that?! Johnny: Uh, I *am*, after all, the main writer. Gerg: Goo goo ga ga Cripple: I don't see that much of a difference! Hahoiwg! [for no apparent reason, Godzilla pops out of the ground and eats the strikers] Murley: Huh? Where am I? Frizzle Fry: Looks like a MacDonald's to me. Murley: Oh, well. Guess I'll have some food. [Walks up to the counter] Cashier: Would you like a McRhino? We guarantee it's McRotten. Murley: Ok [takes a bite]. Heyyyy! I didn't order any McMaggots! [Pink ranger walks in] Pink Ranger: hye, im pnik rangr! all ur bas arbeelong too us! [everyone stares at him] Pink Ranger: wll, anser me1! [everyone stares at him] Murley: I'm bored. Let's kill him. Maybe he'll get stuck inside "Paladin" Lavalamp Lord: That would be a good punishment for making that horrible game! Pink Ranger: I Am Invinsibel! Cashier: Stop fighting and have a McRhino. [Pink Ranger eats it and dies] [Johnny enters] Johnny: I'll let you guys back into the story if you do whatever I want you to. Cripple: Lordy lordy! I am open for fun! Take me! I will be your sex slave! -- 22/08/01 >Dumbass McGee: And I'm sick of being the butt of all these demeaning jokes! [his pants fall off, revealing his disturbingly smooth legs] ---------- Episode 35 "What really happened at Provincials!..more or less" ---------- -- By Necrophiliac Additional cast: Mr.Shaver: Necropheliacs shaver come to life Pissed off pink Ranger- Pink ranger after he realises the relay team got a silver and bronze in the relays and morphs into some strange monster with no real power except its overpowering stench The Friendly Giant- Mark Holloman Johnny: It's Holleman, dammit! How could you spell Kiera's last name wrong!? Necrophiliac: Oops. The Friendly Giant- Mark Holleman [The middle of nowhere] [As in the last episode the illustrious 3 are hitchhiking] Necrophelic: I knew we shouldn't have rented a car from Pothier Motors. Lil nicky: oh well [A biker gang stops at their general location] Johnny: OH MY GOD!!! Its heavens devils Necropheliac: OH! You guys are my biggest fans Top bike leader guy: ..Where you guys going? Lil nicky: We need a drive to Digby, and fast! Johnny: fo sho! Top bike leader guy: oh well come on we will give you a drive, and all it will cost you is your SOUL!!!! Necropheliac: Really? That's all? Cool! [They get on the bikes and get to Digby in a matter of seconds] Lil nicky: How did we get here so fast? Top bike leader guy: You know, most people say us biker gangs are cold hearted and evil, but I have feelings too. [a person from Cheema walks up] Cheema person: Zyberg! [Top bike leader guy pulls out a chain saw and hacks him to death whilst laughing insanely] Johnny: Why did you do that? Top bike leader guy: he looked too much like a mouse! His nose was pointed. Lil nicky: You cruel and heartless man! The least you could have done was kill someone who came from a team that had a chance! Top bike leader guy: HAHAHA now you will lose Provincials [dissapears into a cloud of smoke] Necropheliac: right... Announcer guy: now marshalling event 7ish , long distance whatever you want, whoever shows up gets to swim Pink ranger: eevn me? Announcer guy: no, not you Pink ranger: oh wlel...I Will Just Go Home...Bak into The hole...(nmiaow) [god approches] God: man guys come on! We can win this! We are going to win! [continues to babble will Necropheliac, Johnny and lil nicky pretend to listen] [minitues pass] [more minutes pass] Johnny: OKAY!!!! Just shut up!! Announcer guy: now marshalling...uh, well just somebody show up and swim! God: that's us! [2 hours later] guy: take your mark [BANG] [noise kills half the people in the crowd] gun blower guy: whoops [necropheliac starts swimming] commetary guy: oh, and their off!!! And Necropheliac takes the lead and he is done his 50!!!! In olympic record time!!!!! Now it is lil nickeys turn, he is slowing them down, but they are still ahead, Johnny's turn!!! And and he is keeping it even!!!! Oh and now it is GODS turn!!!! Oh but he is SOOOOOO slow! Oh and bridgewater pulls ahead for the last 25!!! Second place for the Windsor Bluefins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Award guy: and 2nd place goes to the windsor bluefins! [crowd chears] crowd: yahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa�..uhuhuhhu damn flegm [Blair forward aproches] Blair: you guys suck [friendly giant approches] Friendly giant: die Blair! Johnny: no! don't kill him, let him have some sports drink! Necrophilac: yah, here you go Blair! Its called rain-X, its good for you [shoves most of it down his throught] LILnicky: HAHAHAHA Blair: NOOOOOO, friendly giant...ach...I don't have much time...urgg...I am...your uncle..(collapses) Friendly Giant: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Necropheliac: Damn! He is still alive Friendly giant: I will save you uncle! [takes Blair in his arms and carries him to the ambulance and drives away] Lil nicky: I hope he chokes on his jello! Necropheliac: well Johnny, the time has come! Time to shave! Johnny: ahhhhh only smooth legs ahead [Johnny and Necropheliac head towards the bathroom] [they start shaving their legs, but they both suck at it and they cut themselves multiple times] Johnny: damn! This hurts! Necropheliac: my god! The blood is leaking into the shaver! Its coming to life!!!!!! [in a bright flash of white, the shaver starts to dance and sing] Mr.Shaver: ~mr.shaver the bloody guy I like big juicy pies NOT MEANT IN ANY OBSENEEEEEEEEEEEE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Johnny: WOW! What a song Necropheliac: What a cruel and unusual punishment! I am without a shaver Mr.Shaver I am here to grant you 1 wish Necropheliac: WOW! I Wish , I have wanted this my whole life! I wish for a bag of fish heads and cat entrails! Johnny:? Are you sure???? Don't you want something like gold, or something like that? Necropheliac: useless gold??? NO way! With the cat entrails and fish heads I will be on top of the world! Mr.shaver: uh-huh...Well if it is what you want! [poof] [bag appears] [Necropheliacs eyes turn bloodshot and he grabs the bag and runs out of the room whilst laughing insanly] Johnny: can you grant me a wish? Mr.Shaver: no I am sorry but I can't, somewhere there is a gay kid that needs a shave, and I must be there...to make fun of him Johnny: oh [the next day] [the relay team gets third] announcer guy: now, for some reason, we are all done, windsor gets 1st by 10,000 points [back in windsor] pink ranger: whta?/? You Guys got a islver And a rbonze!!!!! Powre up!!!!!!1 [pink ranger farts and then turns into a grotuesque montster] Pissed of Pink Ranger: AH!!! NOW YU WILL ALL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (he then attempts to crush lil nicky) (he fails) lil nicky: you think you can hurt me? (the relay team then gang BEAT him ) Pissed off Pink Ranger: hahaha you can't hrt me...ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....[emits a toxic fume from his prosterieur] [The relay team is quelled and then they run off from the stench] [pissed off Pink Ranger reverts to his origanal form] .:|WoRMS! Part Eight|:. top ---------- Episode 36 "The Really Boring Episode Because We Still Have A Week and A Half until School Starts And Nothing Exciting Is Happening So We've Got No New Ideas" ---------- Additional Cast: Cripple: This little piggie went to the market... This little piggie stayed at home and made a pipebomb... This little piggie had roast beef for supper... This little piggie had NOTHING, SO HE TOOK OUT HIS BIGGEST GUN AND SHOT THE OTHER PIGGIES!!!!!!!! And this little piggie went WEE WEE WEE all the way home... Murley: Another day, another sandwich. aMinal: Quiet day, isn't it? Frizzle Fry: Yep. aMinal: Quiet quiet quiet. Frizzle Fry: Yep. aMinal: No strange people falling out of the sky or anything. Frizzle Fry: Didn't we alreay have this conversation? Back in episode 14? aMinal: Johnny probably just accidently pasted this in while he was working. Frizzle Fry: Then why he hell doesn't he just erase it? Johnny: Because I'm too lazy, that's why! Necrophiliac: Ditto. Pink Ranger: Anpther Day Another Faled Atempt At Makig An RPG Murley: Crudderoo! It's a newbie! Necrophiliac: Just nod and smile... Johnny: Unless it was one of THE FOUR NEWBIES OF THE APOCALYPSE!! All: Gasp! Some Guy: PANIC!! AGH#@$@$~~~!!!#@%&!@$$#^$#^####111!!! Pink Ranger: im Pikn ranger i Maek gmaesyu watn To play my gamse? Johnny: Or it could be a regular newbie. All: Oh yeah, why didn't I think of that? Pink Ranger: meesa smatr yu aply my gmase? Murley: Shut up! [blows his head off, (nmiaow)] Dumbass McGee: Look! I just bought George Washington's body off of eBay! All: Wow! [Dumbass McGee hauls out agiant coffin from his pants] The Master of Seduction: Is that a coffin in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Cripple: I'm happy to see you... Dumbass McGee [opening coffin]: Look! He's all here! There's his foot, his forearm, his skull, his teeth...And that's his shoulder, his tail, his antlers, his kneebone -- Cripple: Antlers? Murley: That's a deer, you moron! All: AHAHAAHAAHHHAHAHA Dumbass McGee: But he was in there this morning! I mean, who would have possily stolen him? [Necrophiliac walks in. His pants are all puffy and there's a jingling sound when he walks] [everyone stares at him] Necrophiliac: I didn't steal no bones (nmiaow) [a skull falls out of his pocket] Necrophiliac: Hey! How'd that get in there? [laughs nervously] I think I'll be leaving now... Johnny: Dada da da doooodooot! -- 27/08/01 >Johnny: Unless it was one of THE FOUR NEWBIES OF THE APOCALYPSE!! ---------- Episode 37 "Palidan [sic] : RPG Wars" ---------- Additional Cast: [Gerg is lying on a puffy circular bed being massaged by Pink Ranger, who is dressed in a skimpy cheerleader outfit.] [Murley walks in, carrying some papers] Murley: Hey guys, look at these concept sketches for my new RPG -- Ach! Mine eyes!!!! ACH!!!! $#%$#@^&*$%^%$^$#^$#^$%&#$%$%&* @!!!!!!! [drops papers and grabs his eyes] ARGH!!!!!! ITS BURNED INTO MY EYES!!!!!!!!!! $#^#%&*^%*^%*!!! Pink Ranger: sweet1 i can steel thise idias for palidan 2!!!!! [Pink Ranger grabs the art and jumps out of a window that just appeared two seconds ago. He screams and falls 27 storeys to his death, only to appear a few scenes later due to plot incontinuities.] Gerg: No!! My lover! Wait for me! [jumps out after him] Murley: Can't...see....must...stay....sane.....[tries to get the image of Pink Ranger out of his mind] [over in the Tech Ed lab...] Johnny: Bah! So they think they can make an RPG? Ha! Fools! Necrophiliac: With your genius and my useless talent of holding my breath for ten minutes, we're unstoppable! [Hot Stuff stumbles into the room] Hot Stuff: I've just uncovered an secret evil conspiracy in KES that could threaten the entire universe! Johnny: What? Another one? Do Murley or Pink Ranger know about this one? Hot Stuff: No, actually I just made that up on the way in. Necrophiliac: Excellent!! This means we can beat them to announcing that we'll include it as a subquest in our RPG!!! Go find out what you can about it, then make some more "art" showing something that has absolutely nothing to do with it other than the caption!!! Go go go!!! Johnny: Uh...I've got other business to attend to..heheh. [stares seductively at Hot Stuff] [scene changes to Old Man Wyman, sitting on his throne, looking bored] [suddenly the ground starts shaking, sending furniture crashing to the ground. then, it stops as suddenly as it started leaving the room in disarray] Old Man Wyman: *yawn* Teacherman! VZ!!! [VZ rushes into the room] VZ: What? Old Man Wyman: Where's Teacherman? VZ: I think he's out saving the world or something unimportant like that. Old Man Wyman: Ho-hum. So what's up with these tremors? VZ: I--I--I--Well-- Er--Uh--I--Er-- Well-- [This goes on for some time.] W-- w-- well, i-- if you r-- really must know, I-- I-- d-- d-- d-- don't know Old Man Wyman: So? It took you so long to say that? Ah well, I'm retiring anyways, so why should I give a rat's ass about WRHS? [he gets up to stretch, bumping his head on the ridiculously low ceiling] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! [back in the Tech Ed lab, Johnny's crew is checking out the damage] Necrophiliac: Damn, that tremor wrecked our new battle system! Johnny: Oh well, at least it corrupted Murley's RPG [Murley enters] Murley [brushing his eyes with a toothbrush]: My eyes!! AHHHH!!!! [Dumbass McGee enters, wearing a long blonde wig, a slinky, revealing dress, high heels, and fishnet stockings] Dumbass McGee: Hi, girls! -- Oh crap, isn't this the cross-dressers convention? Johnny: Uh, that's next door.... Necrophiliac: Not that we'd have any intention of going. [laughs nervously] Murley: Yes! I finally got that image of Pink Ranger out of my mind! [turns and looks at Dumbass McGee.] OH GOD!!!! MY EYES!!! NOT AGAIN!!!! $#%^$%#!!!!!! [the ground starts to tremble again] Necrophiliac: No! Who could be causing this?! Johnny: ...wait! I know! [Frizzle Fry appears in a cloud of smoke] Frizzle Fry: We will hax0r you!!! [notices Dumbass McGee] AHHH!! MY EYES!! It burns! It burns!!! [falls out of 42ns storey window] Johnny: Well, now that we've taken care of that, I've got other business to attend to... Dumbass McGee [looking at him seductively]: .... Johnny: *shudder* -- 4/09/01 >Old Man Wyman: So? It took you so long to say that? Ah well, I'm retiring anyways, so why should I give a rat's ass about WRHS? ---------- Episode 38 "Mind Games" ---------- Additional Cast: Pink Ranger: Im Boared Lets Play A gmae1 Murley: Excellent idea! Johnny: All right! Girl With British Accent: All right! [Hot Stuff and The Mistress of Seduction walk in] Mistress of Seduction: Let's play strip poker! Murley and Johnny: mmm....sweet sweet can.... Mistress of Seduction: Hey! Wait a minute! I'd never say that! Johnny!!! Are you messing with my lines again?! Johnny: Agh! Please! I'm sorry! I won't do it again! Please don't beat me up!...er, hey! I'm the guy writing all these episodes; why should I be grovelling for you? You should be begging *me* not to beat you up! Mistress of Seduction [looks at him seductively]: ... Johnny: Beat, then again, why would I ever want to hit a pretty face like that?...um, excuse us, guys. [they leave. seconds later, there is a squealing of tires, followed by "ahahahah! Poor fools!"] Pink Ranger: i Dont Htink there Comming bakc,,, Murley [sarcastically]: Well, aren't you another Einstein? Pink Ranger: I nkow! we could play crds!! Murley: We don't have any cards here... Pink Ranger: Mine Pokiman cadrs!!!11 Murley: Hell no. I ain't touching them. Pink Ranger: What/ woudl You Rahter sit Here adn Rot? Murley: Yeah. [they sit and rot for a while] Pink Ranger: yu Want to Play>? Murley: No. [Dumbass McGee enters] Dumbass McGee: Pokemon cards!? Bonzaa!! [leaps into pile of cards] Pink Ranger: yu Want to Play>? Murley: No. [they sit and rot for a while longer] Murley: Fine! I'll play! But that doesn't mean I'll like it... Pink Ranger: hry! thats my antecdote1 Dumbass McGee: I'll play, too! Murley: But I get to choose the game. Pink Ranger: Strip Pokimon! Fun Koo [for no apparent reason]: *shudders* ...and this kid used to think he was Batman two years ago... Murley: NO...how about Go Fish? Do you have any Bulbasaurs? Pink Ranger: go Fshi Murley: Don't mind if I do! AHAHAHA! Um, nevermind. Pink Ranger: digimon! digevolve!!!!1111 [Cripple appears] All: Hi, Cripple! Cripple: ...did you know, that married or single, widowed or divorced, everyone needs a legal Canadian will? Well, the... Murley: Uh oh...they got to him. Cripple: ...because you're never too young to have a legal will. If you don't write a will, then the government will decide who inheirits your estate... Murley: Quick get the paramedics! Dumbass McGee: There's no time! We'll have to do something about it ourselves! Murley: But what? What? What? Dumbass McGee: I know! Beer! Murley: Yeah! Get an IV! We'll pump it into his veins! Cripple: ...recommend getting a legal Canadian will kit, available via this toll free number on your screen -- Ahhh....sweet sweet beer...brain cells...dying....*sighs* Hahoiwg! Pink Ranger: well Thta Oparetion was a suces Murley: Yeah, I'm so great, aren't it? -- 5/09/01 >Mistress of Seduction: Let's play strip poker! ...ha! I wish... ---------- Episode 39 "All Hell Breaks Loose" ---------- Additional Cast: Darth Hartlin - Mrs. Christie Hartlin Slacker - Mr. Bob Barton CrackDude - Shannon Whiting A-Pac - Matt Abell Joe Flynn - Himself Nerdboy: I don't think this is going to be too hard. Frizzle Fry: Yeah, if it's as easy as it was last year, then it'll be a breeze. [They enter the classroom] [there is an old man sitting at one of the desks] Old Man: It's not really that hard. I've only been here for...[starts counting] two...three...six...twenty...twenty-nine years. Mini Flynni: Joe! Is it really you? Old Man: You seem like...my brother Mini Flynni! Mini Flynni: Joe! Joe (formerly known as the Old Man): Mini Flynni! Mini Flynni: Joe! The Sausages Formerly Known As the Pot Roast: Gwenno! Nerdboy: K+K! Dude Guy: K+K! K+K: Dude Guy! Dumbass McGee: Batman! Pink Ranger: raychul! Rachael: Anyone but Pink Ranger! Johnny: Kiera! Mini Flynni: Hey! Lay off, guys! This is *my* scene! All: Sorry. [disappear] Mini Flynni: Joe, I've been searching for you all my life! Joe: I only have one thing to say to you... Mini Flynni: What? Joe: I'm so proud of you, little brother...you've passed me...I can only hope that the success that was deprived of me could be regained by you...brother....my time...is up.... [dies] Mini Flynni: JOE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darth Hartlin: Good morning, class...GET IN YOUR SEATS! NOW!!! Mini Flynni: But... Darth Hartlin: Do it!...[does the Darth Vader choke hold] Mini Flynni: Ack! No! Nerdboy: ... Frizzle Fry: ... Nerdboy: Um....it couldn't get much worse, could it? Darth Hartlin: Well, I was planning to give you guys lots of difficult classes and activities this semester, but I've changed my mind! All: Yay!!!! Darth Hartlin: Instead, I've decided to cut to the chase and assign all your projects for the year right now. There are sixty-two in total, with the first one, a fourteen thousand word essay on the importance of mashed potatoes to the Umjibwa people of Africa during the 1820's to be due next Friday. All: ... [stunned silence] Idoit: Uh...did they *have* potatoes in Africa? Darth Hartlin: What a stupid question! Go find out yourself, it's not like teachers are supposed to TEACH, right? Frizzle Fry: Oh shit. CrackDude: Duh...I'll just copy your project. Dumbass McGee: But that's cheating! CrackDude: That's it, I'm beating you up! Dumbass McGee: Please, mister, no! I'll do anything you want! I'll be your sex slave! CrackDude: What?! I feel sick...[pukes]...hey, nice shoes! I think I'll steal 'em! Yoink! [steals Dumbass McGee's shoes] Dumbass McGee: Guys! [Scotty bursts into the room] Scotty: Everybody! They just bombed the Pentagon! A-Pac: Yeah, and the World Trade Center in New York collapsed! Necrophiliac: Yeah, yeah...we believe you, sure.... Scotty: No, it's true! They hijacked a plane and they crashed right into the building! It's true! [takes out a TV] Necrophiliac: Oh my God....! The Mistress of Seduction: Who could have done this? Jung: Uh... [looks at Johnny]....couldn't have been our Chinese Mafia...[glaces around nervously, and speaks into his jacket] ...They're on to us! Johnny: Uh huh...well, I'm too busy sexually harassing innocent young girls to plan such complex attacks. Dannie: Ya, he's got a point there -- What the --? Necrophiliac: Huh? [turns around and looks out the window] [outside, a Boeing 747 plane is hurtling towards the school. At the cockpit is Pink Ranger laughing maniacally] Pink Ranger: tiem for my revnge! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! [to be continued....] -- 11/09/01 >Darth Hartlin: Instead, I've decided to cut to the chase and assign all your projects for the year right now. There are sixty-two in total, with the first one, a fourteen thousand word essay on the importance of mashed potatoes to the Umjibwa people of Africa during the 1820's to be due next Friday. ---------- Episode 40 "The Board Meeting" ---------- --By Necropheliac Additional Cast: [note from Johnny: this takes place at the same time as the previous episode, so don't get all confused or anything] (for some reason someone decided to organize a WoRMS! board meeting, but stupidly they put it at the the top of a really tall buliding) (at the bottom) Necropheliac: Dammit! The elevator is broken, we are going to have to.. Johnny: well???? Necrpheliac: ... Murley: well???? Necropheliac: ... Murley & Johnny: WHAT!!!! Necropheliac: ...walk! MurleY: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!arrrrrrrg, hack..blahhhhhhhh, bbooooooniiiiii (he starts writhing like a snake having sex) Necropheliac: wow, he looks like a snake having sex Croc hunter: that reminds me of the time I seen 2 snakes --- (suddenly an oversized croc falls from the roof, only to inhale the hunter) Johnny: OH, the irony!!!! The Irony, eaten by his own wife er...i mean croc. Hehehehe Necropheliac: IRONY!!!! Murley: that was in english, I learned! Johnny: hey aren't you supposed to be a horrible mutated lump fuseing with floor? Murley: nope! Johnny: oh, well...time to...WALK! (nothing happens) Johnny: damn! (they walk halfway up) necropheliac: I'm to old for this Johnny: oh walking, it gives me an orgasm like feeling, a feeling a life Necorpheliac: righ... Murley: ohhhhhhhhhhh, woe is me...sadness and woe (40 days,40 nights, and a ridicuasly long sandwich later) Murley: that was one gooooooooood sandwich Necropheliac: but it came at a terrible, terrible price! Johnny: no it didn't Necorpheliac: oh, oh well (they sit down where everybody else is sitting) (Necropheliac sits at the head of the table) Necropheliac: okay, I am now calling to order the first failed attempt at a meeting! Johhny: why are you at the head of the table? Necropheliac: well like most things it started out innocently enough at a game off vollyball... Johnny: hey! Don't change the subject, ....hey is that Hot Stuff? (Johnny and Hot Stuff run into the janitors clostet, conviently placed in the same room as the ridiculasly long table) Cripple:Zoinks Nerd boy:Zounds Pink ranger: narf! Everybody: shut up! Pink ranger: yyasirs! Heheh good one guys! Hehe Murley: aww damn! My finger got stuck in my ass,...again Gerg: I will help you! (everything goes fuzzy for a minute) Murley: Wrack! Necropheliac:can we please get under control! (the room goes deathly silent) Fung koo: Zoinks! Necropheliac: Wha? Fung Koo: Zounds! Necrcopheliac: Fung koo: Wrack! Necropheliac: What the HE double hockey sticks are you talking about? Fung Koo: and I shall be as the sun breaking through the clouds base contagion Murley: what nonsence is he spewing now? Fung koo: NONSENCE! I shall smite thee from the clouds of heaven!!!! NONSENSE!!! Shakspere is not nonsence, he has written the most profound usless babble ever made!! Old man wyman: Shakespere? Who the hell is that? Necropheliac: don't you teach english? Old man wyman: English? what is english, never matter! Matter, what is matter? never mind, what is mind? Oh well hehehehe Fung koo: To be or not to be, that is the question! Murley: shut up! (all of a sudden they hear a thumping noise eminating from the janitors closet) girl with british accent: Hey lets see whats inside! (they open the door, only to see Johnny and Hot Stuff naked as the day they were born) pink ranger: ahhhhhhh my eies!!the gogles!!they do nothig!! DM: my mommy says women are the devil Necropheliac: so, we finally see what everyone suspected they were doing, when they ran out the room stripping as they ran! DM: baking cookies? Fung koo: creation in its greatest glory! Johnny: look away!!! I'm hideous!!..well acctually I am beautiful, but that is not the point! Necropheliac: lets leave them alone in this dark time Murley: dark time? This is sweet, why I havn't seen porn in well....5 minutes I was going crazy William shatner: I could fix that, for only 5 low payments of 999.99!\ Murley: WOW! If only I had that money I would get it! Hot stuff: ummm a little privacy, if you want to see me naked, wait your turn! I will be free in 5 minutes All males excluding DM: sweet! (they close the door) Necropheliac: well back to a little thing I like to call buisness Cripple: in bed Murley: all the time Gerg: with chris Master of sudection: forever and ever Cripple: amen Necropheliac: okay! Well over in southren africa, a green plaugue is spreading killing millions, but more importantly! Somebody at the last twinkie!!!! All: who stole the twinkie from the vending machine? Pink ranger: wasn't me hehehehehheehe ( a Twinkie bar wrapper falls out of his pocket) Pink ranger: It Isnt How It Louks Mr.shaver: yes, it is Pink Ranger: I'll Be Leeving Noe!...to Hijakk a plain!!! ahahahah (the crazed mob goes silent) MR. Shaver: I also have a prediction All: *gasp* Mr. Shaver: Okay...I am getting something..I can feel the spirit...Murley shall change his name...I can't...get anymore.... All: awwwwwwwwwww... Necropheliac: on to more useless buisness, who here thinks DM is gay? Almost everyone: "I" Necropheliac: all opposed Guy with annoying voice: nay! Necropheliac: who keeps on saying that! Murley: he said it once Master of seduction: hehehehe Necropheliac: okay well, should we rebuild the World trade centers Colin: hahowig Johnny: is it just me or is it hot in here? All: its hot in here Johnny: oh (all of a sudden a alarm blares) Nerd boy: oh my gosh! It's a beige alert! Necropheliac: if I die, tell my wife I said hi Johnny: you don't have a wife! Necropheliac: let me die in peace Murley: die? Did you just say chicken cuz if you did... (they all look out the window to see a big plane heading towards them) idoit: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!111111111111111111 (5 minutes pass) Murley: well I suggest we leave Johnny: but the elevator is broken, we would have to walk down Necropheliac: I know, I will show my true power and destroy the plane (the usual happens) old man wyman: man that was a silent but violent! (they all faint from the fumes) (they wake hours later to see that everyl evel above them has been destroyed) Johnny:oh my god! Those stupid people! They ran into the top floor! Necropheliac: god job I made this meeting on the 999th floor, not the 1000th Murley: hehehehe Pink ranger: who was in that plane?? Who tried to kill us all? Necropheliac: it could have been anyone..... (they stare at each other suspicisouly) Johnny: ...or it could just be Pink Ranger. All: Ya! -- 13/09/01 >Uh...is it just me, or does it seem like the episodes are getting more and more perverted? .:|WoRMS! Part Nine|:. top ---------- Episode 41 "Dumbass McGee's First Episode!" ---------- --By Dumbass McGee Additional Cast: FB - Mrs. Jan Fraser-Burgess Mitchell Kehoe - himself Principal VZ - Mr. (Phil) Van Zoost the principal [french class-last period] Johnny: Time for another fun filled 80 minutes of non-english fun! Necrophiliac: oh yay... Murley: sounds fun... Dumbass McGee: yes...very... FB: ok class, time to do some review! [10 seconds later] Necrophiliac: well that was hard Murley: how do you spell "je" Johnny: xjjfudmkjdkjfza Murley: oh. That's what I thought, but i wanted to check Dumbass McGee: good god. hey look, it's my brother Mitchell: hi Murley: SHUT UP!!! Necrophiliac: why's he just walking back and forth like that? Dumbass McGee: I don't know Johnny: let's ignore him All others: ok Murley: animation time!! [All enjoy about 5 seconds of stick figure fun. Then the P.A. beeps] Principal VZ: Matt Kehoe, Michael Wong, Mackenzie Howatt and Matt Murley report to the office Rest of class:oooOOOooooOOOOOOoooooOOooOOOo DM, Jny, Necro and Murly: SHUT UP!!! [class does so] [later, at the office] Principal VZ: Hello, boys Johnny: wassup? Principal VZ: I want you to go to PEI for some reason or another, just so this episode has some strange happenings in it. [in a strange puff of smoke, they appear in Cavendish] Necrophiliac: what now? Dumbass McGee: Lets go to... Murley: SHUT UP!!! Johnny: no, lets hear him out Dumbass McGee: Rainbow Valley!!! Johnny: uh...no Dumbass McGee: but i want to go on the merry-go-round! All: SHUT UP!!! Necrophiliac: lets go to a fancy lobster restaurant, buy hundreds of dollars worth of food, and then run away Murley: why not Dumbass McGee: because it's illegal!!! Johnny: so? Dumbass McGee: well, ok! What the heck! Necrophiliac: Let's Go! [later, at a fancy nameless restaurant] Johnny: I'll have 6 lobster platers Necrophiliac: me too Murley: me too Dumbass McGee: I think i'll just have a salad Murley: SHUT UP!!! [Necrophiliac shows a small portion of his true power and nearly kills Dumbass McGee] Dumbass McGee: I'll have...ugh...the same as...urg...them.......... [the waiter brings back 24 lobster platters. they eat what they want to and then leave without paying] Dumbass McGee: I feel so dirty Johnny: So? You suck!!! [Dumbass McGee starts crying] Murley: SHUT UP!!! [Necrophiliac looks at Dumbass McGee with a strange look on his face. Dumbass McGee stops crying] Johnny: well, that was an interesting trip, now lets go back to school... -- 14/09/01 >SHUT UP!!! ---------- Episode 42 "Ridiculously Long Episode" ---------- -By Johnny, Necrophiliac, Murley, Dumbass McGee, and Crackdude Additional Cast: Wondercow - Darla Eisen [Dumbass McGee walks into the class] Dumbass McGee [singing]: Time to rape Mackenzie...Time to rape Mackenzie... Time to rape Mackenzie... Necrophiliac: Shut up, you gay fag. Dumbass McGee: Stop calling me gay; it hurts my feelings. Johnny: What are these feelings you speak of? Dumbass McGee: Well, you know...love, friendship, sexual orientation... Necrophiliac: You suck. Murley: Dick. Johnny: In bed. Cripple: All the time. Nerdboy: With Pink Ranger. Necrophiliac: Forever and ever. Johnny: Amen! Ahahaha, those wacky zany nutty funsters! Murley: The only girl you like is Wondercow! Dumbass McGee: If only...but I find I lean more towards nerdy young men! [Nerdboy runs out of the room, screaming hysterically] Hot Stuff: Who wants me to flash? Johnny: There's nothing I haven't seen before....excuse me, gentlemen! Hot Stuff: Yaysirs! [they leave] [suddenly, there is a tear in the space-time continuum] Murley: I'm being sucked in! AHHH!!! [a week passes] Johnny: It's Murley! Murley: I am no longer Murley. I have become Perverted Sex Craved Freak. Perverted Sex Craved Freak (formerly known as Murley): Necro, tell me about your sex life. Necrophiliac: ... Perverted Sex Craved Freak: You know it makes me happy... Necrophiliac: I don't have one! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Well, I guess those Playboy's will have to do... Oh yeah! That's the stuff! uhhhgggg...oohhhhh...YEAH!!! Slacker: Ok! Time for class to start! [talking continues...] Sausages Formerly Known As Pot Roast: Ah! The joys of academics! 'Tis time to start a discussion on quantum physics! I hope he'll teach some calculus today! Slacker: ...today, we'll be reviewing the alphabet up to the letter "D" Necrophiliac: A B C D E F G H...L...K...W...M...I forgpt what we were doing... Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Me too. Necrophiliac: This episode is going nowhere. Johnny: That's because you're in it! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Luckily, I'm here. Necrophiliac: Ya, good thing I brought you to the staff. Johnny: 'Twas my idea, too! Slacker: Time for a pop quiz! Question one: What is 2+2? Failed Grade Ten: Oh God no, I'm going to fail again...I'm sure it's 5? Johnny: I'm bored. Dannie: Oh yes! Take me! I will be your sex slave! Johnny: Nevermind... Perverted Sex Craved Freak [singing]: I like porn! I like porn! [William Shakespeare walks in] William Shakespeare: Hey! You want porn? I will sell you an illegal package of Jeri Ryme nude for only 20 bucks. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Sweet! [Perverted Sex Craved Freak buys it and starts drooling uncontrollably] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Oh! It's boner time! [William Shatner enters] William Shatner: I've just published a new book, "The Joy of Sex With William Shatner" And this time, we really will be having live sex shows! Dumbass McGee: Not on my --- William Shatner: Screw you. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: I have a boner! Johnny: What is with this teacher? Does he realize he is teaching the 9's and 10's, not 4's? [bell rings for break] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Let's get out of here and go to Toronto! Johnny: Let's go. Necrophiliac: I'm in! William Shatner: I'll come (mieowp) too! Pink Ranger: cna i cum guys? Necrophiliac: Sure! [they leave and mysteriously arrive in Toronto without the help of their parents] Pink Ranger: Well Heer Ware at the hart Of strippper and Hukers. William Shatner: Yeh! Red light district! I have to go now. If you see me, I will most likely be drunk, so ignore any incriminating things I say. Johnny: We follow you to the word! [William Shatner leaves] Necrophiliac: Ya, now let's go find some hookers! Pink Ranger: Yaeh!!111 lte's go get osme hokers! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: look! A strip joint! It's boner time! Necrophiliac: Yep! Crack Dude: Don't be gay, moo moo. Dumbass McGee: I can't help my sexual orientation! [they enter the strip joint, except for Dumbass McGee] Dumbass McGee: I can't go in there, I have to go home...I don't have any clean underwear... Necrophiliac: That's no excuse! You won't be wearing it by the end of the night! Dumbass McGee: Uhh...I must urinate! [runs home to his mommy] Necrophiliac: Mwahahahah! What a wimp! A chance to see hard core nudity and to get laid for a really low price and he runs away! [Dumbass McGee and his mom appear] Dumbass McGee: Mom! Dumbass McGee's Mom: You ought to give it a try, son. Dumbass McGee: Mooooommmmm!!!! Dumbass McGee's Mom: Don't be gay, now... Dumbass McGee: No! It's the only way I know...it makes me feel better about myself! George W. Bush: We will find you, hunt you down, and severely mutilate you. Terrorist: No! You'll never get us, TOLO IGNORANTE!! Bill Clinton: Um...I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Monica: Yes you did! And it was good! Bill Clinton: Define "is" George W. Bush: Hey, Monica's pretty good looking...since i'm president I guess I'll have a go, too! Monica: I don't work for free, you know. George W. Bush: Time to dig into the education fund. [George and Monica leave] Bill Clinton: Well, I guess I've got to hunt down and punish some terrorists now...well, after I get a hooker or two. [he leaves] Johnny: That was strange. Pink Ranger: into htew stripre bar! [they enter a bar full of male strippers] Dumbass McGee: Mom was right! I'm glad I tried this! Necrophiliac: Ewww! Let's get out of here; we're in the wrong bar! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Wait! Is that William Shatner? [William Shatner is up dancing on the stage] Johnny: This is worse than the 1993 WTC bombings! William Shatner: Yeeeha! Join in the fun, guys! You get paid and laid! Pink Ranger: rihgt o! lets get tou of htis hel hole befor we'r scard for live! [they all leave, except for Dumbass McGee] [extremely disturbing!] Necrophiliac: I could use some chicken in me! (nmiaow) Johnny: Fo' sho! Necrophiliac: Now, for what we all came for...HARD CORE NUDITY! [for some reason, there are women dancing in revealing clothes] [shake shake shake! shake shake shake! shake your booty!] [they fade away] Johnny: And I as well! -- 13/09/01 >Johnny: Yeah, this *is* getting pretty perverted....damn that Necrophiliac... ---------- Episode 43 "necro's failed attempt to write a non perverted episode, man, he just can't do it" ---------- --By Necrophiliac Additional Characters: Hot Ditz - Kali Spencer (Middle of some desert) Johnny: how the hell did we get here? Nerd boy: stupid writer! (Shakes fist at sky) PSCF: he isn't up there, Nerd boy, he is right beside you (all turn to Necropheliac) Necropheliac: what? Johnny: you're the one that put us here Idoit: yeah, it's all your fault, write us out of here Necropheliac: you guys don't understand, I am not the writer, the REAL Necropheliac is wrote this PSCF: wha??? Nerd boy: lets blame him anyway Necropheliac: you can't blame me! Nerd boy: oh Cripple: well....What are we going to do? Necropheliac: well, from what I know, this episode won't be perverted Cripple: damn! PSCF: then, what's the point of writing an episode? Johnny: we can have wholesome humour without, sex, porn, or drugs! Hahah just joking! Pink ranger: shut up Johnny: no, I am the head dude you suck Croc hunter: yah, I am alive! Moreover, nothing in the middle of some desert can kill me! (All wait in silence, waiting for the hunter to die in some horrible yet amusing way) PSCF: hey! You're supposed to die Croc hunter: wow, I...am...a- al-----alive!!!!!!! Necropheliac: yah that's just not right (They stand around for awhile, waiting for the writer to come up with some decent idea to write) PSCF: when is anything going to happen? Necropheliac: shut up I am trying to think Pink ranger: screw you! (A hand comes down from the sky and flicks him away) (All of a sudden, romantic music starts and they see an extremely hot girl walking towards them) Hot ditz: HI! Can I get some help? Necropheliac, Johnny, Murley: we can help!!!!!!! Necropheliac: as an official staff member of WoRMS, welcome to WoRMS! Hot ditz: heh J thank you! (Kisses him on the cheek) Necropheliacs live girl: You piece of sh**, you can't kiss him, you are sooooooo dead (The fall into a heap of dust and all you can hear are strange noises, almost like meows) Johnny: Cat fight!!!! (They all set into watch, them duke it out but for some reason, they stop) Hot ditz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I..I...bro...broke a naaaaaail!!! Necropheliacs live girl: oh my GOD!!! I am SOOOOO Sorry! PSCF: wern't they trying to hurt eachother? Necropheliac: Women! Cant live with 'em can't live with out 'em! Johnny: got that right! Girl with British accent: hey, where is dumbass macgee? (All of a sudden, you see from a distance a plane flying over head, then something coming out) Cripple: It's a bird! PSCF: It's a plane! Johnny: NO! It's Dumbass mcgee skydiving in lingerie! Necropheliac: wait! His parachute isn't opening! Cripple: yes! Now I will not be the only cripple! Gerg: How come we are using exclamation marks at the end of all the sentences!? Dumbass mcgee: ahhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh *thud* PSCF: hahahaha Johnny: that must have hurt Dumbass mcgee: ohhhhhhhh my freaking head!! I'm so wasted... Hot ditz: I can't do this math can anyone help me? Necropheliac: I would be much obliged Fung Koo: how are we going to get out of this desert???? (Somehow, they find their way out) All: lordy, lordy! We have been saved! -- 15/09/01 >We can have wholesome humour without, sex, porn, or drugs! Hahah just joking! ---------- Episode 44 "Exhibition Prohibition" ---------- Additional Cast: Johnny: Man, I just had one psychedelic breakfast! Necrophiliac: Hey! Let's all go to the exhibition today! Fung Koo: Man! What a kickass idea! Necrophiliac: And we can pick up some hot chicks! Necrophiliac's Live Girl: ... Johnny: Careful with that axe, Eugene. Necrophiliac: Uh...but who could compare with my live girl, eh? I would only be sorely disappointed if I were to...uh, search. Johnny: Hahaha...young lust... Dumbass McGee: To the exhibition! All: Yeeeehawhahaha! Dumbass McGee: I remember the last time I went! It was KOOL!!! [they get there. it sucks.] Necrophiliac: Hey...it sucks! Johnny: Wots... Uh, The Deal? Dumbass McGee: I don't know! It was better last time! Now it sucks! Hot Stuff: ...So it *sucks*, eh?...hehe, that's a funny word. The Mistress of Seduction: ...you're an idiot, Tegan! Hot Stuff: I know. Cripple: Hahoiwg! Necrophiliac: Where were you? Cripple: Me? I was at church, I mean, they were like giving away these free books! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Free? Ha! Must be a piece of shit! Cripple: No, look! [takes out gold-plated bible] All: ... Necrophiliac: Is that real gold? Cripple: Yep! Johnny: The gold! It's in the... Cripple: I just wonder how they could've afforded to give away such expens -- [suddenly the Pope and a mob of priests surround him] Pope John Paul II: Freeze! We've got you partially surrounded! Cripple: Hahoiwg! Priest: Stealing from God! Now, we'll have to pop a cap on yo' sorry ass! Cripple: What? I thought they were free! Pope John Paul II: Get him, boys... Cripple: No! Please, help! AGH! [they take back the book and crucify him and leave] Necrophiliac: So much for that idea. Johnny: Well, I'm going to see these so "called" rides. Old Man Wyman: Rides? Why, these deathtraps were already ancient when I was a wee lass!...I mean, lad. Now, I think I'll go and have a *ride* (mieowp), if you get my drift. [smashes his head on the gate] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! Necrophiliac's Live Girl: Let's go on The Zipper! Necrophiliac: Zipper?! Didn't you hear the old man? It's a death trap! Necrophiliac's Live Girl: You're not...afraid, are you? Necrophiliac: Yes. Necrophiliac's Live Girl: Fine, then. [she leaves with another guy] Necrophiliac: She'll be back, you just wait. [they wait ten minutes] Johnny: Well, I'm going. Dumbass McGee: Me too. Necrophiliac: You just wait...she'll be back any moment, now. [Johnny and Dumbass McGee leave] Dumbass McGee: Look! The Tornado! What a cool ride! Let's go! [they get in line] [an hour later...] Johnny: All right, we're next! Crocodile Hunter: Look behind you! A three-headed monkey! Dumbass McGee: Where? Where?! Johnny: Fool! You just let him butt in front of us! Now we have to wait until the next time! Dumbass McGee: Oops. Crocodile Hunter: Suckers! [He hops on the ride.] [suddenly, the piece of gum that was holding it together tears and his car flies off the machine into a cluster of various Latin-American meat-packing glitterati, causing a huge explosion which, like most huge explosions, kills everyone in the general vicinity] FB: Oh mon dieu! That's the second-biggest cluster of various Latin-American meat-packing glitterati I've ever seen! Johnny: Uh...I think I change my mind about going on the ride... Dumbass McGee: Yeah, these rides are horrible. [suddenly, a huge tv screen appears, showing the news] News Anchor: President Bush will now make a public statement from an undisclosed, super-secret location. Like any sensible world leader, he is probably cowering in some titanic bunker in Antarctica. Here he is... George W. Bush: Hello country. I'll be at Offut Air Force base if you need me. Gally- Ho! [scene changes to Afgani terrorists in a dark alley] Afgani: He nice man. Tell country. Another Afgani: Tell country he does. Trustworthy he is... Afgani: Join other side. Become friend. Yoda: Do or do not, there is no try. Another Afgani: Love America. Become friend. [back at the Exhibition] Necrophiliac: She'll be back...oh, she'll be back... Johnny: I've had enough, I'm outta here. [leaves] [as he exits the exhibition grounds, all the rides explode, leaving everyone fatally killed, which happens to be the worst way to be killed] -- 16/09/01 >Time for some UMMAGUMMA ---------- Episode 45 "The Grues Brothers" ---------- Additional Cast: Johnny: I've got a great idea! Let's get the band back together! Necrophiliac: Yeah! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Kickass! Let's talk to the Master of Seduction about this! [they do] The Master of Seduction: Get the band back together? Uh...that'll never work... Um...gotta go! [creeps towards door] Necrophiliac: What are you doing with those old lyrics and unpublished Cool Guys And Chris work bulging out of your pocket? The Master of Seduction: Er...nothing. I've got a meeting with our agent...I mean, *my* agent! Pink Ranger: yaeh1 im goig tooo! [they leave] Johnny: Wonder what that was all about. [turns on TV] [...] Reporter: First off, I'd like to ask a question or two about... The Master of Seduction: Hey, are these your cookies here? Reporter: Er...yes. Did you-? The Master of Seduction: Want some? Quite, yes, thank you [begins eating cookies] Reporter: Er, okay. I was wondering about the last Cool Guys project: "The Final Butt". It still puzzles me--what's with the "All songs by The Master of Seduction, Performed by The Cool Guys and Chris" label on the back? The Master of Seduction: Well, that's nothing new really. It just goes back to "In-The-Garden-I-Peed-In" You know, the full title was actually "In-The-Garden-I-Peed-In-And-Had-A-Nice-Shag-With- Natalie", but the other members didn't like it, so they made me change it. That's when things were starting to fall apart. Reporter: So you're developing your Natalie concept? The Master of Seduction: No, no, you're putting words in my mouth there. No, I wouldn't say developing the concept so much as I would say changing it over time and exploring it more fully. Reporter: So your concept changes and is explored? The Master of Seduction: [extremely irritated] No, not at all! You're putting words into my mouth again, and what with all these cookies in there, there's barely any room as it is. See? [opens mouth full of cookies.] Reporter: Well, let's switch gears then. You've said previously that Pink Ranger was forced out of the band by Johnny. Why does Pinkie play so little on "The Taco Bell", then? The Master of Seduction: Well, that's really a product of Johnny's years of abuse, you see. Reporter: As in mental and artistic abuse? The Master of Seduction: No, no, physical abuse. Occassionally, Pinkie or Natalie or myself would incite Johnny's ire and we would find ourselves being bludgeoned quite efficiently. Reporter: This isn't a matter of public record though, is it? The Master of Seduction: Well, no but the police have tapes of a 911 call I made where you can hear Johnny carrying on rather loudly in the back. He's very vicious, you know, when he's upset. Behaves rathers badly, I'm afraid. Reporter: So it was a case of battery that forced Pink Ranger out of-- The Master of Seduction: [irritated, spitting cookie crumbs] No! It's got nothing to do with a case of batteries. Reporter: No, I meant it was Johnny's abusive behavior that forced Pink Ranger out of the Cool Guys? The Master of Seduction: Well, not just that but the chip as well. Reporter: Chip? The Master of Seduction: Well, yes, Johnny surgically implanted a chip in Pink's brain. That way, he could control him. Reporter: I see. The Master of Seduction: And that along with the witchcraft and all the evil spells Johnny cast on us as well, it's been quite the ordeal, really. One must walk some time in our shoes to fully appreciate it. Reporter: You've played guitar in the Cool Guys now for-- The Master of Seduction: [extraordinarily irritated] No, you're putting words into my mouth again! Reporter: Well, let me finish. Not only do you play guitar, but you also play Pink Ranger's bass on a few tracks. The Master of Seduction: Well, one could interpret it that way, I suppose, but only occassionally. Only seldom did this happen. And only when studio demands made it necessary. Reporter: How often was that, then? The Master of Seduction: Well, basically, a ballpark estimate would be about... er, all of it, really. Reporter: All of it? You played all of the bass parts? The Master of Seduction: Yes. [chuckles] Quite humorous now that I think about it. Reporter: Well, how did you all jam? How did Natalie develop her harmonica parts? The Master of Seduction: Well, she didn't have to. I played that as well. Reporter: You did? The Master of Seduction: Yes, keyboards and backup singers too. You know, the whole lot of them. They're all me. Reporter: So you've never actually worked with other musicians? The Master of Seduction: Well, the occassional guest musician. Reporter: Like Crazy Li'l Bastard on "Great Gimp in the Sky"? The Master of Seduction: Er, well, yes, but she --- er...he came into the studio that day not feeling well so I sang his part for him. Reporter: What about Idoit? The Master of Seduction: That was me. Reporter: K+K? The Master of Seduction: Me. Reporter: And I suppose it doesn't need to be said that it was you who conducted all of the orchestral parts on the Cool Guys albums. The Master of Seduction: Oh, no, don't be silly. Me conducting? Actually, I didn't need to conduct as I played all of the instruments in the orchestra myself. Reporter: Now, how can you claim that you don't jam with other musicians when you've been in other bands? The Master of Seduction: Well, I've *been* other bands. That's a more accurate way to put it. Reporter: You've been other bands? Such as...? The Master of Seduction: Well...REM, The Beach Boys, Madonna.... Reporter: You are Madonna? The Master of Seduction: Yes. Frightfully awkward getting into those cone-boobs, but it does tend to help one's stage presentation enormously. That's something I learned when I was the Spice Girls. Reporter: I'll bet being all these bands makes for a busy schedule. The Master of Seduction: It does tend to eat up one's free time a bit... speaking of which, I'm a bit hungry... but yes anyway, thankfully we have the help of computers to manage my time. Look, would you like a sandwich? [pulls two sandwiches from his pocket...ridiculously long sandwiches] Reporter: No. No, thanks. The Master of Seduction: Oh, good. Two for me, none for you! [laughs] Reporter: By the way, how do you get on with Johnny nowadays? Are you still talking? The Master of Seduction: Yes, we're still talking... just not to each other. Reporter: Do you ever wish to speak to him? The Master of Seduction: Mmm... hard to say really. Reporter: Would you like me to put some words in your mouth then? The Master of Seduction: No, no... it's just... I'm not so sure what you mean. Reporter: Well do you bear him a grudge? The Master of Seduction: Well, if by grudge you mean an all-consuming hate that burns in me day and night and greets me each morning in the form of a renewed desire to see Johnny go to his death screaming and tormented and crushed to a bloody pulp and his soul to be burned away in the deepest foulest pit in hell, well then no. Of course not. No grudge here. I can't speak for him, of course, but no grudge here whatsoever. Reporter: What about the new song on "The Taco Bell" entitled "Eat Shit and Die Johnny and Necrophiliac You Egomaniacal Bastards"? I mean, fans are bound to- The Master of Seduction: [rolls eyes] I knew when I wrote that that people would interpret that as a reference to them. It's really not at all. After I wrote that Pinkie pointed out that people are apt to see it as an attack on Johnny. So one tends to be very uncertain about these kind of things. One tends to go in circles. It's very difficult but one must do whatever it is that feels right. But it's not about him. Absolutely not. Reporter: But it has his name in it and lyrics like "I hope you get a searing case of genital warts/It's my band now, you wash-out/You sucked at Acadia you self-righteous shit/I wish you *weren't* here, ever again." Don't you think it's a resonable assumption-? The Master of Seduction: No, absolutely not. It's a coincidence. I'm sure there are hundreds of guys named Murley or Necrophiliac. I just pulled that name out of thin air. It's just a metaphor. Nothing else. It could refer to just about *anybody*. The Master of Seduction: All right. What would you say signalled the end of the partnership of The Master of Seduction/Johnny/Necrophiliac/ Murley then? The Master of Seduction: Well, it was during the making of "Yellow Subroutine". You know, we were all sitting around having pie without crust and Johnny wanted to do a track called "Get Your Filthy Hands Off My Dessert." Except he wanted to make it a dessert *with* crust, which Pinkie and I thought was daft so we protested and he struck us about the head and gonads repeatedly until we just gave in. In any case, I think crust is just filler and I refused to have a part in any album with that much filler, so I asked to have my name removed from the production credits. Reporter: So it was really just Johnnys' ego then? The Master of Seduction: Well, hard to pin it on his ego really. I mean, how could you blame him for having an ego when he was part of the greatest band that has ever walked the face of the earth as well as being one of the five most important writers to come out of Windsor? Reporter: Is that really your opinion? The Master of Seduction: No, no... dammit [hits head with hand]. No, it's that damn chip in my head again. Johnny's just tuned in. Sorry must run. Reporter: Okay, thanks, Donnie. The Master of Seduction: [running away , crazed.] Testicles! Er... no, didn't mean to say that either. Goodbye, then. Do you know if Burger King is still open? Oh, nevermind. Forget it. Thank you. Bye. [...] Necrophiliac: Is it just me or did he just go and plagurize all of our previous work? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Uh -- Hot Stuff: Is it just me or is it hot in here? Johnny: Must be you...let's go get some ridiculously long sandwiches. -- 17/09/01 >hgfgfhfdhdcgsceqwqtbkytrhgtsa .:|WoRMS! Part Ten|:. top ---------- Episode 46 "chicken tastes good" ---------- --By Necrophiliac Additional Cast: [Writer's note: if you want to avoid being scarred for life, then do NOT read this episode!] Random Chicken: before this episodes starts I would like to say that it is all WRONG, eating chicken is-arrgggg (Necropheliac chops the chickens head off) Necropheliac: CHICKEN TASTES GOOD! WOOB WOOB WOOB!!mwa hhahahahahahahaahah Johnny: Time to get some chicken in to me! PSCF: Fo sho! Idoit: CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gerg: Chicken KES Student: WOOBWOOBWOOB!!! Necropheliac: that is my line you line stealing piece of crap!!! (hacks him to death) KES student: It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all! Johnny: You suck you piece of crap! Chicken: isn't it great to beeeeeee aliiiiiiiiiiiive, to feel the sunnnnnn beat down upon you face!!!!!!!!! (they hack him continuasly) PSCF: hey! Its chicken goulash! Necropheliacs live girl: I hate you mackenzie! Necropheliac: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWELL Necropheliacs Former Girl Friend: You suck; I am leaving (stalks away) Neropheliac: ...bu...but....CHICKENNNN CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN Lavalamp lord: CHICKEN CHINA PSCF: well that break up was emotinal Johnny: well it sure was Idoit: why is my name Idoit? Gerg: why is my name Gerg? Pink ranger: what is the meaning of the universe? Necropheliac: to eat chicken!chicken!!..chikEN!..chiKEN!!!CHICKEN!!!!!!!!WOOB WOOBWOOB!!!!!! VZ:CHICKEN CHICKEN>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> FB: We love chicken, yes we do, we love chicken, how about you? Johnny: is there going to be a sex scene in this? Necropheliac: I am...single...I think therfore I am Johnny: well? Necropheliac: no, and If there was going to be one, it would be starring me Johnny: but I am the creator...of all eternity PSCF: ya chicken does taste good Creator of heaven and earth: I....am God All: *gasp* Creator of heaven and earth: -frey Jones All: oh Chiken: well I'll say! Has thouth liedth to thY? Godfrey Jones: oh well...WOOBWOOBWOOB!!! Chiken Johnny: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Chiken: why do you hate me??why Gerg: what is the square root of....9 All: how should we know? Necropheliac: this episode is going nowhere Slacker: just GET OUT! Crack dude: this is the best sh** I've ever done Mr. Burns: excellent Cape Breton Coal Miner: Dig Dig Dig it! Hot ditz: I am so smart, I beat Necropheliac yah (turns into hot chick) Hot chick: I am hot, smart and I...have nothing to do.... Necropheliac: chicken...eat chicken Hot chick: I have to maitain my figure so I can keep you and PSCF fighting over me PSCF: like Necropheliac has a chance, I seen what you did in science, you obviously love me Necropheliac: whatever phst! She is mine, she loves me, no doubt about it Johnny: chicken!!!!!! Pink ranger: I am so desparate.I have no life, I follow PSCF and Necropheliac in everything they do PSCF: ...damn Necropheliac: damn it! Oh well K+K: I love you necropheliac, wait, I love dude guy!...well half of me! Dude guy: that Is why I only get half the action? Necropheliac: so K+K does that mean that half of you is up for grabs???? K&K: well sorta, but I am a woman, I have needs Johnny: that makes no sense! Hot stuff: ya....sense maek none!!!! Johnny: oh my god, has Pink ranger got to you! Pink Ranger: WOOBWOOBWOOB!!! Hot stuff: CHICKOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!! HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO COOK A CHICKENNN????���� Necropheliac: what a sad day it is VZ: anybody want suck up points? Bolioeu: memememememememe FB: cool, go do work for me Bolioeu: YES!!!!!!! Necropheliac: CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- 20/09/01 >This is the wierdest shit I've ever done ---------- Episode 47 "I Promise to Stop Abusing You, Katie...No, Really." ---------- Additional Cast: Cait Owens - Herself Disturbed - Katie Sanford Katie Mosher - Herself Eye Shadow - Amber Galley Tingles - Sheldon Tingley The OTHER Mistress of Seduction - Kiera Rooney Necrophiliac: God...don't get that "...of Seduction" thing going again. Johnny: You gonna stop me? Necrophiliac: Damn my laziness. [In the time of ancient gods, warlords, and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. He was Gerg, a not-so-mighty princess forged in the heat of battle. The power, the passion, the danger, his courage will change the world!....] Johnny: Well, what did you think of that? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Eh, it's catchy, but I don't think the world's ready for it. Gerg [in skimpy leather outfit]: Come on, guys! "Gerg - Warrior Princess"! Who could resist?!] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Well, the dominatrix look certainly does wonders for your figure, but it'll never work. Gerg: Dammit. Johnny: Back to the drawing board... Disturbed: I know! A porno episode!....starring me! Gerg: Hey, if there's ever a porno episode, *I'm* going to be the star! Johnny: No, you're not... Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Uniboob! CaitO: ...Cytoplasm! Johnny: How the hell'd all you people get in here?! This is the WoRMS! brainstorming room! It's supposed to be secret! KatieM: Why, look! It's my best friend, Johnny! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Ack! My eyelid!!! Necrophiliac: I don't get it...we're on the top floor of the building, how could anyone get in here? Disturbed: I took the stairs, handsome.... Johnny: Stairs?! What stairs? There's only one elevator going up here, and... Dumbass McGee: [looks around the room] Uh...I don't see no elevator. Johnny: Then, how'd he get up here?! Necrophiliac: Beats me. You wrote us into this. Johnny: Eh? Well, I guess I'll have to make some more pointless dialogue until the reader forgets about this whole predicament. KatieM: Sounds good to me! Pink Ranger: meesa Needd mowntin Dewh! CaitO: Dewh? KatieM: Dewh? Johnny: Dewh? Disturbed: Dewh? Necrophiliac: Dewh? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Dewh? K+K: Dewh? And when a girl says Dewh? she means Dewh? Gerg: Dewh? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Postman Pat! Postman Pat! Postman Pat and the black and white cat! Johnny: Julia, however, in the light and visions of the issues of Stanley, we changed our minds. We have decided to include a secret message, Stanley, for you, and for all the other book partners. KatieM: Huh? Johnny: What? [kicks her in the shins] KatieM: OWWWW!!!! [falls on the ground in pain] Johnny: Oops. Necrophiliac: Well, I'll go work on my RPG now. Tingles: What's with all these new cast members now? Johnny: I guess a lot of people just wanted to be a part of the WoRMS! Experience (patent pending)! Eye Shadow: Hahaha, Necrophiliac's wearing eye shadow! Necrophiliac: Shut up, it's the only way I know how to feel good about myself! Tingles: I hear ya, brother! [trips and falls out 999999999th storey window] Crocodile Hunter: Oh my God, they killed Tingles! [dies of congential herpes] [The OTHER Mistress of Seduction walks in] The OTHER Mistress of Seduction: Hey, Mike! Johnny: Heyyyyy Kierrraaaa! Necrophiliac: Hey, Kiera! The OTHER Mistress of Seduction: Hey...uh, you. Necrophiliac: Awwww....I feel so left out! I'm gonna kill myself! [jumps out of 999999999th storey window, only to land on the top of a marshmallow truck. He rolls off the edge, then gets run over by a pillow truck and falls into a manhole.] Johnny: Ouch. Necrophiliac: Yipes! A gator! Johnny: Well, it's about time to end this episode. Hot Stuff: Hey. Johnny: Where were you? Hot Stuff: In your bed... Girl With British Accent: All right! Johnny: All right! -- 26/09/01 >K+K: Dewh? And when a girl says Dewh? she means Dewh? ---------- Episode 48 "The Dance" ---------- --By necrophiliac Additional Cast: Al - Al Howatt Moo Moo- lauren soo Conners- michelle conners (outside of WRHS) Perverted sex craved freak- Man this is the bomb, sweet ass Necropheliac- we're not even inside yet Perverted sex craved freak- hahaha, oh it will be hard you know beating off all those women Necropheliac- HAHAHAHA, oh yeah!!!! (eyeshadow and conners approach) eyeshadow- Hey Mackenzie!! Conners- Stalker!!!! Necropheiac- I can't help it, besides, the real stalker here is............. JOHNNY!!! (dead silence) Perverted SEx craved freak- Where is johnny anyway?? (they all look around looking like idiots) Dumbass mcgee: guys, i can't go in there, the'res music...Ican only listen to my parents music, this music has swearing. Necropheliac- oh my god, come on, loosen up a bit! Perverted Sex craved freak- yeah, virginise me!!! (they all stare at him) Perverted Sex Craved Freak- you guys wouldn't understand. (they all enter, leaving Dumbass mcgee with the stonned seniors] Dumbass mcgee: heh... so guys.......you don't like that music either? crack dude: man this is the best sh!& i've ever done other crack dude: hey lets sacrafice him..........then we can roll him and smoke him stonned senior: man, you're stoned! if we tried sacraficing him, the magic pig will fly away with him, what are you stupid Dumbass mcgee: heh......ya......my mom says I'm cool crack dude: hey dude! he just called my mom fat! stonned senior: lets beat his a@@! (meanwhile, inside the dance is grovving) (over loud noise) Necropheliac: hey, hot stuff, you want to dance? Hot stuff: you want me to take off my pants? Necropheliac: I look like an ant? Hot stuff: you want me right now in that janitors closet? Necropheliac:you did it with the janitor? Hot stuff: yeah i'll dance with you (dancing) Necropheliac: thanks for dancing! Hot stuff: i'm not going to pants you! Necropheliac: lets just dance okaY? Hot Stuff: calm down, heheheh, lets just dance okay (after the slow song) Necorophiac: time for the dying chicken dance!!!! (he does a horribly mutated, just plain f**ked up dance,scaring most of the people away and creating a circle around him] circle: dance, dance, dance, dance!!!!!! NEcopheliac: they like, me they really like me!!!! Cripple: hohoiwg!!!! pink ranger: mesa da donce goed!!!! (another slow song starts) moo moo: hey Necopheliac, want to dance? Necropheliac:.....n.......n-yeeeeeeeeees (he dances pure agony) Necorpheliac: why do I get all the bad luck? moo moo: huh? Necropheliac: uhhhh,nothing (dance ends) (necopheliac walks around scouting hot women) (spots the OTHER mistress of seduction) Necopheliac: hey kira! (She ignores him) Necropheliac: Kira? (ignores him) Nerpheliac: ohhhhhhhhhhh come on..........I be your friend! (she walks away) Necropheliac: nothing good ever happens to me Hot stuff: I dropped a dime down my shirt, can you get it? Necropheliac: SWEET! (preceds to do so) Necropheliac: well here you go, to bad nothing ever happens to me... (slow song) moo moo: want to dance? Necropheliac: Don't you have anybody else to dance with? Moo MOo: no Necropheliac: well........NO!!!!! YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!! Moo MOO: oh god no,i'm leaving (preceds to do so) NEcopheliac: eh good ridence announcer guy: HEY!!!!! WHO WANTS TO SCREAMMMMMM!!!!!!!! Necropheliac: fuck you!!!!!! Announcer guy:no, fuck you, you can't say that to me, I'm going to pop a cap in your ass Necropheliac: hey, I bet you didn't know...I'm a yellow belt!!! Crowd: *gasp* announcer guy: okay man, sorry, hehe I was just joking....you know, kidding were pals right? Necropheliac: i'll let it go, this time, ais!!! (a mosh pit forms) Dumbass mcgee: finnaly, a crowd to unleash my anger upon (he jumps in and gets kicked out imeadiatly, with lots a bruises] Necropheliac: hahaha, nothing good ever happens to you Perverted sex craved Freak: I know, I will go in the crowd and show my true power, the mosh pit will be destroyed!!! (he walkes in and farts) (they all fall dead) Perverted sex craved FReak: meh, I wont complain Hot stuff: hey Dumbass, could you get the loonie that fell in my underwear? Dumbass mcgee: no, thats okay, I'm waiting for something good to happen to me crocadile hunter: I havn't felt so alive, since....well never (dies of the black plauge) ukranion: Ukraine not weak, ukraine STRONG! (mean while, where ever the hell Johnny is) Johnny:aww darn, I think I took a wrong turn at the sign that said dance-left, nowhere-rightI Knew I should have turned left.........oh well I'll get it next time. Hey, Al, you're cool! Al: Aww...thanks man, I luv ya! Johnny: Doesn't everybody.... (an anvil drops on his head, a roller rolls over him, a gator eats him, the gator is killed by a nuke] -- >Hot stuff: I dropped a dime down my shirt, can you get it? ---------- Episode 49 "Dumbass McGee Goes to Heck" ---------- --By Dumbass McGee Additional Cast: Dumbass McGee: Let's talk about Japanese animation! All: [stare at him blankly] DM: Or not....well, how about everyone give me food! I forgot my lunch. Nerdboy: Go to Hell. DM: Shut up! I don't like that word! Nerdboy: Too bad, go to hell! [DM sinks into the ground and goes to hell[ DM: AHHHH! It burns! Nerdboy: well, that was interesting Dude Guy: Hey Nerdboy, wheres DM? Nerdboy: hell. Dude Guy: Ok, good.As long as he's not here. [DM pops out of the ground on his head] Nerdboy: How the hell did you get back? DM: I am pure of heart. They didn't want me. Dude Guy: Damn...must've been too homosexu -- DM: What? Dude Guy: Uh, nothing. Eyeshadow: Who wants some of my home-brew porn? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Sorry, I only look at kiddie porn Dude Guy: You can borrow some of mine. PSCF: How old are they? Dude Guy: 11 PSCF: Sweet [Dude Guy lends magazine to PSCF] PSCF: ooooooo...[drools] DM: Well, that was fun. Now, it's time to do some cool work. -- 01/10/01 >Frizzle fry: Hey Nerdboy, wheres DM? Nerdboy: hell. ---------- Episode 50 "Raving and Drooling" ---------- Additional Cast: Smokey da Bear - Mitchell Salter Smokey da Bear: I ought to stop smoking...nah! HARHAHHARHAHRHAHRAHRAHHARH...ACK! *cough* *hack* ...damn phlegm. [leaves] Johnny: That was pointless. Dumbass McGee: Darn bibulous idiot! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Don't be so mediocre, fool! Johnny: Hnph! Meticulous Matt! Necrophiliac: But, you're sooo majestic, Johnny! Crack Dude: Uh...don't be gay, moomoo. Uhuhuhuh. You kiddies want some crack? Cripple: Crack!...Hahoiwg! Dumbass McGee: My mummy says crack is baaad! My mummy says women are the devil! All: [stare at him blankly] [Dude Guy enters] Dude Guy: I finally dumped that assholio K+K! All: ... Johnny: You WHAT?! Dude Guy: I dumped her, I didn't like her anymore. Necrophiliac: Fool! If it weren't for you, I would have seduced her by now! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Yeah, let's get 'em, boys! Uraphiliac: Let's gangbang him! Some Guy: ...what?! I hate that little loser, I'm not eulosgd9t0e9givjsioing for him! [K+K pops out of the ground and tears Dude Guy to ribbons] Johnny: That was uncalled for. The Mistress of Seduction: Hey, Johnny! The OTHER Mistress of Seduction: Hi, Mike! Hot Stuff: Hey, Johnny! K+K: Eet's nice to see you, Johnnay! I'll be bak. Girl With British Accent: All right, Johnny! Dannie: Oooooh! Johnny! KatieG: It's Johnny! Brie: Johnny! Necrophiliac's Ex Girlfriend: Hi, Mike! Hot Chick: You're cool, Johnny! CaitO: Hi, Johnny! Disturbed: Oh, it's Johnny! Eye Shadow: Johnny! KatieM: My best friend, Johnny! Conners: Hi, Mike! Necrophiliac: Hi, everybody! All: [stare at him blankly] Necrophiliac: Oh God, I'm going to commit suicide now! Haha, just kidding! Moo Moo: Heyyyy, Necro! Wondercow: Necrophiliac, you're hot! Tingles: mmmm...sweet sweet Necrophiliac can.... Necrophiliac: No! [leaps out of 9.9x10^1000000000000000000000 storey window to his death] [Note From Johnny: Yeah, that *was* a bit mean....I promise that's the end of that one. lol] Johnny: Hahaha, those wacky zany nutty funsters! Pink Ranger: pink Floid is te Cooles Badn Ever1 Johnny: Ugh. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Freak! You only like it because Johnny does! Pink Ranger: So Wat>? Johnny: Let's get 'em, girls! [they verbally beat him] Pink Ranger: Good wone< guys! Haha, yu're laufing with me, riht? not *at* me...? Eyeshadow: We're laughing *at* you, FREAK! Pink Ranger: ...but Your my freinds, Right/? All: No. Nerdboy: Go to Hell. Gerg: Go screw a moose. Crack Dude: Go fuck a cow. uhuhuhuh Pink Ranger: Ogod no! [jumps out of 42nd storey window to death] The Mistress of Seduction: Well, I've gotta go now. Hot Stuff: Me too. Johnny: Shine on, you Crazy Diamond. -- 01/10/01 >Tingles: mmmm...sweet sweet Necrophiliac can.... Necrophiliac: No! [leaps out of 9.9x10^1000000000000000000000 storey window to his death] .:|WoRMS! Part Eleven|:. top ---------- Episode 51 "the uh, LAST time I will kill Johnny.....I mean it... this time" ---------- --by necropheliac (obviously, what writer would kill himself?) Additional Cast: K&K: I miss dude guy, under his crusty shell of alcholism, drugs and causual sex with other women, there was a kind sensitive man inside with feelings. Necropheliac: No there wasn't! He was a bad man, er boy, don't regret shreding him into pieces and throwing his carcass to the seagulls! You did the right thing! When somebody dumps you have the RIGHT to mangle them. its A RIGHT, not a PRIVLAGE, no one can take that away K&K: wow, for a Necropheliac, your a pretty sensitive guy! Necropheliac: I'm also good in the sac Necropheliacs ex girlflriend: hes got me there! just thinking of his sweet sweet can..... K&K: Maybe I should look for a new man to be my sex slave (dumbass mcgee waves his arms like a mad-man in front of her) K&K: anyone? (he continues to do so) K&K: well, what about you Necropheliac? Necropheliac: but........I havn't had a chance to suduce you yet? K&K: oh well, I'll be back, come with me if you want to live! Teminator: Thats my line, die good looking bitch! (they engage in a battle to rule the world) (K&K starts to lose) (starts losing worse) (almost gone) Perverted Sex Craved Freak: My god whats that riding towards us slowly on a donkey? Johnny: my god, its a bird Necropheliac: its a plane Hot Chick: No, its Gerg, Warrior Princess (Gerg opens a can of whoop ass on Terminator) Gerg: wherever there is trouble, I will be there Wherever a man drops some loose change, I will be there Whenever the canteen is having deals on ridicuasly long sandwiches, I will be there I am Gerg, WARRIOR PRINCESS< AIAIAIAIAI All:(stare blankly) Gerg: I'm going to leave now Necropheliac:pink ranger you look so young! JOhnny, you look so.....right... Cripple: When is Johnny going to die Necropheliac: soon, cripple, ......soon Johnny: ohhhhhhh crap All the good looking women: hi Necropheliac!!! all the rest of the girls: hi johhny, your cute! Johnny: I know the routine Necropheliac: oh no, your not getting off so easy!!!!I'm going to kill you when you least expect it Johnny: now? Necrpheliac:no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no Johnny: now? Necropheliac: no! and shut up!!!!!! (johnny turns to leave) Necropheliac:(stabs him in the back with his plastic knife, he falls out the window (he falls, 9.9^gogolplex(one hundred zero's) (he hits, a lamp on the way down, breaking his back, then his eyes are gauged out by sharp rocks and his body is ran over by 4 horse chariot. He falls down a manhole and is dissolves in the raw sewage) (note: sorry mike, no offence, but if you kill me i have to kill you. I promise no more killing (well johhny) unless he kills me!) K&K: Necropheliac, I want you! Necropheliac, uhhhhhh some other episode Hot stuff: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, [commits suicide because she couldn't have johnny] (had to give you somthing mike)) [note from Johnny: hahaha] -- 01/10/01 >(stabs him in the back with his plastic knife, he falls out the window (he falls, 9.9^gogolplex(one hundred zero's) (he hits, a lamp on the way down, breaking his back, then his eyes are gauged outby sharp rocks and his body is ran over by 4 horse chariot. He falls down a manhole and is dissolves in the raw sewage) ---------- Episode 52 "Perverted Sex Craved Freak Gets A Girlfriend" ---------- Additional Cast: Mrs. Claus - Justin Patterson Randy - Myles McCulloch Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Hey guys! Guess what! Necrophiliac: What? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: I've got a date with Eyeshadow! Necrophiliac: Wow! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: You're jealous, aren't you? Necrophiliac: No, I don't even like her. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Ha! You're jealous, FREAK! Necrophiliac: What? But -- Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Freak! Necrophiliac: Waah Johnny: Now look what you did, you bad bad man! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Shut up....FREAK! AHAHAHAHA! Well, I've gotta go, boyz! There are womens waiting for me! [leaves] Johnny: Oh well, time to get off my lazy ass and write another episode [kicks KatieM in the shins] KatieM: Ouch! [Old Man Wyman walks in, bumping his head on the door] Old Man Wyman: Ouch! [meanwhile, at a romantic restaurant...] [oh wait, it's the Hong Ying Restaurant, with its recycled food and garbage on the floor and unwashed dishes...scratch that whole romantic idea. If you want romantic, go to the Downeast. I mean --- What? Oh, I'm gettig carried away, aren't I? Anyhow...] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: I'm so glad you could make it tonight. Eyeshadow: Well, to tell you the truth, I just invited you here so I could humiliate you in front of many people, but.... Perverted Sex Craved Freak: ...you noticed what a handsome guy I was and changed your mind? Eyeshadow: No, not really. [beats him up] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: But, Eyeshadow.... Eyeshadow: Let's go, Randy. Randy: Uhuhuh. That's what you get for hitting on my girfriend. [kicks Perverted Sex Craved Freak] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Ow! My eyelid! Randy: Oops. My bad. [over in the next table] aMinal: ... aMinal: ... aMinal: ... aMinal: ... [oops, wrong table] aMinal: Son of a bitch. [camera zooms to other side of room] Mrs. Claus: Matt Kehoe, why don't you love me? Dumbass McGee: No, it'll never work... Mrs. Claus: I'll treat you good! Dumbass McGee: I'm sorry, but I just don't like you! [leaves with Cripple] Mrs. Claus: Waah [back in WRHS...] Johnny: Heyyy, girls! All: Hieee, Johnny! We love you! Necrophiliac: Hey. All: ... Necrophiliac: ... [starts to cry] All: Just kidding! We love you, too! Hey, wanna play Twister with us? We still have room for one more person! Necrophiliac: Aw, thanx, guys! [Perverted Sex Craved Freak enters] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Hi guys, I'm feeling depressed. All: ...you suck! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: No! I'm gonna commit suicide! [leaps out of 42nd storey window] [Johnny and Necrophiliac snicker to themselves] Crocodile Hunter: No, Perverted Sex Craved Freak! I love you! [jumps out after him] -- 09/10/01 >You stupid Kehoe. ---------- Episode 53 "Double Episode: Dumbass McGee Writes another episode/ Teacherman saves The World." ---------- --By Dumbass Mcgee Additional Cast: DM: Does anyone want to talk about Japanese animation or give me food today? Johnny: No DM: Fine, be that way Johnny: Ok DM .....uh...alright, then. Necrophiliac: So what's going to happen in this episode? DM: I'm not sure. All I know is that I got to write it. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: What! You write an episode? You could never write a good one! You'll never top "Dumbass McGee Goes to Heck" DM: I wrote that. PSCF: Oh....well, it sucked! Yeah, that's right! DM: Whatever. Anyhow, got any ideas for my episode? Johnny: You could ramble about nothing. That's what I do. I just add sex jokes to make it funny. But, with your gayness and all you won't do it. DM: I know plenty of non-perverted jokes. Necrophiliac: Like? DM: With did the fish say when it ran into the concrete wall? Necro: Damn? DM: No, dam. Necro: You spelt damn wrong DM: The fish went into a dam Necro: It's funnier to say damn. DM: Fine, whatever. You know, this episode is becoming a waste of space. Johnny: All your episodes are a waste of space. Necro: Yeah! PSCF: Yeah! DM: ...true, but this moreso. I need something to happen. [Godzilla walks up to the window, followed by Mothra.] Johnny: Right... [monsters leave] DM: Agh! My nose! [his nose starts bleeding. he runs into the bathroom, crying] PSCF: Hahaha [Meanwhile] EvillMann: Yes! I have completed my deathray and I will destroy the world! [Teacherman runs in, wearing a rediculous looking outfit. He looks like a neon Batman] Evill Mann: Who the hell are you? Teacherman: I'm Teacherman! EvillMann: Good for you. TM: I'm not going to lt you destroy the earth! I'll be out of a job! EvillMann: You can't stop me! TM: I can! I'm Teacherman! [he recites the Teacherman Song] EvillMann: Was that supposed to scare me? TM: No, but my halfassed teaching will! [he gives EvillMann a lesson about his name being spelled wrong] EvillMann: Argh! [melts] Teacherman: I am winner, hahaha! [flies away] -- 11/10/01 >Teacherman: I am winner, hahaha! ---------- Episode 54 "Caravaggio's Death of a Windsorian" ---------- --By Johnny, Necrophiliac, Eyeshadow and Perverted Sex Craved Freak Additional Cast: One-Eyebrow Man - Toufic Ibrahm Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Another day, another sandwich! [another day passes] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Another day, another sandwich! Johnny: We did that already. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Oh. [another day passes] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Another day, another...CHICKEN! Necrophiliac: Right-o...speaking of which, where's Pink Ranger. Dude Guy: Who cares? [behind him, Pink Ranger is seen being mauled by a mutated alligator] Pink Ranger: ahhh!!111 Fro The Lvoe oF Gdo. hlep me!! [everyone ignores him] Pink Ranger: Ohhh dgo hepl me! ill never eat anuther pei! [they continue to ignore him] Crocodile Hunter: Now watch as this giant croc sinks its giant fangs into his ripe testicles! Oh wait, he has none! [the croc leaves, feeling rather unsatisfied] Pink Ranger: ive ben rpaed bi a gatr! All: [trying to hold in laughter]...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Johnny: I laugh at your misfortune. Pink Ranger: yu luv mi gurls, rught/? Various womens: Go to Hell! We like Johnny! Another Various Women: And/or Necrophiliac! [Pink Ranger transforms into Pissed Off Pink Panger!] Pissed Off Pink Ranger: il'l sho you my treu power! then yull all lik me11 [can you guess what happens?] [sounds of flatulence] All: Ewwww! What little respect we had for you is now gone! [he implodes] One-Eyebrow Man: Poor fools, they are unaware of my Muslim Mafia! Bin Laden is my right hand man! Iverach: Mwahahahaha. We can be evil together! Dumbass McGee: No gang can beat my GGG! All: GGG? Dumbass McGee: The GayGayGay! All: AHAHAHAHA KKK Member: I take offense to that. [he crucifies Dumbass McGee and leaves] Dumbass McGee: Guys? A little help here....? Cripple: Now you know how it feels! Dumbass McGee: My Christian Mafia and GGG will destroy you! Johnny, Necrophiliac, and Perverted Sex Craved Freak: I don't think so. Dumbass McGee [to his extreme right wing Christian followers]: Throw those bibles! Moon them! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Oh...dear God no! Necrophiliac: The humanity! Call Mr. Razor! All: MR. RAZOR! Help us! Dumbass McGee: You will never escape my wrath! JOIN US! Mr. Razor: Don't worry! I'm here! DIE!!!! [kills Dumbass McGee and the Christian GGG Mafia runs away] Dumbass McGee: [in hell] You can't kill me! Angry Mob: Yes we can! [they kill him and the Crocodile Hunter runs away with his body] Necrophiliac: Come back! That's my corpse! [an anvil falls on the Crocodile Hunter] Necrophiliac: Hmmm....Crocodile Hunter or Dumbass McGee...? Croc Hunter... or....I think I'll pick the Crocodile Hunter! [another day passes] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Another day, another sandwich! Johnny: Shut up! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: What!? I will kill you! [he kills Johnny] [a day passes] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Hey, Johnny. Johnny: Hey, Perverted Sex Craved Freak. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: You look different some how? Johnny: Oh yeah, I just returned from beyond the grave. Ho-Hum. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Sorry, I just felt like hurting someone. Johnny: Oh, happens to us all. [Perverted Sex Craved Freak suffers heart attack and dies] Johnny: *yawns* [Perverted Sex Craved Freak performs CPR on himself and comes back to life] Johnny: So, uh, what did I miss while I was gone? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Dumbass McGee got a girlfriend! Johnny: What is the world coming to?! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Just kidding. Eyeshadow: I want you, Matt! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Sweet ass. Randy: She's MY woman! [they fight and both die] Johnny: [reading newspaper] Mmmm hmmm. Big loss. They'll be back. [yet another day passes] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Hey guys! Randy: Hey guys! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: You can kiss my white ass for not helping out back there. I've died twice this week. Johnny: I think that's a record. [he dies of three simultaneous heart attacks] ....Ow! My eyelid! Anywho, let's go get a drink of water and/or WHISKEY!!!! Necrophiliac: Ya! CaitO: Ya, I am hot! All: ... [a day passes] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Another day, another sandwich! Pink Ranger: anuther dai,anuther rapng of necofeliac! Necrophiliac: No! [dies of hemmoroids] Pink Ranger: Dam Johnny: Get the Preparation H... [a day passes] Necrophiliac: Hey, guys! Eyeshadow: Hey, how ya doin', guys? Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Die, pussy! [goes to stab Johnny, but redirects it to Necrophiliac. Necrophiliac dies] K+K: Zis violence! Zis bad! [kills everyone and leaves] Saddam Husein: You will all die! Nuke 'em! [everyone dies for good] [Johnny: Nah] [everyone magically recovers] Death: Hi, y'all! Johnny: Hi, Death! [an anvil falls on his head] Saddam Husein: You will all die! Nuke 'em! [everyone dies for good. they float towards heaven] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: I wonder what Heaven will be like? [he falls into Hell] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Ahhhhhhhh! Johnny: Sucker! I'll see you in Hell...from Heaven! AHAHAHAAH -- AHHHHHH!!!!! [Johnny falls into Hell] Necrophiliac: AHHHHHHHH!!!! [falls after them] Dumbass McGee: Looks like I'm the only one going to Heaven! [God kicks him out and takes in everyone else] Dumbass McGee: It burns!!!!! Cripple: Haha hahoiwg! I'll never forget this adventure! [they magically return to Earth and they forget all about their adventure the very next day] -- 12/10/01 >Johnny: Oh yeah, I just returned from beyond the grave. Ho-Hum. ---------- Episode 55 "PalendromeemordnelaP" ---------- Additional Cast: Sassy - Cassie Parker Buddy - Katie Gale [the WoRMS! gang is gathered at the school for a night of mirth, merriment, and live sex shows] Scotty: ~Werd! Lavalamp Lord: It's a teenage wasteland, we're all wasted! Iverach: When're the damned sex shows starting? I'm a busy man! I've got evil schemes to plan! Dumbass McGee: [stumbles on stage] Uh...sorry everyone, but I've cancelled the live sex shows. We can have fun while living moral lives, right? All: Boooo-urns! Booo-urns! Necrophiliac: Fuck you, moron! [throws beer bottle at Dumbass McGee] Dumbass McGee: Owww! That really, really hurt! Come on, guys! I've got feelings, too! Pelting me with garbage is wrong! Johnny: Hey, you know, he's right! All: [muttering to themselves how throwing trash at Dumbass McGee is wrong] Gerg: Oh well, let's hurt him anyways! All: Yeah! [they proceed with hurling sharp objects at him] Dumbass McGee: Help! Teacherman will save me! [Teacherman flies into the room] Teacherman: What're you people doing, abusing Dumbass McGee?! Sassy: Yeah, you got a problem with that? Teacherman: ...[glances at the crowd, then Dumbass McGee]...you missed a spot! Johnny: Then, grab a bottle and join on in! All: Gonna paint a wagon...i mean, time to beat Matt Kehoe! [everyone continues slightly wounding him until there is a knock on the door] Garrett: There is a knock on the door! Johnny: That's the second biggest knock on the door I've ever seen! [they open the door and gasp in amazement] All: Gasp! [in amazement] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Yes, it is I, Crazy Li'l Bastard. I have returned from the void. Pink Ranger: btu How? I Killd You Bcak in epusode 25!1 Crazy Li'l Bastard: Fool! With Johnny's amazing writing abilities, anything is possible! Pink Ranger: no1111 [dies of self inflicted head wounds] Buddy: Hahaha...uh oh.... [a vortex opens up over Pink Ranger's lifeless body and....!!!] [a vortex closes under Pink Ranger's vigorous body!] Buddy: Waahh...yay! Pink Ranger: Yes!!!! [he is born again] Crazy Li'l Bastard: Wiseman! Without Johnny's halfassed writing, nothing isn't impossible! Pink Ranger: But why? You gave birth to me ahead in Episode 25! Crazy Li'l Bastard: No, 'twas not him, Crazy Li'l Bastard. You did not go into the void. All: Psag! [monotonously] [we close the door and pasg monotonously] Johnny: That's the second smallest knock off the door you've ever not seen! Garrett: There isn't a knock off the door! [I continue severely healing myself after there is a knock off the door] All: Gonna unpaint that wagon...you don't mean time to restore Matt Kehoe! Johnny: Then, give a brush and go away! Teacherman: ...[looks away from the crowd, then Dumbass McGee]...I didn't miss a spot! Sassy: No, I've got a solution with that? Teacherman: How're we doing, helping Dumbass McGee!? [Teacherman flies out of the room] Dumbass McGee: No help needed! Teacherman won't provide me with no aid! All: Never! [we stop receiving blunt objects from us] Gerg: Oh well, you'll revive me anyways! All: [shouting at everyone else how curing Dumbass McGee is correct] Johnny: Hey, I don't know, I'm inaccurate! Dumbass McGee: Owww! That tickled! Go off, guys! You don't have emotions, either! Taking treasure from you is right! Necrophiliac: Virginize me, genius! All: Boo-urns! Booo-urns! Dumbass McGee: [strides off of stage with air of dignity] Er...apology accepted, me, but you've ordered the not-live non-sexual shows. You cannot have sadness without immoral deaths! Iverach: When are the blessed non-sexual shows ending? You're a leisurely woman! You've not got good plans to do! Lavalamp Lord: It's not a senior utopia! You're all sober! Scotty: !Drew~ [the WoRMS! gang is scattered outside the school for a morning of melancholyness, woe, and non-live not-at-all-sexual shows...] aMinal: [sweating] AHHHHHH!!!!!...woah, that was one fucked up dream. I better go get some water and/or whiskey to drink. [he goes downstairs and gets a glass of water and/or whiskey to drink.] Ah, much better!...Hey! What the Hell are you doing in my house?! [aMinal notices a masked man with a baseball bat sneaking around his living room] Masked Man: Shit. aMinal: Die, fool! [beats the man with a frozen turkey until he is unconscious. He takes the mask off, and sees the face of....Bob Barker, off of The Price Is Right!!!!! And he has BITCH written backwards on his forehead!] My God, it's Bob Barker, off of The Price Is Right! And he has BITCH written backwards on his forehead! Oh well, back to bed I go. [he goes back to sleep] [the next morning] aMinal: Oh, look, Bob Barker's corpse has mysteriously disappeared. Oh well. -- 14/10/01 >No, I am not on crack. .:|WoRMS! Part Twelve|:. top ---------- Episode 56 "an epic tale of heroism and bravery...or just another episode about nothing"" ---------- -- by necropheliac Additional Cast: thief - megan boyd (some place) K+K: ahhh zi luv being zis zingle, zis good! dude guy: not if i can help it, i'm desperate, katie and/or kelly! (K+K kills him) K+K: ahhh zis violiance zis bad! (Necropheliac and Johnny enter looking lit) Necropheliac: man thats the best sh- Johnny: --it Necropheliac: i've ever done Johnny: ya Teacherman sure didn't stinge when we asked him for pot Necropheliac: ya.....i know! We can shun pink ranger and/or Dumbass mcgee! Johnny: 'tis a fine idea, if should say so my self! (they look around) Necropheliac: Where are the little buggers anyway, it's kinda boring without them Johnny: ya....this story has no plot without someone to make fun of.... (they stand around for a few days, untill dumbass mcgee comes(nmiaow)) Dumbass mcgee: hey, guess what guys! i got a girlfriend!!!! Necropheliac: what???? you going out with pink ranger, ahhh that is as i thought... Dumbass mcgee: no, you see, now you can't call me gay, i have a GIRLFRIEND Johnny: I always knew it too! and now he admits it, he's gay!!!!!!! Dumbass mcgee: NO!!!!! I have a girlfriend!!!! stop it with only hearing what you want to hear!!! Necropheliac: my god, do you think he may acctually be telling the truth??? you think he might acctually have a girlfiend????? all: *gasp* Perverted sex craved freak: so who is it matt??? who's the unlucky gurl\guy??? dumbass mcgee: well, we arn't going out as of yet all: *gasp* Johnny: so, we need name!!!!! ukraine guy: ya WE NEED NAME!!! urkraine not weak ukraine strong!!!! dumbass mcgee: i can't tell you!!! all: *gasp* Ridiculously long sandwich:Do you want more money from your house?? if you are between the ages of 60 and 85 than you are eligable for home income plan. senior citizen: it can really take the pressure off Dumbass mcgee: well at least i had attention for a bit, hey, guys pay attention to me all: *gasp* (they crucify him then leave) cripple: mwahahahahaha Thief: shut up,....brother!!!! all: *gasp* cripple has a sister???mumble mumble mumble..... cripple: hey I thought you all left! all: *gasp* (cripple dies for finding a flaw in necropheliacs writing) (a day passes) Cripple: hey guys!! (they crucify him then leave...really this time) cripple: ahhh man......shitty deal.......the only company is dumbass mcgee's rotting corpse Dumbass mcgees rotting corpse: hehehe, slowly i will get them to accept me, then when they are least expecting it, i will kill you all!!!! in your dreams!!!!! (fragments into a pile of dust) (mea while where ever, *all* went) necropheliac: hey i just realised, where do we ever go in these episodes?? like where do the stories take place?? just some random WoRMS room? the 47th story room?? dude guys house??? where??? (all turn towards johnny) Johnny: hell if i should know, its not like i write these things! all: *gasp* Perverted sex craved freak: ahh man, this is some crazy sh Necropheliac: it Perverted sex craved freak: somebody stole the cookies from the cookie jar!! pink ranger: wasn't mi!! thief: hahahaah the cookies are mine fools, TOLOS!!!! mwahahaha you may have sacraficed my *brother* to the gods but you cant' catch me i'm the ginger bread womargggggg~!!!! (they catch her and feast on her.....well she is made of gingerbread1111) K+K: zo, what appened about my converzation at zhe firzt??? Dude guy: hahoig! i'm alive again, and i have....found the formula for invunribility HAAHAHA!!!!!111 (K+K kills him) Johnny: well there goes that idea Slacker: time for a new seating arrangment! JOhnny: well this should last 10 minutes Cait-O: but it isn't science class, this is 9:00 on a tuesday evening!!! Necropheliac: he is very fond of these things isn't he?? crack dude: duh........... Slacker: whats pi, quick now this one is easy!!! (crack dude writes random numbers) slacker: my god!!! all: *gasp* Necropheliac: what???? johnny: he's discovered that there really is no god, there is in pen, the numaric formula....... dumbass mcgee: but my christian mofia...............oh well ALL: how did you get here, didn't you say you were going to kill us? Dumbass mcgee: oh yeah..............bye (fragments into dust, and vanishes into mediocre air) (a day passes) Thief: hey all: hey thief: sup? all: n2m, u? thief: ntm, here, chillen all: yup....... thief: so.........how are you? All:good u? thief: okay........ Necropheliac: my god......it is my ICQ conversations all over again!!!1 johnny: maybe you should end this episode so you can send it to me over ICQ, seeing as i am on-line now Necropheiac: yup, time to get some chicken into me anyway -- 16/10/01 >johnny: he's discovered that there really is no god, there it is in pen, the numaric formula....... ---------- Episode 57 "Random Acts Of Violence" ---------- --By Iverach Additional Cast: Chowsky - Andrew Chow Kutch - Kyle Hill Boourns - Jeremy Burns [I finally got off my lazy ass and wrote the damn thing. Enjoy. -Iverach] [Boourns, Chowsky and Kutch are sitting at a table in the middle of a field] Chowsky: This table is 2/3 cool..... [everyone looks at Boourns] Boourns: Thats it, I'm leaving you guys and going to get stoned... [leaves] [Chowsky starts giggiling like a little schoolgirl] Kutch: What? [Chowsky holds up a small bag] Chowsky: His weed.... [Boourns comes back and grabs the bag from Chowsky] Boourns: Dick.... [Boourns turns to leave, but Chowsky picks up a rock and throws it at the back of Boourns' head. Boourns falls, rolls down a hill, lands in a river and is swept away, never to be seen again] Kutch: You dumbass, he still had his weed, now how the hell are we supposed to get stoned? [Kutch leaps across the table and starts beating Chowsky (nmiaow)] [meanwhile, down by the river] Iverach: Why am I here? [Chowsky and Kutch roll by, still fighting] Iverach: Oh, hey... whats all the fightin' about? Hey, arent those marijuana plants over there? [Chowsky and Kutch stop fighting] C&K: Where? Iverach: Oh, nevermind.... Hey, wanna help me capture Johnny? Chowsky: Can we get stoned? Iverach: Sure Kutch: Alright... [time passes] Kutch: ... [more time passes] Ivearch: Well, I'm gonna go now...... [leaves] [Chowsky looks at Kutch, then jumps on his head and starts hitting him with a rock] [the camara fades out, then fades in, the busses are preparing to leave WRHS] [Johnny, Fizzle Fry and aMinal are sitting on one of the busses, trying to talk over the noise] Johnny: So I says to Mabel... [Iverach walks on the bus] [The noise stops] Johnny: We meet again Mr. Bond..... Iverach: Stop calling me that... Johnny: No.. Iverach: Fine then... [Iverach thows a net over Johnny and starts to drag him off the bus] [Fizzle Fry and aMinal both point and laugh at Johnny] [aMinal punches Fizzle Fry] aMinal: Thats not funny... Fizzle Fry: The Hell you talkin' bout foo- [aMinal hits him again] [Johnny wakes up in a very dark place filled with various car parts] Johnny: Where am I? What has that evil bastard Iverach done to me? And why am I tied up? And why does my ass hurt? Dumbass McGee: Sorry.... [Johnny shudders] [the place bumps] Johnny: Bumps? What the hell? Wait, I can hear music... Sounds like.. Pink Floyd..... Hey, thats not too bad... whats that other noise? That constant rumbling? [Horns can be heard honking and Iverach swearing] Iverach: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY JACKASS!!! EVIL BASTARD COMING THROUGH!! Johnny: Thats it! I'm in the trunk of Iverach's car. Hrm... Hey, Dumbass McGee, untie me.. [Dumbass McGee unties him] Johnny: Hey, why aren't you tied up? Dumbass McGee: Uhhh... Johnny: Wait, I don't wanna know...... [Johnny starts fiddiling with the trunk latch] Dumbass McGee: Are you sure you want to open the trunk while the car is moving? Johnny: Its not moving fool! Were stuck in traffic, cant you hear him swearing? [Dumbass McGee listens, he can hear Iverach swearing worse than a drunken sailor] Dumbass McGee: I'm not supposed to hear that! My mom says its bad! Let me out of here, Johnny! Johnny: The hell you think I've been trying to do? [The car begins moving again] Johnny: Damnit! [Time passes, heavy metal music can be heard coming from the passenger section of the car] Johnny: Take your hand off my leg.... [More time passes, soon the car stops, the engine shuts off, a door slams and footsteps can be heard moving towards the trunk of the car] [Keys jingle] Iverach: Damnit, which one is it? [Iverach opens the trunk] Iverach: Hey! We're here! Dumbass McGee: You're bad.. Iverach: No shit..... Johnny: Shut up Matt... Where are we? Iverach: The most vile place upon the face of the Earth! Johnny: Joseph Sanfords ass? Iverach: NO! Sackville! Johnny: Sackville? Why Sackville? Iverach: Oh no, I've watched enough Bond movies to know not to reveal too much.... Johnny: Damn... Umm, I'll give you the final solution to Myst! Iverach: Nah, figured it out on my own.... Johnny: Damn! Hmmmm.. [Johnny kicks Iverach in the nuts] Iverach: HAUUFFF!! [Iverach throws up and falls over] Johnny: Well that was easy..... [Johnny gets in Iverach's car and starts driving back towards WRHS, but he is soon pulled over by the police] Officer: Liscense and registration sir..... Johnny: Uhhh.... Officer: You do ha.... HEY! Wait, youre just a kid! Get out of the car! Johnny: DAMNIT! [I think you can figure the rest out yourself] -- 16/10/01 >Johnny: Take your hand off my leg.... ---------- Episode 58 "Visiting Bin Ladin" ---------- --By Dumbass McGee Additional Cast: Naziboy-Nathan Stager [Somewhere in Afganistan, the worms crew is exploring the nuclear wasteland it has become] Johnny: Holy shit, they blasted this place but good! Necrophiliac: in bed Perverted Sex Craved Freak: with Pink Ranger K+K: forever and ever Nerdboy: amen Dumbass McGee: Uh, guys? My hair is falling out! Necrophiliac: that's just a little radiation poisoning Naziboy: Weather for Afganistan: Temperature: 3000 degrees F Windspeed: 700 km/h Visibility: 0% Dumbass McGee: I don't feel so well... Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Good for you. Hey, what ever happened to Bin Ladin? Johnny: I'm not sure. He's probably dead. Bin Ladin: Nope K+K: Where'd you come from? Bin Ladin: Under that pile of rubble Nerdboy: Here, have a ridiculously long sandwich Bin Ladin: Food! [Eats sandwich] Hey thanks, here, have this nuclear bomb Nerdboy: Cool, now i can take over the worl...er, dispose of it Dumbass McGee: Guys, I really need some help. I... [dies] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Oh well Dumbass McGee: yeah, no big loss [they all hear a beeping sound] Nerdboy: oops Naziboy: oh great, we're all gonna die, just like Dumbass McGee! Dumbass McGee: Yeah, that sucks! Bin Ladin: I'll save you [eats bomb] Johnny: uh, right, well, I think it's time to go back to school. Dumbass McGee: Ahhhhh! Naziboy: what?! Dumbass McGee: I missed Pok�mon! [dies] -- 17/10/01 >Dumbass McGee: I missed pok�mon! [dies] ---------- Episode 59 "Halloween : CO2" ---------- Additional Cast: Dr. Doom - Dr. Grandy Chris the Canman - Himself Dungeon Master- Pete Wyman Anti-Slacker - Mrs. Ardith Haley Puddle - Kathlyn Smith Pickle - Jill Redden King of the Birdies - Connor Gallant [all is dark. there is a faint humming in the background.] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Ungh....where am I? What am I? WHY AM I SO LAZY?!!!! [no answer] Mmmmhh...what the hell? I can't move; I'm tied up! [the lights flare on, temporarily blinding him] Dr. Doom: Good evening, Mr. Murley. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Huh? Where am I? Dr. Doom: Oh, don't worry, dear. Everyone gets a little nervous before their first labotomy. [rifles through some paperwork, humming to himself] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: There must be some mistake! I don't want a labotomy! Dr. Doom: Oh, sure you do. I'll be with you in a sec, k? [Johnny enters room] Johnny: Hey, Doctor! Dr. Doom: Good afternoon, Johnny! Are you looking for your recreational pharmaceuticals? They're in the medicine cabinet. Johnny: You're the best, doc! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Hey! Johnny! Help me! HELP! Johnny: Oh, hey Murley! Listen, normally, I'd do something to help you out, but I'm off to get stoned, so toodles! [leaves] Dr. Doom: Hmmmm hhmmmmm hmmm hhhhmmmmmmm hmmmm [continues to ignore Perverted Sex Craved Freak's screaming] [Necrophiliac enters] Necrophiliac: Yo, homes, I need that key to the morgue again. Dr. Doom: Oh, here ya go. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Oh, for the love of God, help me! Necrophiliac: Sorry, Murley, but I've got a date with this corpse tonight! [leaves] Dr. Doom: Ah, almost ready. Don't get too impatient now, son. [takes out a seven-foot long syringe.] You really shouldn't worry. It won't hurt at all...until the medication wears off, then you'd be in lots excruciating pain. Oh well. [camera pans to the side as Dr. Doom jabs the giant needle up Perverted Sex Craved Freak's ass. Cries of severe pain are heard. Maybe someone should help him. Oh well, no big loss.] [meanwhile...] Necrophiliac [looking quite refreshed]: Thanks for a good time, hun, but I'm a busy man; I've got things to see, places to go, and people to do! Speaking of which, I've got a job as a babysitter! Cya! Random Corpse: ... [rots] Some Guy: Took you long enough. [gets in the morgue for some "fun"] [an arbitrary amount of time later...] Necrophiliac: Let's see, I think this is the right address...666 King St. [back at Necrophiliac's house...] Answering Machine: ...Beeep....sorry, but the address should be 666 QUEEN St.... [back to Necrophiliac...] Necrophiliac: Hello? Is anyone home? Old Man Wyman: [bumps head on door] Ouch! Who the Hell are you? Necrophiliac: I'm the uh, babysitter. Old Man Wyman: Babysitter? I don't recall ever hiring one...eh, methinks I've bumped my head one too many times. Come in. [Dungeon Master, Johnny, Frizzle Fry, and aMinal are playing Dungeons and Dragons while getting high off non-toxic markers] Necrophiliac: Hi, all! All: ... [stare at him blankly] Necrophiliac: Let's all play a game! Dungeon Master [to aMinal]: This guy's scaring me, who is he? aMinal: Prolly an agent for Bob Barker. Let's jump 'em. Frizzle Fry: Yeah, then let's sacrifice him to the giant inflatable pig! Dungeon Master: Fool! Then, the goblins will find us! Necrophiliac: Uh, guys? [Chris the Canman falls on him from the rafters] Chris the Canman: Cans for the poor? Cans for the poor? Necrophiliac: Ack, my back! Dungeon Master: The poet speaks! Hear the eloquence of his word! aMinal: You're lit, man! Can't you see he is the prophet Mohammed resurrected? [back in Dr. Doom's lab] Dr. Doom: All better! And here's a lollipop! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: [drooling] Ugnh...ugnh.... K+K: Dad, I think you accidently gave him a pig's brain! Dr. Doom: Here's a quarter, call someone who cares. [Perverted Sex Craved Freak runs outside to wallow in a mud puddle] [the next day at school...] Anti-Slacker: Hi, class! King of the Birdies: Uh...wot's a quarrrter note? Anti-Slacker: Oh dear, I guess we'll have to start with introductory level theory... Dr. Dre: No, I can't do it, ma'am! King of the Birdies: There's too many flats! Anti-Slacker: There aren't any flats in this.... [everyone starts noodling] Anti-Slacker: Concert rest! [no one listens] Anti-Slacker: Quiet, everyone! [nothing happens] Necrophiliac: Fuck you! King of the Birdies: Duh, how do I read music? Anti-Slacker: I quit! [leaves] All: Yay! [the door opens...it's Hollis!] Johnny: It's Hollis, returned on the anniversary of the night we betrayed him! Hollis: I have returned from the void and I am now NeoHollis! All: Gasp! Randy: Really? Hollis: Uh, no. I just said that to sound cool. Ha ha. Now that the fun's all over, time for me to WHIP YOUR SORRY ASSES INTO SHAPE! Dr. Dre: I can't do it sir, there's too many flats! Girl With British Accent: Woohoo! King of the Birdies: Sir, wot's a rest do? Hollis: SILENCE!! [shows his true power and annihilates him] WHO'S NEXT!? All: ... Hollis: Now, for today's lesson, I have picked out an *extremely* easy piece that even you buffoons should be able to play. Tres facile. Ha ha ha. [he hands out the music] Necrophiliac: Mon dieu! This song is 1.93x10^15 measures long! Old Man Wyman: Bah! It's only a thirty-seven hour concerto! Why, back in my day, we'd play for weeks on end! Hollis: These young hooligans don' know anything about music! Old Man Wyman: Eh, sucks to be them. [bangs his head on the doorway] Ouch! Hollis: All right, I hope everyone's looked over this, because if anyone messes up, I'll make you start it all over again until you're perfect at it! Johnny: [to Dude Guy] Is this legal? Dude Guy: Beats me. [they start playing] [Dumbass McGee interrupts everyone on the first bar with his idiotic question, "How many beats does a half note get?"] [they start over] [he messes up] [they start over] [he messes up] [they start over] [he messes up] [they start over] [he messes up] [they start over] [he messes up] [they start over] [he messes up] [they start over] [five months later...] [he messes up] [they start over] [he messes up] [they start over] [he messes up] [they start over] Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Owwww....my lips! [they are swollen from constant playing] Oink oink! Necrophiliac: Haha, my lip's fine! Beaulio: Not anymore! [takes a chunk out of him] Necrophiliac: Owwww!!!! Dumbass McGee: We did pretty good; I got past the third measure...at this rate, we'll have mastered this by the year 4109 AD! All: [stare at him blankly] ... The OTHER Master of Seduction: Let's get him. Uraphiliac: Let's gangbang him! [he does so] Dumbass McGee: Waah. I've been violated! Uraphiliac: But, you liked it! Dumbass McGee: No, I didn't! That was immoral! Uraphiliac: Then, why were you shouting, "harder, Uraphiliac, harder!"? Dumbass McGee: Um...wow, I guess that did feel pretty good. Mrs. Claus: What? Why don't you love me, Matt? Why did you leave me for another man!? Lavalamp Lord: Cat fight! Pink Ranger: Meesa Pnki Rmnager1 I Have MAny penii!!!!!!11111 [he farts and the majority of the class is killed by the stench, only to appear again later on, due to plot inconsistencies] K+K: Ah!!!! Ze goggles! Zey do nofing!!! Johnny: Hahaha, good ol' U.S. Pat. D27754656! [a wild beast jumps in through the window, dressed as a vampire] Gerg: AHHH!!! It's a vampire!!!! All: AHHHHH!!!!!! Sassy: Oh wait, it's just Wondercow dressed as one. Puddle: AHHH!!! It's Wondercow!!!! All: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Buddy: Oh wait, it's just someone wearing a mask to look like Wondercow. Bob the Leprechaun: No, it really is Wondercow! AHHHH!!!!! All: AHHHH!! Johnny: AHHHHH!!!! Hollis: AHHHHHHH!!!! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: AHH!!!!!! The OTHER OTHER Master of Seduction: AHHHHH!!!! Garrett: AHHHH!!!!! K+K: AHHHHHHH!!! And when a girl says, AHHHHHHH!!!, she means AHHHHHHH!!! Dumbass McGee: Uraphiliac, you're turning me on! And when an asexual hermaphrodite says, Uraphiliac, you're turning me on!, he/she/it means, Uraphiliac, you're turning me on! [Dumbass McGee and Uraphiliac go off into another room to make passionate love] Pickle: I like pickles. Pink Ranger: i liek pies All: ... Johnny: Uh...let's make out. Hot Stuff: Sounds good to me! -- 31/10/01 >Dumbass McGee: Uraphiliac, you're turning me on! And when an asexual hermaphrodite says, Uraphiliac, you're turning me on!, he/she/it means, Uraphiliac, you're turning me on! ---------- Episode 60 "Remember, Don't Forget" ---------- --By Johnny and Necrophiliac Additional cast: The Beast - Michael from Middleton Coach - Mrs.micennen Kingpin - Jackie Young aka Troy's mom! Quizmaster - Rod something or other [Necrophiliac, K+K, and Johnny are driving to Berwick to get their asses kicked in Call To Remembrance] Necropheliac: well.....at least i get to miss a day of school so what if we get our asses kicked? Johnny: Yeah and we get to hang with K+K here all day~ K+K: zis vill be embarrasing Johnny: how long is this trip? Necropheliac: 1 hour K+K: cool,i know letz zing a zong! (nothing much happens until they get to Berwick) coach: man, we got a lame ass team, why did i have to get stuck with them....... Johnny: hey, arn't you supposed to give us self confidence? coach: what? shut up kid (leaves to have a smoke) (the trio look around to get a look at their competeters (they see middleton walk in, wearing identical clothes each holding a binder in their hands) middleton: we don't know, but we don't care, we arn't wearing underwear (they sit in perfect unison and begin studing) Necropheliac: woah, what a bunch of nerds (they over hear one of the kids speaking) middleton kid: HAHAHAH good one! You remind me of Lt. Com. Mcgraff on the 3rd assault against Dieppe! another middleton kid: Affirmative, look at that kid over there, he looks like the sergeant assigned to 4th canadian regiment at Vimy Ridge! middleton kid: wow, your right, a striking resemblance! Necropheliac: oh damn, we are going down K+K: ohhhh cheezies!!! (they start eating cheezies that don't have an expirery date) Necropheliac: aohhhh these don't taste right (they fall on the ground thrashing) (an hour later) Johnny: woah....that was crazy, they expired 3 years ago (a legion man enters) Legion man: okay! windsor you will be playing in about 9 hours so you better get ready! and here are everybodys rations, old bread and windsor water! middleton team: I think we will stick to our memory enhancing drugs (they start drinking a substance that looks almost as diluted as windsor water] coach: right......well get your sorry asses in the car, i have to go buy some stuff (after driving behind a sewage truck for 3 hours, they end up at Bargain Harley's, Nova Scotia's Number One Choice For Smuggled And/Or Stolen Goods!] Necopheliac: cool, lets see whats been smuggled in today! K+K: ya, vats hot! [shakes like a tree] Cashier: Free vial of anthrax with every purphase! Necrophiliac: Rip off! This isn't anthrax! It's just cocaine! Cashier: Eh, beggars can't be choosers. Johnny: Hey, it's VZ! What're you doing here? VZ: [surprised] What?! Oh...hi, kids! I'm uh....buying air fresheners! That's it! Air fresheners! [Teacherman walks in from a back room, carrying a bundle of marajuana plants] Teacherman: Yo, I got the goods! Just in time for that PTA meeting! Those kids don't know what we really....[trails off]...oh. Shit. [runs out the door with VZ] Necrophiliac: Wow! They sell pot here! Cool! Kingpin: All freshly grown in Three Mile Plains, the drug capital of Nova Scotia! Nerdboy: It's the family business! Crocodile Hunter: Wow! A microwave for 99 cents! [the microwave releases impossibly high levels of radiation, causing the Crocodile Hunter's cells to mutate, thereby starting the uncontrollable, ungovernable, unsuppressable growth of cells to form cancer tumors, which take nutrients from healthy cells, resulting in his untimely demise] All: Uh... Coach: Get your asses in here! Our game starts in 5 hours! Johnny: Yes, ma'am... [later on...] Johnny: Don't worry, we've still got a chance! We just have to answer the questions before the other team does! Quizmaster: What is the -- Beast: Berlin Wall! Quizmaster: Correct! Who was the-- Beast: Adolf Hitler! Quizmaster: Correct! Why -- Beast: Because the Germans invaded Russia! Quizmaster: Correct! K+K: Ah fink zey memorized all za questions! Necrophiliac: Shit! Johnny: Wait, I'll have a little chat with our friend, the Quizmaster! [goes to the Quizmaster and whispers something in his ear] Quizmaster: What? K+K thinks I'm hot? Sweet! [K+K, taking advantage of Johnny distracting the Quizmaster, proceeds with tearing the Middleton team to ribbons] Quizmaster: [still talking to Johnny] That's her number? Wow, it's a date!...Uh, what happened to the Middleton team?...Oh well, Windsor wins by default! All: Yay! K+K: uhhh....quiz master......I just love it when you ask questions (one of the legions coughs *pedafile*) Johnny: hey, I'm the pediphile! Quizmaster: well thats all the time we have for today folks, join me tomorrow as I venture into the unknown with a date with K+K!I will have a hidden microphone under my suit, it will be loads of fun until then, i'm rod........with a date, SCORE! (in the car on the way home) coach: man, we actually did pretty good, now I wont have to kick your asses! Johnny: ya kick ass! we got a day off school and we didn't even make fools out of our selves like our school usually does! K+K: Kick arz Necrpheliac: right-O, so anyway who wants chicken (silence) Johnny: that was sooooo last episode! K+K: ahhhhh thiz chicen zis good! coach: shut up you stupid kids! Now we're going back to WHRS! Johnny: awwwwww not that dump ---- 04/11/01 >Crocodile Hunter: Wow! A microwave for 99 cents! [the microwave releases impossibly high levels of radiation, causing the Crocodile Hunter's cells to mutate, thereby starting the uncontrollable, ungovernable, unsuppressable growth of cells to form cancer tumors, which take nutrients from healthy cells, resulting in his untimely demise] .:|WoRMS! Part Thirteen|:. top ---------- Episode 61 "Merry xxxmas to All" ---------- Additional Cast: John the Hutt - John Hutt #99 - Mr. K. Atwell [Scene: #frizzlefry. The Windsorians are hanging around there while the school is closed for fumigation. A scraggly tree sits in the corner. Apparently, some sort of Christmas party is going on.] Necrophiliac: Well, Merry Christmas to all. Or something. Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Hey, Johnny! Why don't you get some alcohol in this punch! Johnny: That has alcohol. It has all the alcohol from Frizzle Fry's stash. Frizzle Fry: I don't have a stash of alcohol! Johnny: Well, you certainly don't now, at any rate. Dumbass McGee: Hm. You know, now that you mention it, it does seem to be impairing my judgement just a smidgen. [he finishes the glass.] Pour me another, and then we'll go play chicken with an 18-wheeler. [Suddenly, a loud banging comes from the door.] Pink Ranger: Helo? let me in! My key dosent work. It Never works!1 And its below 32 Kelvin uot here.... Johnny [at piano]: Just keep banging! It adds some nice percussion! Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Quiet! I have to finish my RPG or Necrophiliac'll have my legs broke. [The merry sounds keep playing all into the night. PSCF finally snaps, and takes his laptop outside into the freezing snow. As he leaves, he slams the door quickly on Pink Ranger's hands.] Pink Ranger: Owwwww! PSCF: Oh, you deserved it. For... um.... something. [Meanwhile, back in #frizzlefry...] Iverach: I am the lizard queen! aMinal: Iverach, I think you need to lay off of the punch. Iverach: You can't speak to royalty like that! Now get me another. aMinal: *sigh*.... alright. Iverach: Alright what? aMinal: Alright, sovreign lord of the Reptillian Regiment. Iverach: Better. Dude Guy: Hey, who's for carolling? [Nobody pays any heed.] Dude Guy: Well, fine! I'll just carol with myself (nmiaow)! [He begins softly humming "Good King Wenceslas". The door slams open. Pink Ranger quickly rushes in out of the freezing cold and goes to the fire, but is jostled along the way and shatters a la Terminator 2. Nerdboy steps in with a few people shuffling around behind him.) Nerdboy: Greetings! I've brought some friends to share in our holiday joy! Frizzle Fry: Those aren't your friends. Nerdboy: True. But they asked to be in the Saga, so what could I do? Garrett: Yeah. We did at that. K+K: Now where's the punch? Iverach: The punch! Oh, the glorious punch! [He collapses in a heap at Nerdboy's feet.] Nerdboy: Whoa! Gimme a glass or two! [Johnny hands him one, and then resigns as bartender.] Frizzle Fry: Well, we've got a great party going here, eh? Some Guy: That was incredibly unneccesary. Frizzle Fry: Yeah, but what are you gonna do. [Nerdboy has wandered into the "Kiddie Corner". Necrophiliac and Thief are huddled inside a small pen near an open window at the far end of the room from the fire.] Dude Guy: Hey! I'll let you guys out if you'll sing carols with me! Necrophiliac: Um.... Thief: Well.... Necrophiliac: Actually, we'll take our chances here. Dude Guy: Oh. Okay. [He wanders off, now humming "Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland."] K+K: You know, we really shouldn't exclude Dude Guy like that. Idoit: So why not go and talk to him or something? K+K: I don't want to. Just saying it sucks is all. Cripple: Hey, nice chat room you guys have here. Too bad nobody's in it except on Saturdays. Yoda: Yeah, but even then, Frizzle Fry starts kicking people. Frizzle Fry: Do not! Excuse me a moment. [He walks over and kicks Yoda in the chin.] Yoda: Ow! Frizzle Fry: Teach you to steal coals from the fire! Johnny: Hey, Frizzle Fry, you shouldn't keep kicking people off for no reason like that. Only I can do that, and even then just for comic effect. Frizzle Fry: Bah humbug. Christmas sucks anyway. [Everybody gasps.] Iverach [stumbles to his feet]: Hey, Frizzle Fry, lighten up. Have some punch. Mini Flynni: Yeah. Christmas isn't so bad. The Mistress of Seduction: Don't you know that saying stuff like that leads to a corny "Chistmas Carol" parody? Dude Guy: Or we could skip the parody and just sing the carol! A ha ha ha! A ha ha.... ha... [He slowly stops as he realizes everyone is staring at him in shock.] Dude Guy: Well, it was funny in theory. Frizzle Fry: Oh, bah humbug. Iverach: Alright, that's it. Dumbass McGee: We can't take this fricking crud anymore. We're going back to #johnnyishot, where there's little to no controversy. Iverach: Anybody who wants to come with us and swap bon mots and whine about #frizzlefry is welcome. [They leave. Garrett starts to follow, but thinks better of it and stops.] Garrett: Man, you ruined our party! I only got two lines because of you!...wait! I only got one! Frizzle Fry: I've had enough from you morons. I'm out of here! [He storms out, stepping on a piece of Pink Ranger along the way. Everybody stares in shock for a moment.] Gerg: .... I think I'm blind! [pause] No, wait, I just had my eyes closed. [Frizzle Fry storms along the street, ignoring beggars and being cruel to small animals. He finally opens the door of an old, rickety house marked "Monarch Countinghouse - John the Hutt and Frizzle Fry, Esq." and stomps in. He goes to sit at a table and starts counting his money. Suddenly, a ghostly wail calls out.] w[hale,ail]: Frrrriiii......zle....Fryyyyyy..... Frizzle Fry: Who's there? [The spectral figure of John the Hutt appears, dragging a chain of skulls behind him.] John the Hutt: It is I, Frizzle Fry.... your old partner, John the Hutt Frizzle Fry: Oh. I was expecting somebody at least somewhat scary. [He goes back to counting his money, leaving his brother staring at him from across the room.] John the Hutt: Um... you're not going to scream, or beg for mercy or anything? Fizzle Fry: No. [He continues counting. Suddenly, a phantasmal fist bangs into the table.] John the Hutt: Alright, that's it! I didn't put on my best chain for nothing! Just for making fun of my ghostly presence, I'm going to have three ghosts visit you! Frizzle Fry: Oooooh. Three entirely unfrightening ghosts. John the Hutt: Shut up! [He dematerializes in a huff.] Frizzle Fry: Well, that was interesting. [He puts away his money and walks upstairs to bed. Later that night...] Frizzle Fry: You know, I think that I want a glass of water. [He gets up and walks over to the sink. Taking a glass, he pulls on the faucet, and stares in horror as a spectre pours out of the sink in a scene that saps virtually the entire special effects budget.] Spectre: You need to clean your plumbing, buddy. Frizzle Fry: Hey! You're Dr. Doom! Dr. Doom: Yes. Anyway, I'm now the ghost of Kwanza Past, here to show you the error of your ways.... Frizzle Fry: I thought you were still living...Couldn't you show me porno instead? Dr. Doom: Well, that's all Johnny's fault. And as for your other question.... no. [The two vanish, and reappear on the 27th story of WRHS, in the old, abandoned Spill Inc. room. The room is filled with livelyness.] Johnny: Hey! You'll never guess what I just did! You know that pathetic newbie, Pink Ranger? Well, I just threw him out the window into the briar patch! Ha ha, it was classic! Nerdboy: But what if he eventually goes on to write a spinoff of the Saga and includes this little event to get back at you? Johnny: Ha! What chance is there of that? [Suddenly, a large weight falls, crushing Nerdboy. Johnny calmly sips his tea. And then, the door bursts in.] Necrophiliac: Hey! It's us! PSCF: We're here to get Frizzle Fry! Where's Frizzle Fry! Johnny: He's over there, dudes... A Younger Version of Frizzle Fry: Here! [PSCF cackles. He whistles, and the rest of the group runs over and begins beating Frizzle Fry (mieowp) with spiked bats while cackling.] Frizzle Fry: Wait a minute! Shouldn't this be showing me happy events from my past? I mean, this isn't soulfully cleansing at all! If anything, I'm getting more vengeful and angry at the world! Dr. Doom: ... this vision is over! [He snaps his fingers, and suddenly Frizzle Fry is back in his bedroom. The faucet has been running the whole time, leaving him sitting in a large puddle of water.] Frizzle Fry: ...that does it. No more Cheesy Poofs before bed. [He goes back to his bed and lays down. Suddenly, he realizes something is amiss. He leaps up.] Frizzle Fry: Oh no. Not another one! Brie: Believe it. Frizzle Fry: But you aren't even a Windsorian! Brie: Yeah, but I work for low wages. Anyway, I'm the Ghost of Kwanza Present... and I'm here to give you another horrifying vision. Remember this afternoon, when you kicked Yoda so cruelly? Well, let's just see what's happening over at the Yoda residence.... [They vanish, and reappear in front of a fabulous mansion. The two of them crouch under a window.] Yoda: Ha ha ha! Boy, is this ever sweet! When Frizzle Fry kicked me like that, I landed on a winning lotto ticket! Butler: Shall I freshen your Snapple, sir? Yoda: Go right ahead. [The Butler snaps his fingers. A team of bearers comes in carrying a jug marked "World's Largest Snapple Glass". The two outside the window turn away.] Frizzle Fry: First Dr. Doom shows how horrible my past was and that I have every right to be bitter, and now you show me how me being bitter actually helps out others. I certainly hope your pay isn't linked to your performance. Brie: Oh, do shut up. [Frizzle Fry vanishes and reappears back in his bed.] Frizzle Fry: Okay, two down, one to go. But I'll be ready this time. [Fade out] [scene: Dumbass McGee's house] Dumbass McGee: Ah, time for a good night's sleep! [#99 appears] Dumbass McGee: Agghhh!!! I wasn't expecting you yet!...hey, you're not my strip-o-gram! I ordered a fire-fighter! #99: Deal with it, Dumbass...McGee. Johnny sent me to show you how sad WRHS would be withour you. [they teleport to the roof of WRHS. Dumbass McGee looks in the window and sees everyone partying and having a good time.] Dumbass McGee: But...they're happy! #99: Not my problem, kid. Cya, sucker. [disappears] Dumbass McGee: Wait! How'll I get down? [slips and falls off] AGHHHHH!!! [thud] Hot Stuff: Hey, I just heard a thud outside! Necrophiliac: Who cares? [starts partying] Dumbass McGee: Guys? A little help...?...Darn. [Fades then back in to Frizzle Fry. Frizzle Fry, shivering, is sitting out on the window ledge, clutching a baseball bat.] Frizzle Fry: That's right.... just try and get me now, you bas- Grim Reaper: Boo. [Frizzle Fry screams and falls to the snowy ground below. The Grim Reaper floats down beside him.] Frizzle Fry: Oh, so you're the Ghost of Kwanza Future? Well, considering the job your compatriots did, I don't think that anything you can do will sway me any, so you might as well just.... Grim Reaper: I only have one thing to say...if you continue kicking people more or less at random...then they will rebel and send Dumbass McGee to rape you... Frizzle Fry: Aiiiiieeee! [He faints. Suddenly, he sits bolt upright, back in his bed. Sunlight streams through the window.] Frizzle Fry: I'm... I'm back! [He walks over to the window and looks out.] Frizzle Fry: You! Boy! What day is it? Boy: Today, sir? Why, 'tis Christmas Day! Frizzle Fry: Christmas! [He spins around just in time to miss a truck running over the boy, who was standing in the street.] It's Christmas! Hooray! [Scene: #frizzlefry. The Windsorians are moping around. Various parts of Pink Ranger have been hung as ornaments.) Girl With British Accent: Where's Yoda? The Master of Seduction: Oh, he's off yachting with Bill Gates or something. Cripple: The rich bastard. Iverach: Ohhhh.... my head.... I swear I am going to die. [The door opens. Frizzle Fry jumps in. Everyone cowers.] Frizzle Fry: Everyone! Listen to me! I've just had the most wonderful thing happen! I was asleep when John the Hutt appeared, and then Dr. Doom and Brie and the Grim Reaper... and they showed me the error of my ways! I'm so happy now! Merry Christmas to all! [Everyone stops cowering.] Nerdboy: So... you're not going to kick us anymore? Frizzle Fry: I said they showed me the error of my ways! I never said that seeing the error of my ways changed me in any sort of way! [To demonstrate the point, he drop-kicks Nerdboy out of the room.] Nerdboy: Aiiiieeeeee! Johnny: So.... you really haven't learned anything, have you? Frizzle Fry: Ha ha, nope! aMinal: Okay, let's just suspend him upside down over the toilet until he learns! [They all rush him, and a huge, holiday-spirited fight ensues. Lavalamp Lord enters, liberally covered in a night's worth of snow and ice.] Lavalamp Lord: Hey, everyone! I brought some dope! Check it out! [pause] Oh, you're busy now. Well, I'll talk to you later. [He leaves. Suddenly, Dr. Doom leaps up, holding the head of PSCF.] Dr. Doom: Perverted Sex Craved Freak is DEAD! [He shakes the head. Blood splatters the front of the screen, stating "Merry Christmas". Horrifying music plays as the camera view fades out.] -- 24/12/01 >Gerg: .... I think I'm blind! [pause] No, wait, I just had my eyes closed. ---------- Episode 62 "No Name" ---------- --By Necrophiliac (george dubya is in washington delivoring a speach) George B: I liek pies PSCF: Die, pussy ( shoots him in the head 4 times) George B: owww! My eylid! (dies) DM: (the intern) NO! My love! (holds the body in his arms and bigins to weep) Necropheliac: thank god we got rid of that goddamn hick! Johnny: Now they can get a good pres! ONe who will lead the us out of darkness and (rants about perfect presidant) (slacker is elected) Slacker: uhh....lets....all have SEX! Pink ranger: now...for the infestation of (drum roll please) strepacaucous!!!!!!111 (yes one!!! what you going to do about it PSCF: you will all die! (he pulls out a bomb and blows up everybody) Slacker: osama, blowing up the WTC made me very sad come in for detention tomorrow at noon! Garrett: yes, now it is time to indulge ourselves in the educational arts of school, where all great male stipers whence came Hot Ditz: I'm the coolest person there is.....never let it be 4gotten i am truly spoiled rotton- not HA HA HA Necropheliac: what the fuck? (Osaba bin Laden is writing "i will not blow up US proporty" on a chalkboard) japanese translator: all you bass is are belong to us!!! Slacker- now johnny will have sex with DM. DM: NOOOOOO!!! Johnny: excellent! Slacker- (starts singing) I love mackenzie he loves me we're going to start a family... Necropheliac: come to me my love...er teacher.... (they go home and start a family.....somehow) Necropheliac:(wakes up) what? johnny and DM never had sex? damn...i would've loved to see that! Pink ranger; OHHH peis! I leik pies..... Slacker: i'b not a dream, hun... Necropheliac: aHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!1 (wakes up) oh that *was* a dream after all.... Pink ranger: man last night was good! Necropheliac: ahhhhhhhhh (wakes up) thank god that was a dream..... Pink Ranger: it wasn't :) Necropheliac: of course it was....who in their right mind would...you know......that thing....with YOU!!!!!! Pink ranger: HAHAHA you don't know........you were soooo drunk....wait a minute so was i...what am i doing here??? i was with johnny last night........ Necropheliac: Pasolal!!!!!! (stabs PR) Pink ranger: ahhhhhhh you stabed me....right in the head....i think i'm allright.....i think my leg is broken....let my try... (crack)...oh yes it is broken Necropheliac: Heghlu'MeH QaQ Jajvan!!!!!( rips him to shreds then burns what is left and gives to PSCF for lunch PSCF: yum.....this meatloaf is GOOD!! FIN >Necropheliac: Heghlu'MeH QaQ Jajvan!!!!!( rips him to shreds then burns what is left and gives to PSCF for lunch ---------- Episode 63 "Enter The Kid" ---------- --By Pink Ranger Additional cast: The kicking kid-Patrick McMillan [Johnny�s house, practice is going on for his band] Johnny: so everyone, what�s happening? Pink Ranger: knot mlch. Hay wat is Cripple dong hre? Cripple: lordy! lordy! Does anyone want some pepper? DM: not me! Mom says pepper is evil and women are the devil! PSCF: pass some over here![nmiaow] [PSCF shakes too much pepper on to his ridicules long sandwich] Pink Ranger: acheu! DM: acheu! Wat waz tat? Damn I cat spll! PR: does this mean I can spell again??? Girl with British accent: All right! Cripple: Lordy! Lordy! He can talk again! Praise the lord!!!!!!! PSCF: Wow, Maybe now I can understand him when he tries to give me porn sites! Johnny: if Kehoe has one more thing happen to him I get a free sub at subway! Subway, eat fresh! Girl with British accent: All right! [They shun DM] [The kicking kid runs in and kicks DM in the shin] The kicking kid: Loser!!!!!!!!! DM: dam phat hrt! [The crocodile hunter steps in to the room] Crocodile hunter: wow, this is a feisty one here! [He picks up the kicking kid by his leg][nmiaow] The crocodile hunter: you should always remember that no matter how good you are with animals you should never, ever, not-in-a-million-years handle this type of thing! [The kicking kid drives his foot into the c. hunter�s crotch] The crocodile hunter: oh my groin! [He stumbles and falls out of the 99X10^googleplex (10^google {10^100}) floor window to his death] The kicking kid: Loser!!!!!! All [except DM]: HA HA! DM: HA Ho? Necrophiliac: I must take him home and perform an autopsy. All: ... PR: sure Mack, sure. Necrofeeliac: Bye. Johnny: why do I have so few lines? PR: hey it�s my first episode, give me a break! Johnny: fine then! [Hehehe kick in the groin. Hehehe] PR: well that wraps up my first episode. So for your enjoyment I will now play Anastasia! [Everyone silently shakes head][nmiaow] PR: Fine then! [P.S. Fuck you Johnny for special episode 5 question 41, take it off!][nmiaow] -- 04/02/02 >Crocodile hunter: wow, this is a feisty one here! ---------- Episode 64 "The Price Is Wrong, Bitch" ---------- --By Pink Ranger Additional Cast: [Upon his new ability to spell, pink ranger takes all 113 cast members golfing] Necrophiliac: wow the golf course sure is great isn�t it? All: ... Necrophiliac: well, isn�t it??????????? PSCF: yep, sure is. Do you like golf crazy l�ll bastard? Crazy l�ll bastard: as long as I can use a cue... [Everyone stares blankly at him] Pink Ranger: I think its time to get into fours for the tee off Johnny, Matt and Me are about the same skill but we need one more for this foursome. [nmiaow] who else is good? [nmiaow] [Bobby walks over] Bobby: well I am pretty good myself so maybe I could join? All: Its Bob Barker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [hotstuff takes off her top] Bobby: sweet can, sweet sweet can, can, can, sweet can. Johnny: ah bob it�s nothing I haven�t seen before.... PSCF: fine, if he thinks he can beat us [nmiaow] then let�s make this interesting. Say... Tagen is the prise to the winner? Hotstuff: fine by me! Bobby: All right! Johnny: All right! PSCF: All right! Pink Ranger: All right! Dumbass McGee: no, mi mon sas boby is evl and wimen r te divel! K+K: All right! Old Man Wyman: All right! Necrophiliac: All right! Crazy Li'l Bastard: All right! The Master of Seduction: All right! Dr. Dre: I can�t do it sir there are too many yards! Petttaaaahhhhh!: all right! Brendan: All right! Nathan: All right! Mr. Hollis: all right! Idoit: All right! Capt'n Keyes: All right! Bob da Leprechaun: All right! Jung: All right! The OTHER Master of Seduction: all right! Mini Flynni: All right! Nerd Boy: All right! Pit Pony: All right! Beaulio: All right! Lavalamp Lord all right!: Dannie: All right! Teacherman: All right! Iverach: All right! Frizzle Fry: All right! Mr smiley: All right! Gerg: All right! Cripple: All right! Dude Guy: All right! AMinal: All right! Big Cheese: All right! Fung Koo: All right! Li'l Nicky: All right! Garret Dearman: All right! Katie Garland: All right! Brie Gaultois: All right! God: All right! Yoda: All right! Scotty: All right! Realm Ruler: All right! Matt Lunn: All right! VZ: All right! Bill Ferny: All right! Jerry Seinfeld: All right! The Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: All right! Jonny: you said have, you BAD!!!!!!!! Smartass MacGee: you said have, you BAD!!!!!!!! J+J: you said have, you BAD!!!!!!!! Admiral Lockes: you said have, you BAD!!!!!!!! Young Man Whyman: you said have, you BAD!!!!!!!! Jumbo Flynni: you said have, you BAD!!!!!!!! Some Guy, apparently named Troy: you said have, you BAD!!!!!!!! Blue Ranger: you said have, you BAD!!!!!!!! The OTHER OTHER Master of Seduction: All right! The Mistress of Seduction: All right! Uraphiliac: All right! Necrophiliac's EX Live Girl: All right! The Ridiculously short sandwich: All right! Willy: All right! Morgan Knabi: All right! Hermann: All right! Mr. Shaver: All right! Pissed off pink Ranger: All right! The Friendly Giant: All right! Darth Hartlin: All right! Slacker: All right! CrackDude: All right! A-Pac: All right! FB: All right! Mitchell Kehoe: All right! Principal VZ: All right! Wondercow: All right! Hot Ditz: All right! Cait Owens: All right! Disturbed: All right! Katie Mosher: All right! Eye Shadow: All right! Tingles: All right! The OTHER Mistress of Seduction: All right! Al: All right! Moo Moo: All right! Conners: All right! Smokey da Bear: All right! Mrs. Claus: All right! Randy: All right! One-Eyebrow Man: All right! Sassy: All right! Buddy: All right! Thief: All right! Chowsky: All right! Kutch: All right! Boourns: All right! Naziboy: All right! Dr. Doom: All right! Chris the Canman: All right! Dungeon Master: All right! Anti-Slacker: All right! Puddle: All right! Pickle: All right! King of the Birdies: All right! The Beast: All right! Coach: All right! Kingpin: All right! Quizmaster: All right! John the Hutt: All right! The kicking kid: All right! Some Ukraine Guy: Ukraine not weak! Ukraine STRONG! Girl With The British Accent: All right! #99: what were we talking about? [everyone stares at him blankly] #99: what? Bobby: anyway lets tee off! [the four play golf until the 18th hole] [the score is Johnny: 36 PSCF: 32 Bobby: 30 Pink Ranger: 30] Bobby: now common Johnny your only 24 under you can do better than that!!! [Johnny swings and it lands on the green] Johnny: yes! PSCF: my shot! [he swings and it clears the green] PSCF: DAMN IT, MOTHER S, PEICE OF SHIT!!!!11 [Bobby swings and is on the green] Bobby: Beat that Pinky!!! Pink Ranger: you know what! You want a piece of me Barker? Bobby: no thanks I want the whole thing! [a huge fight breaks out, bets are being taken (most on Bob Barker) but finally the kicking kid runs up and kicks Bobby in the shins, breaking his leg] Pink Ranger: THE PRICE IS WRONG BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Pink Ranger hits the ball and sinks a whole in one afterwards kicks Bob Barker in the funny bone] Johnny: all right I get the pot!!!!!!! [everyone reluctantly hands over his or her money to Johnny] all [except Johnny]: damn. -- 05/02/02 >Pink Ranger: THE PRICE IS WRONG BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ---------- Episode 65 "Pigmen : Who Killed Iverach?" pt. i ---------- Additional Cast: Squeekie Kitty - Christa C. Mr. Bflat - Brian Johnston Spadinabus - Mike Murley Mr. Tambourine Man - Doug Murley THe OTHER Perverted Sex Craved Freak - Mr. Kelly Harnish [Johnny and Perverted Sex Craved Freak are eating lunch at the cafeteria] PSCF: mmmm mmmm...that meatloaf was GOOD! Johnny: Bah, I'll take this cardboard pizza any day! Some Guy: Eat your fucking peas, John! Pink Ranger: Hey, if you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat? Johnny: Pudding, there's no pudding. The pudding does not exist. Is it a figment of your demented imagination? Are WE the figments of your imagination? Or mine? Or Perverted Sex Craved Freak's? How would you know? It's all speculative. Where do we get our notions of being? What's real and unreal? Is everything objective or subjective? Oh the mystery of it all! PSCF: Yeah...I mean, are Britney's tits real? They look so voluptuous! Pink Ranger: You like Britney Spears?! Ahhhhh! Unclean! Unclean! Johnny: Yeah, I wouldn't touch her with a 60 foot long pole! PSCF: ....waah [cries] Pink Ranger: Ah well, time to get back to work, eh? Johnny: Sure, why not? [they head for the WoRMS! Brainstorming room] Pink Ranger: We should go digging into the ol' vault and find some unused storylines! Johnny: Excellent! PSCF: Hey! Look! Someone's stealing our ideas! [points to burglar running with stack of papers] Pink Ranger: Get him! [they chase after him. The burglar runs up the wall a la Crouching Tiger and does some crazy Matrix shit on the ceiling and does a triple back flip off of Pink Ranger and PSCF, then continues fleeing] PSCF and Pink Ranger: Ohhhh..... Johnny: I'll get him! [he chases the thief to the seemingly infinite top floor of WRHS. Because of the anstronomical height of the building everything appears in a psychedelic swirl of colour a la Chrono Trigger. The thief goes into a battle stance.] Burglar: When I left you, you were the master and I was but the apprentice. Now, I am the master! Johnny: What? I've never met you before! Burglar: ...um...oh well, that was kool to say neways... Johnny: How l33t! Burglar: Now, die! [the two ingage in an ultimate martial arts battle that would put any martial artist to shame. After hours of battling, they return to their battle stances] Burglar: ... Johnny: ... [they stand there for days on end. suddenly, the wind blows and one grain of dust flies into Johnny's eye] Johnny: Ugh, my eyelid... [drops his guard for a split second] Burglar: AHHHHHHH!! Hadoken!!111 [does his ultimate move on Johnny (nmiaow) and escapes] [Johnny returns to PSCF and Pink Ranger] Pink Ranger: What happened? Johnny: He took the storylines, dammit! PSCF: Oh well, they were only my pornographic fantasies about Slacker. Don't worry, I can write more! Johnny: No...I have failed! I cannot bear this burden any longer! I do not deserve to run WoRMS! Necrophiliac: Does this mean I'm in control now? Johnny: Er...technically, yes. Necrophiliac: [dances around town shouting at everyone] Whoo hoo! In your face! I own WoRMS! now! AHAHAHAHA! PSCF: So, uh, what'll you be doing now? Johnny: [throws a birchbark canoe over his shoulder] Hey, I've got places to go, things to see, and people to do! [walks off into the sunset] Pink Ranger: Uh... PSCF: I donno. Let's go look at some cheap porn. Pink Ranger: Sounds like a plan! [Necrophiliac is making some renovations to his home..] Necrophiliac: Yes, that's right, I want 9460 rooms added onto my house... a few fountains....maybe a nuclear weapons facility...a few whore houses...electric fence to keep out those simple peasants...and, that should be all for now. Cripple: But wouldn't that be wasting all of the Windsorian's taxpayer money? Necrophiliac: [shrugs] Cripple: Yes, my life for you, master! [days pass] The Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Another day, another sandwich. [another day passes] The Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Another day, another sandwich. [another day passes] The Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Another day, another sandwich. [another day passes] The Ridiculously Long Sandwich: Another day, another sandwich. [more days pass, then weeks, months...] Pink Ranger: [begging on street, looking very lean] Alms for the poor? PSCF: [looking even skinnier than normal] Ohhhh...my fricking head. K+K: Itz been ages zince zomeone wrote a new epizode. Crazy Li'l Bastard: Save us, Jebus! Pink Ranger: Hey is it just me, or is that your uncle, Mike? PSCF: Why, it is! Spadinabus: Hi all! I just stopped by for no apparent reason. Mr. Bflat: Me too! [spats in Nathan's eye] Nathan: Ahhh!! You spat in my eye! Mr. Bflat: Sorry I tend to get worked up. Spadinabus: We're on our way to jam with Old Man Wyman. Wanna come? (nmiaow) All: Sure! [meanwhile, in some secluded forest...] [gathered around a camp fire are Johnny and various others] Johnny: [playing his acoustic guitar] ...a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine.... Uraphiliac: I haven't had so much fun since 1978! Johnny: Hey, get outta here! Kicks him into fire. The Mistress of Seduction: ....a yellow submarine...a yellow submarine... Hot Stuff: ...a yel...awwww, I got lost again! All: ahahahahaha Various woodland creatures: Aahahahahahaha [Necrophiliac's mansion.] Necrophiliac: Preciousssssss preciousssss WoRMS!, it's mine! AHAHAHAHAHA Cripple: But master, shouldn't you write an episode soon? Necrophiliac: No. its mine! MY PRECIOUSSSSSSSSsssssss..... Cripple: Yes, master, my life for you! [meanwhile, trouble is brewing underneath WRHS] Iverach: Meh. Everything has fallen into place. With Necrophilac incapacitated by the ultimate task of running WoRMS!, I shall rule the world! [people are jamming in Mr. Bflat's house] Mr. Bflat: Welcome to Megajam! Dungeon Keeper: Hey, I brought reefers for everyone! Dumbass McGee: my mumy sais marawana is he devil1 Mr. Bflat: Get out of my house, roach! [kicks him out] Mr. Tambourine Man: You're...outta the band! Scadinabus: [pulls out a $10000000 sax and starts playing] All: Wow! [suddenly, there is a crash and a voice rings out across the land] Iverach: I am Iverach. All will be destroyed. Have a nice day... yes, that's right, I'm ordering your entire catalog of William Shatner porn...oh shit, I forget to shut off the mic! [silence as he turns it off] All: ... Spadinabus: Who was that fag? Oh well. [starts playing again] [a giant cannonball flies through the roof and lands on Scadinabus] PSCF: Are you all right? Spadinabus: Yeah, but....he ruined my sax! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!! Mr. Bflat: Hey, it says "Property of Iverach"! Let's get him! [in the tech ed lab...] The OTHER Perverted Sex Craved Freak: Ho hum...oh look, a disk labelled "Pr0n By Iverach" Sounds good! [he pops the disk into his computer. Flames start shooting out of the hard drive] OPSCF: Wow, this porn must be hot! Well...either that or Iverach tricked me into using his disk bomb....nah, I'm not that gullible! [he sits in front of the computer expecting the porn to load, while the tech ed lab burns down around him] [outside, the Crocodile Hunter is enjoying a stroll in the park] Iverach: [holding giant board with a nail in it] Hello, Croc. Crocodile Hunter: Ahhh! Help! Don't kill me! No! Iverach: hahahaha [laughs as the Crocodile Hunter is repeated beaten with board] [elsewhere...] Johnny: [staring at the stars] I wonder how the Windsorians are doing without me? Mistress of Seduction: They're probably doing fine..why, do you want to return? Johnny: ...I suppose Necrophiliac is good enough of a leader to run the place, but...I donno, I guess we should! Hot Stuff: mmm...want this trail mix I found under a log? Johnny: ... Mistress of Seduction: Tegan....I don't think that's trail mix.... [back in Windsor] Chowski: Man, this weed is GOOD! Crack Dude: uhuhuuhuhuh Iverach: Good evening, gentlemen. Chowski: Is that some weed in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Iverach: Actually, it's just a Louieville Slugger. Die, fool! [Iverach smokes Chowski in the face with the bat and steals the marajuana] Crack Dude: He stole the dope? No!!!!!!! [later on, Dumbass McGee is walking down the street in provocative clothing] Dumbass McGee: Boy, I'm glad to see Brie again! [someone pulls him into a dark alley] [Dumbass McGee and the person are out of the camera's sight...] Dumbass McGee: Golly, mr. iverak....wat re you doig with tat thing? What? No! No! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! [meanwhile...] Mr. Bflat: That Iverach dude is up to no good! We should go stop him! Spadinabus: Yeah, let's go to the head WoRMS! guy...that uh, Necrophiliac dude! Mr. Tambourine Man: I'll come, too! Hey, where's PSCF? Spadinabus: I think him and Pinkie are upstairs looking at porno. Mr. Tambourine Man: [frowns] He shouldn't be messing with my files...anyways, let's go! [they arrive at the mansion and knock on the door. they are greeted with a disfigured hunchback...Cripple!] Cripple: Allo, who ess it? Mr. Bflat: We came to see the Necrophiliac. Necrophiliac: I'm not taking any visitors! Go away! Spadinabus: But... Necrophiliac: Can't you see I'm busy working on a new episode?! Spadinabus: But, it just looks like you're just counting your money! Necrophiliac: Um....go away! I'll send the dogs after you!...or the bees...or the dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths when they bark...at any rate, stay off my property! [slams door in their faces] Mr. Bflat: Oh well...[sees a distressed person stumbling around the street] Dumbass McGee: waah...iv lawst my virjinity adn i Cant findit agan! [in WRHS, the teachers are having a staff meeting when suddenly, Iverach appears on the video conferencing screen] VZ: Ahhhhh!! It's Iverach Some Guy: ~!#!Panic%$&$$#@%$~~~!!!!!!!!!!!! FB: What do you want? Iverach: Mwa. I will be cutting your salaries by 5%! All: Gasp! Teacher Man: You can't do this to us! You can take our school supplies, you can increase class sizes, you can put off building a new school, but you CAN'T take away the money! Iverach: Oh, can't I? ahahahahahah [screen turns off by itself] Capt'n Keyes: Oh dear lord. [in PSCF's room, him and Pink Ranger are drooling over pictures of William Shakespeare] PSCF: I never knew how hot this guy was! Pink Ranger: ... PSCF: Intriguing, why, he kinda reminds me of.....you! Pink Ranger: Uh oh. [suddenly, the screen flickers and the images change to those of Wondercow] PSCF: AHHHHH! Pink Ranger: AHHHH!!! Iverach [from seemingly nowhere]: Excellent! I hope you enjoy your pictures, boys! [vanishes in a puff of green gas] [meanwhile, the Sausages Formerly Known As The Potroast is walking down the road] Iverach: haha, that was a funny one, PSCF...Ah, another victim! SFKATPR: What? Oh no! Iverach: Fool! [Iverach zaps SFKATPR.] [SFKATPR congeals] [Iverach begins laughing manically] [then, he finds himself surrounded by all the Windsorians] Mr. Bflat: Got ya! PSCF: You took our porn! Darth Hartlin: You took our money! The Congealed Sausages Formerly Known As The Pot Roast: You congealed me! Spadinabus: You ruined my sax! Crocodile Hunter: You beat me with a board with a nail in it! (nmiaow) Chowski: You took my grass! Dumbass McGee: nd you Took my ass!1 hwy, ill kill you! Iverach: Ha, you and what army? Go home, people, you can't stop me! [everybody starts to talk amongst themselves] [eventually, the crowd scatters] Iverach: Meh, poor fools. Think they can stop me, eh? [camera shifts to the side] [there is much screaming, and when the camera pans back, there is only Iverach's dead body on the sidewalk] Squeekie Kitty: [pointing] Haw haw. To Be Continued..... -- 05/02/02 >Crazy Li'l Bastard: Save us, Jebus!
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