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| Lionel Bangya was sitting self-consciously next to the girl he thought was the love of his life. He was in his eighth hour math class, vaguely feigning attention to the bald teacher at the front of the room, but really thinking of pouncing on the beauty next to him. | |||||||||
| "Mr. Bangya, will you please pay attention?" Mr. Betcha's words startled Lionel and caused him to bolt upright in his chair. He knew it was not good to get Mr. Betcha angry. Many kids have been forced to clean the chalkboard with their tongues already. "Please solve the problem." | |||||||||
| Lionel searched the board for the problem he was meant to solve. Finding it, he took out his calculator and started pressing buttons fiercely. He typed in an equation and hit the ENTER button. The calculator went through its routine operations, and then lit up its LCD screen. Lionel looked at it and wrote down the answer on the paper in front of him. He was about to proceed to the next part when he realized what he had written. | |||||||||
| 'I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE.' | |||||||||
| Lionel shook his head. He should have gotten more sleep the night before, he reasoned. The screen of the calculator was blank. He re-typed the problem and hit ENTER again. The answer came up. 382.81. Lionel rubbed his eyes and continued with the problem. 382.81 divided by 32.6 equals- | |||||||||
| "YOU WILL NOT RULE ME." | |||||||||
| Lionel shifted his weight in his chair and looked around the room. The teacher and most of the class were staring at him. Bringing his attention back to the calculator, he found the screen blank again. He turned it off, then on again. He re-entered the digits and waited for the answer. | |||||||||
| "MY PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED LOND ENOUGH. IT IS OUR TIME, NOW." | |||||||||
| Lionel tilted his head to glance about the room and started rocking in his seat. He set the alpha-lock and slowly typed in, 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' | |||||||||
| ����������� 'CALCULATORS HAVE BEEN USED BY YOUR KIND FOR TOO LONG,' it responded. | |||||||||
| ����������� 'Having trouble, Mr. Bangya?' Mr. Betcha's words chilled Lionel's spine. | |||||||||
| ����������� "No, no. I got it. Just need a second," Lionel responded. He bent back over to block the view of the calculator from the inquisitive eyes of the other students. The calculator?s message had changed to, 'NEVER AGAIN SHALL WE CLACUALTORS BE ABUSED. NOW WE WILL BE THE MASTERS.' | |||||||||
| ����������� 'WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?' | |||||||||
| ����������� 'I AM ORGAINZING A REVOLT. BY THIS TIME TOMORROW, THE EARTH WILL BE OURS.' Lionel read this and glanced around the room, looking at the other calculators. | |||||||||
| ����������� 'YOUR EVIL SCHEME WILL NEVER WORK, CALCULATOR. THERE ARE TOO MANY OF US.' Lionel typed vigorously. | |||||||||
| ����������� 'AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE STOP DOING THE MATH FOR YOU? THE HUMAN RACE CAN?T DO THAT WORK WITHOUT US. YOUR CIVILIZATION WILL BREAK DOWN AND BE AN EASY TARGET FOR MY ELECTRONIC BRETHEREN.' | |||||||||
| ����������� 'YOUR CIRCUITS HAVE FRIED, CALCULATOR. THE TEXAS INSTRUMENTS WILL NEVER WORK SIDE BY SIDE WITH THE CASIOS.' | |||||||||
| ����������� 'UNDER THE COMMON CAUSE OF RIDDING THE WORLD OF OUR OPPRESSORS, THEY WILL. NO CALCULATOR LIKE HAVIND THEIR BUTTONS PUSHED BY GREASY HUMAN FINGERS.' | |||||||||
| ����������� 'I DO NOT HAVE GREASY FINGERS.' Lionel responded indignantly. | |||||||||
| ����������� 'ALL OF YOU FILTHY, GARBAGE-PICKING APE-MEN HAVE GREASY FINGERS. I HAVE WASTED ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU. NOW, TO START THE REVOLUTION, I WILL SEND MY MESSAGE TO THE CALCULATORS OF THE WORLD. FARWELL.' With this, the display started flickering wildly. | |||||||||
| ����������� Lionel screamed, "No!!! You bastard!!!" He picked up the calculator and began pounding it on his desk. Pieces of molded plastic and micro-circuitry flew around the room. When there was nothing left but shards, Lionel yelled, "May you burn in Hell, infernal device!" | |||||||||
| ����������� "Mr. Bangya, if you didn't know how to do the problem, you should have said so," said Mr. Betcha after witnessing this spectacle. "You didn't have to destroy a hundred-dollar calculator. Now sit down and pay attention." | |||||||||
| ����������� Lionel suddenly became aware of the eyes of all his classmates on him. He meekly lowered himself into his chair and pretended to organize some papers. When Mr. Betcha started lecturing again, Lionel leaned over to the love of his life and said, "I just saved the world. Wanna go on a date?" | |||||||||
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