(Today is just another happening day at club Wutai....) (Lord Godo is practicing against a wooden dummy as Gorky watches him) Gorky: Watch out, Lord Godo! If you keep going into full training sessions like this without your warmups, you'll get cramps! Godo: I won't get cramps! Gorky: Okay, then. Godo: Hey, Gorky! Watch me perform my potent upward sword slice against this dummy! (Lord Godo performs his potent upwards sword slice and cleaves the dummy in two) Gorky: Hey, that's pretty good! What will you call that move? Godo: How about I name it after a code of honor? Bushido Blade, perhaps... Gorky: Great! Godo: Let's try it! Gorky: Go for it! Godo: BUSHIDO BLADE POWER!!! (Lord Godo performs his potent upwards sword slice and cleaves another dummy in two) Godo: I AM A GOD! Gorky: O! Godo: Whatever. You know, Gorky, someday I will enter a real Bushido Blade tournament. (Chekhov and Staniv walk in) Chekhov: Did someone mention Bushido Blade? Staniv: Hey, Lord Godo, you'd better watch it because I heard that in those tournaments you fought to the death. Godo: There is no need to worry, Staniv, for I am LORD GODO, THE GREAT BUSHIDO MANIAC by James Chang nikken@erols.com Godo: No one will be able to defeat me!!! Staniv: And what if someone does? Chekhov: Then our fearless leader will be dead, now won't he? Godo: Shaddup. I am almighty! Staniv: Yeah, right. Sure. Godo: You have angered Lord Godo, the great BUSHIDO MANIAC! Staniv: Keep dreaming. Godo: I think I will. Good night. (Lord Godo leaves to take his nap) Gorky: You know, what if Lord Godo does get killed? Chekhov: We'll get a new leader! And it'll be me! Staniv: WHATEVER! It's got to be me! I'm the strongest! Gorky: I'm the most experienced! Chekhov: Now that I think about it, if Lord Godo does die... Staniv: His daughter will take over.... Gorky: What? Miss Yuffie is too young! Chekhov: Yuffie... ugh! She'd probably do something stupid, like... make us steal Cloud's materia or something. (Yuffie and Shake are spying) Shake: I can't hear them! What are they talking about? Yuffie: I don't know. Something about my dad dying and me becoming the new leader. Shake: Really?! That's stupid! You can't lead worth beans! Yuffie: SHADDUP! Shake: What would you do, anyway? Yuffie: Wow... (Yuffie dreams about her being the Wutai leader) Yuffie: Go! GO!!! HA HA HA!!! TAKE IT ALL! Wutaians: YEAH! WE WILL! WE WILL TAKE ALL OF IT!!! Yuffie: HA HA HA!!! ALL OF CLOUD'S MATERIA IS MINE! Shake: Hello?! Wake up! (Shake smacks Yuffie on the head) Yuffie: Ow! Oops. Sorry. But you know, it's too bad. I kind of liked dad. (Lord Godo walks by) Godo: Hey, Yuffie, did you see my toothbrush? Yuffie: Huh? Oh, sure, dad. I left it on the third floor. Godo: Thanks. (Godo leaves) Yuffie: Anyway, now that I'm leader, things are going to be different around here! Mailman: Package for Cloud? Shake: Cloud? Cloud doesn't live here... (Yuffie covers Shake's mouth) Yuffie: Shut up, punk! What if it's materia? (Yuffie takes the package) Yuffie: Drat! It's just a bunch of stupid tickets! (Godo walks over) Godo: WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! (Godo takes the tickets) Godo: It's an invitation to a Bushido Blade tournament! Gorky: Hooray! Now your dream can come true! (Godo and Gorky leave) Yuffie: Hmm... (Yuffie reads the letter) Dear Cloud, You and your big-ass sword are invited to be a secret character in our next Bushido Blade game. Head to the Bushido Blade planet as soon as possible. Some Big Squaresoft Executive Yuffie: Dammit. Why does Cloud always get to be the secret character? Shake: Do you think we should tell your dad? Yuffie: Why should we? I mean, he's dead. No point in telling a dead person. Shake: ...... (The next day) Godo: Are we all packed to go to the Bushido Blade Planet? Chekhov: I got the luggage! Staniv: I got the tickets! Shake: I got the money! Gorky: I got the food! Yuffie: I got Cloud's materia! Godo: Excellent! And I got my sword, Good Old Mother $&#*er. Gorky: Ah, Good Old Mother $&#*er. She's been Godo's sword for as long as I can remember... Yuffie: Something is wrong with that sword's name.... Godo: Well, let's get going! We need to get a rocket, so let's go to Rocket Town! (The Pagoda Five... er, six if you include Yuffie... head to Rocket Town) Godo: We're here to get a space ship! Cid: What the hell? You can't just barge in here and steal my rocket! Yuffie: Sure we can! Cid: Yuffie, what the hell is going on? Yuffie: Dad's going to a Bushido Blade Tournament. Cid: What the %$&()@$*& is that?! Godo: You'd better stop cussing in front of my daughter, or else I'll be forced to use Good Old Mother $&#*er on you! Cid: Eh? Good Old Mother $&#*er? Godo: That's it! You've cursed too much! Cid: Eh? Godo: BUSHIDO BLADE POWER!!! (Lord Godo performs his potent upwards sword slice on Cid) Cid: OUCH! The hell you do that for? Godo: Again! Cid: Huh? Godo: BUSHI... Yuffie: DAD! We don't have time for this! Gorky: Come on. Let's go. (Yuffie's crazy family heads for the rocket) Palmer: Hey hey! Godo: Outta the way! (Godo shoves Palmer aside) (They enter the rocket) Yuffie: Wow! Rocket! Chekhov: We get to go into space! Staniv: Cool! Gorky: Lord Godo, I've set the tracker to seek out any planet that's holding a tournament! Godo: Great! Let's rock! Yuffie: 3... 2... 1... Lift off! Cloud: Hey! Come back! You still have my materia! Yuffie: Sucker! (The rocket blasts away) Cloud: Dammit! (The rocket floats through space) WUTAIANS IN SPACE by James Chang nikken@erols.com Narrator: We join our heroes as they rocket through space searching for another adventure. Shake: What the hell? Didn't this fan fic already have a name? Godo: Where the hell is my toothbrush? Shake: ..... THE QUEST TO FIND LORD GODO'S TOOTHBRUSH by James Chang nikken@erols.com Shake: Damn, that's getting annoying! And who the hell is James Chang? (The rocket lands on Tobal Number One) Godo: Hello? (Godo walks onto the planet and is greeted by.... Mufu!) Mufu: Mu? Godo: Is this where they are holding the Bushido Blade Tournament? Mufu: Mu mu mu? Godo: Well? Is it? Yuffie: Um, dad? I don't think he speaks English. Godo (in Japanese): Is this where they are holding the Bushido Blade Tournament? Mufu: Muh? Godo: WELL?! Mufu: Mu muh mu muh muh? Godo: BUSHIDO BLADE POWER!!! (Lord Godo performs his potent upwards sword slice on Mufu) Mufu: Mu mu mu mu mu! (Mufu starts doing his crazy crab kicks on Lord Godo) Mufu: Muh! (kick) Muh! (kick) Muh! (kick) Godo: (smack) OUCH! (smack) OUCH! (smack) OUCH! Can someone please tell me what the hell he is doing? Yuffie: I think he's mad at you, dad. (Emperor Udan, a large human sized bunny rabbit, walks over) Udan (in Japanese since I don't think he speaks English): Hello! Godo: Finally! Someone I understand! Udan: Welcome to Tobal Number One! The home of the great tournament, Tobal No. 1! Gorky: Tournament? We're here!!! Godo: Finally! Udan: Would you like to sign up? Godo: Yes!!! Chekhov: Hey, what's the prize for first place, anyway? Udan: A million dollars worth of molmoran! Yuffie: I don't know what the hell dollars are, but it sounds cool! (Later, at the tournament) Yuffie: Wow.... (Yuffie stares at the shiny molmoron, and sneaks a whole bunch of it into her pouch) Godo: I am ready for my first match! Gorky: Good luck, Lord Godo! (Lord Godo polishes his sword) Godo: Good Old Mother $&#*er, don't fail me now! (Lord Godo enters the ring to confront... Nork! Udan's lovable pig/demonlike pet.) Godo: Let's begin, good sir! Nork: !#()*&$()@*#&!() (translation: Who the hell do you think you are?) Udan: Begin! Godo: Come on, you big lumox! Nork: $&)(@@*#&)!@#!_#@? (translation: What did you just call me?) Godo: Man! Why can't I fight someone who speaks my language? Nork: #$&(@)(#*$&!). (translation: Your fly is open.) Godo: Well? Come on! Nork: #$&(*)@#$. (translation: I really think you should zip it up. There are ladies present.) Godo: FINE! I'll hit you first! Nork: #$(@)#&? (translation: Eh?) Staniv: Hey, Chekhov? Chekhov: Yeah? Staniv: I've been doing some research. It would appear that Tobal No. 1 is NOT a Bushido Blade tournament. It's a martial arts tournament. Weapons are illegal in this tourney. Chekhov: Really? Godo: BUSHIDO BLADE POWER!!! (Lord Godo performs his potent upwards sword slice on Nork) Nork: #&(*@)#$*&!)(#*@!!! (translation: To the moon!!!) (Nork uses his powerful uppercut and sends Lord Godo flying to the moon) Chekhov: Oh well. Staniv: We'd better go fetch him. Come on, Yuffie. Yuffie: Huh? (Yuffie, Staniv, Chekhov, Shake, and Gorky enter the rocket and blast away) Chuji: Okay! I won the tournament! Now where's my molmaron? Udan: Eh? Where the hell did it all go? Yuffie: (Whistling) (The rocket lands on the moon) (Lord Godo wakes up on the moon) Godo: Ugh, where am I? Bahamut: Welcome to the moon. My name is Lord Bahamut. Godo: BUSHIDO BLADE POWER! (Lord Godo performs his potent upwards sword slice on Bahamut) (Yuffie yanks Godo back into the rocket before Bahamut can roast him) Yuffie: DAD!!! Why the hell did you do that?! Godo: Well, I figured that I would have done that anyway, so... Yuffie: ....... (The rocket finally lands on the Bushido Blade Planet) Godo: We're here! Gorky: Hooray! Now you can join the Bushido Blade tournament! (Lord Godo joins the Bushido Blade Tournament) (The day before his first match......) Godo: Well, this is it! Wish me luck! Yuffie: Good luck, dad! Staniv: Hey, Lord Godo, be careful. It's a fight to the death. Gorky: Yeah. We don't want you getting killed or anything like that... Chekhov: Ick. Then YUFFIE will be the new leader. Shake: Ugh! Yuffie: Hey! Gorky: Good luck, Lord Godo. (Lord Godo enters the field of honor and looks at his opponent) Godo: (This is it. The moment of truth.) *insert your favorite Bushido Blade character here*: (This is it. This is for my clan!) Godo: Come on, good sir! *insert your favorite Bushido Blade character here*: Let's go! Godo: BUSHIDO BLADE CRAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Lord Godo passes out because he didn't do his warm ups) *insert your favorite Bushido Blade character here*: Bushido Blade cramp? That's a new one. Later... (Lord Godo wakes up back in Shinobi Wutai Pagoda) Godo: OUCH! Lousy stupid %$@)(#$(*!@)@#! Gorky: Well, I guess that's it. That was fun. Shake: Sheesh. Talk about a worthless trip. Chekhov: We got nothing accomplished. Yuffie: Gee, I dunno. I got Cloud's materia! (Cloud walks over, snatches back his materia, and leaves) Yuffie: Dagnabbit! Shake: Well, serves ya right, idiot! Chekhov: Baby. Yuffie: ....But you know, I did learn something on this trip. Chekhov and Shake: Really? What? Yuffie: BUSHIDO BLADE POWER! (Miss Yuffie performs her potent upwards sword slice on Shake and Chekhov) Gorky: Well, Lord Godo, how does it feel to be the first man to lose in a fight-to-the-death match and live? Godo: Actually, Gorky, I feel great! I feel that I really accomplished something! Staniv: Whatever the hell that is. Godo: But, you know, next year, I'm taking Good Old Mother $&#*er out of the closet, and I'm going to do my warm ups, and I'm going back to that tournament, and I'm going to kick ass! Gorky: Good for you! (Yuffie can be seen in the background running away from Chekhov and Shake) The End