| THE NIGHTMARE! |
| Introduction This is a story I wrote, back in perhaps 1995... In my youth, I spent a lot of time putting pen to paper to express my creative tendencies... The results were often met with mixed Reactions, as some people tended to take offence to my words. However, I believe, wholeheartedly, that no subject, no person, no event is so sacred that it cannot be used to inspire a joke... This Manuscript was almost confiscated by a Gal by the Name of Korin Lee, who found the humor stupid, and insulting. She also took the time to express these opinions, ensuring I knew the extent of her displeasure... Well: IT'S ON THE INTERNET NOW!!! HA-HA HA-HA-HA!!! AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT KORIN!!! So, Without Further Ado, I give you another twisted tale of my youth. (I'm still looking for the rest of them, I have likely close to a dozen of the silly things, littering my room) The Story 26 March Submitted for your enjoyment: Picture a youg man. One night he goes out to the bar. He walks in. Prostitutes line the walls. Little does he know, he walked out of reality, and entered A Cheap, Low Budget, Hollywood Movie! Bad actors fill all the main rolls... An ugly woman who stutters and speaks in a monotone voice plays the Heroine. An entire 2/3 of the cast has been replaced by (Oh NOOOOOO!) DEMOCRATS! But Wait! It gets worse. The entire script was written by Dennis "Swatkowski" and edited by Brian Hirt. All puns were personally written by Senior Editor, Dave Sharma, and placed where he wanted them in the script. The lead actor is William Shatner, talking exactly like he did in the original StarTrek hows. Nate Cole is the Producer, and the entire Tawas Area Cheerleading Squad are all acting as Co-directors. The Soundtrack was choosen by Korin-Lee, and is played by Democrat Trumpets... and percussionist rejects. Jeremiah Kosto works with Sean Forney on Narration. Cameron Bean plays J.C. a mild mannered floorscraper who never gets angry at his superiors. Sound effects are provided by Adam Sharma, who has such inspired ideas as recording a fart in a jar, and 10,001 armpit noises! Jared Klenow grins like an idiot throughtout all 3 1/2 hours of the movie. Andy Merschell and Gabe Shipley are Ex-Marines, who cracked under pressure, and were deported form the country... They are annoyingly recurrent. Dennis watched 217 hours of consecutive Monty Python Reruns and Movies while writing the script, and BOY is it obvious. Adam recorded 425 1/2 farts, and played each one Forty times, for a total of 17,020 farts used in the movie. Cameron Bean flips out while making the film, and is committed to Shady Acres Insane Assylum For The Musically Delusioned. The movie Choreographing was fine-tuned by the Tawas Area Colorguard, and removed from the original film. The total cost of the movie was $12.75, an most of that because Adam spent $10.85 on music tapes for his stupid farts. The script was burned and the only surviving copy of the movie was used in a firing range for target practice... And so, my Nightmare ends... -Cameron E. Bean |
| Notes on the Aftermath Well, thanx for takin the time to read over all this crap, and if it doesn't make any sense, well, that's probably because you didn't attend Tawas Area High School from '92 to '96. If you did, then these names are all familiar to you... and you also probably hate me... Not that I'm bitter with you low life fuck-headed asswipes, although, I do laugh to myself every time I think about how your lives have likely gone Nowhere, and I spent 2 and a half years living in Italy, having the time of my life, getting a career, and will make more than any of you. I also find it amusing that my surround system cost over 2 Grand, was made by Bose, and I paid a similar amount for my computer. Add that to my modest 35" Tv, and my DVD player, and I'm willing to bet that my life is far better than yours. Finally, as a Biomedical Maintenance Technician, I'm going to be able to work nearly anywhere I want to... whereas you will be flipping burgers at "Mickey D's" for years to come. Oh yeah, and if you didn't go to Tawas Area High, you can ignore the 2nd paragraph as it doesn't apply to you... I'm not going to lie, I've been damn lucky in my life, virtually having the whole thing handed to me on a silver tray. Oh Yeah, A very special hello to all my friends at the Palladium Webpage! You guys introduced me to Chatlines, and I treasure the memories! Extra special shout out to MAD DOG! Who has one of the all time Greatest websites I've had the pleasure to Peruse! GAMERS UNITE FOREVER!!! |