UVW
Valentine
By Steve Province
        There�s such a thing as a bad horror movie.  Believe it or not, there is also such a thing as a GOOD horror movie.  �Bride Of Cousin Of Half-Sister Of Wolfenstien� (if such a movie existed) would be an example of a bad horror movie.  Some good horror movies that come to mind are Nightmare On Elm St., Halloween, and Psycho (although Psycho was more of a thriller).
         This movie is neither good nor bad�it falls into the category of suckiness that can only be experienced otherwise by having your head caught in the armpit of a 12-day-old rotting llama carcass with maggots living in your nasal cavity.  Here�s the plot: unknown boy is tormented by his peers and is traumatized by them on Valentine�s Day, and years later he stalks his tormentors and kills them.  Good idea�bad movie!  This movie sucks so much; for one thing, the actors DID NOT act ON PURPOSE�I could tell they didn�t care about this film!!!  I KNOW these people are good actors; at the very least Denise Richards can be good.  She has the capability.  It just seemed like they were just�there!  It was a good idea�it had never been used before.  But it was ruined and sliced to hell by bad acting, stupid plot points that went absolutely nowhere, and a director who gives WAY too much artistic leeway to his actors!  Jamie Blanks (dir. Urban Legend) could have done so much with this film!  At the very slightest, he could have made Denise Richards (Wild Things, Starship Troopers) act her part of the slut decently!  I mean, I�ve seen her performance in Wild Things�I know she can play the part of the slut better than that!  And David Boreanaz (WB series Angel)�*shudder*�the WB has been way too kind to him.  (How in the hell did he get his own series?!)  The remainder of the actors are people I�ve never heard of and are pretty much newbies, and even THEY didn�t put forth any effort to make the �acting� in this movie anything near decent.  I would rather take the llama armpit�
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