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House on Haunted Hill
By Daniel Campisi
     What can I say about �House on Haunted Hill.�  Hmmm... let me think� oh I know!  It sucks!  It deserves to be cast down into the depth of Chicken Hell and never to be heard from again.  There� I said it.
This movie was terrible.  The plot was terrible.  The acting was terrible.  The special effects were� terrible.  Overall, this was a terrible movie!  Watching it was like taking a knife and using it to cutting small incisions into your arm over and over again.
      And to pour lemon juice into those cuts, they had very good quality actors in this movie!  Geoffrey Rush has won an Oscar, for crying out loud!  And what�s he doing here?  Not acting in my opinion, at least nowhere near his normal standards.  Famke Janssen (who might very well be my favorite actress) was wasted here.  As were Chris Kattan, Bridgette Wilson, and Peter Gallagher, all of who were playing boring pointless rolls that were just waiting to be killed.  Taye Diggs, who is a very good actor as well, is stuck playing the token black guy of the horror movie.  It was hard to watch.
     And the movie ended so badly.  It ends with the two survivors sitting on top of the house and joking about the ordeal they just went through� WHAT!!!  A house just killed five other people and you�re sitting on a roof saying �Now that was a hell of a party.�   AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!  (Writer bangs head on the desk a couple of times)  
     A movie with a script that bad never� EEEVVVEEEERRR should have been made!  It kills brain cells and wastes valuable time.  It should say on the poster: WARNING, WATCHING THIS FILM MAY CAUSE STUPIDITY!   I would rather have a candlelight dinner with Dicraprio than see this again.

Wait a min� WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING !?!?!?
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