1. Lord Barret owns the internet.
2. No liking of Shin-Ra whatsoever or Lord Barret will come and kick yo ass.
3. If Lord Barret is killed by monsters, then everybody must be killed by monsters.
4. Lord Barret has a constitutional right to kick anyone in the face that he feels like kicking in the face.
5. Guns rule.
6. Cussing is totally acceptable.
7. Using the proceeds from his internet ownership, Lord Barret has singlehandedly cornered the leather market with his Lord Barret trademark brand leather. Quote: "You bez a foo' if you don't buy Lord Barret!"
8. No Vincent or Sephiroth fangirls allowed.
9. Lord Barret is so awesome that if you look at him more than once, your eyes will be permanently shot out. (Because guns rule!)
10. If you are in the presence of Lord Barret and you are not in possession of a gun arm, your head may be shot off for no particular reason if he feels like it.
11. No spazzing out like Spikehead.
12. Trains are the sole method of transportation. If you are found riding anything else, you may be shot.
13. Lord Barret controls time, owns time, and likes to bomb things.
14. Lord Barret has the constitutional right to bash you over the head with his gun arm, no questions asked.
15. If your name is Cloud Strife, Yuffie Kisaragi, Vincent Valentine, or Sephiroth Mysterious-No-Name, or anyone who works for Shin-Ra or whose last name is Shin-Ra, you will be brutally beaten and/or murdered on sight.
16. Lord Barret may summon Bahamut for no real reason.
17. Marlene must be worshipped in special shrines made out of stainless steel and paper towels.
18. You will punished severely for any references, implications, or comments about similarities or relations between Lord Barret and Mr. T.
19. Lord Barret is the master cusser. Anyone who believes differently will be subjugated to a cussing contest between themself and Lord Barret, who will inevitably win. The only people to whom this rule does not apply to are people named Cid Highwind. Instead, they will also be shot on sight.
20. Lord Barret shall be supplied with a significant amount of gold chains. See rule 18.
21. The A-Team theme must be played in the presense of Lord Barret. See rule 18 again.
22. Youth centers shall receive 73% of the total budget. Once more, view rule 18.
23. Anybody making fun of Lord Barret's blocky polygonal self shall be murdered on sight.
24. Barret is a ninja. Yuffie is a ho.
25. The electric toothbrush is illegal.
26. Shin-Ra Inc. can kiss Lord Barret's ass.
27. All materia in the land shall be melted down a turned into Lord Barret's bedroom furniture.
28. Don't do drugs and stay in school!