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I came out as a trans guy back in dec. of 2002. Although I knew for some time before that as anyone does when they discover something new about themself. I had to do a lot of thinking to come to terms with the deciddion of coming out as trans. Many people now tell me it shouldn't have been hard it must've been like coming out as gay to people. Well let me be the first of many to tell you it's totally different. Coming out as gay doesn't change how you appear physically it's only who you are attracted to and what you do in the bedroom. These are things people can tune out if they don't aprove. Coming out as trans saying you were born into the wrong body and that you plan on altering your appearance is so much different. It would be like coming out and saying I was meant to be born black so ignore the white skin I have I am gonna take pigmentation pills and become black. I mean I don't know if one can actually do that but you can atleast imagine. I've also been asked if I thought being trans put me in some special group like I was privileged or something. I mean that would be like telling a gay identified person that they are privileged for being gay. I don't get that. What kind of privilege is it to be grouped into a group of people that get harrased and hated upon because people don't understand us? Is it my privilege to be a trans man to have to tell people that I was born female? I don't think so! I don't even want to think about the fact that I have abody I don't want and certainly don't think I should have. Why would I be happy that I have one more thing to explain before getting intimate with someone. Umm ohh by the way I am trans so that would be why my penis isn't attached to my person. lol. And of course no one ever seems to understand trans people. They either sit wondering what trans means or why we would feel we are trans in the first place. Well I'm sure if I could have their bodies switched with those of the oppisite sex of their own they might start to feel differently and they may just see the light and understand how it feels. Unfortunatly I can't do that so I have my website to inlighten people on what it's like for me to be a trans guy. I've gotten so sick of the are you a boy or a girl question that I want to hit people when they ask. I know they are trying to do the polite thing and ask and their are times it doesn't bother me, however they are rare! I honestly think the binary gender system needs to be thrown into the trash and have everyone somehow brain-warped to believe in multi genders I think that is the only way people would all agree. I wish I could say we live in a world that will come around someday but to be honest I don't know that we do. I also know for things to change it takes time but the more our society seems to learn the more they seem to close themselves off to new things. I'm not asking people to date me or like me even just to accept that people are trans in this world and it is perfectly normal. Do I see it as a birth defect? I don't know in some ways yes in others, no. I don't hate my body it is healthy and has kept me alive but it's not the right body for me to live my life in. So in this world that is so seemingly anti-trans how does one go about identifying openly as a trans guy? That's a damn good question because I try and I try but there are so many people that have no clue in my life that I was born female. I guess it's a plus in the "passing" category but it also hurts in a way that I have to hide that for fear of rejection. For fear that people might not understand or may become violent toward me from their lack of understanding. Anyone who says I choose to be trans they are full of them selves you don't get to choose who you are in life you just are! YOu can choose what you want to do in life what you want to make of your life but not who you are meant to be. Which is why I say it's never too late to become who you're meant to be. Shit if at age 60 you decide you are finally ready to declare you trans identity more power to you. you have to come to a decission at your own time and so what if others are ahead of you in the process. When you want something badly enough you find ways to make things happen. It hurts to hear people crack jokes about trans people, and of course they tell me these things thinking I am a straight guy and feel as they do and don't understand. I want to tell them they have no clue about the world but how do you say that if you are theoreticly in the closet. To advocate a community you belong in without vocalizing that you are a part of it. That just seems sorta ironic to me. If I am a part of a community and speaking up for it people know something is up. I think many people are scared of standing up for themselves and others. I for one take the blame in letting people crack jokes without saying anything to defend the trans community. Is it wrong to not compleatly ID as trans though and to think of yourself as male and not as a trans guy. That is the way I think usually.It's hard to explain. I guess I just hope people read shit like this on people's webpages so they can inform themselves about other communities. People don't bring about hate, ignorance brings about hate. So educating people is the first step. Today I am going in front of two very large classes at my school for a pannel and coming out as a trans guy. I know it'll be hard but I am gonna be able to reach all those people and correct any misbeliefs they may or may not have. |
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