"I tried weely hard ta brake grandpappies recurd of tree feet sevun inchus. I unly wishd that mumsie had been here ta see Mr. Hoppy's large jump" spake Little Pajamas. "She has alwuys been watching me prode Mr. Hoppy's butt with the stick we found when we went fer that nice little walk whure I got losts in the woods, and den mumsie told me there were bears in the cave, and she sent me in ta see them, since I had never seen no bears before. But I wents in the cave fer tuw minutes and den mumsie was gone! Me laughed lots thinking she only had to play hide and seek. So I went lookin for her, but she no where to be seen! So me cry lots, then Mr. Hoppy came along, and I followed him hoping maybe his mumsie could raise me, since mine had disappeared. So I wents with hims and found my Grandpappies playun with the froggies, and I says, 'Grandpappies, what big frogs you have!' and he tells me 'The better to hop!' and so we hopped the froggies by prodding them in the butts with fingers or sticks. I proded Mr. Hoppy the most cause he was my new bestest friend. Then I gots Mr. Hoppy to go a whole 5 feets!"
In Blanchaster Park tommorrow, they're going to have the annual long frog jump contest. Each frog gets three jumps, unproded, and the longest jump is the scoring jump. If a frog jumps the same distance three times in a row, they're allowed a rejump, and can jump another three times. If it happens again, then it's called "Bad Ju Ju" and the frog must be cooked and eaten.
"I can only recall one Bad Ju Ju in the history of the town. It happened in 1953," recalls Mayor Birtchwitz. "There was a girl, named Enamal, she was into wierd stuff. We ended burning her at the end of the Bad Ju Ju ceremony. She was assuredly and most definatly a witch. Anyone who gets their frogs to jump the same distance 6 times in a row has to be
"One time, during the 1844 jumps, I remember when my frog lept into space. Ahh those were the days when measuring the distance of the frog jump was just guessing which frog jumped the furthest, since no one can really go into space with a really long ruler and measure the distances. But in the holy fire of 1888 and all our frog jumping records and secrets were burned, we had to start back at the drawing board. Now our frogs can get only 5 feet unofficially, when before this our other frogs could get 1,000,000 light years away, in fact, I remember Mr. Jiminy. Now that was a frog for the ages. That sucker lept from the starting line, and we watched, for 10 minutes. He passed through the atmosphere, and survived, and headed straight for the sun. Now THAT was a frog. 1 year later, during the frog leapings, we saw a flare in the sun, and I just KNOW that Mr. Jiminy slammed smack dab into that sun. Damn...what a fucking frog." Old Man Hurchefer informed us.
