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This is an area that I have set aside to remember Michelle and talk about the fun and struggles that we have had in life. So in a way it's kinda a summary of our lives together. I think it will help me to process the feelings that I have. There may even be an outside chance that Michelle will see this and say, "What in the world am I giving up to follow temporary feelings." I hope in some way this page will have an impact on peoples lives that know us or not. |
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Michelle and I met over the internet. One day I got an e-mail from a pretty young woman who found my picture and profile from hotmail. She sent me a note and we started comumicating over the internet. Writting led to talking over the phone, which led to a visit, which lead to her comming to California and then I asked |
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Michelle to be my wife at Disneyland. She started to cry and said Yes. It made me happy to hear those words come from her mouth. That was a day that made an incredable impact on my life. We went on vacations, visited family, went through struggles together, and life was on the up and up. I saw really great changes in Michelle's life. She stopped smoking, had money in her pocket, a stable home enviornment, a new car, |
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medical insurance, she became a healthy weight, got involved in church and joined the chior, got a new job that she enjoyed, started going to the JC and taking classes. Michelle's life looked good on the outside but on the inside she was dealing with feelings that she did not understand. She thought to herself that she did not love me anymore, why do we live so close to his parents, why does Ben's former wife have so much |
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control over his time with Cora, why does religion have to be so organized, my friends and his friends are so different, why can't Ben just losen up more, why won't he let me be with other guy friends? So may questions started forming in her mind and we did not talk about them. She kept them to her self and thought they would go away.Michelle sat down with me in late July, 2006 and said that she |
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did not want to be with me any more for basicly those reasons. I was so heart broken and felt like I just lost a part of my body. Michelle feels so sad that things did not work out between us. She knows the pain of a relationship not wroking out. She never wanted to put me through the turmoil of another ended relationship. I loved |
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every second of being married to Michelle. Even when times were tough and she was swearing me out I knew she loved me and our relationship would be strong. God had a hand in selecting Michelle for my life for a reason. God also gives us the ability to make decissons for ourselves which sometimes get in the way of his plan for our lives. I wish that Michelle would have given his plan a chace for our lives. |
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My head still spins with so many questions about why our relationship had to end so quickly. Was Michelle having another relationship? Did Michelle just use me to get on her feet and then move on? Did she use me just to get to California? I'm giving Michelle the benifit of the dought. I don't think she did those things. I think that Michelle loved me and then fell out of love with me. She was really good at keeping it a secret from me. Why did she keep it from me? Why didn't she come to me when she was in need? Why did she just run like an animal being chased? Why did Michelle's life have to be so hard growing up? Was the way that Michelle raised a reason for the way she treated me? I have nothing but love for Michelle but the more I try to love her the more she pushes away and gets angry with me. I wish I had a fastforward button for my life so I can skip the hurt of not having Michelle in my life. If Michelle came to me months from now and asked me back into her life what would I say? Why do relationships have to be so great and so hard sometimes? I have alot of questions but not enough answers. |
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I made a sign and took it to Fountain- grove Parkway. This is the route that Michelle drives to work in the morning. I set up on the side of the road at 6:45 in the morning and showed this sign to the passers by. Michelle came by at about 7:00 in the morning and saw the sign and me. Don't really know how it made her feel when she drove by. It used to be that I would go to her work with flowers and she was very suprised and thankful that I came by to see her. It's hard to understand |
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how things could change so much in a short amount of time. People started comming up to her desk at work and talking with her about this guy on the side of the road with a sign. I was halfway hoping that Michelle would be flattered that I would do this for her. This was not the case however. She was very upset that I did this and said she was thinking of getting a restraining order against me. I was heart broken. This woman that I spent 3 years of my life with, supporting, and loving is going to get a restraining order against me? So hard to understand. Pretty much Michelle and I have almost no comunication with each other. She let's me e-mail her and she sends me a short message every now and then. Her life is very different now but I think she likes it that way. Last I heard she eats organic food, reads books on govenment conspirices and global warming, hangs out with her male friends from work, goes to the JC and is persueing accounting, has a second job every now and then, stays in a room with a christian friend of hers from an old job, and loves being with her our (her) animals. That's about it. |
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