My views on our

very weird world...

SEPTEMBER 11th...

Was I the only one who noticed that, while the World Trade Center became a global tragedy, the Pentagon was virtually forgot about...? Maybe, in fact, the stupid Americans wanted the Pentagon gone...

MODERN CINEMA...

Bloody modern cinema. Where has all the originality gone? The last of the original films we ever saw was David Fincher's 'Fight Club' with Brad Pitt and Ed Norton. Now look at the most recent films. Bloody 'Bullet-Proof Monk'... bloody 'Shanghai Knights'... both films that are so bad and unfunny they are criminal. Still, at least we've still got horror on our side. Just look at 'The Ring'. Scary! I still don't agree with the fact that they had to go and make a bloody remake of Tobe Hooper's 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' though... 

JACK THE RIPPER...

Maybe... just MAYBE... it was the Elephant Man!? Think about it, he cant get a girlfriend, no one wants to touch him... He probably wants to take his revenge out on all the girlies who took the piss out of him in childhood...

STAR WARS: EPISODE 2...

Wasn't the Yoda fight scene the best!? He was kicking Christopher Lee's ass! I mean, it was beautiful. He went from being frail, small master Yoda to a cart wheeling, back flipping ball of lightsaber! Superb...

FIRST-PERSON SHOOTERS...

You play a FPS on a PS2, PSone, XBox or Gamecube. They are horrible! So much easier and much more accessible on a PC. Unreal Tournament of PC was a much celebrated game when it was released, but its PS2 counterpart is complete wank... and its down to those twin analogue sticks...

PS2 VS PC...

When you pit the 20 year old Personal Computer against the 2 year old Console machine, the odds CANNOT be determined. In the instance of above, Unreal Tournament is shite on the PS2, yet fantastic on PC. However, if Metal Gear Solid 2 or Silent Hill2 where to appear on the PC, they wouldn't be as immediately accessible as they are straight away on the PS2, it would take a lot of getting used to... basically, my point is is that there are no winners, the PC and PS2 are both great for playing games, and both have their advantages over each other...

JAR-JAR BINKS...

God.... God.... GOD WHY!!!??? Couldn't Mr Lucas have created a character we all would actually LIKE!? I mean, Yoda in 'The Empire Strikes Back' was annoying, yet was also a crucial part of the film. Jar-Jar, on the other hand... isn't. My point made. And I hope Mr Lucas is reading this. TAKE NOTE OH WISE ONE!

TOILET ROLL ADS...

When you are watching an advert that's main aim is to sell bog roll (in the most stylish and attractive way possible) there is ALWAYS a woman dancing round a meadow, smelling flowers and such like... what are you gonna do when you BUY the roll? Frolic around outside and smell the tissue? After use? Why would they advertise it in this way? Because it is through the usage of values and ideology, and want to make you think that the tissue will smell as sweet as the flowers. even after you've wiped your arse with it... 

REVOLVING DOORS...

Established places like Princes Quay have a anti-stop mechanism that when you get caught in between the door itself and the barrier, it will stop and prevent you from getting squished. But what if a shop didn't have one? Think about it... an infiltration soldier or even an office worker could accidentally (or purposely) inadvertently disable the emergency-stop mechanism. Think about THAT the next time you are exiting or entering Princes Quay... 

GETTING DOWN LADDERS ON FPS'S...

Games like Half-Life and Deus Ex suffer the problem of you having a lot of trouble getting down ladders. You usually end up falling... imagine how ridiculous it is to perform this feat on a PS2 version of a PC FPS... The trick is to turn around, and slowly edge towards the the top of the ladders, walking backwards, until you feel a little difference in the positional integrity of the character you are controlling. Then you press the down key (assuming you are on a PC) to descend. Of course, this is much easier said than done, because if you go TOO fast, you will end up tumbling off the edge...   

MICROSOFT FRONTPAGE...

When you alter a font on a website you may be in the process of developing, the whole site itself goes tits up. Bloody Bill again, screwing it all up for you...

GENDER-SPECIFIC PLACES OF EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES...

If the government want less homosexuals in this country, then why not shut down or at the very least, change all girl and boy schools to multi-gender establishments?...

TURN-BASED RPG'S...

What's your bloody problem with them? They are a rather enjoyable feature of the Final Fantasy series, if you ask me...

THE FINAL FANTASY SERIES...

Squaresoft still haven't made one that is good enough to stand next to FFVII. The closest they've got is FFVIII, which is still the second best of the lot. FFIX was OK, but the lead wasn't as likeable as Cloud or as cool as Squall. THEN we come to FFX on PS2. Tidus (lead character) has to the WORST character in the entire series. He's just so... unoriginal. And do you know what made it worse? The bloody voice-overs...

THE FINAL FANTASY VOICE-OVERS...

Please say they aren't going to do it again. I hated it. STOP THE VOICES! STOP THEM!!!...