As we look forward to the new season, we have to begin by remembering to say goodbye to a long time friend, Tim Huelsman. Tim has been a regular contributer to the winner's payouts since 1997 and we will miss his contributions. We also want to welcome an old friend back, Richard Smith. Richard left the LSFBL to join the Ringling Brothers Circus for a year as a tight-rope walker and his career ended when he slipped and separated the frank from the beans. Richard claims he's still the same man he was, but many around the league offices seriously doubt his virility. We would like to mention how close old friend Steve "Slick Williy" Williams was to returning. To no one's surprise, his decision was made when he began to argue league rules before he was ever reinstated.
Let's look at the potential freezes for 2008:
The Mudslingers sold off a lot of young studs in an attempt to win their first league title. The risk payed off at the loss of the likes of Andrew Miller, Matt Cain, Troy Tulowitzki, Chad Billingsley, Anibal Sanchez and Matt Garza. What's left: a lot of young hitters who have a lot to prove: Brandon Wood, Billy Butler, Yunel Escobar, and Cameron Maybin. Cole Hamels and Phil Hughes look to be good for 2008.
The Disastros are always in good shape. No matter how much talent they trade away (Alex Gordon, Delmon Young, Mike Pelfry, Jon Lester, Jeremy Sowers) in puruit of a 6th league title, they always have reinforcements ready to step in. The much heralded Joba Chamberlain is ready for duty and his new battery-mate Jarrod Saltalamacchia is looking forward to settling into that hitters' haven in Texas. Rickie Weeks and Yuniesky Betancourt would be a formidable middle infield and Corey "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night" Hart patrolling the outfield. With Joe Blanton and Roger "he misremembered our converstaion" Clemens as potential keepers to solidify the rotation.
Mystery Hill is devoid of much young talent. The middle infield is set with Hanley Ramirez and Dan Uggla. Francisco Liriano is back after Tommy John Surgery and a year of recovery. The most likely candidates for the final two slots are Trevor Hoffman and Prince Fielder, though neither is a huge bargain.
The Strippers have a lot of young talent. The ranks of the G-String Unit can easily be filled by the likes of Nick Swisher, Ryan Theriot, Reggie Willits, Adam Wainwright, Paul Maholm, Chien-Ming Wang, Chad Billingsley, Jered Weaver, Shaun Marcum and Dustin McGowin. Of course, BJ Upton is going to be a Stripper for the next seven years with speed and position flexibility.
There are a lot of talented, young Monkeys out there (no I don't mean Wetherington's children) which is probably why Ballard proposed expanding the freezes for the 2008 season. Karate Chimps in the making include Adrian Gonzalez, Joey Votto, Freddy Sanchez, Khalil Greene, Andrew McCutchen, Aaron Rowand, Lastings Milledge, Melky Cabrera, Scott Kazmir, Chuck James, Chad Gaudin, Tyler Clippard, and Jeremy Guthrie.
The newly re-named Arkansas Thunder Chickens have a stable of thoroughbreds to choose from to begin 2008. The Donkey Punchers of 2007 traded away all their top-flight players at the trading deadline for young studs to build around. The Thunder Chix can choose from Matt Cain, Dustin Pedroia, Troy Tulowitzki, Josh Fields, Kelly Johnson, Justin Upton, Clay Buchholz, Franklin Morales, Anibal Sanchez and Mark Mulder to begin their second campaign.
The Blue Ridge Chilheads have fallen a long way from the lofty perch of 2002 champions. Apparently, some chicks distracted the Chilis of their usual solid play and the result was anemic. At least they have some talent to start their 2008 with: Ryan Garko, Bengie Molina, Ryan Doumit, Stephen Drew, Hunter Pence, Yovanni Gallardo, Tim Lincecum, Jon Lester, Andrew Miller, and Sean Marshall could all be holdovers from the pitiful 2007 squad.
The Hamburglars of 2007 took a page from the Donkey Punchers' handbook of selling high at the trade deadline for top prospects. The newly re-named Lovable Losers have James Loney, Alex Gordon, Howie Kendrick, Reid Brignac, Delmon Young, Homer Bailey, Felix Hernandez, Matt Garza, Mike Pelfry, Justin Germano and Joel Zumaya waiting for the call.
The Georgia Clones put up the worst title defense in league history. They started out 2007 by changing their team name and then again in midseason, but neither did any good. Then they finished the season on incative status (and double-secret probation, too). At least they have Alex Rios, Kaz Matsui, David DeJesus, Justin Verlander, Justin Morneau, James Shields, Dice-K, Pedro, and Brian Bannister to keep them warm during this cold winter.
That's all for now. Look for me on TMZ (I'm the guy who's stalking Zac Efron, 'cuz he's soooo cute).