First Place: Let's look at those yummy Dahlonega Disastros! That theres' some Grade A beef! Dr. Smith piled up the arms in the draft and added a few stout sticks (and who doesn't like a few stout sticks?) through trades. Smith's team ran away with the first half and is setting his sights on a record 6th LSFBL title.
Second Place: The Clones did very well to finish in second place, considering their roller coaster first half. Dr. Wetherington had many ups and downs (we all enjoy a little bit of that, dontchaknow?), but found enough ups to hold off three tough competitors.
Third Place: The Hollerin' Hokies are an enigma to me. Steve Clarke wasn't around much for the draft, earned the Luddy Award for the draft when he was around, didn't make any first half trades, yet still finished less then 10 points out of the money. At least he did pick up a PhD during the first half. Rumor has it, Tim Ludwig didn't hand that one to Dr. Clarke as he did this formidable squad.
Fourth Place: Milleman's Mudslingers finished a lost save opportunity out of the money and seem very sad over it. (Luckily, I know how to cheer him up.) The hitting was very solid, but spotty pitching seemed to spell his doom. Better luck next time with all those rag-arms, Spanky (and he knows why I call him that).
Fifth Place: The Hill's mysery continues. A horrid beginning and an awful ending sandwiched a very robust middle (and you know what I'm talking about) coudn't get Dr. Ludwig to the top. But Mystery Hill assures us that they will be fighting it out in the second half and you know how I love, love, LOVE a good mystery.
Sixth Place: This is where we start with the top of the bottom of the barrell. Dr. Ballard's Monkeys did some suuuuuuuper things at times and looked like monkeys at others. The team looks balanced to me: not a lot of pitching, not a lot of hitting.
Seventh Place: Aaron Adcock (love that name!) is the new guy and I just love to give the new guy a proper welcoming. His team wasn't as aweful as the Chiliheads, so that is a positive. Let's hope he can figure things out soon and be competitive before long (and I'll be glad to give him a pointer).
Eighth Place: Irving Culpepper is the sexiest 200 pound man I know! I was Bubba's cellmate for a few weeks and I saw just how limber that copper is! I was quite sad when I heard he was leaving town for Sin City, but then I heard about his new career as a stripper and knew I had to get a piece of that action. Unfortunately, the Strippers aren't seeing much quality action these days and I'm not sure how they can afford new g-strings next season (and no one likes an old, nasty g-string).
Ninth Place: The Hamburglars seem to be lost. Young Kyle Waring just can't seem to figure out if he should be stealing cheeseburgers or Filet-O-Fish (where do square fish come from?). His LSFBL squad isn't much different as confusion seems to reign.
Tenth Place: The BarleyMalts seem to have a built in excuse for their lack of production: they've tasted too much of their product (no, I mean the beer) and that's why they can't get off the ground and seem to be in a state of confusion at times. Of course, this doesn't seem to be the reason for their ineptitude, and I think it is a lack of concentration. I might have to step in here and show Dr. Huelsman how to concentrate on getting the job done.
Eleventh Place: The Chiliheads are right where I like them: on the bottom. Dr. Waring seems befuddled over his team's sad showing (but I've got something that should brighten his day). It looks like Doug will be playing for pride in the second half, as that pitiful squad will have a hard time playing for much else.